November 6, 2005

November 6, 2005 Sunday I woke up in a bad mood. I’ve tried to shake it. I suspect I got used to sleeping to the distant hum of backyard generators and the A/C unit in my room kept me tossing and turning. So, instead of worry about it, let me bitch until it goes away. First of all, those faggots are at it again. I don’t understand why they insist on invading the world of normal people. I don’t agree with anyone going around demanding acceptance where they were never invited in the first place. Take a look at this picture of some ballet dancers. I am not saying these men are faggots, but the message is the same. What is with these torn shirts that some men think is so neat? I think it is plain dumb. The article was to show different interpretations of some ballet thing, a type of dance [if you want to call it that] which does nothing for me. You see, they can’t just dance anymore. They have to inject unwanted messages. Look at the right-hand picture. What is this asshole trying to prove? That he’s tough? Look at the arms. The clenched fist and bent elbow. The Bruce Lee thing with the other hand and angle of the leg. Where the idea was to emulate flying through the air, this guy is out to prove something. That he took karate lessons? The tough guy expression also disgusts me. It is as if he knows tough guys don’t ballet dance, but is out to threaten anyone who suggests he isn’t Mr. Tough. Anyway, my point is that even those who like ballet should probably be spared such crap from the hired help. Last evening, I fell for the hype and went to see Zorro. What a waste of $6. It was a chick flick. Another childhood hero bites the dust. Remember when Zorro was a crime-fighter, transcending all day-to-day concerns for the greater cause of justice. We did not have to know that he burps and farts. Part of being a hero is precisely the removal of the mundane. No more. In this version, Zorro is bogged down by being (get this) married with a kid. Naturally to the wife, this whole super-hero thing interferes with their relationship, although it is abundantly clear she was aware of it when she said yes. We need more of this, you producers, you. She files for divorce, a timely reminder to all Chauvinists that this could happen back in 1850. They even foretold that in another 100 years, the papers would be served by a lawyer. With forlorn hope, I kept trying to focus on my old-fashioned visions of good guys versus bad guys, but the script kept injecting this child custody thing. The pudgy Mexican kid actor reminded us this was a Disney production. It is planned all men paying child support should rush right out to see this film. The events took place in California, and I was quick to note that all divorced women were so incredibly attractive that they moved right on to the next millionaire, as we now know happens in every movie. No ugly, anemic, stretch-marked chain-smoking crack-addict tattooed biker broads ever get dumped, it seems. Except maybe just before surprise hurricanes in Florida. Don’t bother with this version of Zorro, even when it hits TV in a few weeks. Zorro = Zero. The shorts were far more interesting. I had to look twice at one concerning a middle-aged lady who falls in love with her psychiatrist’s son. I’m not making this up. Anyway, I am certain the actress used to be Uma Thurman. Here is a newpaper ad, you decide. If so, she sure went downhill in a hurry. I remember her in that scene where they regenerated the alien DNA or something, and I was in love with her body. Some women don’t age well, and she should step down. Look at that dyed hair. The big nose. The flabby arms. What? Well, hey, nobody noticed the big nose back when she had a perfect body, did they? Even you should have figured that out on your own. No, I’m not finished. Then, I looked through a catalog to find a printer server. I noticed tons of what I will call ‘presentationware’. I’ve spent, by my calculations, around 8 months of my life sitting in useless meetings, which also means 9/10ths of all of them. Lectures are different, they move fast enough that the half-wits are expected to miss the point. Presentations are watered down for the morons and quasi-retarded. Then I see this offer for an ‘electronic whiteboard’. The product description does not specify what it does, only that it a ‘vision of the future’ and that the company (it does not say if that means Panasonic or the customer) ‘shares their dream to live a fuller life’. They claim that this product ‘increases participation’. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly it does, although it apparently doubles as a printer and reduces meeting time. Part of the irony is that reducing meeting time is self-defeating to those who make their living at it. Presentations are one of the most contrived and pathetic occupations I know of. By the time you need people to go around with such equipment and explain what you are doing, it is time to get into a different line of business. The phone company was hopelessly lost in sending high-priced people around the territory giving these worthless presentations. I cannot spontaneously think of a single useful idea ever garnered from such sources. If this stuff helps me lecture, okay, but I hate it when it gets into the hands of the presentations crowd. I have visions of these presentation people, complaining of the long hours on the road, how tough their life is. Town to town, you know the drill. You sit there, they talk and show slides. It is about as interesting as the seat-buckle talk the 100th time you get on an airplane. Well, here is another expensive variation on the slide show, the ‘Panaboard’ for $1,300 a throw. Wouldn’t you just love to attend a meeting with one of these? I’ll bet you are lathering already. Apparently it will increase your participation. Although how, I will not speculate. However, I do know that it reduces meeting time, and that I can hypothesize over. I conclude that it automatically adjusts the microphone volume, so the speaker does not have to remind everyone who cannot hear the sound that by some circular logic, they should speak up. It must also dim the lights, so the usual time wasted in asking if there are any half-blind people in the room is eliminated. Finally. It may even get rid of the ridiculous afterward question period, where the company lackeys ask banal questions that the rest of us swear are rehearsed. The bottom line is most presentations suck, and they are a terrible way of doing things. They foster more conferences, conventions and seminars than ever did anyone any good. They encourage the creation of a presentation crowd who use technology to override lack of personal knowledge. I would sooner change the way I do business than allow such people to evolve around me. I have always viewed profession meetings as a quaint but undesirable custom. I have a mission statement that forbids mission statements. Anyone who cannot grasp that my mission is to make easy money doesn’t really belong on the team. Next, you realize you must have equality at all costs, don’t you? Even if the cost is your way of life for your own children. Equality, even if it means others can do as they please including break the law. I have an interesting theory about equality – it is for the spineless who don’t have the brains to make a value judgment in their own favor. I am reacting to the losers who are screaming, “Where is FEMA?” These are the losers who got wiped out in the hurricane. To them, that means someone should come to their rescue. To hell with the fact that others bought insurance and made good plans, for the government should come in after and make things equal again. Here is a thought experiment for you. Take a room full of people, and only one of them is an asshole. Establish a policy that everyone in the room is to be treated equally. Within a month, you will have a room full of assholes. The very nature of treating everyone equally will always, however slightly, reward the bad and punish the good. That is why all democracies sooner or later ‘commit suicide’. The Lord helps those who help themselves, and FEMA helps those who can’t be bothered. During the power outage, certain radio stations never went off the air. One quickly noticed these were the government subsidized ethnic stations. Thus, during the entire crisis, Florida was assured of an adequate supply of rap music. (Notice, unlike rock and roll or classical, they almost always have to specify that rap is music.) One such frequency constantly informed us that they were not only good, they were “slap yo’ momma good”. They are billed as the “leave work an hour early” station. Sure, why not? There, I feel better already, and it is just past 1:00 AM. Later, if you call this early (6:05 AM) by that name. Ha. Anyway, there is a lot to catch up on. Wally finally e-mailed us again. He says he just dropped out for a while and gave no explanation except that it was not anyone’s fault. I talked with Marti for an hour during the blitz, she has some interesting perspectives on American life that I had on Canadians. It shows what one is used to, I guess. I find Canadians to be born liars who think if they pretend to be polite, you won’t mind if they steal your car. It is a country full of Englishmen who dream of becoming a successful bureaucrat, a land with no concept of personal liberties either in themselves or especially in others. She finds us to be the same, but I think she has just not learned to insist on seeing the money first. I once designed what I call the “Universal Test for Idiots” while I was stationed in British Columbia. It is a simple method to find if there are any idiots in your immediate vicinity. It has only been tested in Canada, but it was 100% accurate and requires no training for the idiot. Here is how it works: Move, and they are in your way. Stand still, and you are in theirs. The books show that I made a profit of $7.29 this week. Not bad in this age of many businesses operating for years in the red just to get started. My actual outlay has been $128.65 so far, but tax regulations allow me $322.53. To celebrate, I went for a Sunday bagel and the leg lady was there. My God, those legs. I could not be obvious, since I think the Bulgarian guy is her father, but here is a snap of those legs. I just missed her as spread-eagle as possible in that tight little skirt. This is my idea of sexy, and if that makes me old-fashioned, I take it any day over Uma Thurman. Well, I mean any day like y’day. Again, this girl is European, not American and has no fear of older men that make the intellectual grade. I’ve seen her ignore the goofs and shoot down the pretty boys, which is a big plus for her in my books. I wish the world was still so simple that I could just ask her out. Speaking of the books, I see that I have some catching up to do. The shop must quickly expand to six desks, so that I am making my $30 per hour for teaching as a minimum, then just as quickly move to eight desks if there is success. I can live on $40 per hour. There is no basis yet for these calculations, only that they represent a possible outcome. Part of the process is to find out what is in demand and for opportunities to present themselves. For example, I am free to leave anytime and start my own school if I find a better place. Hanging around a computer shop has other advantages. For example, unlimited free software for evaluation purposes. This includes DVD Shrink, a recording studio and CAD programs that don’t require months of schooling – all items I’ve had on my wish list for a long time. I like that – do you think it is okay to make pirated copies of DVD Shrink? [Later, that is a joke, DVD Shrink is a program for making pirated copies. Geez.] There is one program that records anything directly to optical disk, which if it works as claimed, I will get some good mileage. Fred laughs that I still use 3.5 floppies and not a thumb drive. Hey, I happen to be pretty broke at the moment and the floppies are free. I spent some time figuring out how to work the Shrink program – and didn’t do so good. It seems you can copy the files, but burning them to play in a string is another matter. I’ll pick it up pretty fast now. Since I was looking for available women, I brought you a recent copy of the want ads. Some author once said men read these ads knowing the women are such losers that they would not possibly reject any man. Well, aside from the truth in advertising problem (and it is a big problem), there is the fact that I cannot understand why any woman would want to meet up with a 78 year old man. To play checkers? They should be after younger men, the ones desperate enough to wear torn shirts. Such men will screw anything that moves and 3/4 of what doesn’t. Speaking of statistics, I ran the numbers on the ads. On the average day, there are 57 women seeking men. I presume 57 men. Of those who specify, 35% are White, 24% Hispanic, and 17% Black. The Black ladies average the youngest at 38.3 years, the oldest are White at 57.45 years. Draw a few conclusions here, then continue. The average age is 49.75 years, with an average spread of 9.25 years in age for the man they are seeking. They are very intolerant of younger men, on average not wanting anyone more than 9 months younger, but are okay with men up to 8 years 6 months older. Non-whites are more tolerant of age spreads, all will accept ten years or more years difference, while Whites don’t like more than 8 years. On an average day, a 49 year old woman is looking for a 58 year old man. One quickly notices the surplus of Jewish women seeking Jewish men but I won’t go there. Other than that, race is more important than religion, with 80% of women seeking same race men. Overall, very few of the ads give you enough to go on and are very repetitious, particularly astrological signs. Women who list sports activities are blatantly lying to interest jocks and other immature males (seriously, how many 50 year old women do you know who spear fish and bungee jump). There seems to be a awful lot of hiking, camping, fishing and romantic walking going on behind everyone’s backs, possibly out in the Everglades somewhere. Far too many of these older women are publishing a wish list, which is probably how they found themselves unattached in the first place. Evidently, the law of supply and demand only changes for other people. Most men with a six month work history consider themselves financially and emotionally secure but that view is not widely shared. It is probably unwise for these women to state how much they enjoy expensive pastimes. Most laughable are the women who want meaningful relationships, but only with tall, handsome, rich and professional men. Overall, such women seem to live in an adolescent romantic dream world. There was one woman in the lot who said she had a steady job. She was 65. So forget the second mortgage, Mortimer. I bought a new mattress, I keep meaning to get one of those Swedish rip-off foam jobbies, but every time I hear the prices I back off. This means I am well-rested, but sadly, not feeling well again. Slight pressure headaches, enough to slow me down. Physically, I mean. I was always slow mentally, and here is a list to prove it. Try one, they all work. If you can’t figure out what they are, there may be hope for you in Florida. Bank 1 Bank 2 Bank 3 Bank 4 Bank 5 RHKGC 8YW4W 4RHJG 83M4Y 7X9GW QW4HD DQCRG HM64M 6GJRK 8K83T PQTHM R2BHR 3BPVW TBF22 V8HXQ KQC2B X683R 2CDXT PQ7HQ 47MPT JFQYM YJQFQ VBRCY 4VV7W QRXBY KMTTB 68H32 8MKRK GBHKT RIC06 CX7DD 4GX4Y BTTR4 H88Y7 GQPWQ XP8BF F8HPF PY6BX K24PJ TWT6M 8RCIG 36TH8 VWBGK T3CB6 RHG48 7G4H4 T4XXW BVXTH 4QP4V 9CV28 PG274 383QX 6C32H 08RWC 48M4Q CWY3F JGYHJ W6KBG 3VYK7 DGG7M X6YWJ M4TG2 DPGWY QCFR8 927M6 QC06D 7VGVJ JBKB4 DQMB2 9GTJ3 F7GV4 B7JGY Q2IQW 6R8BM FR8D6 HFV4K TF2WFG 4JKDH H3FTT 8B23W HRPR7 WGJFC VPHRB XVFRW 2KPWY V3V63 3QW2G JMFBY 8F4CM PDMQW Furthermore, I am going to microwave some TV dinners and watch a video. It is an easy day and let’s keep it that way. There is an interesting movie about that Alcatraz escapee who leads a team back in to scratch some rebels. I’m on the rebels side so far. We have Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery, both rich and famous bad actors. I notice a quip about the government going after Social Security payments to recover student loans. I am against such things. There should always be a limit to how long a debt is recoverable. Also, nobody should be able to use government records to collect a private debt. True, student loans are government backed – but the government should be the one insisting on constraint. It seems some guy named Lockhart is getting 15% lopped off his $874 monthly check. That is evil. Of course, the government has no shortage of peckerheads like Paul Clement, a non-elect who wants to remove the limit altogether. Such bastards belong in Russia, not America. He argues that some people have successfully evaded collection agents. Well, such people deserve a medal, not people like Clement. My contention is that even if it costs moneylenders a little or a lot more to collect bad debts, they should not be allowed to use or keep records that invade the privacy of everyone. Then, the Hippie calls. He is still without power and likely not due for any. There is a pole down in his area. Also, they had a gig in Chip’s garage and one of the PA speakers fell over. It happened once while we were playing but according to Glenn, I grabbed the thing in mid-air with my bare hands. I think I kind of remember something about that. This time, he got clunked in the head a good one. However, he is the last one of the old gang to check in, and that means everyone has survived in good condition. His neighbors have a barbeque they share, and Glenn is not a coffee drinker. I’d lend him my butane burner but I don’t know where to buy the cartridges. Hold on. I saw them at GFS. Expensive, but you gotta eat. If he asks for it, I’ll let him use it. He wants me to film a gig at Alligator Alley on November 17. I told him yeah, and I won’t forget.