October 28, 2009

           Another day in the hospital, which also explains the ever-popular pictures of my ex. There is nothing new of interest so you get pictures from before the ice ages. I know you prefer my excellent photo-documentaries of the Everglades, but the hospital wouldn’t admit my camera crew. As you see, my eye for excellence in design by Mother Nature has not been compromised by my IV solution and I pass on this view of the eighth Wonder of the World for, as it were, “posteriorty”.

           Even then, this jpeg is just to let you know they didn’t amputate my sense of humor, because you ain’t getting any more of the same. True, neither am I, but that is another story. I would point out, mind you, that this photo is in no way indicative of the basis of our relationship. Rather, we were both born entertainers and the originators of the bass-vocal music set I still perform today.
           The longest delay was getting discharged from the hospital and Wallace kindly drove out to pick me up after dark. Check back later for more details of the day, as I need nothing more than a good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed. To all who called me at the hospital, thanks for your caring. I’ll return all calls once my battery is recharged. Thanks again and I remind all this was a planned procedure, not an emergency in any way.
           It was a pleasant stay for a hospital and I must again compliment the place, Memorial West. I’ve heard it referred to as the Memorial Hilton; that is an adequate compliment, well-deserved. Here, in any order, are the things they do better than any other hospital I’ve been in:

           • Excellent meals, with a choice of menu, and they are the only hospital I know that serves coffee.
           • Staff is genuinely friendly, helpful and cheerful. I mean it and there is no way to fool me or shine me up.
           • They have a knack for knowing what you need, such as an extra pillow or blanket or a glass of ice cold apple juice.
           • The room has a free telephone and television with remote control.
           • Checks are timed conveniently; there is no “wake up for your sleeping pill” routine.
           • The area is unusually quiet, allowing for truly restful sleep. This is important.
           • The various doctor visitations are kept to a minimum, and always polite.
           • Overall, there is a top-notch atmosphere of efficiency.
           • The mattresses are comfortable and don’t make crinkling noises when you move. I was on my back immobile for 12 hours.
           • There is a real chair in the room, it is a recliner and what a welcome it is by morning of the second day.
           • They have a closet for your things, everything is looked after for you and, in a nice finishing touch, they give you a little pair of hospital socks with a no-skid surface for those tile floors.
           • They give you a crash kit of shampoo, toothpaste, etc. which is I woefully missed at Mt. Sinai and Jackson in the past.

           Don’t underestimate the coffee. Other hospitals seem to ignore the fact that it is a highly popular drink, and I’ve heard all manner of excuses why they don’t serve it. Memorial has an excellent Sanka-like brew. This was one of the few times I didn’t get discharged and race for the nearest Starbucks. Memorial seems to have thought of everything.

           [Author's note: this is also the day I found out my ex may have re-married a billionaire. With a B. She'd do that kind of thing.]