October 8, 2013

           Here’s the next good example in the making. Recognize Hanna Montana? This is what happens when you give the working class too much easy money when they are young. And I’m not just saying that because I missed my chance or because my parents were total duds. This outcome was predicted right here five years ago if you care to go back and find it. I rarely go back over anything, why bother? Miley has plainly enrolled in the Madonna College of Sleaze. Actually, I admit I don’t think old Miley is good-looking enough and she’ll go downhill real fast.

           Shopping is not the experience it used to be, not that it was ever fun when what you need isn’t in a boutique. I needed supplies and the last thing on my agenda is some grinning dropout trying to upsell me when what I want is information, not some cripple-minded sales pitch. I think I’ll call them the “Memory Foam Mafia”. No matter what you ask for, you get one of these jerkfaces on your case. No, buddy, I am not spending $599 on a piece of foam rubber. You know the axxholes I’m talking about.
           In the end, I went to K-Mart and stretched out every piece of lawn furniture cushioning until I found one that was comfortable. Did I want to buy the chair? Nope. Just the cushion. Price? $19.95. It’s not much over shoulder wide, but with what I saved on foam, I can buy any amount of throw cushions (according to Lee-Ann at Jimbos, they are called “thrill pillows”. Okay.). The padding is only 3” deep. If I get any pressure points, I can lay down enough thick blankets like I did that college year I slept on a futon. I’ll insulate the bottom panel of the camper with shag carpet. I’ve never been a fussy sleeper.
           Hotels, auto rentals, and airlines. That’s another bunch who needs to be Federally investigated for price gouging, bait and switch, false advertising, and wire fraud. I thought I’d follow up on an advertised air fare to Seattle (Sea-Tac) for $118. No such thing. When you click on the site, you get a variety of search options and a “lucky chance” to join their “exclusive air travelers club” for $215 if you act now. The air fares, when added up, averaged $518 $548 and that, folks, is not a bargain of any kind to fly to Seattle.
           Their damn airport is a $55 cab ride plus tip out of town and the bus system quits for the night just before you deplane. Nor can you get around out west without good private ground transportation. It is no coincidence that the three worst offenders for come-on pricing are the slimiest of liars and all target the same crowd: airlines, car rentals, hotels. It is a good thing they are two-faced because it helps them talk out of both sides of their mouths.
           In fact, there was a recent article in the Herald about a lady trying to get a hotel in New York. Cost her $468 to find out you cannot get a hotel as advertised in New York City for $59 per night. Where are the government watchdogs that catch these crooks? And a columnist for the Herald tried out the BK (Burger King) Satisfries, to reach the same conclusion as I did. They are good, but they are not delicious. For 30% less calories, you forego the taste. As usual, you read it here first!
           Make no mistake, I have records of my journeys and I know the true costs. That trip from Denver to Seattle last year would have tripled my total cost as I would not have had a free place to stay. I considered it, but said no, I didn’t have the projected $1,700. I’ve learned to dislike travel when the strongest determinant of when I have to head back isn’t food or gas, but accommodation. It is a total corruption of the competitive system that such can happen in the world’s largest free market. The alternative is camping but that isn’t always realistic.
           Say, did I mention I got a check for enough money to finish the camper in style? I forgot that cholesterol study my GP sent me on paid for my gas. And paid very well, I add. This means I may opt for a little luxury, as this is not income, this is a reimbursement and they assumed I operate a car. Hello new carburetor on the scooter.

ADDENDUM
           Sadly, I can’t get a new carburetor for my heart, but this is an anniversary for me. Ten years since I quit cigarettes. Don’t even miss them. It was checkup day and I passed with flying colors, my blood pressure was for the first time in years, lower than average at 104/72. Still no go ahead to return to work. I’m happy things have been stable. Here is a copy of my EKG, the spikes have nothing to do with Miley Cyrus. Or her butch haircut.

           You don’t have to read the chart, just the print in the upper right. Cannot rule out another major heart attack. Yes, lacking a birth certificate, my age is indeed, undetermined. But I’m getting the hell up there and it might be time for my little trip to the Philippines. Actually, I should say Thailand. The women there are not as Americanized. Take that to mean they at least have the intention to make good wives and live within their husband’s means.
           This was my final checkup this year and my clearance to make the trip. After all this planning, I may not go unless I can get some assurance the offices I want to visit are not the ones shut down. Not to worry, as I can always hop the airliner as a last resort. A very last resort. Weather reports say it is still unseasonably hot all across the mid and far West. What’s the rule, ten degrees cooler for every 1000 miles toward the pole or 1,000 feet of altitude? Must look that one up. But why doesn't the GPS have a setting for that, too?