October 29, 2006

           Boredom came in a distant second today. Dickens will have to revamp the schedule when I tell him what happened. I suppose this means I should tell you first, right? Hey, I didn’t spend seven years in college for nothing. I stopped at Coffee Time on the way in, mainly to goggle at Legs. My God, she was looking good enough to eat this morning, in tight jeans and a see-through while blouse. Tan rica!
           Too bad, guys, for after that promising start I am going to talk more about recipes than women today. Dickens had hopes the new church next door would bring in Sunday business. The fact is it looks like the opposite. It seems nobody asked the question of why a church would be re-locating. I mean, the congregation would stay the same, if logic prevails. I have the answer. Crack-boom! The sound nearly knocked me on my arse.

           Here is a rare picture showing my mid-section. This is me waiting at the counter for my morning coffee. What is unusual is that I first noticed years ago that I was gaining weight from my reflections. If you look closely, you will see my reflection in the shiny brass front of the booth. I don’t look entirely like a tub of lard. Yes, I wear a tie to work in the Florida heat which I can get away with because I am one of the few people who can sweat heartily through the top of my head. I must include the picture because it took four months to get to this stage and I need the encouragement.

           Crack-boom! It’s that noise again. Sounded like somebody dropped a microphone on a PA system that was cranked up to 11. That could be because that is exactly what it was. Now, the music does not bother me because it is twenty year old rock and roll, but it drove all the morning customers right back out the door. Ohhh, that is loud. It is Jesus music all the way, but like country it is just beginning to brush the fringes of two generations ago. Live drummer and a rockin’ muddy blues bass player right behind Dickens’ southeast wall. Also right below that Italian lady’s apartment.

           Heap plenty loud, mon. They would deny it, but it is the same rock music that was supposed to have been inspired by the devil himself in 1965. I can already think of a few hypocrites I’d like to have listen to this. I found my self dipping to the music as I walked around but make no mistake, this church was obviously run out of town the last place they pulled this stunt. They start at 11:00 and quit at 1:00, with maybe ten minutes of sermon. All the rest is, as they say, rock and roll to me.
           I’ll suggest to Dickens we don’t open until 1:00, which would suit me fine. Maybe do a morning bike ride instead of evenings. Even with daylight savings gone, I don’t find enough time at the end, and besides, the evening does have the dust of the day in the air, the more because it is Florida. Sales were dismal but I covered my pay. (It turns out this noisy church has been evicted several times.)

           There is another state park north of Dania Beach Blvd along the coast, but I told the gateman I’ll return in brighter daylight. That's the government, you pay for the park, then you also pay admission to use the park. But other than that, they are here to help you. The admission is a dollar and I joked with him that I was really looking for women. I knew there weren’t any, but “for a dollar, I want hope”. I think I almost killed the guy, for some reason that must have been the funniest thing he’s heard in years. What can you expect from working in a toll booth?

           Here is something new for me. It should come as no surprise unless you’ve never seen one. You know how they will tow your car? They show up with a flatbed truck and skid your car right up onto the deck. Guess what – Florida will do the same with your boat. They can’t have tons of unregistered boats running around this state, you know. Actually, like auto registration, it no longer serves its original purpose but the authorities find it so useful for arresting people they will never let it go. Not convicting people, just arresting them. You get far more self-incrimination out of a person arrested than you ever will out of his lawyer. You may have to look closely, but just like a tow truck, the boat has a flat deck with an open back to pull the victim right up off the water and away.

           The only thing more disgusting than this kind of towing is the people who do it for a living. Fine the guy heavily, but don’t leave him without transportation. Only the sick bureaucratic mind could justify that nonsense. It is like the police impounding your car if the registration expired when there is no reason they could not just let you go over such a contrived crime. They have your number if you don’t comply and registration does not make an iota of difference to most other drivers on the road. It is only a big deal to the police.

           I rode my [unregistered] bike down the entire Broadwalk after closing. That makes it a 17 mile Sunday, and a babe yelled after me that she appreciated my bike light. The few other bikes that have lights use those expensive and mostly useless halogen quartz lamps that are so bright you can’t really see what is coming. I use a flashlight clipped on my handlebars. It would have been too conspicuous to turn around and thank her, so I kept going. Coffee at the Panera, and home.

           Where I have finally made a definitive smoothie, that is, one I like repeatedly with few variations. One banana, one apple and some grapes make up the bulk. Add a squirt of cocoa flavor (without the sugar, it is actually quite low calorie), and your choice of sour orange, vanilla flavor or coconut milk. The flavor lets you taste all the ingredients, although I still add a half can of whatever leftover diet soda I have since I still like sweet drinks.
           Then I boiled some chicken in onions and garlic. While still training myself to like food without added salt, I found something that helps. Flax seed. While it adds a flavor nothing like salt, it is a good flavor that I would like less with salt. That is hard to say, but give it a try in a small batch, it is not for everyone. Just a teaspoon per quart, it also makes a great broth for leftovers and rice.
           I should mention expense over the smoothies. No wonder the health food bars charge so much, it is darn expensive. Bananas are required to bulk it up so you are not tempted to add dairy products. Grapes are costly but worth it. I tried to find a grape juice drink, but most of them list sugar and high fructose syrup as the major ingredients. If you don’t have any flat soda, set it by Dickens’ wall for a few minutes.