It was heading back that was fun. Everybody around here knows they have been tearing up the bridge on Hollywood for six month longer than necessary, but you could always walk it. Not today, they have the bridge permanently up. Too many old guys tearing across there on bicycles, wearing out the roadbed?
I headed north to take Dania Beach, but turned around after determining I’d never get back in time to make my 11:00 o’clock. Thus, I got a bike ride almost all up and down the Broadwalk at the start of tourist season. I have one hour and five minutes of video to show anybody, anywhere who says I don’t know what I am talking about when I say there are no women in Florida. Of course, I mean available women, as I am not in the habit of hitting on senior citizens, fatsos and middle-aged housewives with children in tow. There were two sex-pots out there, but they were pushing it. Or selling it, or something.
Over at Ruth’s, we went over some e-mail material. Everyone is tired from a hectic week and we called it off early. My plan is to make the bank deposits, have a coffee and Sudoku puzzle, check in on Steve the cancer guy, and swing past the shop. Maybe reinstall Linux. Then to the library for a big Friday night out with a PHP book. Remember, I am still waiting for somebody to show me where all this so-called surplus of women hide in Florida. Let’s see how close I get to follow this schedule.
Later. Not very close. First, the usual Friday ATM problems at the bank – in Florida they don’t work when you need them. Then I get over to the shop to discover that all these weeks I have been saying they changed something and their denying it, well it turns out they did replace the router. The single most cranky and difficult piece of networking equipment most people ever own. I’ll wager that is where the slow communication problem lies, although I must meticulously go through a lot of work with Linux before anybody will believe me. The DHCP feature on this new router is not assigning ISPs in the correct range for any of the equipment I have up front.
I zipped over to Steve’s, who says the frame of the old red bike is bent, as if somebody “backed a car” on it. This is complete fabrication as there is nothing wrong with that unit that was not wrong with it when he sold it to me a month earlier. We decided to salvage the parts.
Something told me I would not make it to the library before closing, but I made $20 for a few minutes work. Remember the A/C guy I met last summer minding the store? I caught him just getting home and we looked over his computer. It works fine, nothing wrong with it that a few lessons won’t cure, but he has no Internet connection. We may start as soon as Monday.
Then the G called. Seems he is also home on a Friday night. Time for an emergency practice at 8:00 PM? Sure, now that he’s lost us all the standard gigs, but maybe that is not such a bad thing. They were lousy gigs meant to be replaced with something that pays. I agreed on that tentative basis. He still wants to “go over” that tired song list he keeps making up which includes ancient songs we’ve practiced but never played. I agreed, but we introduce new material.
Here is something a few of you have not seen in years. The Caddy. It is still in great condition after 21 years, the last five or so with zero miles on it. It is covered by a layer of storm dust, but you can see the paint still gleams. I want to sink $1,000 into this car, put on a trailer hitch, and make it ready to leave town on a moments notice. It is in incredible condition and only has 4,000 miles on the new motor. This picture is the good side, the driver’s door is still damaged from that tow-truck incident in 2001. I settled out of court for so much money I’ve had two cars since. Um, I kind of spent the money instead of fix the car.
The practice was okay, except for the G’s ad hoc methods. We did get certain items at least tabled, among the more important are that I don’t tell him how to play guitar and he does not tell me how to play bass. Also, the new music I brought was successful in pointing out that his style is totally rock, blues or country. He plays every tune except jazz with one of those three styles. Don Williams was not country, the Kingston Trio was not blues.
Another item tabled (as in discussed) was that we do not play music unless both of us agree to the tune. Either of us have veto power. He has the CD although except for the computer I showed him how to use, he has no way to play and MP3. He still records on cassette tape. He brought up a valid point, however. Everybody else he knows does not understand digital technology and screw things up whenever they try to record digitally. I do not blame anyone for not using what they cannot trust – but I will regard them as backward for not embracing the new methods.
Other new discussions involved my hesitation to learn any song that could be played better by a soloist, any song that does not have lively parts for both instruments or any more slow music period. We’ve always had a shitload too much slow music. As well, he is fully aware that there will be no more nonsense of me learning his music, he has to learn some of mine in roughly 50/50 proportion. He has a curious approach about learning his music that fools no one. He says we are going back over songs we used to play. Yes, and they were all his music.
I also balked at playing songs that have indistinct bass lines, especially Bob Dylan, The Eagles, Crosby, Stills and Nash and Jimmy Buffet. One of theirs each I’ll play, but that is one too many and I want a concession to do it. I maintain there are tons of tunes with interesting bass lines (of which the G is no judge although he thinks he is) that we don’t have to play any tune that features only one instrument. Because we know from experience which instrument he will pick, right?
Let’s see how well he assimilates. The tunes I picked are:
• Six Days on the Road
• Counting Flowers on the Wall
• These Boots Were Made for Walkin’
• Last Train to Clarksville
• Save the Last Dance for Me
• Sea of Heartbreak
• Singing the Blues
• Muleskinner Blues
• Some Broken Hearts
• Fire
• Dock of the Bay
There are another ten tunes that we’ve already toyed with, such as Cocaine Blues and Love Me Two Times which also have excellent parts for both musicians. I might point out that he is at least now listening to non-music logic as to which tunes we play, a vast improvement over his previous selection process. His priorities are the opposite of mime. He is for himself, then other guitar players, then other musicians and so one, until somewhere way at the end, there was this group called the audience.
One thing is certain, the days of G playing guitar virtuoso music with me stuck doing root pumps are over. My proposition that all tunes must be unanimously chosen was good diplomacy but I assure you I was ready to walk if he had not agreed. Some of the weaker tunes I had to reject outright, which he takes too personally but my experience is that a duo cannot afford to play music that only has one strong part. It is not coincidence when that part tends always to be a guitar lick.
The last stumbling block is what version. This will always be a problem, because the G tends to prefer truly obscure productions rather than the major hit. For example, this version he does of Jambalaya would put a crack addict to sleep, the way he drags it on. Calls it the "Zydeco" version. He also has a penchant for playing things too slow which partially explains his dislike of drum machines. Probably because it is damn hard to argue speed with those things.
In all, it was as much a meeting as a practice. The band, if it continues, shifts the focus to making steady money and away from coffee houses, pizza parlors and open mics. Despite all indications to the contrary, he still feels he knows the music scene better than anyone. Yeah, well I know the money scene and it is his turn to listen, or I will bail if we don’t start making some. If there is no progress in that department, I will learn to sing* and then screw everybody who ever let me down.
Our discussion of bands had a few revelations. I’ll tell you, just bear in mind that the G can see the exact same set of facts and draw the completely opposite conclusion. His single venue has been Florida bars, which I recognize as tiny little rooms full of alcoholics. The owners tend to rotate their soloist musicians rather than hire one for an entire week. I’ve documented years ago the effect of the same band all week. By the weekend, all the regulars know your list by rote and quit tipping.
*[Author's note 2015-11-11: I found it amusing I would make such a statement. This was well before I did learn to sing in November 2009. Again, this is pure coincidence and I had long forgotten I wrote such a thing. The point being made (in 2006) is that singing was such an impossibility that I was likely stressing the total frustration of dealing with Florida guitar players.
This report of the session's "politics" was a portent that the band was heading for a breakup. Left to his own resources, the G will only play that music which showcases his own abilities and considers any other type of music to be your bad taste. He does not appear to be aware of how selfish that is or that doing so is not a universal given. Close-mindedness in the extreme. I was later to learn this is normal in Florida.
And yes, the band did break up over this. I ain't nobody's "backup musician". Besides, I'm better on bass than 99% of guitarists are on guitar. He is part of the 1% but his attitude will always keep him in the boondocks. He is the one who is the backup musician, and thinks it makes a difference that he backs up himself.]
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