July 6, 2013

           Nothing happened today. In that case, let’s take a look at what constitutes a nothing for me. This morning began with the horoscope reading at the bakery. You have to be there to win. My reading is always last because it is always the same. Get out there and conquer the universe. And usually wrong, as today it said my loved one would get on my case. First I’d have to find a loved one. Not so easy, because the one I want requires that I have brains and talent. If I had brains I would not have to read 34 hours per week. And if I had talent, I would not have to practice 15 hours per week.

           Who remembers the bass ukulele? I saw one in action. To the left is a similar instrument, it really looks like a ukulele with nylon strings. This is at the Hollywood Golf Club, where I met up with a table of musicians and wives. It turns out to be a lounge, my kind of place. Trust me, I’ll spend the extra buck a drink if it keeps the riff raff away.

           I was there for an intro to the band, but had to leave before their break. This band was interesting. It was fronted by the bass player who operated a standup. That’s my wording choice, you don’t play an upright bass, you operate it. He was lead singing and then hauled out this bass ukulele. He had it adjusted for a rather nice bass sound. I’ve often pointed out the electric bass is all wiring and need not be built large and heavy. Although the sound left a lot to be desired, he worked it just fine. It’s not for me, but neither is the characteristic sound of the upright bass. Far too restrictive, every song sounds the same.
           Then over to see Alfredo at the shoe shop. His converter box quit working. Since the end of the government handout, these boxes cost around $50, so I took a look. Found nothing, but the gadget is certainly very well manufactured. My guess is robotic assembly. It has, oddly, no CMOS battery, so here I am checking the power leads. My conclusion is that it might have a V-chip that needs hacking. The code to override the V-chip is 0711.

           Ah, I hear some say. If you enter that sequence it comes back and says “invalid code”. To them I say, “rookie”. That warning is to fool the uninitiated. Just enter it a second time and you are in.

           The only other event was bingo, and the boss and her husband are out of town. When the cat’s away, bingo takes on a different flavor. Call it “Redneck Bingo”. Here’s some excerpts:

           “Head’s up, you snooze you lose, B-14, s’matter you deaf?”
           “Ain’t got it? Tough luck. Play better cards next time.”
           “Why you lookin’ at me? Look at yer damn card.”
           “It’s pee break time. Get back here fast or we start without you.”
           “Hold yer cards but don’t hold yer breath.”
           “The pot is $38. Beats a swift kick in the ass with a frozen moccasin.”
           “Tip yer server. Don’t be a bunch of cheap bastards.”

           And here is more “Bar Still Art”. For reasons unknown, I got a surge in readership when I published the last one, so let’s see if I can do it again. Or find out if there is any correlation. The format is generally four objects on a bar counter, one of which is a bottle of American beer. The others are random objects some of which are unlikely to appear in combination. Shown here are a spring clip, my cell phone, and a yellow pepper. Why a pepper? That’s easy. Nobody had a tomato.
           On Saturdays, I get same as the rest of the staff, three free beers. No matter what my doctor says, I am not giving that up unless I meet a fantastic woman who doesn’t care for it. Some people plain don’t understand American tradition. Ice cold beer on Saturday. It’s same as apple pie and Apple computers. Part of the legend of this once-great nation.
           So, how does my nothing Saturday compare with any other nothing Saturdays out there?

           [Author's note 2017: see how nicely these old blogs look when given the 2017 format? This was actually done in error, but it still looks nice. See, I've been paying attention and learning.]


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