Missing one photo.
Okay, remember the DVD player from Sunday? What a riot! It took a little experimentation, but maybe I’ve got my backup band. Actually I should state there is far more to it, because the directions only apply if you play a commercial disk. To do what I want, you’ll need a few extras, such as knowledge of your disk burn formats and a basic handle on Chinese grammar. I was after proof of concept, so the player is a success.
There are still a few hurdles, such as the machine keeps playing onto the next tune unless you hit the kill switch and the tunes are listed in the order burned (so make it alphabetical). Nothing insurmountable unless you are a total toe-head. Best features – a very easy to read screen and the brightness can be set to negative for stage work. Worst features – the lid can be popped open while the disk is still spinning, the built-in equalizer has 8 preset modes only, and the remote is required for some features. But I’m only just starting with it.Later. The trick is all how you create the CD. Use virtual surround software with the bass boost removed. Use R/W disks (I finally found a use for those things) and do a deep erase, takes around ten minutes. Then reverse any track names that don’t have the song title as the first entry. I know, it is ridiculous to list songs by the Artist, but I see it all the time on Limewire. Since listening to music does not require brains, why should cataloging it use any either, right?
Which puts me in the mood for MS Office 2007. Again, the world’s most bloated non-government bureaucracy focused on fancy presentation while the underlying system remained as decrepit as it was in 1985. 2007 has to be relearned from basics and is not backwardly compatible with earlier Office versions. It installs itself in the common directory and you cannot turn that off. Unless you are careful, it converts your existing files to the new format whether you like it or not. (Then you can’t take a disk home to work on it unless you buy or acquire another copy.)
I had a lady audition this late afternoon. I had to cut it short. She was talented and tried to impress me. She was aware that I was looking for a guitarist to comp in a band, not a recording star. Like the Runt, she could only play dreadfully slow old music with augmented minor diminished 9/13ths, but absolutely could not learn a simple new beat, insisting that the problem is something else. This always amuses me when there are only two people in the room.
She insisted that the next note above G was B and the note above C was A. When I pressed the notes on the keyboard, she stated that she was right because she had taken piano lessons “in Portuguese”. She was not a crackpot like the Runt, who would contend the problem was that you couldn’t let go of the evil capitalist alphabet and use the proper new age version. At this point, sadly, I knew she was wasting my time.
However, I was curious why she would say one thing and do completely the other, so I asked. I reminded her that the entire premise was to strum guitar. She said yes. But she acted no, and stated the following reasons she could never play in a band: Because her father is Italian, her mother is Jewish, she took classical guitar (hey, that is what she said), she has to ask permission to go out at night (she’s over 40), her mother would not like it if she played in a band (okay), she could not stay out late at night (duh) and she was shy, nervous, believed Jesus was our Savior (said this several times), that Cuban culture was different (she is not Cuban), and about then I kind of quit listening although I’m certain the other reasons were equally relevant. Wallace, if you were here, I bet that you two would still be talking, and yes, she would look good in a bikini.
So I asked her why she had agreed to audition. It seems she “enjoyed the time” and “learned a lot”. She felt I also had learned a lot. When I asked what that might be, she replied about her family, commitments, religion, hardships, standards, idiosyncrasies and some obscure musical scale they use on the Iberian Peninsula, to boot. Golly, I must begin paying these people.
Now take a look at this sign. Your mission is to figure out what it is all about. It is outside a Cuban restaurant that charges $2.65 for a cup of coffee over on 441 (a dirty part of town). No, it is not because your shoes would get stolen. Or take up Humpty’s parking spot.
Later, I’ve been asked why I did not play “her music”. For openers, it was some kind of Spanish flamenco guitar, more of a piano lounge style, which I fully encouraged her to check into. On her own time. But I won’t be playing there, hey, I have an ego, too, you know. Mine is just far better adjusted to intellectual realms than you could ever dream of. Seriously, the real reason is that I like steady, easy work with a crowd that continually changes. You don’t get that in piano bars. (When the crowd does not change, I do.)
Another fact remains that among working bands, the operative word being “working”, there are no Spanish bands in this area. Nor are there any Korean, Cuban, Ugandan, Polish or Pakistani bands. There is a reason for this. A good reason. A very good reason. Conclusion: I don’t play in Spanish bands in Hollywood, Florida. I really can’t say it any simpler.
I also don’t play in a blues band. However that is either because I just know I’m so lousy I don’t have what it takes, or because the last round of blues sucks so bad even Blacks haven’t played it in over twenty-five years. Your choice reflects your grasp on the facts of the situation. How are you doing so far? Need more time?
Just for that, you get no fun-filled trivia today.
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