One year ago today: March 8, 2014, some Qbasic on a Saturday.
Five years ago today: March 8, 2010, ever heard of Acxiom?
(They’ve heard of you.)
Ten years ago today: March 8, 2005, I get some bad classes.
MORNING
You know, if you want a little mental exercise, figure out how the Yesteryear feature above will work after it is five years old. First, figure out why I chose to re-launch the feature on March 1, 2015, and what will happen on March 1, 2020. On that date, five years ago today becomes the new ten years ago. Anyway, figure that out before noon and your morning coffee is on me.
Like all American properties, easy credit has allowed these business to be sold and sold and resold until prices become so high that, well, it isn’t the water or the sky that’s changed, my friends. It’s the $5 bottle of beer and the $10 pie and coffee.
Now that the topic is coffee, I’m going up to El Señor again. With the waitress who doesn’t like me because I don’t act like a man. You know, demonstrating a hearty handshake, phony deep voice, practiced hearty handshake. She’s soon have me buying grown-up shoes and combing my hair to go to breakfast. Just don’t you suggest she go on a diet or exercise. It’s all about improving you.
Anyway, the meeting was concerning the bandsaw. Do we pursue the new parts or purchase a new unit? Nothing was decided, other than that we need to purchase a sheet of marine grade plywood to see what the fuss is all about. We need to find out if it is worth the extra money per sheet.
Of course, I missed the call for the jam at the beach. Forgot to set the clock ahead so things started going wrong immediately. Since 18 years ago, I’ve never paid that much attention to what time the sun comes up. I mean with the clock. Every farm kid knows that at dawn, all the birds stop singing. They’ll start again, but the first ray over the horizon and the silence will wake you up. So you city kids know, that’s songbirds only. The birds that cluck or squawk never shut up while it’s light.
NOON
“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.” (Farm wisdom)
Here’s a photo of my soda at the Walkabout. I was there to see who was playing. It’s that acoustic guitar guy with all the fancy wireless gear. And has he come a long ways from when he used to plunk and plink at the sidewalk cafes. He’s been doing his homework, although he still wears those Hawaiian shirts that make you reach for the earplugs. He’s also learned to cool it with the power-strumming. Myself, I have no choice.
Among those present was a kid with an acoustic bass. He played it like a guitar. There was another bassist present, this guy from Peru, so we jammed a bit. But in no time at all we were both lecturing the guy because he was getting started on the wrong foot. While it may, at some theoretical levels, be true that there is no “wrong” way to play music, there are definite areas you can mess up totally and regret it years later.
Normally, this would be as hopeless but he understood we had his best interests in mind. And he picked up on country music almost instantly—once he knew what not to play. We’ll likely jam again next week and he asked me to send him a couple of definitive tunes to learn before then. He was astounded to see the reactions of people to my solos, even when he played the wrong chords.
In return, he made me realize I had never written down my philosophy on how one becomes an entertainer. Since I’m not getting any younger, I’ll scribble something down when I get home, so look for it this afternoon. Concerning the stages one has to go through to become a musician who can entertain. Most musicians can’t except , you know. And they invent incredible excuses why not. Excuses, I say, because they have not paid their dues.
AFTERNOON
For posterity, here are my homespun observations of the phases a good musician has to go through to become an entertainer. There is far more to it than meets the eye, though some people are born with it, you and I were not. The majority of us have to pass through these steps where the dropout rate is cumulative 99.99% The failures, they move to Florida. Ha, ha, little joke there. Maybe.
Anyway, this is not a chronicle of the path or the rise to stardom. Those are a special breed. The following applies to those like me, who are not anything special. All I have to recommend my viewpoint is that I’ve seen the same pattern in others. Alas, the music world only measures position, not distance covered.
What To Expect On Your Way To Stardom
Step 1. Around eight to ten years of age, you notice you like some music more than the rest, and one person in six will want to do more than just listen to it. This is the point where you develop favorites, some call it “popular music”. Every sixth person is still a huge, huge number of people. Few will succeed. But the music tends to stick with you for life. I’m a Beatles fan.
Step 2. As soon as your ability can manage, you begin to emulate your musical heroes and form into bands. This is where many find out it isn’t so easy. About half will keep trying, for others, this is the stage where many hang up the guitar and/or begin to claim they only “play for fun”. Some play covers (other people’s music), the rest will decide they like originals but curiously still have “influences”. Both wind up at generally the same place. Nowhere. In fact, most stay at one of these levels for life. Hence the crack about Florida above.
Step 3. Whether you copy your heroes or write originals, next is the “jamming” stage. While normally associated with originals, the process is identical to striving to get a good sound whatever you play. Here is the chapter of the middle-aged garage bands and the success of a few recording stars. But the music is still “internalized”, though nobody admits it. But they are in it for themselves. These are the people who advertise 8 times a day on Craigslist. The only productive part of this phase is that it requires the interaction with other musicians. And you find out they are not like-minded.
Step 4. Sooner or later, mostly later, you begin to realize that your covers are not creative and your originals are not original. It’s been an illusion. This corresponds to the “10,000 hours” point that makes a professional. Most teens have not had anything like the time so they are like indoctrinated brick walls about their view on music. They can tell the world what to like, or so they think. I am very forgiving over this rung of the ladder, while other people go postal over it. That’s why they are called “parents”.
Step 5. Now, we are approaching the limits, so listen closely. Whether you do covers or originals you finally begin to “externalize”, to look at music from the other man’s point of view. It’s weird, your musical mind begins to expand while simultaneously becoming more focused. For example, this is the point where I found I liked country music, a complete ‘bout face for me. If you can put into the music what the composer did, you begin notice people around you finally “like” what you are doing regardless of what you play. You now have “soul”.
Step 6. If you are lucky and still sane and have at least some creative urge, you had best pray you have the talent to carry you through. Or at least a good agent. Or a rich daddy. See how luck comes into play even if you’ve busted your chops to get this far? Be prepared for the let-down, have lots of friends in low places, because sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. I don’t have the talent and I’m still reliant on others to team up. Alas, that lowers the odds even more.
So, do I have any advice for someone starting the journey? Nope. Kid, you are on your own. My best bands were the ones I started myself at thirteen. I didn’t know that was the last time I’d find friends willing to do exactly what I said just to get into a band. Otherwise, the same rules apply, work hard, carry your own weight, don’t get into anything you can’t get yourself back out of. There are very few cases of true, independent success in this business.
But at least getting to Step 2 beats the hell out of working for a living!
EVENING
Looking for cultural enrichment? You can always look at Detroit, but now you can also look at Cape Town, South Africa. What has democracy there achieved since the end of apartheid just over twenty years ago? The revolution promised all manner of blessings, but it seems the revolutionaries thought it was all free. Like vaccinations,school books, and fire engines.
Next on the agenda was a lengthy phone call from a guy I went to school with from Louisiana. That’s the guy who moved to the oils sands in Canada. He reports that they just laid off 125,000 people due to plummeting oil prices. While I could not find any single Canadian source that spelled out that total, I am well aware that the media in that country is government-controlled and full disclosure should not be expected.
He added that oil sands revenue was the source of money being used to propagate the fiction that Canadian medical was “free”. And here I thought it was direct taxation. I didn’t know there were that many working adults in the entire state of Alberta. That country is about to suffer a super-Greek event. My good friend aside, they had it comin’.
According to Wiki, the Alberta health care absorbed 45% of all government expenditure. They quoted a rate of around $2 billion per HOUR in 2010.
They weren’t pumping oil, they were pumping government or insurance money into a hospital system that had few effective price controls.
And where have we seen that before?
ADDENDUM
Has anyone used this Anonymous service? It seems like a great idea. You get to tell somebody what you think in a handwritten message. However, I do not trust the service. First of all, they demand an e-mail link, which narrows down the senders location. Then, their site does not mention until last that payment is electronic only. Right there, they have your identity. I would not trust these people.
But the concept jives with my experience. That you will never get an honest opinion out of anyone if you require them to identify themselves first. You can always tell an Englishman because he needs to know your name and address before anything else. I used to work with Englishmen. They are extremely insecure and don’t feel “safe” unless they know your name and home address. Whereas myself, a casual first-name basis is fine. After a while, you avoid Englishmen.
This whole “something to hide” syndrome comes from paranoid Englishmen. They accuse everyone of it. But the idea of the anonymous letter is a good one. Question: why not simply use one of the old-school remailing services? That’s where you word-process the letter and address it, sealed, and mail it in a larger envelope with $5 to an address in, say Hawaii. They keep the five and drop the letter in the post box. Sure, you don’t get as much reassurance, but so what?
These remailing services used to advertise discretely in the want ads, now it is all Internet. Therein lies the problem. Most of these sites demand you sign up or in some way identify yourself to them. That makes their claims that you remain anonymous nothing but a lie. However, there are some services that seem old-style legit, such as Pennsylvania. They do it like I would. With your order, you add a confirmation number of
Last Laugh
