November 25, 1981

           So much so fast. It really back-logs sometimes. If you are born with something, anything, there is no restriction, of course, on how happy you may become. But if you start from nothing, if you ain’t got no money, you ain’t got shit. What was it Judy said again, “We’ve got some skis, but they got the mountain.”
           It is a [unknown word] to me now, my live half over--to change places with God at this moment, or even five years ago--could never redress the [that?] balance. To me, better a moment of innocence [unknown words] than an eternity of wisdom. But I don’t have much choice, never did.

           [Author’s note 2015-11-24: redacted from hand-written original. What’s going on here is I’m feeling sorry for myself because I lost Judy, my first true love. I finally had the job that, if I’d had it when I knew her, I would have married her. But this was ten or eleven years too late, to the day, that’s the reference to my life being “half over”. The reference to God is saying that even if my life went perfectly from here on in, it would not make up for what was already lost. It would be too difficult to explain the full meaning of what I wrote on that day.
           The photo—remember Joan Jett?]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Return Home
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++