One year ago today: July 24, 2014, Winter Haven, Florida.
Five years ago today: July 24, 2010, Guitar Center.
Six years ago today: July 24, 2009, Key West, Florida
MORNING
If that rat gets out of a fourth trap, I’m going to adopt it and put him in the circus. That’s correct, he has now escaped the third trap in a row and I call him Houdini. If I can’t catch him dead, I thought of alive, using the Havahart, but these traps are practically impossible to find in Florida. I have no idea why this is. So, I have new technology. Don’t visit the following link if the odd carcass makes you queasy. Enter the Nooski, from New Zealand.
The way it works is the rat sticks his nose far enough into the clear conical tube to get at the bait, causing a rubber ring to snap around his neck. He’s a goner, and the maker guarantees it. We shall see, right how it is the rat 3, us 0. Not only is Houdini smart, he is fast. I can easily hear the kill bar snap while [I’m] sound asleep at the other end of the building.
Since he’s clever enough to get only partially snagged, I have a pair of welder’s mitts to scoop up all and throw it outside. But in the few seconds till I arrive, he has made his getaway. It’s almost a shame to exterminate such a specimen. Alas, the world is huge and he can’t live here. Here’s some rat trivia for you. Never bait your trap with pet food as bait, rather things pets won’t eat. Like banana or peanut butter. Also, rats will let down their guard if they smell that mice have been there before them.
NOON
I’m going to post a letter to the editor concerning ads for mobile homes that do not include the land. They may be “houses” for sale, but unless that includes the land, they should not be listed under “real estate for sale”. These ads waste everybody’s time and are difficult to filter. My solution is that all such ads must include a keyword, such as “only” so they can be blocked. Or, since the land is not included they should be called something to the effect of “condo” or “townhome” (mobile). Maybe “lni” for “land not included”. Anything is better than the misleading way it is now.
It may sound bizarre, but it is entirely possible to become weary of nutritious, wholesome food. In my case, it took 60 days. No matter how diverse and appetizing you make it, after a while even the best meals become bland. It is probably nothing more than another dieter’s hurdle, but then I did not so much diet as cut out all artificial foods.
These are cod fritters, fried instead of deep fried. On Fridays I can have anything I want. And these were most welcome, let me say. As long as it is natural. These are fried in a teaspoon of butter, that’s the caramel color you see in the pan.
Then I ate a single Twizzler, those fake licorice thingees they overcharge for at the theater concession. It was strawberry and I savored every one of those 65 calories. To get my mind off food I can’t touch, I’ve completed all the reasonable research I can do about the house with the ducts, and now it is time for that closer look. But the fact that this architecture is not described by any source I can find means a likely no go on the offer. Unless the bank gives us a ridiculously low price and agrees to finance at least half. Because I don’t intend to tie up a lot of money on such a place.
There is also another property in Deland, but that is so far away. It is an acre in the country with ivy covered walls. Unless it is kudzu. Ivy is a plant that grows in the USA and “has the remarkable ability to make any college 50% more expensive”. The upsurge of properties for sale has abated as fast as it arose. Plus a reported record month of 1,400 houses sold in the area has everyone holding out for their price. I say the end of QE will cause another bust in the spring. And this time, I’ll be ready.
Well, that was the plan. And around here, things usually go according to plan because I allow for interfering assholes, rent increases, repair costs, and inflation.
AFTERNOON
I also took a closer look at electric scooters, or more like electric skateboards with the steering handles. Something that can be taken on the Amtrak as luggage. They are out there, but the few I’ve seen have disappointing ranges, in some cases as little as three miles. I’m okay with something up to around 45 pounds including battery. Anyway, I’m just looking. If there is a train station, this would be an ideal way to get around—plus that weight category makes it easy to carry by motorcycle. There are teen models that support up to 180 pounds, but then, this is the era of the fat teen. I weighed 138 pounds up until I was nearly 40 years of age.
In the alternative, I looked at trykes, the exercise vehicle of choice of my old school buddy, Mitch. These can be more expensive than electric units, especially if you take along a spare battery. Here’s something, a quick look at the phone book of towns I grew up in shows a disturbing number of kids I knew who “left for the city” landed back home on their asses. The few who did not I can point to as the ones whose parents put them through university. Even then, there are just a few too many of them still living at the same addresses as their parents when I knew them all those years ago.
EVENING
Now don’t go thinking Houdini, the rat, is the only class of vermin present in Florida. Wait till you hear about Scott. He went from zero to total asshole in about thirty seconds, but that’s how quickly things can escalate when vulgar boors run into decent folk like us. Here are the three traps that Houdini has defeated. The middle trap is not dirty, it is rusted to destroy human scent. The plastic trap on the right is scented like mice. But lets get back to the human rat, Scott.
Ka-boom, we get Scott, their super anal son on the blower. He wants a phone number. We decline. He wants a credit report. We decline. He sends me a ten paragraph e-lecture on how every credit purchase in America must be tied to a social security number and how he is protecting his parents. So, I sent him a reply that we were no longer interested since he was not as focused on selling the property as much as he was on identity checks and back ground checks. And we don’t do business with such people.
Scott was insisting on a credit check even though we had cash—and this is before we talked business. I think the guy started choking or something. He’s still sending more e-mails that are getting incoherent, accusatory, and contain threats to “track us down”. Weird or what? Do you get the feeling old Scott is a bureaucrat? Avoid these pricks on principle alone. We pay cash, he hands us the title. So what is this guy’s problem?
What’s this, another mass killing? You know what I’m waiting for. I want some theater patron to pull out his own gun and blast one of these mass killers. The only problem is he’ll be charged with manslaughter and have to defend himself in court. But I’m still waiting for one of these attention-seeking gunmen to get what’s coming to him. The problem is not just the gunmen, but the media giving them massive coverage.
Last Laugh
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