The big sewing machine is broken at the shoemaker’s. I’m going in this Saturday to fix it. Where did I learn this trade. I didn’t. But I not only know how to read, I often do. I assure everyone that the machine will be working again that same day.
America! Still the land of opportunity. I received a phone call from the committee at St. Jude’s. Their annual festival is the weekend before Thanksgiving and it seems they have not had the best of luck using amateur bingo callers. Now fancy that. Folks, there is no substitute for my show, no substitute for a pro behind the microphone. Watch me work the room and I’ll show ‘em how it’s done.
I can reckon how many heartbeats to pause between numbers. Nobody can copy my mysticious trick of knowing which number is going to be the winner. Whether it is the 4th number or the 57th number, I can always play the Jaws theme at exactly the right moment. Sure, it’s a trick and having an MBA with a minor in statistics does help immensely—but I’m not telling. Trust that I don’t do anything for two years without taking it to a new level.
St. Jude’s is about to experience the bingo of their dreams. By coincidence, I recently finished amalgamating a complete new series of background disks and sound effects. My show can be dumbfounding to newcomers who don’t know about my foot pedals under the table. Being invited to call bingo in Miami qualifies as my unique event of this year. How was your day?
Hewlett Packard must have distributed another automatic update, since I’m getting printer trouble calls. That company can really suck, often their equipment horizon is no longer than 18 months. After that, their drivers and support drop off faster than any outfit with the possible exception of Sony. Nothing but thieves and sons of thieves, those people.
Plenty of progress to report with the new keyboardist. The bottom line is still that he isn’t what I originally wanted, so the ad stays up at Guitar Center. We’ve played all the easy things and I’ve noticed that while I’ve learned every tune on his list, he is auto-chording through my material. That’s eight hours of work for me versus a half-hour from there. It’s not wrong, but I notice. And, I’m not sure if auto-chording is a sellable commodity no matter how well I accompany it. Therefore, I’m still keeping an eye out as historically that is the best policy in this town.
Reading some history on military leaders, I was surprised to learn that Moshe Dayan, the Israeli general and later defense minister, was not an academy man, but a farmer. It’s not something I’d expect reading his military career. He lost that eye fighting the British in Syria during the mandate. But of course, if you want the real facts, you go ask Wallace. Unlike me, he has never read a single book on the Middle East, so his mind is spotlessly free of Jewish media control.
He could probably also fill you in on the facts that it was the Turkish administration, not the Arabs, who allowed settlement of the coastal marsh areas. The term "arudi maut" means "dead land" in Turkish, nobody lived there. You can confirm this many ways, including reading the travels of good old Mark Twain who went through the area in 1867, describing it as a wasteland of caves and cactus.
he descriptions of a "land of milk and honey" were completely false to try to sell what was an uninhabited malarial swamp. The original sellers, two Arab brothers who had never seen the land, got ten times their money from a buyer in Gibraltar. A doctor who visited Jerusalem warned people the land was so desolate not even birds flew over it.
But you'll have to ask Wallace for the real story, he's often said he has inside information about the whole affair. The bottom line is the Palestinians who are claiming the area as their homeland never owned the land and did not live there before the Jews, and these facts have never been denied. I'm not Jewish, but I'm on their side on this one.
