I was reading the Popular Something magazine last evening and got the skinny on that French airliner (Flight 447) that disappeared in the Atlantic. Sorry to disappoint you New Age types: your abduction by gay baby aliens theory is false. It seems the radar on these planes can see a storm but cannot see through the storm. Apparently the pilots saw a minor disturbance and decided to fly through it, running into a near hurricane lurking behind. As the article pointed out, fewer things are causing crashes, but they are things getting ever harder to detect.You’ve seen that pad advertised on TV where you can recharge your batteries without a cable. Just lay it on the surface. This technology uses a magnetic induction coil. Apparently a kitchen counter is in the works where the appliances won’t need a cord. I’ll buy that. Or how about that new laser by Bill Gates? It tracks individual mosquitoes and shoots them down. It even selects the malaria-carrying females by homing in on their wing hum. Put me down for the model that nukes ( . . . I’ve just been advised not to finish that sentence).
My lawyer was on the phone this morning, I could not help mentioning my encounter with the towing company. I did my best to explain how most unusual it was for me to meet some authentic home-grown Floridians, salt of the Earth types. He know exactly what outfit I was talking about. He said they just got out of jail. So we are in complete agreement as to their positions in society. What an unusual day for a lawyer to be on duty.
The bizcard project is underway. Without contacting North Carolina, I’ve gone ahead and designed the template. That was remarkably simple. A couple of points. First is that we cannot use actual business cards. They are too wide to leave an adequate column down the center for editorial. Next, composing that material is more time-consuming than placing the ads. The logical method to create the ad graphics is to scan the business cards and adjust the size of any logos.
The design is totally flexible. As usual, new ideas will begin to flow with usage. Of all the luck, I can’t print a copy for Theresa because I have a Brother printer, one of the worst-designed pieces of crap in the universe. When one of the four cartridges goes dry, it shuts the entire printer down. I have two questions. Where does Brother find such insipid morons they call engineers? And can Bill Gate’s laser be reprogrammed? (That's a joke, son.)
The strip mall people have decided to install lights along the store fronts instead of purchasing my Internet camera system . Nobody has any money left. Over here, we have the Millie Alarm. Consider those burglars who sneak up the exposed west side of the building in broad daylight, unlock that noisy gate, stumble up the stairs and pound on the patio door so as to wake the neighbors. Never will they get past Millie’s wild howling and howling and howling and howling and howling, that starts up. Why, there must have been several break-in attempts just this morning during that nap I needed following my heart operation. There is no substitute for an intelligent and highly-trained guard animal. I must say.
[Author's note: this post contains several inside jokes, just bear with it. For example, I'm kidding about Millie being an effective alarm, rather that her barking keeps me from needed rest all day because she barks at everything. And in the next paragraph, I should have specified the clerk is doing the checking on her own bills while you are waiting for your change.]
There is a new tactic downtown I don’t care for. When you pay with a twenty, the clerk goes into this idiotic ritual of checking each bill as they make change, as if they are checking it for you to ensure it isn’t counterfeit, holding it up to the light. This is time consuming/wasting as they flourish around this unprecedented degree of “customer service”. To anyone doing this, “Up yours”. Check the bills before you put them in the till and on your own time.
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