MORNING
Here I am, waiting on my clutch cable. It’s not as much fun as it sounds, even in Florida, waiting for my mechanic. He has to drive over here to install it. See this picture? It has nothing to do with this episode, it is here to liven up the editorial. This, gang, is how boring it can be when you don’t have a motorcycle. The photo is also a warning of what happens when you swallow bubblegum. Little plot twist there, ha-ha. Where is that mechanic? He’s late, so I’ll take this opportunity to dispel a few urban legends.
Myth 2: Reversing your PIN makes the ATM summon police. I’ve even heard the version where it ejects the money half-way and locks it until they arrive. Not true. Mind you, one bank study on the topic revealed that many younger people could not grasp the concept.
Myth 3: Welfare dwellers return donated toys for beer money. Not true. This was an anti-Walmart post on Facebook. Besides, donated toys don’t bear the purchase receipt, which is necessary for most stores to give a refund—and they give cards, not cash.
Oooo, have I touched a tender spot. My contention [last day] that religion was descended from a class of circus clowns. Now, I could be writing this in a brazen attempt to gain publicity or infamy, but that’s a separate issue. Let’s look at the logic here. Yes, Ken and Patsie, there is going to be some logic and thinking involved, so you can leave the room now.
We go back to the dawn of civilization and find this clown, who we will call Peter, for lack of a better name. He’s got his bag of tricks that awes the local rubes. He quickly discovers that incredibly stupid people will attach mysterious explanations to anything they don’t understand. So, it is in his best interests to make sure the secrets of his tricks are never revealed.
Time goes by and these tricks are passed only father to son, until nobody remembers why. But it is easy to remember that there is easy money to be made duping the masses. By now, the tricks of the clown are called “magic” and he is known to have “powers”, shall we say supernatural powers. How long do you think it will take for the clown to cash in on this? Instead of a circus act, he builds a temple and starts charging admission. It’s a short leap from the tip jar to the collection plate.
Essentially, our clown is singing for his supper. And he spots that the better he sings, the better his supper. Problem. The other clowns are sure to notice the same. So initially, there is healthy competition but before long, one clown gets richer than the others.
Rich enough to challenge and/or befriend the king. Soon, that clown’s magic becomes the official state magic and ere long he is using the king’s army to make sure there are no other clowns in the land. Or at least in marching distance. All that is required is a mass of sufficiently ignorant people. Presto!
There you go. And that makes far more sense than believing in arks and turtles. And if this gets me famous, I'm quitting Harvard and doing this full time.
Some trivia: Australia’s government spends more on fireworks than it does on foreign aid. Your Aries Derf horoscope for today: You'll soon encounter that weird kid who you made fun of in junior high school. He'll be conducting your job interview, and he remembers you well.
NOON
I got to thinking. You know, I don’t have in my life a single activity for which they give out awards. Certificates are not the same and I have a trunk full of certificates somewhere. But there are no bass player of the year awards and even if there was, they’d hand the plaque to some fat lady on the standup. Here is my trophy case of cups, crowns, medals, and plates I’ve won over the years for my excellent job of playing electric bass. I have another just like it for my voluntary contributions to welfare dwellers, liberals, and east-of-the-Mississippi political parties.
So what are the ingredients to make a contemporary BBC documentary? I know the top few. You need a British accent. A lost city (although if it was lost . . .), you must always have a lost city. You also need at least two queers or skeletons thereof. And the lady doctor--never leave out the lady doctor or risk having your funding cut. Optional, although you must choose one and work it into the script: cannibalism, child sacrifice, aliens, or stones that you “cannot fit a razor blade in between”.
The only other step is to post it on-line with claims it will “blow your mind” and is the “full” version. If you find anything with the corners worn off over time, be sure to bill it as “stealth”. And keep that permanently-out-of-focus camera on your dash. Putting duct tape over the auto-focus lens works well.
AFTERNOON
I have in my hand a packet of “oxygen absorber”. It says do not microwave, do not eat. From a packet of Argentine beef jerky, 50 calories, the label says mgc company. Here we go, Mitsubishi Gas Chemical. The product is not mentioned on their site, but other sources say it is mainly tiny pieces of iron. That makes sense. The iron slowly oxidizes, using up all the oxygen to produce rust. First test, shown here, the packet indeed sticks to a magnet. Next step, dissect the package.
Going over my records, I’ve found a common link. Every guitar player that I’ve tried in this area has, at some point in time, taken lessons from a music studio. In many cases, the lessons were from various Guitar Center type franchises. These are generally reputable places but folks, they are not Peabody’s or Julliard. It does not seem to matter how long they took lessons, just the fact they have been exposed to that environment. I was beginning to think it was something in the water.
Most guitarists will tell you their background, but if they don’t, I make it a point to ask. Well, at least we know why such an standardized song lists. I used to joke they all had the same teacher. It looks like I may not have been that far off.
So, North Korea has been getting the Internet boot. Sounds like denial of service attacks. See what happens when you cross Sony? Or how about the big buzz over the Cuban lady being artificially inseminated off her husband in jail. Or was it the other way around? It’s being hailed as a step toward normalization. I’ve got a real suspicion that is one that could backfire. The feeling here is some people will do anything to get into the United States.
The newest conspiracy theory is that that Malaysian flight that disappeared wound up in the Ukraine. The airline wants the case closed by declaring the Indian Ocean as the crash site. But in this era of satellite surveillance, I'll wait and see. But to take this one step further, 20 of the people on board that airplane were part of a company (Freescale) that was developing radar cloaking equipment. I’m going to presume that is well noted in conspiracy circles.
Later - the oxygen package. It isn't rust that forms. Here is an article with everything you need to know about food-grade oxygen absorber. Other substances in the packet could include Vitamin C. Claim is the packets take the oxygen down to 0.01%. Impressive.
EVENING
Last, I wrote a lengthy missive to my pal back west describing my reasoning for saying I hope to play music in a coffee house. This is a pal who remembers the day when we swore we would never date the kind of women who socialized at a coffee house. To be specific, the women that “wear a scarf & beret, sip latte with sprinkles, and enjoy a bowl of sugarless feminism for breakfast every day.”
Despite glorious weather I stayed in to study and watch documentaries. This time I watched the fall of Constantinople in 1453. Technically, I was learning about castle fortifications, a topic of some long-term interest to me. I first looked at it around the age of eight. It’s fascinating how from the Romans onward how the defenses were so effective against cavalry and foot attack. While this is going on, I’m examining if a more effective variable
An hour later, I have more information. First, it seems to me if the enemy has a cannon to breach your castle wall, it seems kind of dumb to put a whole bunch of your soldiers anywhere near that point. Pull them back until the enemy stops firing the cannon and rushes the hole. He’s focusing his men, so you do the same. Then, as long as the sides are evenly matched, it becomes much like any other battle. Actually, defense is normally somewhat easier.
And I have another piece of advice for the new crop of document makers at the BBC. Make sure, when you go to the east to find material on ancient and primitive civilizations, try to make sure the one you find isn’t still ancient and primitive. Put another way, if they are still riding elephants and camels, you haven’t found anything new. Keep looking.
Last, capacitors. And I don’t know if we can make better gear, but we can certainly make it a lot prettier. The small parts are far more standardized. I am not satisfied with the sources that talk about antennas, as you know I’m taking another peek at what went wrong. These “experts” are a pack of yahoos. I know when to call the BS. I don’t think our original designs were wrong, but that there is some trick to connecting the antennas that the instructions are glossing over. I also need something to bend very small pieces of sheet metal. All the directions are for larger pieces. I'm not building drones over here. Yet.
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