April 14, 2015

Yesteryear
One year ago today: April 14, 2014, a variety.
Five years ago today: April 14, 2010, on digital license plates.
Six years ago today: April 14, 2009, on student loans.

MORNING
           I have my scooter back. It sounds a little on the throaty side, but I did have the new muffler put on at a pro shop. It’s what Borat would call “sexy muffler”, the mating call of the 1950s greaser. I went to school with greasers, trust me, they were not the fun guy from Happy Days. They were thugs, pure and simple. Some of them grew up spend their lives in prison, others grew up to become their prison guards. Greasers were not fun people.

           But the scooter is fun. The other repair, the drive belt, cost twice what it did last time around. I have now put three times the cost of the scooter into keeping it on the road—but we know from the records that is only $1800. This is trivial for transportation these days. Statistics can be tricky, since the cost works out to 12¢ per mile, or more than half what a car would (not including gasoline).
           The savings for me is I did not have to shell out or borrow the cost of a car all at once. When did I get that scooter for free? Around this time in 2011. So that works out to what, $37.50 per month. And I drove the thing to St. Augustine once. And to Miami around 25 times. Not bad at all.
           To anyone who was here earlier, I did not get the haircut. By the time I showed up, Abe had left a sign on the door to return tomorrow. So a bought a big can of V8 juice and sat out front of the Doris Market for an hour. Man, it got hot early this year. This is not a good sign. So I stayed in the shade, eating pork sandwiches and designing gear systems.
           If this does not sound exciting, hold your tongue. If there was any fun to be had in this town at my age, I’d find it. The difference is I saw this coming thirty years ago and I have plenty to keep occupied and busy without working until I drop. That kind of idiocy is for those who think planning ahead is dumb because you could drop dead tomorrow. Yeah, being old and bored is kind of the same thing except I hear it lingers.
           You tell me, Ken. Patsie. You tell me.

NOON

           "Well-behaved women seldom make history.” --Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, 1976.
           (Neither do well-behaved men, except for Richard Cory, maybe.)

           If you found this morning thrilling, this afternoon I drove up to Home Depot for small screws and another piece of metal for my bicycle rack. Want to see it? I knew you couldn't resist. This photo makes it hard to see, but the two metal bars, or more properly, angle iron, splay outward through the two triangle of the frame. The way it works is they have to make two cuts to steal the bike, and the local thieves rarely show that kind of initiative. Yes, I know the bike would be less exposed if I kept it behind the house, but I know from experience if the bike is not handy, it won't get used.

           I accept the two-lock system as the price to pay for keeping the bicycle at the front door. Long ago, I had the idea of installing an iron grating around my porch to create a secure 9x6 storage area, but never followed up. Now, it would depend on the price. Things change when you know how to do your own welding. Otherwise, I am solidly disinclined to sink any money into these premises.
           Since you find the picture so captivating, there is one more piece missing. It is another piece of angle iron that fits across the two bars shown here. It makes stealing the bicycle more trouble than it is worth. It is a very old bicycle. This is the overnight lockup. During the day, a quick and simple kryptonite lock makes for an almost instant release.
           This is a $15 solution to a $400 problem. It exhausted me. I’m going over to the club with my scribbler, ruler, and pencil sharpener. You are welcome to join me, but idle chit-chat is not on the menu.

EVENING
           The gear mechanism was a show-stopper at the meeting. It’s nothing great but it does represent a quantum leap—and puts us ahead of where we thought things would ever go. Myself, it is vindication of all those wasted trips out to Nova. The device is now a relic but there is temptation to add to it, kind of let it become a Rube Goldberg machine. Tomorrow begins the quest for another camera. This has been no easy task.

           My place is full of dismantled Sony’s, Vivitars, Pentax, Nikon, Toshibas, and every other brand that used to have at least semi-decent reputations. All of them failed to make the grade. Let’s not hear any crap that’s because they can’t make a good camera—I’ve had good ones in the past. They just refuse to make them anymore.
           Here’s a tray of at least five cameras. Kodak Easyshare, and Elph, brand name is no signal of quality any more. If you wonder why I revert to simple old cameras, it is because they do something the big names cannot—they take pictures. Not great pictures, but you need only go far back enough in this blog to find how well even the worst visuals can spice up an article. By the way, that’s how these posts are referred to internally over here. Not posts, but “articles.
           Most common complaints about these cameras, other than they are purposely made to not last:

                      Eats batteries
                      Slow time to first click
                      Won’t take a 640x480 Jpeg
                      No viewfinder
                      Strange button controls
                      Not weatherproof

ADDENDUM
           What guy doesn’t recall the wonderful scent the barber pats on after a great haircut or a shave? That is no accident, you know, and that is today’s trivia. What is that scent? Can consumers buy it? Actually yes. Just remember, it tends to wear off faster than the artificial fragrances sold to American men. That’s because it contains an extract from tree moss.

           Where Yankee aftershave tends toward the “spicy” aromas marketed to jocks, tree moss aftershave is a mixture that dates from something like 1800. The tree moss was originally found in Ireland, some say. The good news is the product is not all that expensive, about half again as much as the local brands.
           The bad news is unless you find a specialty distributor, this aftershave is hard to buy. My pick is called Pinaud’s Clubman. Shaving is a daily ritual that too many men consider a chore. Not me, buy the best shaving gear you can possibly afford. I’ll get to the picture of the straight razor in a moment.
           First, let me explain that you do no actually smell the tree moss in the aftershave, it is a nearly inert smell that is masked by perfume. In Clubman, I believe the perfume is lavender and orange flower, but you need the tree moss to keep it from being too sweet. You know, I’ve got a twenty year old bottle of Clubman in my travel pack. I’ll read the ingredients and get back to you if there are any surprises.
           The straight razor shown retails for $500. I can’t afford it. There are cheaper stone ground models in the $120 range. You also require a razor strop which runs at least another $50. The leather has a nap to it that slightly heats the microscopic edge of the blade, bending the tiny cutting tines into a straight line. I can’t afford any of this, but it is something I’ve often considered. My birthday is in November, by the way.


Last Laugh