One year ago today: April 8, 2017, why I boycott Campbell’s.
Five years ago today: April 8, 2013, 1966? I was only . . .
Nine years ago today: April 8, 2009, never in Florida history . . .
Random years ago today: April 8, 2012, my on-line profile.
When I was in grade school, these government people used to come around and call assembly. They would then show us third-rate films on the evils of drinking, killer weed, and premarital sex. The general reaction was same as today, that adults just didn’t want you to have any fun. The pathetic part is the kids who never had any fun grew up to be precisely that kind of adult. Myself, I drank vodka once and didn’t like it. What I remember was how they told us that unlike all other booze, vodka had no scent. It was supposed to fool police whether a driver had been drinking. And parents could not tell if the high school punch had been spiked with wicked vodka.
This photo is something you have never seen before except in this blog. It is four cases containing one million toothpicks. There was no blog in those days, although there are some records of the process and the trip to the 2004 San Diego Fair. I’ve meant to repack them into better (and far lighter) cases but it took a year for two of use to count them first time around. It’s one of the reasons I want a nice work shed big enough to work on such projects. This is the first and only time in history that you could see one million objects at once in a single layer. All the rest were estimates or you were looking only at the outside layer. We never made the book of world records. But we did get on a lot of radio shows. Myself and my pal, Frank Bytheway. I wonder whatever happened to old Frank?
Sicilian salad.
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The gig. How did it go? This was gig number two. Consider it a success, albeit a hard-earned one. Lady Nik has a bit of a fan club happening and I met someone for a fling. There was nearly fifty bucks in the tip jar, including a twenty-dollar bill. We were able to fake some music we’d never played before just with her following my bass. We had the crowd singing along on close to half the numbers. And most importantly, the audience was watching us 100% of the time. I would settle for half that.
It was three short sets again and we’ll be back there next Sunday. The musicians in the crowd have picked up on the uniqueness of the bass-acoustic presentation and the dominance of country music classics is undeniably the right entertainment for this venue. And by far this is the type of club that Polk County is teeming with. My “this week’s topic” is a hit, on this show it was “Logic gone bad.” The band sound is vastly improved, which I claim is due to my use of gigs as incentive to get moving. It worked; my guitarist is now very attentive to the sound mix. But you want to hear about the gal I met. A real good old fashioned no-strings-attached groupie.
What can I say? All the ingredients were there. She walked in, looked at the stage and the response was my stated ideal: immediate, positive, exclusive. She has a perfect—and I mean to the trained eye—body. As soon as I got off stage, we took maybe ten words each to seal the deal. And that, peeps, is my primary reason for placing so much into music. Who was it that said music is the closest thing to magic he’s ever found? In real life, that gal would not have given me a second look. If any ninnies are wondering, sure I’ll tell you. Half my age. If that bothers anyone, so much the better. We’re getting together again tomorrow. And the next day. Until the thrill is gone.
Now, back to what went wrong at the gig. A few things, but less and less. Lady Nik is still reverting to comping. Her instrumental breaks are weak. We burned through our material too fast again, this (however) is often an indication the band is having fun. But even padding it with music we barely half know, it was slightly under three hours gig time. We are new there which could account for the audience watching the band so intensely, but since they were singing along, they are more than just listening. And I can think of a few people I would like to be in attendance to see who’s the real mastermind at picking the right tunes the audience wants to hear. Fancy that, playing what the crowd wants instead of the guitarist’s childhood favorites!
I was also too busy on stage again. Yet, it was an improvement over last time and moving slowly toward my goal of having the other person helping me for a change. There are always guitar players in the room and enough of them are leaning on Lady Nik to hear her sing that maybe that will get her to find her voice. When I’m overburdened carrying the show I drop lyrics the way some guitarists drop chords. A couple tunes I started in the wrong key, but always by starting on the wrong string, a logical error. And I had difficulty with finding some of the start notes, understandable because I am not a singer, I’m a bass player. And everybody knows bass players can’t sing.
Sorry, no time to set up the camera. No pictures and I was going to get the band in this time. Use your imagination. A lady grandmother with an acoustic Ovation and a bass player who thinks he knows what he’s doing. And on that count, I can report nearly absolute vindication. All of the specific things we rehearsed, including the non-musical, are taking the duo in the desired direction. I attribute these mostly to experience though I must claim some credit because it takes brains to benefit by it. As I’ve so ineloquently put it before, to be a band manager, you have to be right at least 51% of the time. And somebody else said the trouble with being a success is you have to keep on being a success.
Would I rate the gig as a success? Definitely. It’s an accomplishment we should have had in February, but there is probably no turning back at this point. Let me recap the situation so you don’t have to read to find the details. We met on December 27th last year, that was 15 weeks ago. By mutual agreement, the band began the following Wednesday, January 3. Five weeks later, progress had stalled and I rehearsed with another guitarist. But he didn’t answer his phone for the next week and I stayed with Lady Nik until the tenth week, when I made the decisions that resulted in tonight’s gig.
The particulars are in the blog, the impossible struggles and difficulties, most of which should not have been there. Then my decision to stick with this situation based mainly over that fact she was doing the homework. Otherwise, it was a long string of discouragements but as you know, I booked that important first gig anyway, I call gigs the “great incentivizer”. And by the second gig, the effect is becoming evident. Nobody wants to look bad on stage. The countless little improvements are coming along nicely, but make no mistake about it, each nuance was planned and rehearsed to be effective and as far as possible to set the band apart from others.
The music is more balanced and blending better. Lady Nik has learned to hustle with her sheet music between songs. Her sparkling new fancy top-of-the-line stage gear makes my ancient rig look ratty. This week we completely cleared the bar, even the regulars were outside on the pavilion. Compliments were plentiful and there were ten dollar bills in the tip jar, so we are doing better than breakeven. We know after tonight we are on to a good thing and importantly, everybody in the loop knows it was my doing. Am I bragging? It depends, but you are welcome to go back over the records and satisfy yourself that everything that is going right was described here, including the specific way it would be achieved.
Myself? I felt overwhelmed again, like I’m up to my ass in alligators. It’s getting better but the extra duty should not even be a factor. Once again, and you be careful how you interpret this, it was my thousands of hours of stage time that towered over the whole gig. I’m not a natural so I know it when things are going right or when others are just going along for the ride. I’ve been on both sides of that fence. Nobody go thinking I overpower the stage, that would be just as wrong as being a goof. No sir, to be a stage darling, it has to be done exactly right. Every time. One lapse and you are back to the start line.
Here’s a link to Sonic Bids concerning stage presence. It’s what I’ve been saying for decades, but they kind of map it out. Be sure to read the comments from the guy who says screw the audience, push your own agenda on them, and never take lessons. Why doesn't he just come out and say he's a guitar player?
Neither should you underestimate stage presence. I never had a hero or mentor on that; I can’t even point at a role model. It’s an element X, but it is super real. We’ve all been at a show where somebody pulled in attention just by being there, and it wasn’t always the headliner. Maybe I’m using the wrong terminology, but that is what I totally mean. Obviously this can be learned, I say first-hand, but you damn well better be able to back it up with some real moves.
should you do that, you will be glad. It overlaps into everything you do. The lady emcee at the Grand Ole Opry will pick you out of a packed house just like that. You will get to marry and divorce a rich actress. Your brothers will hate you. And, best of all, even when you get old, a groupie with a flawless body will walk into the room, take one look at you, and the surrounding tables need shrink back from the spontaneous glowing heat of her . . . um . . . her smile. Whew!
ADDENDUM
You do not want a cashless society. I read some articles on how wonderful it will be when everything is electronic. They are not telling you the downside. But I also believe people are naïve enough to support the concept until it is too late. Going electronic gives the authorities the right to cut you off any time you don’t do their bidding. Five years later there will be laws saying you must comply with unreasonable demands and if you don’t? Your debit cards don’t work, you electric is shut off, your phone service is suspended, you can’t buy gas, airline tickets, food, or water until you do as you are told. And your driverless car won’t start, but if you hotwire it, the only place it will drive you is the police station because they’ve made that a felony.
On the other hand, I have been unsuccessful in finding out what is being used for currency in places like Denmark and Sweden. These places went cashless but I know there are still hookers, drug deals, and gambling going on. What are they using for money? If I could find out, I would invest heavily in that commodity. I know it isn’t American dollars.
Your trivia. Remember the candy scented crayons of the 1990s? Well, that’s when the Millennials were being born, and they were eating the crayons. So they had to change to non-food scents. Millennials are the reason they have to print instructions on shampoo labels. Well, forget the scent for now, because during the 1990s the color Indian yellow was made from the piss of cows that had been fed nothing but mango leaves. That explains a lot about Millennials.
Meanwhile in Arizona.
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