One year ago today: April 23, 2016, roadside scenery.
Five years ago today: April 23, 2012, steam-driven dorks.
Nine years ago today: April 23, 2008, inventorying your organs . . .
Random years ago today: April 23, 2013, doctored photos.
The mail that made me happy. The first mail I’ve gotten in decades so I thought I’d share it with you. Yes, it was a postcard, and here is the picture side. The whereabouts, well, that will remain a mystery. The only hint you get is that this is not, as I first thought, anywhere in Germany. The climate is more Mediterranean, but that is a meteorological term, not geographical.
I made a batch of bannock early this morning, so by noon, I’ve gained two pounds. All you get is the daily report. That Civil War lantern replica got my attention. It is, from an accounting standpoint, a 32 step process and the raw materials work out to $8.73. There is no real profit at selling these for $35 or $40 unless they can be mass produced. The labor is estimated at $10 per lantern, conservatively. Allowing a narrow 30% overhead and not including the cost of sales, unless the materials and labor can be shaved (psssst, that’s your job, middle management), the production cost of each lantern is $23.04. This, folks, is why you need a cost accountant on the team.
The Vivitar camera is still lost, so no photos. I mapped out the productions steps, designed the jigs, and got the spreadsheets to the third decimal point. Here’s a secret. Since I am also the guy who builds the models, which you’ve seen aplenty, it also means I know where to get the cheapest supplies. And I don’t tell, but I’ll give you and example. The lantern is cross-braced with diagonal wires. Okay, where are you going to find these wires? They must be economical, non-aluminum for authenticity, and locally available. We learned a lot about this while counting toothpicks, you know.
The wire must be rigid. I found lots of coiled wire, but the added step of making it straight was too much of a waste. What is my inside track on these wires? Since you’ve been nice, I’ll tell. Do you know those little flags you see along the roadway and such? The colored flags on a metal rod. That’s it, those rods are exactly 21” long and cut in half are ideal for the cross-bracing. What happens in the blog stays in the blog, so nobody has to know I buy them by the 100-lot up at Tractor Supply. Why not use old coat hangars?
If you measure the six long and two short pieces needed, this involves cutting up at least four coat hangars. Individually they are cheap, but things add up. Wal*Mart and other places don’t stock metal coat hangars any more. I think the surveying flags was a stroke of genius, thank you. The assembly process is very dependent on drilled pilot holes, and you know I have a flair for drilling pilot holes.
Almonds.
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JZ was on the line, I dropped the hint that we should go up to Tennessee in August to see the eclipse. Or if I’m already there he should show up. You see, he has this theory that women are horniest in August. Seriously. Like if they don’t get anything all summer, they will have to go through another winter with nobody to cuddle up with. Myself, I kind of time women more on an hourly basis. So I don’t know about practicality, but the guy’s logic is impeccable. My plan is still to get out of Florida for a couple of the summer months, but that remains only a plan.
Next, I have this article called “7 Surprising Signs of Aging”. I better go through this, or I’ll never get a woman in August. Step by step, you can help me with this.
1. Drooping earlobes. Caused by collagen breakdown and years of wearing pierced earrings. I lined up the bathroom mirrors and I definitely do not have pierced ears. So that’s a No.
2. Shrinking. For men, it says 1.18”. Another No, but if it happens, buy cowboy boots.
3. Hairless legs and feet. I’ve never had hair on my feet, but if my legs are any indication, I’ll live to be 299. Also a No.
4. Dry mouth. Not me, not as long as they keep making Budweiser. Definite No.
5. Spotted hands. Yes, two on the right, three on the left. Why don’t you try driving a motorcycle and not get spots on your hands, if you’re so smart?
6. Disappearing eyebrows. Caused by years of plucking. No.
7. Sore feet. Not ordinary sore, but they mean a condition of morning pain behind the heel. No, not me. Now, if you are talking ordinary sore feet once in a while, then OMG! I’ve been aging since I was 8!
[Author's note: five years later three spots on the right, eleven on the left.]
This is an ad from 1948. But the blurb was missing, so I could not figure out what was being advertised. Finally, at the library, I located a similar magazine. I struck by how contemporary looking the blonde’s hairstyle appeared right after WWII. Most women seemed to have those ridiculous bob and wave dos that made their noses seem bigger and reminded you of your mother. But not this one, just think, no tattoos.
You know, in an unrelated scenario, the wall in the bedroom that I thought was built by a left-handed carpenter may not have been. It now seems that the two identical walls were prefabricated. Then, at the site when they were stood upright, one was left and the other was right. Two sheets of drywall have to come down, as the gap in the NE corner is just too great to bend the gypsum and expect it to last.
It’s been years since I could tell Tom Clancy novels apart, but here’s one I haven’t read. “Rainbow Six”. Clancy has a way with details that should make his books required reading for all hostage-takers. Guys, your building is surrounded and they are going to blow the door. Then they are going to throw is a flash-bang grenade. Then they are going to shoot everybody who is standing up. If I was a bad guy, I’d place a hostage tied to a chair behind every entranceway. The authorities are touchy about blowing up civilians. And I’d have a device that gets triggered by the grenades and I’d apply similar logic to having the hostages always in the line of fire. But, I’m not a bank robber, so it is Tom Clancy versus the terrorists for another 500 pages.
Clancy is your establishment author supreme. Even his SWAT teams have the correct race and gender mix. His career women are never under 35-ish and mark my words, everybody who attacks the US system is necessarily insane or indoctrinated. They have to be. The thought that a US citizen could be a perfectly sane revolutionary is just too scary to even suggest. So borrowing from our ally in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, such people are
“I’m calling my band 999 megabyes because
I haven’t gotten a gig yet.”
Going over the production plans for the lantern, I see that the lady who builds the model I copied has not accounted for her time. This is familiar behavior among the idle rich, though I’m not saying that is the case here. But who else can sell something barely above the production costs except someone who doesn’t have to pay the bills? Most people who work for a living don’t make a $5 per hour profit, if the truth were known.
This photo is off the Internet and shows a number of design flaws. One is the size of the candle. This wick will burn down into a cavity inside the candle center and be quite useless in a short while. Also, the chimney on top will quickly overheat and if you notice, that is attached to the metal handle. As shown, this is heavier than it should be due to the double plates at top and bottom, likely to keep the columns upright. I’ve opted for the wire diagonals, which also serve to protect the glass. I don’t see them, but there should be some small feet to keep the base of the lantern off the ground or the table.
The term I used, chimney, is misleading as well. It is more properly called a heat diffuser to keep the candle heat from reaching the carrier’s knuckles. The candle is lit in this picture, but in reality, this lantern is, I think, more for decoration. My handles are attached to the top plate, not the diffuser. I got the idea from watching old pirate movies.
What? Did I hear that right? I never said I don’t watch movies, I said I don’t watch TV. I am a huge consumer of movies. But you are right about one thing—when a person’s skull is either too thick or too thin, a computer monitor does sort of resemble a TV.
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