One year ago today: June 8, 2009, the new place.
I do declare, I believe that it is now pretty official that I have held up an $18 million dollar condo project over $1,250. There is hardly any other explanation why my old unit is left standing, minus the Florida room, in the middle of a vacant lot. Even if there turns out to be another reason, I will always smugly believe it was my doing. As stated last day, I declared the place a candidate for a heritage property, protecting if from being demolished until a ruling has been made, and it is well know how long it takes a town council to do that.
Here are more details [on how I did it]. I first studied a list of 1800s architectural terms, then filled out a city form; what I put forward was a classic example of entirely accurate but meaningless claims. It contained such gems as asking that the city dispatch a “learned society or at least a Scotsman of formal education” to determine whether the “Chinese staircasings projected for the entranceways were historically accurate”. This was “for the committee was undecided as to the ‘early curly or later straighter’ gables, dormers and treatments”.
I stated I “did not know but could not say it was untrue” that the famous “WT” and “JZ” had slept there. I further hinted that the area had deep religious significance to non-Seminole tribes who chanted “owo-tana-siam”, its meaning lost in antiquity. I recorded the full dimensions of the building in centimeters and suggested nobody had yet determined if the tree in front “might not be” an endangered species. I count every day now as a victory and will check regularly to see how long this nonsense can last.
Author's note 2015-06-07: in the end, it took years for the city and the developer to work this one out. By then, the lot had dropped in price and it is still sitting vacant today. All over them shafting me for $1,250.
I was out all day, but I made some easy money with an excellent chance for more to follow. You know those booths with a chubby girl offering free samples of whatever wine they are pushing that week? Well, I stand behind the counter and get an hourly rate plus commission on my sales. Suddenly, in walks a guy from an Italian market, sips a little, sips again, and buys 60 cases. Thus, without telling you much, I made $80 in two hours of actual work. The rest of the day was my free training.
Remember Lance, the Hungarian policeman who sells the upscale wines? He needed some help, so I said I’d help, but I was not a wine drinker. Wallace and I have a kitchen full of European wines thanks to Lance. When I told him I used to volunteer at the big festivals out west, he [Lance] immediately wanted me to work a booth. It is quite easy, since the wine sells itself. I also look fine in a shirt and tie and am quite the approachable sort. My sky-blue eyes are fantastically rare in this part of the world--it makes it easy for me to sell things. Today was beginner’s luck, but this could work out mighty fine. (In the end, it did not, I found something else.)
Just don’t get any big ideas. I’ve been out of work for three months and it will take me that long merely to regain my balance. But, the work is a snap, the premises are clean, air-conditioned classy markets and delis with, for Florida, fairly sophisticated clientele. A shift is only four hours and all the prices and discounts are pinned on a sheet, I don’t even have to make decisions. The customer plops a bottle in their basket, and when it rings out at the cashier, my commission is paid same day.
And I meet a lot of women. Most of them are housewives shopping for the family, but (famous last words) they can’t all be like that, can they? This is choice work for a guy like me with no fear of rejection. Say what you want, but the bottom line is today I got cash money for sitting around in the middle of the afternoon, asking pretty women if they cared to sip some wine. Who’d of thunk it?
Oddly, the wine being sampled is not the same high quality as sold to restaurants. People are far more cost-conscious when buying by the bottle rather than by the glass. Some customers are knowledgeable, most don’t care. The Italian wines are a clear winner, nothing else appears to have the same value and low prices, which seem to start at around $11 per bottle these days. Can you imagine the production headaches of stomping grapes in Italy to sell something that cheaply half-way around the world? I can already tell white from red wine by the aroma right after the bottle is opened three feet away, which I didn’t know was possible. Stay tuned.
Author's note 2015-06-07: Once the service contract was ended and I began charging Lance the full call-out price, I think he decided that learning to do his own routine maintenance was the better option. Also, he kept handing out my e-mail address by sending me junk mail from computers that did not have the cc disabled. I repeatedly warned him not to do that.
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