What gets me is their choice of words. They keep saying I've "won" and I'm getting offers for insurance programs and free cell phones. It is annoying, as if I won the lotto and am such a dolt I just don't get it. I've won nothing. What I've lost is two friends, nearly seven years, and the option to drive a car for pleaseure. Not mention the loss of my Cadillac, my life savings, my 401(k), my very expensive education, my career and most of the prime earning years of my life plus even the $2,000 I had set aside for my own funeral just in case.][Author's note 2015-09-18: the above becomes clear when I explain that on that day, I proved my medical bills for life were covered, not now today, but retroactively from the time of my illness, and that period includes today by default. It is no coincidence when some of these blog dates match a Statute of Limitation.]
Now back to the blog proper. Every September brings a new wave of computer call outs, the two notables this week were the Chief of Police and the doggie wig place. In each case, their equipment is showing signs of age and fatigue. But it is always an opportunity to talk to these people, if you follow my meaning. It is also a reminder and a shock (I hear) to some people to realize that I do not, in America, know anybody who “works” for a living. All my acquaintances are management or self-employed and I have no inspiration to change that.
For the record, the sound coming from one of the computers mentioned above turned out to be a small fire alarm forgotten behind the computer tower in years gone by. The battery was going dead and is was protesting. Fooled everyone in the office, it had. If you can successfully troubleshoot that kind of problem over the telephone as I just did, I’d like to talk to you. Because it took me an hour and ten minutes.
I’ve already closed the books on the gig last evening, showing an increase in everything including expenses, since I am once again paying musicians in cash. Yes, I keep track of all those things. Doesn’t every musician? I fully expect this expense to drop in proportion to income very soon. I’ve found musicians who start off sounding good never seem to improve much thereafter. I’m after a total new sound. Best effort of the evening: Orbinson’s “Sweet Dream Baby”.
Some who hear my show criticize the “hokie” aspects, being apparently too thick-headed to understand those are injected on purpose. Yes, I wear a cowboy hat and chew on a straw. Yes, I know we play the “wrong” chords to Johnny Cash songs. Every song is faked, nothing is performed much like the original. This is my act, where the tunes are adapted to give the impression of a couple hicks trying to play what they heard on the radio. We practice looking like tone-deaf zekes, its our gimmick.
Well, last night there were only eight people in the joint. Six of them were dancing in the aisles by the time we got to “Act Naturally”. And that is my performance, not procedural perfection. If this show ever goes anywhere, the critics are going to have a field day. In this short life, I’d settle for even that. Here’s a curve. Some of the patrons are used to me using backing tracks. A few walked up to the stage and said to turn them off. They weren’t on. That’s what I like to hear. Especially considering that was me singing.
The downside is that I really sounded like Roy Orbison. (That’s a joke. I transposed the entire song down three semi-tones, from F to D. To bring the high notes down from the range of bothering neighborhood guard dogs.)
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