One year ago today: October 24, 2016, planning the porch.
Five years ago today: October 24, 2012, I was the poorest.
Nine years ago today: October 24, 2008, Glock prices.
Random years ago today: October 24, 2014, some favorite metaphors.
Ah, a cool day. Meaning fall is around the corner. That agrees with the Almanac and the number of Quebec license plates. I was still tuckered from the exhibition last day so I read more about calligraphy and that brings you today’s trivia. Did you know that duck and swan feathers replaced reeds because they were lighter? Yep, and they averaged six or eight inches long, not the big plumes seen in the movies. The catch was the feathers had to be dried in the sun for up to a year first. The trivia is that right handed people prefer feathers from the left wing and southpaws prefer the right.
The picture is a Magic Wand scanner. I picked one up brand new in the box, with the manual and software, for $8. What a score. Later: Bonus. The seller forgot his micro SD card in the slot. The batteries are dead, so I can't confirm it works yet, but the SD card pays for the unit right there. It still has the peel-off on the readout. Moments later, I found out the unit will power up on the USB with dead batteries and here is a scan I found in memory. So it appears to work just fine although the user did not have a steady hand. Retail price, $50, so I'm happy.
Here’s something. The newest big screen TV’s coming in at 175” diagonal. That’s around 15 feet, so the size of my new bedroom wall. PopSci called it the 4KUHD. Good for life-size Geico ads and folks who need to watch Oprah all the way from the kitchen. They never have price tags on such things. They did cover the new train and auto bridge to Mercer Island. You don’t know where that is, but it’s almost where I would have been today if I’d stayed with the company. Prime postings, west of Seattle.
Also from PopSci, there is a robot arm down in price to $12,000. You figure out what we can make with it, and I’ll find space in the yard. There were no stats on its precision, but chances are it is reprogrammable as newer resolution software hits the market. I will be watching that, since it fits my business rule of no employees and I have no doubt I would make money with whatever I put it to. Even if it is sawing pieces of lumber to precise shapes.
There was one more article with disturbing information. The federal government may begin to legislate the outmoding of non-smart phones. By drying up the service they hope to get all Americans weaned away from what they are calling “ancient” technology. The reason? The dumb phones have no tracking software and have no back-door capability, hence, they are a threat to national security.
Mongolian train to China.
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Before noon, the Hippie and I have the same old argument. Since that is around six times now, I’ll give you the outline so you can take sides independently. If you really had to get to the bottom, the fact is music is so much effort for me that if I don’t make money at it, good-bye. And I’ve found that those who say they are not in it [music] for the money are heavily subsidized by their ancestors. I’m about to give you the outline, so let’s have a little grasp on my side of the story because I can’t possibly explain anything this complicated at once.
The Hippie calls and would like to collaborate on a gig at Tamarac on Friday. Okay, send me the song list, my rule is the same as ever. It’s a stand-in, so we play only tunes we both know AND which have been thoroughly rehearsed. This is where to stop and weight up a few of the rules involved. Foremost, a duo means two people. If there’s no pay, we split the tips 50/50. It also means nobody has to play material that is unrehearsed. One more thing learned the hard way: when I’m on stage, you play one unrehearsed song, I leave. You can solo all you want thereafter. I’m not around so some other musician can showcase on my time.
We have not gotten to the problem yet. Once these easy topics are addressed, the problem begins. The Hippie starts in again, saying this or that song is not appropriate so instead this or that song is better. Problem. Now he is asking me to learn or play something I don’t know but is not offering to pay for the effort. He knows I don’t fake it on stage, yet he always tries to slip in some obscure B-side crap that involves me learning the bass line on short notice. That’s where his insufferable attitude that “bass is easy” begins to interfere. The song (“Dona Dona”) is only three chords, he says. He does not play bass (but like most guitar players he thinks he can) and does not comprehend how that is not enough to go on.
This means either I learn more of his songs for free, or I ask for money, which he does not have. Sorry, I fell for that in 2001 and it went nowhere. Instead, I counter by saying I will learn his song, but he must learn one of mine. This has a familiar ring, I tell him the song is simple and only has 18 bass notes. He’s infuriated—how can he play a song properly only knowing the bass notes? Well, gee, dude, the same way you expect me to play bass to a song knowing only that is has three chords. “Guitar is easy.”
Seriously, the guy lacks the brain-chuck to see the parallel how we’ve had this argument five or six times. He keeps thinking he’s clever enough to recruit flunks who will back him up. That is his concept of a band. The Hippie in the spotlight, and the rest of you nobodies letting him dictate everything, right down to what song is to be played next. Wait, there is still more. He also has that annoying habit of telling other people to show up, each expecting a duo. Three or four others arrive to find out they are extras, not something that appeals to musicians who were expecting to be paid half the gate. And the Hippie retains command because by default, he is the only one who “knows all the songs”.
Um, I know some too, but of course my songs are always wrong for the venue or he doesn’t know them and refuses to learn. Learning is your job, not his. He is too primitive to understand why you won’t just follow. Since his concept of playing bass is root-fifth, he presumes all bass playing involves following the guitar because he knows failed guitarists who have switched to bass.
And that is a rotten concept because lordy knows how many times I’ve proven to him that is so wrong. Of all people, you think he’d have learned by now that proper bass playing is one long lead break that has to be played properly every time. But he refuses to understand this. Nor does he understand playing easy bass would be the same as him playing easy guitar—it’s below his dignity. He doesn’t want to do that. But you? Hey, that’s your job.
Like most guitarists, he has that utterly groundless fantasy that he knows what the audience wants. His mind blocks out the evidence that the best gigs we’ve ever played are when we do mutually rehearsed material. That doesn’t count in his book as long as one drunk in the entire arena claps when he plays some obscure tune nobody else even knows. Why, it is his crusade to make you know it, whether you want to or not. Here’s a representation of the other 99% of the guitar players audience. The ones who don’t know what the hell he’s playing, so they don't count, see?
He also added the snarky comment that I don’t know anything about the whole vegan scene. Golly, I didn’t realize that was a prerequisite. My retort is that he doesn’t know anything about the country music scene. Hold on. I do know something about what all vegans and New Agers have in common. They all had struggles with sixth grade arithmetic. No need to pursue that.
“I’m joining the army to meet Muslim chicks.”
~name withheld by request.
Wait, we are still on music. Bradford, the guitar player who holds the Thursday jams is again asking that I show up. No, dude, I have to work so hard at music that I have to get paid to go out and play. Even when I play for free, I’ve got the tip jar out. Jamming is fine for teenagers, but I think Brad is over 30 by now. He knows he ticked me off having those two guitar players there for our scheduled practice. They were okay, but they were totally indoctrinated Guitar Center types. That they had their licks down pat and my philosophy of forming a duo was lunacy. I saw the snarky looks on their faces. Another typical two loser guitarists who will insist their way into oblivion.
Now Bradford is kind of insisting this time, that he’s learned his lesson. Fancy guitar playing isn’t any guarantee of success. He also apologized for the incident above, which completely surprised me. Who knows, maybe he did think this thing over. So, within five minutes, we have the agreement that the Hippie and I cannot make in 17 years. Bradford learns one of my songs and I learn one of his. I already forget the name of it, but it is the “other” Grand Funk tune. Which I will learn to play backwards before he can memorize the three chords to “Midnight Special”.
And, he admitted something else. He can’t sing and play at the same time. I listened and he’s right about that. Because the jamming always involves five or more musicians, nobody really noticed. That makes things a little more difficult. He talked me into going to Karaoke to hear him sing but I was immediately distracted by a cutie of a gal. Once again (remember he’s done this before), I chat the gal up and he moves in. But he has the “let’s be friends” approach around women—and doesn’t seem to know that’s what he’ll wind up with. That’s gossip, the point is, yeah, he signing is not stage material either.
ADDENDUM
The Hippie sent me this song list. He’s playing in Coconut Grove on Saturday, which is only a few miles from the condo. Note the preponderance of long-winded ballads and ho-hum tunes. It's pretty amazing how every guitar player in existence is convinced that every audience in the universe totally likes some subset of the music he already plays. No need for input from other musicians. (The all caps typing is his, not mine.)
WILD WORLD
PEACE TRAIN
IMAGINE
LET IT BE
HEY JUDE
JAMMIN'
STIR IT UP
FOLSUM PRISON
BLUE SUEDE SHOES
DOWN ON THE CORNER
PROUD MARY
MELLOW YELLOW
DONA, DONA
SEA OF LOVE
STAND BY ME
WAGON WHEEL
THAT'S ALRIGHT MAMA
JOHNNY B. GOODE
The tunes also all have three other things in common.
A) he personally likes each one (others all have bad taste)
B) he’s been playing them for 30 years
C) boring bass lines, mostly
Last Laugh
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