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Yesteryear

Thursday, April 5, 2007

April 5, 2007


           This is the fraidy-cat. “Pudding”. Now tanned and rested, and having discovered the cool spot near the fan. From up there, she surveys the world and knocks over the occasional ornament well past midnight. She has no bones, you have to pick her up like a slinky. There has been no contact from her owner or his agent. (That's a joke, the guy is in jail.) Yes, the cat is shiny, I bought a flea comb and found out, although she does not have fleas, she loves the comb. All day long.

           Well, the calculations are done. (For those who just got here, I used to do these projections for a living, and I have the awards on my wall to prove it.) Anyone is fallible, but in the past, I have never made a mistake in this arena: The average paying club in this area has 40.3 weekly patrons. (The same patron may visit multiple times, that is, a "regular".) Based on the projected costs of rent, utilities, licensing, inventory and wages and if half the chairs are full (something I have yet to see), the house must sell those 20.15 people 144-1/2 extra bottles of beer to pay the band $150 per night and break even. That, son, is not going to happen.
           That is “extra” bottles, on top of what they would normally buy. This is a theoretical average, for some clubs will thrive and others may close next week. However, the conclusion is valid. Band or no band, in six to eight years there will be no small clubs left (as we know them). It is already getting impossible to find a decent saloon near the Circle. You will have to do your drinking in the large gambling casinos, where beer costs $4.50 per glass and they expect to be tipped on every round.

           Time to learn some “obscure” music, you know, the ones everybody laughed at when I suggested them. Yep, those ones. Casinos and cruises have a completely strange hiring criteria. They essentially want a “live karaoke” act. Very few such acts do any Clapton. But then, I’m just a capitalist pig with capitalist pig bills to pay, so what do I know about operating a band?
           Checking other prices, the “cost” of an MBA has dropped to $8,000. Mind you, these are non-accredited schools and the on-line degree is comparable to toilet tissue. If you really need one, they are there for the asking. Which reminds me of the G. He has not grasped that this blog is on all the major search engines and ping lists, for that matter, he does not even know what those are. I can criticize his guitar playing because I am a musician. But it would be unfair to criticize his writing because I have not seen his blog. Mind you, if the punctuation and grammar on the hate mail he sends me is any indication, he’d best not.
           Besides, anything that requires regimentation, discipline and self-control to any degree (such as writing a few minutes every day) is not something the World need fear from the G. I had the entire day off without interruption to get all the small things swept away. The cat goes to the free clinic early next week. Nobody seems to know what the problem is, although I stress it does not apparently bother her. She is also going under the knife for an extra $10.

ADDENDUM
           It is amazing how quiet my day goes when I accidentally forget to charge my cell phone.

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