One year ago today: August 25, 2017, Me. I said that.
Five years ago today: August 25, 2013, 23,000 losers, minimum.
Nine years ago today: August 25, 2009, just playin' my bass.
Random years ago today: August 25, 2003, I eventually canceled my account.
Do you like movies that are so bad, they are good? Here’s a gem from, hmmm, it doesn’t say. Probably the fifties. “Casablanca Express”. It has every imperfection you can imagine. My favorites are the lame acting, the predictable script, the inept German guards, and you can’t get much cheaper scenery than the Western Desert. Same for the actors, talk about low budget. Even the lady is a horse-face. Since I don’t recommend the movie, it’s about an evil German plot to kidnap Churchill. Using paratroopers, they hijack a train, which is actually carrying Churchill’s double. Good thing, because I doubt old Winston would have endorsed this movie.
Other than 4.5 hours of office work and putting together the new burner, the day was taken up totally by music. And my little Uniden camera, the one that’s given you so many of the best amateur blog photos you’ve enjoyed the past year finally went kaput. This upcoming Thursday is a big deal for me, it could represent a break with my musical past. Thusforth, I’m going to record my thoughts and my interpretation of the situation. Either way, it is destined to change my approach and outlook; it’s like admitting that there is no guitar player out there for me. Gee, there is something eerily familiar with that statement, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
My background in management is shining through in every aspect of the operation. Other than the Winter Haven community paper, which I honestly believe most people only read because it is free, local bands do not advertise. And I’m bending that statement because they aren’t really the ones placing the ads. I have put up “dance posters” in eight strategic locations. It’s a blurb, the old who-when-where info with emphasis that this is something new. I am insecure about selling it on any other basis.
Me? Insecure? You bet. I’m not ready and my act was never geared to go solo. Bass, with no backing tracks, not even a beat box. I’ve worded it as “interpretations of country classics” by a bassist, and I probably could not be pushed to say anything stronger. I’ve also gone on-line to the musicians section of craigslist, a sector that needs covering just in case. This presentation could go either way, so if it sails, there are 22 Polk County guitarists who need to be aware of it. I stress, however, that this is an opening night and it will not be some slick presentation. I’ll be lucky to stay on key most of the time.
I’ve selected three 8 song sets of my best material. That is not enough, so it is interspersed with my “sit-down comedy”, you know, as opposed to stand-up comedy. Yes, I will give myself the advantage by playing sitting down if I have to. Most of my one-liners will be all new material to this crowd. I’ve placed announcements on the front door, both restrooms, and the manageress put a copy on Facebook. I won’t hear what Johnny Rocket says over the air unless I hear it by chance while I’m near the radio. I will be at the station for a promo demo thing probably this upcoming Tuesday or Wednesday. He has agreed to announce the gig, a listening audience of potentially 13,000 because of the Farmer’s Flea Market.
Besides, this is Polk County, and he is always starved for new material.
Miss Iceland 2018
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I’ve strung out the gear, tested everything, and played through the song list. Other musicians in the area do not advertise. They probably consider that to be dirty pool. But you can’t find out who is playing where unless you ask around. Or start hunting down web-sites which are notoriously bad because these people don’t update when there are last minute changes. I’ve also successfully prodded the bar to have their other entertainers announce the show. The hesitancy is the potential to draw people away from the other locations they may be at that night. It’s wishful thinking on all sides. I know the crowd at every Karaoke I’ve seen in this area is fixed.
I’ve also arranged a “float” of ten beers at cost to what I call “in house” advertising. To keep people focused anybody who can name the tune and artist I’m playing before I start singing gets a free drink. My landed cost on those is $1 each, so ten bucks is damn good advertising. And I’ve lost my tip jar again. There, I’ve now recorded the efforts made at the management level, and I am psychologically prepared to play to an empty house in the event of a flop.
There you have it. Low-budget guerilla advertising. I’ll never make the big time with this show. I need to know once and for all if I could fake it, you know, if I could get by with it. I’ve seen acts where others use music as a prop, but those are ancient examples. Think Jack Benny with the violin and Rodney Dangerfield with whatever he used. Except I’m on my own because music is the bulk of my show and it’s the comedy that is the prop. Stick around and see. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
ADDENDUM
Then, over to Winter Haven for a few. It’s a quiet Saturday night in central Florida and unless you want to spend the big bucks, there isn’t much to do. I’m not one for socializing in restaurants, so I stopped at a known pick-up joint. I was not impressed. The crowd was 30-ish, but even when I was 30 myself I had nothing in common with those people. The music was canned and the conversation was mostly about child support as a punishment to the man. Punishment. You know, for wrong-doing. For the irresponsible fun he had. Make him pay. Hardly the type of women I’d hit on even if they had been good-looking. Well, okay, the blonde was okay. But just holding the line. Don’t hand me that baby-fat line.
Last, to everybody who phoned, I forgot to turn the ringers back on when I left the library. The books aren’t totally done for August, but even operating the scooter on a daily basis has left my total gas budget at three times over when I didn’t have a car. This year, I’m averaging $179.74 per month. Last year it was $66. Time to get that hotdog cart in operation. My pal still thinks he can run a business part-time at his convenience. I’m afraid it is the business that dictates your hours, not the other way. Everybody wants to do the fun part of selling the product, but I suspect they’ll quickly learn otherwise.
Remind me to pick up a new camera at Wal*Mart tomorrow.
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