April 19, 2017

Yesteryear
One year ago today: April 19, 2016, I can’t afford Texas.
Five years ago today: April 19, 2012, dreams of Colorado.
Nine years ago today: April 19, 2008, great harmonies; no dancers.
Random years ago today: April 19, 2016, Patricia Cornwell, what a psycho.

           What’s this? The 2017 most beautiful women is Julia Roberts? Pardon me? I can find a better looking gal within five mouse clicks. What’s with these magazines, are they seriously suggesting that beauty is something determined by political correctness? Good luck. Then again, as far as 49-year-old women with access to world-class plastic surgery goes, Julia is up there, and 2017 isn’t over yet.

           For the record, I did the said five mouse clicks and this came up. From England, which jolted me as the English are not known for their beauties. However, I’m the first to not make the comparison with old Julia because of the age spread. This gal is a teen model from Norwich, a place I never heard of until now. But remind me to drop in if I ever get the chance.

Picture of the day.
Iceberg season, Labrador.
(Note: this photo was posted here
before it went viral on MSN.)
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           Getting sales underway to help Agt. R with all that Civil War material, I posted a hospital bed. With a glowing ad and nine pictures, and a flowery description of the action, if this sells for the asking price, my cut swamps all I’ve done in this town since I arrived. Here’s a hi-res picture of the cot springs. This bed was German-designed and built in Wisconsin in 1995. It is brand new, and I carefully read the user manual before composing the ad.

           The other selling sites I looked into were primarily smart phone apps. I don’t know a lot about how it works yet, but it seems neither do the majority of people who think they do. Do I need a Facebook account to use OfferUp, and what percentage do they charge? How should these Millennials know? Being a level 80 gamer, claiming to be a power-user, and spending up to 7 hours a day on-line is not the same as alleging that you actually know anything.

           Nor is this anything special. I come from a generation that drove cars and could not fix them or read a road map. As for the generation that came before me, I can’t really figure out if they were ever good for anything except doing what they were told. And what is it they were told? Ask my older sister, she memorized the rule book and worked the same job for 44 years. Mostly, they were told that Nixon was not a crook, that non-conformists were evil, and that you salute General MacArthur even when he appears on TV.
           You know who you are.

One-Liner of the Day:
“I wrote a script for a porno movie but
there were too many holes in the plot.”
           I finally got a song list out of the new guitarist. As usual, he delayed it as long as possible on the hopes that I would have to play certain tunes or lose the time invested to date. I could not place even one Grateful Dead tune, that is guitar cult music. He was in a larger group so he lacks ability to spot which tunes are suitable for duo arrangement. That kind of rules out any Allman Brothers or Eagles. No, Eagles are no country musicians.

           This second practice will be a power struggle, it always is. My ad specified country classics only. I can’t tell you how many guitar players have said they were but actually played two country songs max. They don’t seem to realize the clubs are wary of “country bands” that play one or two half-baked versions of something, then revert back to their rock and blues sets. Like it fools anybody.

           This picture can be explained. It's a washtub. But it just did something most guitar players can't. You probably think it is just an old washtub that is part of the massive antique sale about to happen around here. And you’d be right, except this photo represents something more. Can you spot it? There, this washtub just held your attention longer than 99% of Florida guitar players can in the middle of any song they play.
           Last day I mentioned the situation of a guitar player losing the crowd in a pub. I suppose now that it’s been mentioned, I should clarify what I meant. This does not apply to lounges or eating establishments, which want and expect a different musical atmosphere. This means bars, pubs, saloons, which are primarily drinking spots. If the people turn back to their beer and only clap at the end—that is the measure of a bad entertainer. But, I meant specifically when a guitar player does it. Let’s be certain what I’m saying.

           There are no standard rules on how to judge the guitarist. Does the bartender think he’s okay, does he have a following? I say those are irrelevant compared to the big picture of whether or not he holds the crowd attention while he is playing. Got that? Other than certain nearby Latin cultures, most people do not pay to go to the movies, ignore the screen, talk noisily to each other, then applaud when the movie is over.
           Only guitarists fail this way. It is no big deal for a drummer, or bassist to not engage the crowd because, statistically, they are not soloing. Whole bands can fail, but the one situation where blame can be directly assigned is the solo guitar act. You judge him by whether or not the crowd is paying attention. Most times, sadly, they are not.

ADDENDUM
           Hmmm, I was watching a documentary on North Korea which referred back to the days when Stalin was behind the “reunification” invasion. The sound track used some telegraph in the background, and although I could not pick out the letters, I’ve got fifty bucks that says all those Soviet senders were female. This got me thinking about “hands”, the way that experience telegraphers can identify a given sender. When one is identified by the enemy, from that point onward standard security procedure is that he must then transmit only with his left hand.
           Well, would not the enemy simply at that point listen for a new and different operator? Or one a little slower and shakier than before? What happens when a telegrapher gets made twice? That’s where the enemy knows how both his hands operate. I’m guessing, but maybe he goes to work as an airport groper? Or moves to Florida and takes up the guitar?


Last Laugh
(Give this man a raise!)

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