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Yesteryear

Monday, September 21, 2009

September 21, 2009

           Here is a rack of basses, ranging in price from $499 to $2,199. The immortal Fender guitars now seem to be the low end and smallest selection. The instruments shown here are all long-neck models, sometimes called full-size basses. More like full weight. The only one I cared for was the good old Fender Jazz Bass. It was first designed and built from a modified telecaster around 1956. Prior to that, bands actually used those humongous stand-up basses that were taller than the musician.
           The equinox, not like my days are getting any shorter. I was all the way out to Pinecrest again to pick up a single sheet of paper. Fine, because I spent an hour in the bookstore over there. The Florida rule applies that it takes at least a half a day to accomplish any one project. I found a book that published some techniques of how to establish an alibi for a crime. The amusing part is that it contained some of the oldest tactics I used to use on the phone company.
           Only, I never used them to cover for crimes, but to keep off “suspect lists”. These are the times the phone company just goes on a witch hunt. Anyway, the trick was to make them think they have no reason to cook things up against you. If this sounds confusing, just remember that success in the phone company is largely dependent on who is the best back-stabber. I know you really want to hear about some of the tricks. The problem is I can’t tell you that without blowing the cover. The phone company does not like intelligent people, they like smart people who do what they are told. If that is your idea of a career, join the army.

           What I can do is tell you the overall approach that works the best. It is to make everyone think the event in question happened at some other time than it really did. Thus, when I took a two-hour lunch break instead of the permitted half hour, it was a simple matter of changing the computer system time to simulate work. The same can be done with emails and blogs can be programmed to post while you are away. It is not reliable, but you can always lend your cell phone to a talker and be miles away, if you follow and understand the GPS cell phone feature. Another good one is to video yourself practicing music with a wall clock set to the wrong time in the background.
           You get the idea. This is a variation on the old trick of setting a clock ahead an hour, then smashing it to make it look like it was broken during the crime. The investigators will fancy themselves clever and eliminate you as a suspect. Over long periods, I was one of the few who was never disciplined for the type of infractions that phone supervisors love to put on performance evaluations.

           Guitar Center does not sell the Zoom drum box I’m seeking, nor does anyone there know about the sound quality. It is apparently for sale over at Sam Ash (Music) out on 826 (Palmetto Freeway). This means a car trip but I have to hear this box before I decide. The biggest expense besides the sound quality is changing brands. There is no way to transport your settings to a different make of machine. They don’t use the midi format. A staff man at Guitar Center said to look into “Groove Agent” by a company called Steinberg. As I’ve said, most drum boxes are made for people with studio mindsets, so I’m not expecting that product to actually work. Studio people often do not understand the requirements for stage work, including rapid setup time, light weight and ease of programming.
           Shopping from the checkout. We all know these types. At the checkout they remember they want something else, or want to swap something, anything to inconvenience the lineup. Today was the worst, which merits attention. Some lady took 21 minutes to get her ass out of the way. Predictably she was stupid, fat, old and spending a welfare voucher. That amount of time is an eternity, but she didn’t care. She wanted regular mix. Since she could not find it on the shelf, she brought flavored mix up and insisted the cashier go exchange it for her. She backed the lineup into the aisles and people’s ice cream was melting. Typical welfare case. I don’t need to tell you any more because what you are thinking is 100% correct.

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