MORNING
This is a tablature out of some monthly bass magazine, one of several that purport to be the cutting edge of contemporary sounds. Look at it closely and answer the question, “At what point are you no longer playing bass?” This tab is obviously some guitarist’s idea of a smokin’ riff. It looks to me like a modal exercise, similar to those finger-training scales on piano that have no practical application. But read on, as I will talk music later, making this one of my longer blog entries.
Another day of tropical weather. I had time to sketch a couple plans. One, the fan that follows. This is my project to use infrared sensors to create a swivel fan that follows a person as you move around, in a series of fans that potentially turn off and on as you move through the house. Two, I’ve mapped out various retirement options against the government rulebook. This takes a little more explanation, but it is important information for those who like to think ahead.I’ve detected a “qualification gap” between government entitlements and the vast sums of money needed to retire. Most people are aware you won’t get much until you are over 60, but have no idea what to do about it or how to prepare. What you do not want, now f*cking pay attention here, is to wind up just having enough income and assets to disqualify yourself from any government handouts. If you cannot retire wealthy (and 96% of you will not), at least don’t stupidly land in the middle where you can’t even get food stamps. Nor where your entire income goes to living expenses ravaged and eroded by inflation.
With good planning, you can arrange your affairs to get your medical, rent and other expenses paid by the system. But they are not going to tell you how, for it is not in their best interests as it would not work if everyone knew the ropes. If you play it right, you can create a situation where your existence is subsidized, even your telephone service. Then, your freed up cash is used purely for enjoying yourself, which is what you had in mind I’ll bet. The base government programs become the equivalent of a $2 million dollar pension plan that you didn’t have to bust your chops for. All perfectly legal. The Canadian system is even worse.
[Author’s note: pro forma planning is complicated and not for amateurs. Retirement is dependent on a multitude of economic factors and placing too much reliance on a subset (tech term, sorry) is asking for trouble. No government agency is to be trusted (to be there for you) and all programs involve a means test of some description (usually a cap on your bank account or net worth). Always do your research.]
NOON
Speaking of advance planning, some of you have been around long enough to spot my Keynesian approach to spending. When times are slow, such as now, I plan rather than plow back, but the concept is the same. My entire life’s income has been cyclical [goes through periods of ups and downs] and I’m proud of it, considering the drudgery of the opposite strategy [referring to grunt work] and its hellacious social side-effects. Of all ideas I’ve tried, music still wins out. Who remembers when I once calculated how much I earn per bass note during a four-hour gig?
Before anyone goes nuts, I assure you that is a very easy thing to work out, and the more so for a programmer such as me who has quantized every note at some point. Anyway, I did two more hours of research and I think it is time to update anyone interested on how I intend matters to progress. My only solo [music] option is to turn my bass act into something that delivers the wow. The one good example I have is the Awesome Arnel, whose show uses MIDI bass, somewhat uninspiring for my needs.
He cashes in on a superb stage presence in a town of lackluster guitarists. I can’t duplicate that, but I am quick to notice where I might use programs more advanced than MIDI. Arnel’s guitar is customized to include most sound effects. I’m considering a similar approach to my bass (with built in accompaniment, not distortion). Here is an inside peek at what I’m planning, why it is taking so long, and why it is going to cost so much.
The Fishman PA I want is the SA220, you can look it up. I also want a wireless bass connection such as their MGT-16 which does not involve a bulky belt pack. All microphones will be wireless, mine may be a headset. Eddie (Monroe) has declared his intention to purchase a Vocoder (he calls it a harmonizer) reputed to be magnitudes better than the old pitch correctors. I do NOT intend to move on that until I hear the results. I am personally leery of processed vocals, though less so concerning chorusers.
Mind you, I found another ad for metal (lead) weights. Duh. These are ballasts that clip on the body end of a bass strap to counter-balance heavy necks. Talk about engineers as idiot savants. You bozos, the answer is to lighten the neck. As O’Rourke would put it, they came up with one of those boat ideas that has two sterns with a massive Evinrude on each. It typifies to me how 99% of most people’s concept of an electric bass is so guitar-centric they’ve evolved beyond useless. Add more weight, indeed. I mean, what manner of moron would buy a bass whose neck is heavier than the body in the first place?
The alert will see my act is intended to be more show than expected for this instrument. Where people have seen a guitarist posing, I doubt anyone has seen the bassist take center stage for more than moments. Watching rock videos, I see that even rock bass stars are still second-class citizens, getting away with an odd flourish when the guitarist allows it for a few bars. Instead of grabbing the spotlight, you’ll see the bassist do a few guitar riffs (see today’s photo) on the bass as though that amounts to a big deal. Then he ducks out. Screw that clone mindset.
NIGHT
It is only a matter of time until I figure out a way to get a computer to play the guitar parts better than anyone suspects*. This is not just idle speculation. While it is true I never sang solo before last November, I have always chanted along to a degree. That’s why I know it is most difficult for bassists and drummers to sing along to even mild syncopation and have, on occasion, busted out laughing when watching guitarists try to toe-tap a tambourine to their own breaks. They constitute the old “bass is easy” school because they can’t do it the right way.
On the other hand, I can claim I have always done 100% of my singing to real bass lines, for I have never done it any other way. There is nary tune on my list where I play retard bass (repetitious root notes). It gives me a hard time in odd pieces, such as “Last Train To Clarksville”, where there are twenty things going on at once (try it). I can hear a guitarist spouting , “He’s not going to dare try a bass solo of that song.” Darn tootin’ I am, and I’ll get away with it, because no guitarist can emulate my method without dropping the rhythm chops which in turn will make them sound lousy when they lose the motif. See, I’ve learned a lot about rotten guitar players since arriving in Florida.
And I’ve got nearly forty such customized bass tunes in the oven. Eight more than I need to get started.
*[Author's note 2015-07-10: much, much longer than I expected. Five years later, I was no closer to such a device, but I know it is called a robot.]
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