April 7, 2014

Yesteryear
One year ago today: April 7, 2013, ominous firefighter joke.
Five years ago today: April 7, 2009, critiquing "The Sopranos".

           This seal or otter is in or near Lincoln City, Oregon. I haven’t been there in fifteen years. Mind you, I was in John Day last November so that counts. I forget which trip this was, but we fed the seal and I don’t recall if it was a baby. It had been abandoned or orphaned at some point and was partly blind. So don’t listen when I complain about a sore toe. But this was one of several ancient photos I found in the shed this week.

           I could have told you JZ would not show up this morning and we would not head out of town for a few days. He’s never had any sense for the passage of time, that boy. Getting old is going to suddenly dawn on him one day. He doesn’t network as much as I do. Today I wrote a nice long letter to Marion, who informs me she keeps my letters under lock and key. I don’t know. She just says she does.
           So I get to stay here all day long, which is okay because people come by. Miguelito stopped on his way to the clinic, he’s got kidney stones. I’m telling you folks, it is the terrible American diet doing this to us. What else do we all have in common? And I personally think the bad food effect is accumulative, since I have been on a strict diet for nearly twelve years without any great improvement. There, have I made everyone happy already?
           Maybe I should take a solo trip somewhere. I haven’t worked much on the pod, but it is still functional. I don’t want to wake up five years from now and regret I spent this stretch lolling around my place. Maybe that’s the wrong verb but I should be out there. True, I’ve got at any time about six unfinished projects on the go, but finishing them has never been as important to me as learning new things. So every one of the projects is something I’ve never done before.
           I even went to Drunkin’ Donuts this morning. Does this tell you how exciting life is in this neighborhood? Why I’ll bet every one of you has ten times as much fun as I do on a daily basis. Well, okay, I’d only bet a dollar or two, but that’s not the point, is it? Here is a band called The Bloodhound Gang. Catchy lyrics, “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so let’s do like they do on the Discovery Channel”.
           This tells you I was listening to some more contemporary rock. I find it is only the lyrics that set any of these songs apart, that is, the music parts have all been done. Many, many times. Listen to anything by Bowling For Soup, a band from Wichita Falls, Texas. Here is a typical four-piece group whose recordings contain a minimum of 12 tracks—meaning it is impossible for them to play live most of the music they sell. I don’t think I’m the only one who sees the hypocrisy in this but then again, it was okay when The Beatles did it.

           Let me tell you a bit more about Wichita Falls. I’m amused to see the tourist brochures with titles like “Twenty Things To Do In Wichita Falls”. That is wishful thinking. Ever heard of Texas dog days? They call the weather “sultry”. When they happen 100 days in a row, you’re in Wichita Falls. Beware guys, there is a severe surplus of men in the area. It’s the tornado belt and that’s the same town I had a hell of a time buying a Honda motorcycle tire last year. Stranded there three days and had to drive to Oklahoma to have the thing mounted.
           The city is currently under a drought, with a $2,000 fine for watering your lawn. Here is Arrowhead Lake, the reservoir. Or what’s left of it. I wonder if fishing is listed as one of the twenty things to do? Wait another week and the trout will come to you.
           Next, I may have to paraphrase myself. Years ago I used to bait this feminist at the phone company. Joan, I never said men were smarter than women. I said I was smarter than women. She failed to disprove that statement over a challenge lasting six years. Don’t blame me, it started as a small bet that I thought she would win handily. To apply it to robots, I never said robots were smarter than humans, Ken. I said they were smarter than you.
           And how about this? Some Latina in Arizona wants the US to stop deporting people. Do I detect a conflict of interest here? Anyway, she says the deportations are taking people away from their most loved ones. Yep, that’s gearing it pretty low. Well, I say to her she’s got it backwards. The deportations are reuniting those people with their second-most loved ones.
           LizJohn and I had an hour’s chat last evening. After all these years it remains that we still have a tremendous spread of experiences in common. It is also uniquely pleasing to talk to someone who shares core values. You might say despite all the normal disagreements of two utterly different people, we are not likely to surprise the other on any major issue. We used to travel a lot together and I’m the type that normally prefers to travel quite alone. I am displeased to learn that she is beginning to exhibit the same medical conditions I did at around the same age. There is something rotten at the phone company but you can’t prove it.
           What if I told you this guy makes pistol and rifle silencers out of ordinary car oil filters? I thought about that, the filter is full of baffles. Here, don’t take my word for it, watch this video. He manufactures a plug that goes onto the oil filter mount hole and adapts it to your gun barrel. The first bullet just punches though the filter top and all you hear is the click of the bolt and trigger mech. The catch? He wants $75 for the plug that adapts the oil can to your gun barrel.
           Cookienator. If you don’t have it installed on your computer, you should. However, the newest version has been detuned a bit. This app prevents the more notorious cookie trackers from building a online profile on you. It makes their software think your computer is a new unit, I set mine for every three days. I will try to find an earlier version where it was easy to list the bad guys. Talk about bowing to pressure, the current version makes it tricky to view the worst offenders. Or you could just say Google, same thing. Do things like filling out tax returns bother you? Just keep using products like Google, and soon you won’t have to.
           What’s happening with Belize? Nothing. All the local rentals seem to be working through agencies these days and rents are comparable to Fort Lauderdale. That’s $650 a month for a nothing apartment.

ADDENDUM
           Last weekend after bingo, a game I do not play, I stopped downtown at one of the standard watering holes. It’s clear the baby boomers did a really unfair number on their own children. There can be little doubt they are the last generation of the empire. I won’t go into that, but these days even if you see a conservative-looking young lady, it’s a costume that it turns out to be part of her act. I found myself in a club full of people half my age and listening to rock music. Back in my day, there was good rock and there was bad rock. I leave it to you to figure which category would represent today’s rock.
           But, you know all the things said about taste. What got me, as a trained musician and lifelong performer, was all those drunk men could sing along to this music. Same as when I was young, this can only be accomplished by hours of no-brain repetition. Um, when I said half my age, that was a guess. Some of these “kids” were forty-year-old married men in there to pick up (you guessed it) conservative-looking barmaids. Anyway, I’ve decided to learn a couple of the louder songs to be able to tell the world I’m not at all closed-minded about what I like or don’t like.
           How many of you know what a music tab looks like? Well, this might be a learning experience for some. The tab, shown below, is a visual representation of, in this case, the bass neck. The long parallel lines represent the four bass strings and the numbers represent where to fret the note. The pattern of the numbers gives a rough idea of the timing. Don’t think reading tabs can make you a bass player, but they are an excellent learning aid.
           The tune I chose was “Fight For The Right”, a parody the band (Beastie Boys again?) thought would never fool anyone. They underestimated the stupidity of the post-boomer crowd. Anyway, look at this bass tab and ask yourself if you could be a modern musician. Not me.
           I’d fall asleep.