Here’s how to make 200 calories fill up the whole plate. All ingredients are approved but I’ll give you the once over. That is nutmeg on the banana slices. Don’t use cinnamon, you’ll be tempted to sweeten it. Lots of spices on the veggies, all the spices you want but pepper is the perpetual favorite. The chicken chunk are 3.5 ounces, about the weight of a sardine can if you don’t have a scale. And the orange paste is Hooter’s hot sauce. Other condiments include dill weed, cider vinegar, and salt. Bon appetite.
Plus there’s just something unappealing to me about a business that centers on half-drunk blurry-eyed men and artificially cheerful single mothers who dress like their teenage daughters. Maybe that isn’t true, but it is controversial, and besides, show me the man who doesn’t go in there hoping he’ll get the one with the biggest, er, tips. See what I mean?
What’s this the Feds have “found evidence” that the banks have been manipulating derivative rates? Um, you clueless bastards, they have been doing the same with interest, futures, commodities, and anything else that will make a quick buck for fifty years. And you are just getting suspicious now? Well, that’s why they call it “government” and not “leadership”. Hasn’t the NSA taught you that, like oil, evidence is everywhere if you will only dig deeply enough? And remember, in the USA and Canada, reporting a crime is the same as committing one.
In other less surprising news, it has now been confirmed. It is not just your imagination that men who fight have low IQs. Now we learn that the earlier they start fighting (we are talking violence and fist-fighting here), the more severe the loss of intelligence. Makes perfect sense to me. Are they saying smart men don’t fight? No, only that they get dumb bastards to do it for them. If I were you, this is not the time to mention unpopular wars.
Have you noticed that in many cases, guitar playing has the same effect on IQ? I still can’t find an acoustic country guitarist who understands what he is supposed to. You sit there, you strum, you sing a little, and understand that you are not God. How difficult can that be? It might be easier to build a robot that plays and I wish somebody would do it. That person would make millions overnight.
Not that people need any lessons proving they are insensitive idiots, but here are some guidelines to help the totally inept get started. First, wait until you hear some guy say that he can’t find a decent girl. Here’s the three–step program to let him know you are a total ignoramus.
1. Say he’s looking in the wrong places, as if you have some secret knowledge of where the right places are. After all, he can’t possibly establish that you are lying.
2. Suggest he go to church. Because that’s where you and all your drinking buddies found your decent women.
3. Tell him to quit looking so hard and the women will magically find him. That will really show him what a total genius you are, that’s for sure.
And about the “revealing” news that the USA is really $70 trillion in debt? Sheeple, that’s only the part they are telling you about. That’s what you get when you vote for the incumbent and then let him go do whatever he wants for thirty years. Yes, most of you did that. The problem with the government’s balance sheet is it only shows current liabilities, not the kind of money that is necessary today to fund future commitments. That money must be borrowed, taxed, or printed. Them’s your choices.
Part of the hip crowd? For just $2.98 plus tax plus your identity, you can download this Automatic Screen Dimmer app for your Android. According to the ad, it allows your screen to get “incredibly dim”. That would be useful for the element who can’t figure out how to just turn the thing off. That company knows exactly what they mean when they say “incredibly dim”.
Okay, I hear one jerk back there with the smart-ass question, if I don’t go to Hooter’s, how come I got their hot sauce? You can buy it in the condiment section at Winn/Dixie. That’s how come. And while we are addressing the smart-ass, I’d like to point out a few things. This should be fun. First of all, yes, I live in a trailer (manufactured home). But that’s as far as a pin-head could be expected to see. A pin-head lives where he does because he is a loser. I live here because I was hit hard by uninsured medical expenses.
In 2006, I took a hard look at those expenses and the amount of time it would take to get back on my feet. I did not know a thing about living in trailers, but I thought it was always bad people because that’s what I was taught in my upbringing. I was told any house, even a shack in the bush, was superior to a trailer. Whoever told me that was a liar and I was wrong to listen to them.
Most people who went through what I did would have been wiped out. I wasn’t. I knew that if I stayed in my apartment, I’d be broke in 18 months. I found the best trailer I could, not knowing anything in advance. I did not know it was a quiet, pleasant place to live. I lost my cars, my investments, my houses, and my bank accounts to medical creditors. Those who say time payments are an option are making the assumption that arrangement is available to everybody, and it is not.
And I mean wiped out. Most people by the third year [of what I went through] would have been living in Section 8 housing in east Dade with the crack addicts. On the other hand, I always had clean clothes, food, transportation, my musical equipment, and paid my bills on time. The trailer was to hold up until I got back on my feet. I did not know that I would like it just as much as a house—and you get left alone by the system, which I like.
Will I even live five years? The original guess was I’d be long gone by now. Well, it is soon to be ten years since my heart attack and I’m not about to croak yet. This is day four of my new diet and this time we are on to something. I feel fine, which is more important than counting pounds and calories. The side effect has already been weight loss but I judge not until it stays off for six months.
What is unusual is the rate of [weight] loss is so fast that you don’t adapt to it as on an ordinary diet. Rather than explain, here’s two examples. Today I was downtown and back before I realized that for the first time in years, I had pedaled at full speed (meaning 16 mph) and I was not even winded. Or instead of reaching for the armrests of my chair, I’ll stand up by slamming both feet on the floor and it’s done.
JZ was on the phone. Naturally, the talk was to get out of town. But where? We generally talk more about where than we do about getting there. I say we pile in his old truck with the new tires and start driving. Did I tell how we found the Lani Kai by telling the GPS to avoid the freeways? As in the past, JZ is difficult to get going, but once underway we are an unbeatable woman-hunting machine, the dynamic duo chick magnet. One thing about JZ is that he often doesn’t realize how a good a time he’s having until after it’s over. We’ve been back for weeks and now he’s remembering how we had every babe in the place at our table.
ADDENDUM
Some stats. Another thing to base little on is counters on a web page. This is not a blog where somebody clicks in ten times a day, like news or stocks. What brought this on is one of my contemporaries has a music lesson blog and he brags about getting “two hundred hits a day”. I doubt that, but I did at one point show him a lot of tricks on how to attract readership. I don’t use any of those [tricks] on this blog. The only draw here is intentionally restricted to the content.
How can one affect the hit counter without good content? I’ll describe some ways to do that. Most regular blog readers use a feed, which alerts them when a new post has arrived. Simply update your blog ten times per day and you’ll get more hits. Another is to count your own pageviews, which I never do. In fact, there are no concessions in my blog to enhance the counter, for instance, I know most of my viewers will check once per day. But if I’m out of range, you’ve seen me disappear for a few days and post several days at once. My readers who read all the days in one sitting only get counted as one hit. Same with office workers who come in Monday and read the whole weekend.
I’m just saying that claims of large readerships can be misleading and oft-times even the braggart is unaware how the above conditions affect his situation. Having said that, I was finally able to develop the formula to calculate my average unique pageviews. That means each person is counted once daily no matter how often they visit. It was disappointing to learn that the regulars are not the majority of my patrons. Of the thousands of monthly hits (I do not anywhere give the actual number) only 150 are long-term repeats, long-term as defined in years.
Disappointing because this blog mentions around 150 different people, so I would have expected a daily count of at least three times that many. On the other hand, in the overall scheme of blog-dom, 150 dedicated visitors is relatively impressive, since I still have not advertised.
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