[Author's note: it is interesting to reread this years later when the only place left to get a coffee is the ubiquitous Starbucks.]
I've always maintained one of the things that made America great was the willingness of the average business to take a loss in one area in order to get your business in another. This is not true in other parts of the world and that is why they are not so great. Here's how I documented the transition of the coffee shop:
1. First rip out the counter in the stools so that each single customer has to sit at a booth.
2. Establish psychological control by using a "Please Wait to Be Seated" sign.
3. Make them sign a waiting list and keep referring to them by their name, don't allow anonymity.
4. Keep control by making them sit where you want them to sit.
5. Build commitment momentum by doing things they didn't ask for before asking them what they want, you know, have a different person each bring them the menu, the silverware, the water.
6. Keep asking leading questions like, "Are you ready to order your food now?"
I further had this to say: Now all this is fine, provided you asked for it. Most Americans can sit without being helped, and a simple rope will keep us out of a closed section. I object to the nonsense of building a false sense of indebtedness to all these “kind people”. Further, they are not building ambience, atmosphere or added value. They are wasting your time for no reason but to line their pockets. It is the disguise of politeness that I dislike.
It works because most people are insecure in public. There are no traditions in America and these types of restaurants take advantage of you. You are being tricked, and that is dirty pool. They want you to mistakenly think all this “service” before you actually get to order is normal and classy. It is not, and especially in America it most definitely is not because the idea is to get you to pay extra for it.
Next step is they hand you a menu where the cheapest item is at least minimum wage in the state, the drinks are always extra and can add 30% to a meal. Who, I ask at this point, is going to remember their original intention was to have a cup of coffee? See, they got you. You’ve been processed, a little bit at a time, into a big customer because you were too chicken to protest in public and walk out the door. Further, dumb bastards like you make it harder on the rest of us. I won’t mention any restaurant names, especially names that end with “annigan’s” or rhyme with “mobster”.
Such places are the real reason I go to Denny’s. Most Americans have never lived in India, an experience that showed me the extremes of letting strangers and shop owners dictate how you behave if you are weak enough to let them. Don’t even get me started on tipping.
For those who just wanted the short answer, I go to Denny’s because the coffee is consistent throughout the entire US of A.
[Author's note 2021: I lament the passing of Denny's to become Denny's Diner. It was in the early 2000s in Florida that I quit going to Denny's for coffee as an almost daily ritual. They took a loss on me with coffee, but made up for it as I also ate there a couple times a week. Now they've changed the format and lost their charm.
