These are not America style traffic jams with the cars inching ahead, A/C on and listening to satellite radio. These are third world style, with complete ten minute stops, panicking women on cell phones laying on the horn and beat up Toyotas boiling over and running out of gas because of the delay. You know, like Mexico City, where the traffic jams begin to feed on themselves.
It was a business trip, dropping off copies of documents. Maybe I can pick up a few dollars for my efforts. Alaine is having a barbeque stand installed, a custom unit designed by her husband. It is framed with steel studs and he did something I have not seen in twenty years. He designed the stand entirely by hand on sheets of paper. I could not have managed that without a computer. I found out he had been trained as an engineer. Sigh, folks who have money for university degrees they never use.
Two things my mom forgot to tell me when I left home. Cans of cream of muschroom soup are not a major food group and the Federal government works on credit so they would not pay off the debt even if they had the money. I was reading up on the other times in history when the Feds flooded the marketplace with excess printed dollars. They seem to do it once every 11 years, like sunspots, interrupted only by large wars where so much foreign money flows in from arms sales as to make the fraud unnecessary. The 1929 crash was only the most visible result; there are dozens of other instances that were held under control. It is impossible to say when, but the conditions are ripe again.
This time, it will be different. This depression will find more people working for the government than in private industry. It might be noticed that the 1929 crash was the first one to occur after the Feds had established central banking. So instead of dozens of small banks going under, it might be the Federal Reserve this time. The Federal Reserve is not a bank, it is a printing press. The assumption is they can print enough paper money to cover any bank whose depositors want their cash, but the further assumption is that the total amount of that extra valueless money is never so great as to cause a currency collapse. Hmmmmm.
I’ve got me a copy of the latest 2011 “Action” guideline, the local blurb that advises how to conduct yourself during a job interview. If these suggestions were not so pathetic, they would make excellent comedy. Read them to remind yourself how degenerate Human Resources departments have become. The employer intended them to end idiotic hiring practices, not twist matters to the opposite. Instead of hiring based on ability, Human Resources will judge you on “appropriate” body language, pretending you are not “overly” interested in money, and thanking the interviewer for “their time” despite the fact they are handsomely paid for it and you are not.
America has become such an advanced society, here are some of those highly important and technical points which could cost you the job. Using a cheap pen. Poor table manners. Outdated tie width. Bad teeth. Bad breath. God no, we can’t have some US postal flunky with halitosis signing for the Domino’s with a Bic. Our workers must be fashion conscious, use Listerine and date dental hygienists. These are very serious matters if we expect to launch that mission to Mars in our lifetimes. Forget expensive universities; take acting lessons on how to impress the hiring committee. This is the US of A, we run a world-class act.
Let us give thanks together saying, “And in case I am not hired, thank you sir, for wasting my time by making me drive all across town. Forget about my college degree and ten years experience. There’s no better way to spend a Friday afternoon than spending my last unemployment check on new shoes and unscented deodorant so I can impress your sorry ass.”
They go on to say that the hardest part of the job is getting hired. I see what they mean. They advise women not to chew gum, wear torn nylons, wear too much makeup, sit with their knees apart and never to wear white belts or athletic shoes. A human resources acquaintance of mine says all the above are “extras”, that they are matters looked at only after the candidate is already qualified. Really? Now explain the DMV.
The return trip was in that squally spitty summer rain that won’t stop or pour, so I turned in at Karaoke and added two tunes to my list. “Oh Lonesome Me” and “Tiger By The Tail”, both old but also easy and fit with my act. I chose this time because the weather meant the joint was empty and we were able to find the correct version and my best key. Karaoke is the orphan of the entertainment family. People running them for years with no idea what a half-step is, or that your master level should be set at 66.6%. In this instance, the operator didn’t know what “mic bite” was.
