April 17, 2015

Yesteryear
One year ago today: April 17, 2014, popular Festus article.
Five years ago today: April 17, 2010, and the crowd chanted.
Six years ago today: April 17, 2009, a splashmeter?

MORNING
           Yesirree, this generation of mine is going to meet the retirement woes in spades. This morning I went out for coffee, a cookie, a haircut, one gallon of gas, and two books from the Thift. Twenty-five bucks. Some skinless chicken, soup mix, and onions? Another fifteen. A propane torch to mend my saw blades, add another fifteen. And remember, as far as I know, I am the only one I’ve ever met that actively planned his retirement. Even the few I’ve met with company plans would look once a year to “see what’s there”.

           I could have skipped things like the haircut, but I was out $66 in no time. All a gloomy picture, so I included this new angle on the dead tree at the bakery. That’s good for a laugh and I’ll tell you why. The strip mall is owned by this young latino who obviously got it from his parents. He’s an obvious lay-about who fancies himself a lady’s man. But I would not touch the one he’s got.
           He’s the genius who tried to trim this tree and killed it. Now it sits there, dropping dangerous branches on pedestrians. But he refused to cut it down, saying it will grow back next spring. That brand of intelligence probably explains why his parents decided his best aptitude was something like collecting the rent.
           One of the used books I purchased is the closest thing I could find to a general medical text that was not written in over-technical terms. This is a trade-off, because you still want all the facts you can get. So I found this volume that was written for massage therapists. My reasoning was there’s a crowd that only wants to know enough to avoid touching anything contagious. I was right, and yes, I definitely have metabolic gout.
           I fit all the symptoms of the classic heart attack prelude to the condition, including the rapid weight gain of 2003. That’s the year I spent $1,600 on dietary “experts” who assured me gaining two pounds a week for thirty weeks was perfectly normal. Bunch of no-good liars. This new (used) book is great that way, it tells the therapist what to look for. I see that as for related conditions, I may not be in too bad a shape after all. You see, according to this new info, by the time I took ill, I’d already beaten the averages by more than ten years and in some cases twenty years.
           Does this mean I can go out tonight and eat a whole chocolate cake by myself? I just thought I’d ask.

NOON

           “Unfortunately, people whose lives are easy attract the attention of people whose lives are not.” --Mary Anna Evans, “Artifacts”, p1, Poison Pen Press, 2003, 1-59058-180-6.

           First things first, you need to see a picture of the scooter, not just the new tailpipe. This is the unit at the filling station. The pump before me read $64, but those with the SUV mentality can pay for it. Through the nose. A reminder to all who have forgotten, SUVs are considered trucks, not motor cars, and are not subject to stringent emissions controls. There are some sources that indicate these vehicles get a true 9 mpg on average. About twice as much as a Tiger Tank (Pzkfw VI) on flat ground in 1943.

           Again, I’ve decided against the dog movie, even though I was right there. It’s an interesting concept, sort of a “Planet of the Dogs” take-off. But I happen to know from experience that large packs of attacking dogs do not have wagging tails. So I went to Starbucks instead, coffee and a “no-flour” cookie. I was unable to guess what the flour substitute was.
           It was summer-hot out there, I ducked into the library. I found they do not have a single book on gears or gear theory. They finally took out all the encyclopedias except the relatively shallow World Book. That figures, I was the only one that ever used the others. And that was over a period of years. However, they are expanding the sections on training pets and writing resumes. Isn’t it incredible, people are still stupid enough to hand strangers their resumes, which, in my opinion, should have been outlawed in 1995 when identity theft began in earnest.
           Further indication of the heat index, I decided not to travel to Miami this morning. That would have been by scooter, as the shop with the new Honda bearing has not called up yet. No rush, my first move is not a trip, but to start on the replacement cPod. Same as last time, the brutal heat means only early and late hours are possible.
           Just so you know, my barber is a pro real estate salesman. He sold 61 houses in Florida during the last boom. The bust is a seven year cycle and the last hit was 2008. He sanctions my plan of waving a cash offer under people’s noses. They are not supposed to like it. They want the money now, they take less, it’s not like that is my doing. Anyway, I was discussing with him the fact that the over 55 trailer parks will not let the relatives live in it while it is up for sale. It isn’t cheap to hang around Florida, so somebody will take my offer sooner or later. It is expected they will not like it.

NIGHT
          Okay, let’s see what an unemployed musician does on a Friday with no gig. First of all, he wonders why he has no gig. Because he’s not out there pounding the boards, that’s why. I guess I still have an aversion to joining yet another rock and roll band. There are so many here and they go nowhere. A few play the circuit, but that is so much like a job you don’t know.

          One thing I did was search for more real estate. I found something, but the price is $15,000 more that I would consider. I may go take a look anyway, there are a few others in the vicinity I’d consider. But my flat out maximum is, shall we say, not very much. And I’m not looking to spend even that that unless I have to. Read my lips, Florida, I don’t have to. The bottom line is I want a doublewide, not a single with a Florida room.
          This one is a singlewide, with three bedrooms—two now, one later. But singlewides have small bedrooms. This has only one bath, but it specifies there is plumbing in place for a second full bath. The only reason this unit is being looked at is because it is the only one on the market this spring in my price range. As mentioned, the expectations of profit have stalled sellers. They are holding out. My temptation is to tell the park office that there’s a little something in it for them if they steer sellers my way.
          As seen here, this unit is not too shabby. But it isn’t quite my style. They advertise that in the interior has never been fully occupied and it can be “adapted”. They suggest a third bedroom plus that second batch are probably the back of that Florida room. There is a new storage shed, they stress storage, not workshed. But with a three bedroom, I’d prefer to work indoors in my shirt sleeves.
          My plan is to grab something that has to be sold quickly, and I’m prepared to wait a long time for the deal to come along. The asking prices in the area I’m looking have gone up around oh, $8,000. But my people on street level say nobody is getting their prices. Last year, I sought owner financing, you know, a down payment and so on. This year, I want a cash bargain. Next year, I might just move to Texas.
          I might add I’m going through a period of feeling better but this does not change my advice to others who know they are not going to get rich by age 40. Don’t wait too long like I did. Not rich at 40? If you took my advice, you’ll have enough to live on and pursue your hobbies. It is a shame when one is too old by the time they realize those hobbies are so important. Well, I mean besides my hobby of chasing delectable women. Never give up on that.
          So Abe, the barber asks if I’m old enough for the senior discount. I just told him if I was old enough last time, he’s supposed to not ask. I told him about the coffeehouse, maybe he’ll get there next Wednesday. As for tonight, blog says to mention food. I’m baking chicken marinated in orange juice, pineapple juice and vinegar. Spices are pepper, garlic, basil, and a touch of nutmeg. It will be ready in twenty minutes, so bye for now.


Last Laugh