Today’s music is Zevon’s “Werewolves of London”. That’s five new tunes this week, and another five next week means an entire new set for the Halloween Bash. I have little to do but wait for a few weeks, meaning time work on things like the movie. I need props. Tomorrow I’ll get some plastic water pistols and paint them black. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a suitcase that fits exactly full of money like you see in the movies? Check back for progress on that one. I got the bottles of Love Potion #11, “invented in an unspecified Far Eastern country that we are not allowed to say, but it must work since there are 2 zillion of them and they all have the same DNA.” Hmmm, sounds like Tennessee.
Trivia. Where does the age if legal adulthood come from? Most people mistakenly think it derives from the statutory law that says you cannot make rational decisions until at least a certain age. Wrong, it comes from Norman tort law. That’s William the Conqueror to you. For most of history, legal age was 13 or 14. The Normans discovered that soldiers generally were not strong enough to wear armor and pick up a lance until they were 18 or 19 years old. So they changed the age from 13 to 18. That's correct--the age of "majority" was the age when the majority of males could manage weapons. A thousand years later, we are still stuck with this idiocy. Seattle prostitutes have to take taxis home because they can’t get their learner's permits until they are 16.
More trivia. I’ve calculated how much Americans spend on gasoline every hour when it costs $4 per gallon. The total is $64 million every hour. Enough for Bill Gates to tank up around 1,000 times before he got broke. Put another way, that’s $1.5 billion per day that oil companies make in this country.
When I was younger, I noticed that most people were incapable of doing one thing for very long. They seemed to lack whatever it takes to plug away at something for hours on end. Thus, they have a life full of unfinished projects and unwritten letters. I used to laugh whenever anyone in my family would buy one of those diary booklets, because I knew they’d never make it past the first couple of days.
I am the other end of that spectrum. I can write letters for eight hours at a stretch, and then practice music another eight. And on Saturdays, I like to sit in the living room and watch TV until midnight. I’ve invested a lot training myself to do that. Another difference is that I rarely leave the house more than once a day. And now I’ve learned another lesson for future roommates—no Internet in the living room.
Now, if people would quit asking the same question, I could quit giving the same answer. Here goes: No, you cannot edit commercial DVDs [the movies you rent from Blockbuster]. Those DVDs are intentionally designed to prevent editing and copying. The trick is to use an indirect approach. Import the DVD as raw data, which creates an editable file, keeping in mind an editable file is often ten times larger than the non-editable version. You will need the correct software and know-how to accomplish this. And a lot of spare memory. When you see me edit, I am working with data, not a movie.
Last, I have to conclude that my experiment has succeeded—I now know how to retire. That’s something very few people get a chance to practice. At midnight tonight, I have been without formal work for four years. That is correct, no job in forty-eight months running. I feel this was an important opportunity to see what I would be facing when I actually reach retirement age [many years from now]. It makes sense to me now why some people are as messed up as they are. They’ve made the wrong assumptions.
Many people fail at retirement. Now that I’ve got experience, I can tell you what the most common errors are. The worst mistake is to think that you can start a home business. You are probably dead wrong about that. Another bad idea is assuming that on retirement day, you will instantly be able to adapt to living on a budget. It is not just the money, but the fact that most people have to change a set of priorities they’ve defended for years, and yes, admitting you were wrong most of your life hurts. Here is a self-test to see where you stand: Do you still panic when your cable TV cuts off?
If so, you will spend your retirement checks on the wrong things. Success in life doesn't mean just breeding lots of offspring. Haven't you noticed what happens to the masses of offspring? Success consists more of creating something else, something that lasts longer than you do. That explains why not anyone in most families ever becomes famous, you know.
Potentially the most serious error is the social aspects. Working a steady job for 40 years has taught you nothing about getting along after retirement, but you don’t know that. I do. Office politics won’t work in the real world. No, it is not nice to have you puttering around the house. You are driving people crazy, your spouse, your kids, your neighbors. It was nicer when you left every morning. You probably don’t have a meaningful hobby or a replacement for the co-workers that used to keep you company. But most of all, you will have a hard time accepting that you are no better than the rest of the old coots who hang around the coffee shop or bingo hall talking the talk.
It is nice just knowing those things will never happen to me. See, I’ve learned how to do it right. Oh, and that book you were going to write? It’ll never happen. Good writing requires personal discipline and the ability to think clearly for long hours. Can’t do that (or anything else) when you’re busy checking your e-mail 15 friggen times a day. Or worse, reading weather reports.
PS: I get three times as much email, and I check it twice a week.
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