When is an open mic not an open mic? Answer: when it isn't. Here are six band members having a great time. Full blast classic rock, the very tunes I played as a pre-teen. The rub is that I don’t play that music any more. An open mic is where a single or duo can get on stage and play or read poetry. What isn't so great is when you are the solo act that has to follow the rock show. I was obligated to try, and it was a failure. Read below for details, but may I point out that while most bands can easily incorporate another guitarist or singer, two bass players does not work.
One news item (only) caught my eye today. It was the list of government services that would be curtailed by federal spending cuts. Funny, the majority of them “services” would not affect my life in any way. As for the “essentials”, I do not believe for a second that education, vaccines, and job searching would cease, but that the users would begin to pay for it themselves, the way it is supposed to be.What about all the lost jobs? They had it coming, and for a long time now. Those are collectively the type of people who’s incessant borrowing throughout life caused price rises that impoverished those who tried to pay cash and live within their means.
In a rare move, I was in Dunkin this morning. I dislike the place because it has become a hangout for noisy, over-opinionated old coots. This is not to say they are an undistinguished lot for on occasion, they actually argue about something that is interesting. Today, they talked about their pensions, mostly a combination of private plans and social security. Mostly, they were bragging.
I was silently horrified. Here are eight guys who played by the rules and poured their lives into a job. By their vocabulary, they were middle/working-class and you can’t fool me. But my God, these people are crowing about making less than half what I do. Granted, some may have a paid off $300k house in the vicinity, but they are sitting in the same plastic chairs I do when I’m slumming.
Worse, it was clear these men had no options but to live on that retirement. If any had a money-making hobby or talent or skill like we have over here in over-abundance, they did not mention it. I could lose an arm and a leg and not be as bad off as those people. Ever.
For example, I got a callout to Sunset in Ft. Lauderdale. The type of problem that is easy to fix, but only if you have thirty years experience updated at least weekly for the entire stretch. Here's the relevant facts. That Optimizer Pro virus is making the rounds again, but this mutation survives even the Safe Mode delete and RegEdit. You have to stop it with Task Manager and immediately remove it in Control Panel. Eighty dollars please. Is that a good enough for example?
Hope you like it because in September my prices are doubling. I’d say get somebody else but I know there ain’t nobody else. Trying to find qualified local talent is a fruitless occupation. I'm not local. This particular client had every whiz kid on the block have a go at it before calling me for the 50-mile round trip.
Back to music and the open mic tonight. Music is the last remaining independent job in America. I suppose there will always be stunning new millionaires in every field, but for most of us, music is the best realistic chance. And what should happen tonight: a fiasco for me. No pointing, this was not the fault of any person, but a result of the circumstances. Most open mics carry the implied hope of finding a teammate or paying gig. Not talent scouts galore, but maybe you’ll connect with a kindred spirit.
A true musician would be ready for anything and I was not. As I walked in, this was not an open mic, rather a full-fledged rock jam session with a six piece orchestra at full volume. I expected to plug into a few spare PA channels and do my solo. Instead, I found a situation I have not seen since I was fourteen. The entire band plugged into this mixer and got it to sort of work once. Since then, they just left all the cables plugged where they were and hoped like hell nothing went wrong. Because not one person in the band actually knew how to work the mixer.
This is neither unusual or wrong, but most definitely it is unprofessional. Yet, nobody said being professional was necessary. I won’t go into detail except to say if a guitar player had showed up, by trial and error they could have got him plugged in. But a solo bassist with his own drummer and vocals? Stupefied. Stunned. “Maybe it’s your bass.” All I can say is that if you plug into my PA system and something doesn’t work I got a thousand bucks says I’ll find the problem in under a minute. Because I’m a professional and that is my PA system, that’s why.
The upside is I learned a solid lesson. Do not trust others to know how to work a PA or a mixer just because they own one. I require three jacks: bass, drums, vocals. Again, I am not saying the band got it wrong. I am the one who formerly thought plugging into a spare channel would be easy, which I thought because I do it all the time. (I require a separate vocal channel because I cannot use a microphone on a stand or boom. I watch my left hand when playing and must wear a headset. Unplugging somebody else's microphone to free up a channel is never a good idea.)
Most unusual item? The bass player had a cross-grounded amplifier. I mean, I thought some of my equipment was old. Who remembers when amps had a grounding switch? Stay with me here. That guy’s amp was not a tube, but it would hum when I plugged into the jack. It turns out he also had a cross-grounded instrument cable. Thus, only his bass and cable in combination could be used with that amp. But sure, you can use it. I repeat, solid lesson learned.
In an unrelated matter, an Illinois grocer was jailed for food stamp fraud. He was buying the food from recipients at half-price for cash, then reselling the goods from his store. My question is, what did he do that was illegal? The sellers, yes, they should be incarcerated (they were merely cut off). If you want to stop food stamp fraud you quit giving it to people like you-know-who.
