Today didn’t much better than Saturday. Am I jinxed? I get home from Wal*Mart to find an item marked $1.88 is really $5.00 when rung up. Yeah, I could return it. Any time I feel like taking two hours off to go stand in their lineups for the $3.12 difference, as if they don’t plan it that way. Also, my paycheck hasn’t arrived yet and I’m having to spend my own money on gas and food. Is this an omen? Has my luck gone bad? Music. I have a resistance to playing anything on stage that is not pre-arranged. Guitar jamming is highly dependent on all the soloists having been raised on the same guitar farm, in other words, pre-arranged in a different way: by years of taking what are virtually identical lessons.
Whereas I’ve met saxophonists who prefer string quartets (Rolly Calendar), trumpet teachers who like reggae (Phillip Tacek) and drummers who listen to mazurkas (Eddie Kershbaumer), I have never in all my born days ever met a guitar player who does anything except worship guitar music. If they listen to classical, it is guitar classical, if they listen to jazz, it is guitar jazz, and if they listen to blues, you got it. When two of them get on stage, it is like dealing with cultists who reinforce each other’s mindsets. I am not criticizing, I am merely observing.
Sadly, it is also a very difficult thing to demonstrate because there are so many very small exceptions that can be quoted to death. But success is not based on exceptions; it is based on consistent good showmanship, and I have something to say about the last gig I stood in with, no names mentioned.
Fact One: There were 14 people in the crowd when I played as a duo, all of them listening the majority of the time. Did anyone else even count them? If I was the bar manager, I sure would.
Fact Two: If you watched the band, I appeared to fumble along where the next guy, a guitar player, got up and won the talent show. At the same time he lost the crowd. I didn’t have to stick around to witness it; I can see it in my mind’s eye.
Fact Three: If you watched the audience, you would see it my way. I got ten bucks that says within 20 minutes after I left, there would be less than five people remaining in the audience and they would not be paying any attention to the band. I do not know why this happens with guitar music, but I attribute it to audience fatigue. I don’t have ten bucks to gamble so I would not bet except on a sure thing.
Florida acts are not audience oriented. They would not last a week in Vegas, yet if any band came along and acted on the facts I’ve stated, they would absolutely trounce the competition, I guarantee it. South Florida is a musical backwater that needs a violent shakeup. Read my lips, “Guitar duets, no matter how talented, are no longer capable of delivering the wow.”
How about Dave-O and his “free” cell phone? He signed up for that low income service, where you pay like $13 per month. But for only 250 minutes. On one hand Dave-O likes to crow about his free phone, on the other hand he is scrimping and counting minutes by the 15th of the month, and by the last week has to borrow mine to call his doctor. Pay the extra $17 and get a real phone, I say. Just don’t get a Virgin Mobile, which is saved by MetroPCS from being the worst. At the loudest stting, you cannot hear Virgin phones ring in your pocket. When you search a contact and push the talk button, Virgin goes into “insert photo” mode. It emits a loud chirping beep when you silence the ringer, duh.
When Dave-O was over, we dissected the old microwave using his 165 drill bits. It was a treasure hunt. Valves, switches, lights, capacitors, stranded wire, you name it. We drank two gallons of iced tea and discussed most topics known to mankind. We’ve decided to let the economy be. Whoever said economics was the study of mistakes probably stole that line from electronics. I finished the mechanical H-bridge, stand by for photos another day. Not only was this weekend off kilter, it was boring. Dave-O is out on the stoop reading resistor codes.
I spoke too soon. At 7:00 PM Colorado finally called. There was a problem that is now resolved and I am invited for a visit of any length as soon as I can make it. I was sincerely getting worried about the silence, there’s a certain time in everyone’s life where prolonged silence is rarely a good sign. When I reach it, I’ll tell you. I’m just glad everything is back to normal. I signed up for guitar practice starting next Saturday and we’ll see how fast it comes back to me. You know, I could always do a Johnny D and capo everything. My theory is that 99% of the guitar licks follow a predictable pattern, and I’m okay with patterns.
