Who remembers Enrika? This is the babe guitarist I mentioned on June 2nd, whose trail has gone cold. On June 3rd, I dropped off two CDs full of songs and lyrics, as promised. Enrika was not working, but the lady at the desk said she would relay the package. Today I got a call from Coconut Grove asking what the disks were all about. What in hell was some stranger in the next county doing with my precious CDs? You’ve got to hear this. I phoned back the lady at the desk.I asked her if she recalled the CDs. Yes. Could she describe Enrika? Yes, she is slim, 22, medium-length brown hair, single, works as a temp. Did she remember promising to give Enrika the CD package next day? Yes. Are you with me so far? So I asked the lady why on Earth she waited an entire month, then drove the CDs 30 miles out of town and gave them to a 240-pound 46-year-old twice-married housewife named Erika with three kids? “Oh,” she says, “because Erika is ‘more your age’”. You ignorant piece of shit! You could have just cost somebody an entire music career who may now end up becoming a secretary as old and stupid as yourself.
If any of you crabby, whining feminists ever ask or need to know why the world is controlled by men, even insipid, inept and insensitive men, you just got yourself a big chunk of the answer.
The countdown begins for the Arizona illegal alien law, I believe it comes into effect July 29. America is watching closely and the Feds are still trying to say it is unconstitutional, but they’ve lied so long and so often nobody is listening. In fact, I believe Arizona to be entirely granted the right to defend themselves, something called US Code Title 8, Section 1325. It provides for the arrest and deportation of illegals after some jail time. The flaw being that US prisons with free cable are preferable to a lot of foreign countries, pleads Pedro, “Please, please give me life without parole. Just don't send me back.”
I’ve added another tune to my repertoire, again solely because I can sing it. (Ha, I just got that. I sing it “souly”) Anyhoo, it’s “Love Potion Number Nine” with a punched up bass line. A careful listen tells me that I and many others have been playing it wrong for a lot of years. Majors and minors don’t usually mix, but this tune is an exception in a unique way. While the chords are minor, the connecting bass runs are flatted 2nds and 5ths. I'm still learning this, and you cannot sing along to bass like you can with a guitar. You have to know your stuff.
This also tells you I have time on my hands. Well, that is, time on my hands or no money in my pockets. Same thing around here. Due to circumstances, yes, and because this was predictable, I have lived to regret my decision not to buy the drum box last February. Now I am out the time and the delay will take me well into autumn. I called Dave, the new guitarist and I will try, via the temp agency, to relocate Enrika. Although by now she will have a new boyfriend and be too far gone.
My cell phone, which I will get rid of first chance for a flipfone, has a stopwatch feature. Amazing they would bother adding it when there are far more serious design flaws. But I timed the children’s television show that evolved from the Muppets. Thanks to the no kid left behind bunk, I noted that the rate of presentation of new ideas is 23% slower than it used to be. The programming is watered down to semi-idiot level and all the puppets lack the personalities of the original Kermit and Grover. Remember when Grover was a motorcycle hood who used to punch Kermit out? I do.
[Author's note 2015-06-30: I dumped the song "Love Potion #9" a few gigs later. It just wasn't producing, it was another of those "off-to-a-great-start" songs.]
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