One year ago today: May 17, 2015, progress, my eye.
Five years ago today: May 17, 2011, I like deflation.
Nine years ago today: May 17, 2007, free books for only $854.
Random years ago today: May 17, 2014, the "I" in "team".
First, don’t try to find a place for coffee except McD’s in a small town on a Tuesday morning. I put ten miles on the batbike and finally drove out to the highway bypass. Google maps does not do that great of a job on the really obscure side-streets of Nowheresville, which is when you really need it. With luck, you will never encounter this problem, but be aware it exists. When in doubt, Mapquest to date has never been wrong.
I found the Bartow Library (see photo), why did they build it way out in the south end, beyond walking distance. Then again, if it is not busy, they grant you at least two one-hour extensions on the computers. That’s considerate. All missing addresses were found and I inspected five places. True, business move much faster when JZ isn’t around, but then the trips also lack adventure. Remember, we are a team. And he will love the women in central Florida.
The inspections took me to five towns, but these towns are often less than ten miles apart. One was a Jack & Jill listed as a two bedroom. Remember that arrangement? It’s where one bedroom has no hallway and you have to walk through it to get to the second bedroom. If I’m using the term incorrectly, that’s fine, because whoever came up that design, presuming it was Jack, had a smaller dick than Jill. What a retarded arrangement. No privacy whatsever. I had to rent one when I was a teen and it was utterly unsuitable. That’s the one where I had to walk through the other guys room, and he was this gimped army time who sat on his bed holding unpainted model airplanes.
Another had dry rot, another had a full price offer come in while I was looking. Since that one was a real estate office offering cash, I did not get into a bidding war. There are some real bloodsuckers working that area. The fourth place was misadvertised, in that our search criteria matches three sources (Zillow, Trulia, and Realtor) to find only two bedrooms. This place had just one. I rejected it, but as I walked out the door, made a low-ball offer.
At this point, you must be wondering why I’d mention the one bedroom. Well, you see, I am applying my new search formula, which is to let the seller know that if he has any interest in keeping the neighborhood a neighborhood, I am the type of person he should sell to. You guessed it. Three hours later my offer was accepted. What I did was kind of walk around the block and introduce myself to such people as were in the front yards. I nailed that one, the whole area was concerned what might move in during these troubled times. I can only assume, but consider this fact.
When I made the lowball, the agent shook her head and said that the owners had already turned down offers in excess of that. So listen, I don’t want any of you nice folks going around saying I reverse-manipulated the gossip mill. Just because that’s what probably happened. I immediately drove to downtown Bartow and had brunch at Sweet Magnolia, as said above. That was also my morning coffee and let me tell you, what a welcome coffee that was. And hunger is the best sauce.
Conspiratorial wink.
Here is an aerial photo of the property, it's only 12 miles away from Bartow, which has become the only city in the area I've repeat visited ofen. It is surrounded by houses in the $80,000 range. You cannot see the building much because of huge shade trees, but it is between two vacant lots owned by the same people. Yes, that is a boat and two trailers in the back yard, but I do not know if they come with the property. Note the side street is only a block long between two avenues. So nobody shows up by “mistake.” This was the hardest place to find during my morning search.
Then came the downpour, a regular Miami-style monsoon. From inside the club, we watched the headlight of the batbike come on my itself. I made it back to the motel by early night, thinking I’ll really be rested up for an early head-back to Hollywood. Not so lucky. The rainstorm started up again and aroudn 11:30PM, there is a knock on my door. Woke me up. What? I don’t know anybody in this town.
Sure enough, it was some black asshole going door to door begging for money for “summin to eet”. At midnight, in a rainstorm. What an asshole, indeed. I was now wide awake and could not fall asleep until 4:30AM. A wasted $60 on the motel. Here’s something, I found the weather channel on the motel TV, but I had to wait through the news. What a lame campaign this Sanders and Hillary are conducting, and with the obvious collusion of the establishment media. But they are sunk, people have had it with the establishment.
The news was an endless loop of how Clinton had “won” a “victory” over Sanders and how this “tremendous event” was upsetting the entire United States election process. Voters, they said, were flocking to the poles to show their anti-Trump resentment. On and on how significant this was to the parties and the nation. Clinton got 11.7% of the votes, a “massive upset” and a “crushing defeat” against Sanders with 11.3%. The TV was on for two hours over this, never once mentioning that Trump had 67% of the total votes. Why is the media so terrified of Trump? I’d love to find out. Yes, Mr. Trump, change the libel laws. And remember the Bulgarian rule that anybody mentioned by name must get free and equal rebuttal time by the same media. And the German rule that nobody gets named unless convicted.
I know you want to hear about the Cabin. But I did not inspect it that close due to it having just one bedroom. Otherwise I liked it and although it needs bigger windows, I could see the floors were some type of nice wooden planks. Built in 1947, it was likely a fishing cottage or similar. It is comparable to the place I have now, but it is a real house, not a mobile home. You’ll like it despite it not being what I set out for. It never is.
The place requires no obvious repairs. Included are the appliances and two air conditioners. They are window units strategically on the shady north side, under shade trees. There is a storage shed in back, but it is in as bad a condition as the one I already have. Only, now I have some incentive to replace it. No washer or dryer, but there is a natural spot in the “crook” of the building for a beautiful deck or Florida room.
Will I renovate? Let’s just say there is nothing stopping me, as I still have put away the full amount that I was going to buy out Wallace, if he had kept his word. He was such a jackass that I will now spend it without compunction. He’s so dumb, you know I could have had it hand-delivered to his door any time in the past five years. Now that is dumb, even if I know he inherited it from his daughter. And don’t go blabbering I’ve got that backwards until you’ve met the daughter.
George H. Goble: Chemistry, 1996. For igniting barbeque briquettes in under five seconds using LOX (liquid oxygen) and a cigarette. George even invented a Unix system for Internet addressing, presumably after his eyebrows grew back.
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