Five years ago today: April 3, 2009, Savannah, GA.
There you go, I did not know that “Caribecana” was an island in the West Indies. It is also the name of the book Prof. Oz wrote that I mentioned on March 29th. We met up at the bakery and he has convinced me to read and possibly edit a few of the chapters. I balked because such work is tantamount to re-writing the book itself, but without any credit or much pay. He does not realize I am not “keeping busy” in my early retirement. I am doing precisely the things I wanted to do with my life. Reviewing material for others isn’t part of my plan.
Please, nobody remind me I was only going to live here for a year, I’m well aware of that. When the Frenchies leave, it is possible to see my front yard from the main highway, which I feel was contributory. I didn't buy a house yet, so trust me, I can handle the loss of a bicycle without hitting the panic button.
Back to Prof. Oz's book. First of all, I would change the title to “First Drink Free”. The decline of the American IQ in the past two generations means you must appeal to the Xbox crowd to sell anything. His intention is to portray the thinking of ex-pats who settle in the Caribbean. There are 2,000 islands there, but I never heard of the one he chose. But some 80% of retirees wind up remaining in the area even after realizing it isn’t a tropical paradise.
Thus, I agreed to read three chapters of Caribecana and make notes. I reminded him I never finished his other book because by a third of the way through the plot was repeating itself. Plus, I don’t identify with the crowd that goes south because up north they are, well, deadbeats. That’s my impression. The fact is, and we discussed it, people retire in the islands for three main reasons. No tax, young women, and freedom. Freedom? There is as yet nobody in the islands with a full time job reading your e-mail, tapping your phone, or watching your bank account.
Which reminds me LizJohn and I were talking about much the same topic. She has never traveled consistently with the exception of when we used to take mini-vacations together. I guess by comparison, I seem like an expert tour guide. But I also know my adventure often does not begin until after the company leaves. In fact, I can’t predict how I could or even would adapt my travels to include someone else. I did encourage her to weigh the options. Read this carefully: if it had not been for the heart attack, I would almost certainly have been a fool and kept on working until the last moment.
And working on would have been a mistake. For a few extra dollars per month, I would have given up years of my life to keep a job. Like most, I had been indoctrinated by accounts of hard times amongst the “fixed-income” crowd. But now I realize the average income those yarns referred to was fixed at one hell of a lot less than I ever have to worry about. You see, I may not be rich, but I paid my dues. And the worry is a trade-off anyway. You will NEVER get rich at a job, so retire as soon as you can live without one. The worry part is going to happen no matter what you do. The trick is to learn to live within your means. Like, in case you have to replace a bicycle or something.
I stayed put and practiced my bass lines. You know one tune that is really starting to get on my nerves? That on-and-on Jeff Beck Imelda May “Walking In The Sand”. It is not that great a tune and that is that. I was never into the draggy blues to begin with and monotonous dirges like that do little to convert me. I find it hard to play because it bores me. Plus, it is one of almost 86 new tunes pushed on me by this new band, who themselves have only had to learn 14. And I’m not so sure they really learned anything, as they seemed already able to play them off the top of their heads. Trust me, I have to learn all blues from scratch.
Here are the tunes brought in by the new vocalist:
White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane
Feelin’ Alright – Joe Cocker
Day After Day – Badfinger
So Happy Together – Turtles
Pretty Woman – Orbison
Walk Away Rene – Left Banke
Don’t You Forget About Me – Simple Minds
Two Tickets to Paradise – Eddie Money
You’re No Good – Ronstadt
Here Comes The Rain Again – Eurythmics
Walking In the Sand – Beck & May
The Letter – Joe Cocker
I Feel Fine – Beatles
Angel From Montgomery – Bonnie Raitt
Any bassists out there will tell you this is not the easiest material to play properly. It is certainly not my normal fare. I could fake my way through since I’ve heard most of the numbers, but faking isn’t my style. So you’ll know, it is customary for a forming band to learn 32 songs. Four sets of eight is considered enough work, even if you manage to join a band that already knows half the tunes in common ahead of time. I was disheartened to find they had 62 songs on their list. But I had told them if I could play ten of them, I’d join. Of that ten, the two that were standards for me were “Bring It On Home” and “Secret Agent Man”, neither of which I sing. Yes, I’ve been busy.
EVENING
I edited one chapter (six pages) for the Oz. I don’t know how he came up with that book, but his editor is right. It is sluggish reading. Devoid of any colorful descriptions, the protagonist has to lead every dialogue, and the use of writing technique is elementary grade. I made over 80 corrections to word choices alone. I would not, based on that chapter, read the remainder of that book. It was written in some kind of cocoon, like the Oz was out to lunch or something.
His original editor accurately pointed out the lack of structure and coherence. Characters are mentioned we cannot identify from context. Oz tries to write basic island idioms and pronunciation and it is certainly not his calling. And he lived there. To tell you the truth, this blog is more fiery and action prone—and at least occasionally you get some hard-earned knowledge and new information. Sometimes even the unexpected.
I advised him right off my vote to change the name of the book from “Caribecana”, which sounds like a brand of wicker furniture. He wants me to be ruthless and I believe that is what has to happen long before that book sells. But the effort involved would make me the co-author, to which he would never accede. Even the cover was drawn with the same crayon-like implement used by upper management at the phone company. (I found out later he did draw it himself with colored pencils. So there.)
Prof. Oz’s intention is to show the reasons and changes that people undergo upon experiencing the island life. The accountant buys a bar and this premise could be made much more dynamic, by making him more interesting, say a bass player. Just kidding but, yes, I had around the time this book was written discussed with Prof. Oz the advantages of buying a bar or our own and booking our own bands. All the local bars are run badly—and no, it is not because I don’t understand the business climate. I’ve been here 15 years, peeps.
Last, JZ called. He is having trouble getting the cash together for a mini-trip. He always overestimates how much is required, ha, and he admits it is because he is not used to paying his own way. He forgets the major time we had at Ft. Meyer’s Beach for just $330 each, including our stay at the classic Lanai Kai. Did I mention he is developing a kidney condition? My whole social circle is falling apart well before our time. Were we the generation doomed by plastics, pollution, stress, and bad food? I’ve heard that North American life expectancy is actually going down. All my friends are getting hit well before our time. It isn’t right or fair.
