I can see it now, “The Confessions of a Hollywood Shoemaker”. This might not be too far-fetched, because the only women in the door are the ones who can afford shoes (and boots and sandals) that are worth fixing. Consider that a little spice. Meanwhile, call me the apprentice. I’ve done some fairly remarkable work for a guy that’s new at the job. There’s nothing to it, but you have to know what you are doing. So I have very little local competition.There are no quiet times either. It is always busy enough to take in enough work to keep both of us busy, know what I mean? I’m now less afraid of the shoe-eating coarse grinder and Alfredo is slowly picking up better English. This is a double whammy for telemarketers since he can’t talk to them and I love to insult them. Big time. And I repeat my offer to put anyone on the No-Call list for free. I do not believe there are any reputable businesses in American that still telemarket.
Hey, someone in the back points out, I used to work as a telemarketer. Let’s get something straight—there are no reputable telephone companies either, and I worked at one of those for 15 years. That reminds me of people who complain about the overseas help desks. The generic nickname for the Indonesian/Philippino/Pakistani dude on the other end is the good old traditional East Asian name of “Tod”. These days, Tod often claims to be in Chicago. Always ask Tod how the weather is outside.
Another thing, all you people who complain that Internet business is impersonal because you can’t see the person lying to you. I remind you all the hidden face is nothing new and was not invented by the Internet. The phone company has been doing that for 150 years.
Today caused me to ponder another question. How come there are small towns with many barbers and pool halls, but only one shoemaker? Don’t lose any sleep worrying about the answer because I have no idea either. I’m just asking. Here’s something better to be concerned with: endangered species.
In around 1984 I was in Merida, Mexico. In the Mercado a boot-maker had some of the most incredible footwear I had ever seen. I tried on a pair that cost the equivalent of $2,000 US. You can believe me when I tell you that you have never seen such boots. Especially because you would not be able to bring them back to the States. Most of the material was banned from importation due to conservation.
Yet I regularly see shoes in the shop that are of recent manufacture and made of these prohibited leathers. Not all the time, but often enough to know there is a thriving black market in alligator and various snake skins. I’m not an expert but I know what I saw in the Yucatan. (My journeys through Chichen Itza and Uxmal are covered elsewhere. Incidentally, my theory is the opposite of “Kon Tiki”, for I have seen evidence the Pacific islanders sailed east to reach the Americas.)
Author's note 2015-06-09: That evidence just said was the interior shape of the "rooms" in many of the stone temples in Middle America. They are nearly the identical forms as the interior of tropical grass huts on the oceanic islands of the south western Pacific. You need only stand inside both to see what I mean.
What does "CPQ" stand for? I obligated myself to repeat a definition here. When I’m running the anti-virus checks at the shop, I often play the chat trivia on Talkcity. These games emulate “Ridiculist”, but the quality of questions has dropped to disgusting proportions. I could easily slap together something better if I knew how, but I don’t. Anyway, because many competitors have asked, I’ll define “CPQ”. This stands for “Couch Potato Question”, the ones that can only be answered by people who spend their lives in front of a television set. Such questions often draw the comment “CPQ”.
Since I am the party that invented, commenced and popularized that response, I’ll handle the inquiries. The type of questions that evoke this answer are blasé Australian slang, baby names nobody ever uses and anything at all about England or Japan. Those are some topics, which although are trivia, are so totally boring that people of normal intelligence never learn them. I still say television needs a game show where the contestants can reject certain types of questions as their strategy. It would help sharpen the blurry line between useful and useless trivia.
Author's note 2015-06-09: the term CPQ was just beginning to catch on with the players when the game "Ridiculist" was dropped by the owners. Too bad. But, if you ever hear it again, at least you know where it came from.
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