One year ago today: August 27, 2017, a generic day.
Five years ago today: August 27, 2013, I warned them 40 years ago.
Nine years ago today: August 27, 2009, the skinny on college.
Random years ago today: August 27, 2011, separately negotiable.
Why does a hotdog bun get top billing when I should be getting ready for my radio spot? Well, first of all, this is no ordinary bag of buns. This is my first hand-picked inventory package. I admit to not paying a lot of attention to hotdogs over the past, oh, half-century, but would you look at this. Somebody figured out the correct way to slice a hotdog bun was down the top. Whoever you are, take a bow. You are smarter than the sum total of all hotdog bun bakers that preceded you. Alas, it is possible these buns, priced at 3.1¢ each may be too expensive in the long run. That’s twice the cost of the least expensive hotdogs we’ve found. Mind you, they taste great.
The guy is a head case anyway. Go on-line and memorize the Urdu phrase for what they do to their sisters over there, and he also goes ballistic when you tell him how the Hindu government has been arguing for years about getting special small size condoms so they’ll stay on. Bwaaaaa-ha-ha-ha. Bottom line, telemarketers are inhuman, so don’t expect them to be treated any different. It’s a credit card consolidation scam, they take 20% off the top. Until you are consolidated past the point of no return.
I was not on the radio this morning. But I listened for what time they come on the air. It’s just before 6:00AM. You get some pleasant music, then right at six they make certain you wake up. I’m often asked but no, I’m not the least apprehensive. Maybe 30,000 people tops will hear me, tops. I’ve been on the radio in California, Seattle, London (England), and even Radio Spain. This time, I’ll be playing live music, which is a new environment. No problem. I’ve done my homework.
What’s this? Another mass shooting by another loser millennial. I swear, it is the education system. In my day, the deadbeats were left stewing in their own juice until they learned, and a lot of them did, albeit kind of eventually. Or, as was intended, they learned their place and stayed there. But now they are indoctrinated beginning in first grade that they are just as good as anybody else, which is simply not true. Everybody who tries to get ahead knows you have to work ten times as hard as the do-nothings just to get a millimeter forward.
You know the drill, they’re told they have rights and deserve respect and that kind of feel-good nonsense. This bullsh creates a zone where they don’t have to bother trying. But sooner or later, they get exposed to reality and reach for an assault weapon. Am I right or am I right?
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Focus back on hotdogs. Things get deeper the further you go, the licensing system has clearly metamorphosed into a government bloodsucking operation. You won’t know what the requirements are because there’s no one department that can tell you. As you fulfill one requirement, you’ll find they have their own parameters that must be met, often requiring you go to another department before they’ll rubberstamp your application. The few instructions available fling unfamiliar terms at you, such as the single sentence on the back page that says you must keep your “commissary membership” up to date. Huh?
And now you know why the boss sits in the office all day and collects the lion’s share of the money.
It turns out the firebox has to be enclosed and the existing metal is the wrong size. See what I mean? Now I have to become a tin-knocker. And it is not like somebody came along and said, okay, sir, this is what is required, just you relax and I’ll show you what needs doing and the correct order. Ha! Fat chance. If it got done around here in the last month, I did it myself. And it's not like I there was any manual.
I was up at 5:30AM today with a pencil drawing out what needs to happen. The burners work best, they say, when the flame is a 1/2” below the pan surfaces. Last day I took careful measurements and cut the support ribs, one of which I’m pointing to in this photo. I guessed nearly right. If this was 1/2” taller, the burners can be raised up to the level of the existing firebox. With that done, I should be able to switch priorities from fixing the cart to working up a little speed. Let me check something. Yes, the budget is set for 240 hotdogs, if need be, for that test.
That was Alaine on the phone. We are set for bingo on the 28th. I’ll have to dig out my cage, or buy new. I found all my music and sound effects properly filed, but will they play on my tablet? She and the husband want to visit the cart soon, though maybe not right the first day. She has holy water from St. Judes (no I’m not Catholic, I already told you), but look at the hard times that befell every venture that was not blessed. Why take chances?
They informed me the food manager’s course cannot be taken on-line. That one is the food handler’s course and it is not adequate for anyone who might work solo. The manager’s certification is a sit down classroom requirement, $200 - $300. Now, you don’t know that Alaine is now a volunteer with that famous animal shelter we toured on May 18th this year. That’s the day we saw the Ft. Meyer’s military museum. She’s discovered it may be an inside track to the state fair. They already gave her a private office. She still has all her restaurant certification. Hmmm, maybe agreeing to do this bingo at cost was a smart move after all.
ADDENDUM
Here’s a neat idea. If I had the time, this is entirely a possibility. The instruction booklets go on about the need to keep the water temperature up there, adding a little water every ten minutes or so, and giving lots of advice on how to keep the water at the right setting to cook the dogs in 7-1/2 minutes without boiling. Boiling turns the hotdogs into “erasures”. The bottom line, however, is getting the interior of the hot dog to 165°F and keeping there until it gets slapped on a bun. That means a lot of constant twirling the gas knobs to meet that spec, but without burning up excessive propane. I’ve seen operators who had to constantly adjust their heat and now I know why.
What I’d do is get myself a thermometer with a meat probe and extrapolate what burner settings are the best, and program one of my Arduinos to drive a servo motor that adjusts the knob 1,024 times per second. It is child’s-play for me to fine tune the software so as the temperature nears perfect, it slows down gradually to pinpoint accuracy. Calibrate the software parameters to match how a candy thermometer reads and I’d quickly learn whether it is meat temperature or water temperature that works most efficiently when digitalized. That would be the most practical piece of Arduino code that I’ve done to date.
Here’s a list of people who have had their proctoring licenses revoked by the National Restaurant Association. How does one even manage that?
And one more thing. People who use their phone to read business e-mail are idiots. It is not a computer and cannot be made to behave like one. If you read computer generated messages on your phone, you have no idea how many paragraphs you missed at the bottom of the pages. A phone is fine for brainless chit-chat, but for anything serious, it is a major risk. I just had a gal miss a deadline because the details were in paragraph four. Too bad, her loss. Quite a bit of money. You want to be stupid, you pay for it. She could have at least told me she got rid of her computer and was checking her email while driving or in this case while riding the elevator.
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