May 24, 2014

Yesteryear
One year ago today: May 24, 2013, I'm a lunkhead.
Five years ago today: May 24, 2009, more peaceful times.

           If there’s a picture here, I had to dig it up. I’m not even going to try to spice up this day. It was the slowest day in many moons. I can give you some editorial, but that’s it. However, word-mongers are born, not made, so we’ll yet salvage something from the day, the only 2014-05-24 in history. Bingo was disappointing. I stopped after at Edgar’s for a coffee and straight home to write a long letter to LizJohn. This is made somewhat more than difficult by the fact that Edgar's is not a coffee house. And it isn't even called Edgar's except by me.

           Here, I found a picture. We are in for it. By that, I mean the people that predict such things have said this will be a mild season for hurricanes. And we know their track record. Already I’m spending more time indoors as the summer beats down on us again. Me staying in means today is a typical hot-weather blog, which means it was likely written in small sections and may appear to ramble. Oh yes, I’m quite aware of that, how the blogs from five and ten years ago can seem like random collections.

           Band rehearsal is cancelled for two weeks, which gives me some time off for fun and games. I’ve said there isn’t anything to do in this town, but that’s relative. There is lots of diversion here compared to, say, New Mexico. I just don’t do them all every day. Two weeks off. Maybe I’ll get around to rebuilding the camper pod. But I’ve got some backwards news for you [the addendum was actually written y'day]. Today’s addendum mentions an ad for a musician. I was not expecting such a rapid response, but I’ve already contacted the guy.
           He’ll work fine, he is a singer guitarist who does an Elvis act. His song list of 81 tunes were instantly playable and I see he’s kept the original keys. Talking to him on the phone he seems to like trios or larger. What is it with Florida guitar players and big bands? Funny, however, during our first five–minute chat, he has made the same observations on the money side as I have. Above all else, the sheer lack of local quality hurts us all. When the economy goes bad, every klutz in the land hauls out his old six-banger and undercuts you.

           The guy says he’s got some guitar players to audition. Ha, I’m perfectly content to wait that one out. As before, the songs on his list I don’t recognize are songs I’ve never heard of before, and there is usually but one reason for that. Like “All of Me” and “Lost In The Fifties”, but Florida is the home state of the flip-side aficionado. But since I know more than fifty of his tunes right now, we could play tonight. Yes, Glen, he plays all those songs you refused to even consider. Ah, now don’t be like that. Even though I don’t have your level of experience, I know it isn’t easy for you to listen to people who are smarter than you. Or in your case, even admit they exist.
           I got ten bucks says I know already why I never heard those songs. Sure enough, I listened to those two songs just mentioned and they are sloooooooooooow music. I win ten bucks--they are pieces of crap. Slow music has its place. And that place is on the juke box while the band is taking a break. I’d gladly put that to the test, if there was such a thing as a fair test but generally, playing slow music on stage loses the majority of the audience. Once you get east of the Mississippi, you’ll find the word “majority” takes on a different meaning. In Florida it means the guitar player and the two people who sort of agree with him.
           Who likes collective terms? We all know a murder of crows. How about these:

                      Ostentation of peacocks
                      Unkindness of ravens
                      Grist of flies
                      Shrewdness of apes
                      Pisspot of money. (Makes sense to me.)

           And what have I been saying for 35 years about arrest records? Now we know it takes 35 long years for some people to grasp what I'm saying. And even then, I suspect it is because they have an arrest record. (I don't.) Further, I advocate that the media should not be allowed to publish anything that identifies the accused until after conviction, and even then, they should be required to give that person free equal space to say anything they want.
           Let’s look at the Herald, the Miami rag. Did you know that at one time I had considered a daily feature of the most and the least significant item in the newspaper each day. But I don’t read the entire paper often enough. For example I could not get even one answer on the New York Times crossword, in fact, I barely understood many of the clues. I feel one has to be obsessed with memorizing names to work that puzzle. (That's unclear. What I mean is I've noticed you have to read the New York Times every day to be able to understand their crossword clues. Bet you didn't know that.)

           But, let’s see what would have made the best and worst today. Best item? The Israeli’s have sold to China a whopping 56% of their milk production industry. That, Moshe, is how you lose the next war before you get to pre-empt it. Least significant item? Same-sex marriages. Queer’s will never shut up as long as they can blame everything on others. Have you seen that bus sign that asks if van Gogh had been “HIV positive”, would the night have been less starry? No, but many say it would have been a lot creepier.
           The Herald again says house prices are rising. They are not saying how the banks refuse any mortgages that don’t reflect that house prices are rising. There is a spate of new listings on the market in Palm County, but they are properties on leased land or too far north. My limit is 35 miles from here.
           The same paper says another dickhead was rescued from Mount Everest. He fell down a crevasse, known around here as an “acute gravity attack”. Send him the bill. I wish newspapers would stop glorifying these self-serving jocks. They are not “brave” men who set out to “conquer” a mountain. They are looking for shortcuts to fame via brute force, the gorilla way.
           Don’t confuse jocks with professional athletes, who are businessmen first—and I can respect businessmen. The jocks are the stupid ones down the line, the hero-worshippers who never got over playing king of the hill. There is one reason only that stupid men climb mountains and if you don’t know, I won’t be the one to tell you. All jocks are not totally ignorant, but that is how to bet your money.

ADDENDUM
           Looking through the offerings, I see a country “oldies” group is forming in Margate, which is beyond my maximum travel distance. Should the ad still be there in a few days, ask for a song list. Don’t get me wrong, I like the band I’m in, but I am by no means fully employed. I would love to be playing every weekend again. In the good old days, I made so much money from playing bass that I would often just bank my day-job paychecks for months on end. I was so rich back then I bought a taxi company in S. America.
           This “oldie” ad rings a bell. If it’s who I think it is, I may already know his material, which would cut down on the number of trips to rehearsal before ready to play out. I’ve jammed with that guy somewhere but he likes the big groups which in turn don’t get hired as much. If he is willing to play as a duo so we can be at work within a week or two, I’ll reconsider the long drive through Broward. I’m just hoping it isn’t that bible freak guy I walked out on in 2005 was it?

           Who remembers that? I’ll see if I can find it my records, an option only to those who keep records, ha, ha. I had worked round the clock and got a set ready, booked us a gig at the Holiday bowling lanes, and at the last moment, the bible freak refused to show. Why? Because, he educates me, the word “holiday” comes from the root “holy day” and no way was he about to let the Devil sneak up on him so easily. I told him to back off, that he was dead wrong if he thought I had no choice but to listen to that. Anyway, I hope that isn’t the guy.
           Just for the record, I do not believe that any book, including the Bible, is full of ancient secrets that will unlock the fate of the world. A book is a book and there is nothing special about it as far as a medium for recording history. I could find layers of river silt that tell a better story than most authors. It would take more than the force of religion to convince me the gods would chose a perishable instrument to safeguard the good word.
           Speaking of words, here is some trivia. The words “almost” and “biopsy” are the only multi-syllable words in English with all the letters in alphabetical order. I got that from reading books.