July 31, 2009

           You know I like to snap photos of my bike ride to work in the mornings, and today was glorious. This is in the morning, before the hotness gets out of hand. I am riding northbound toward Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. This day is typical, but the lack of traffic is not. Normally there would be other people also going to work. The true unemployment rate in this area is close to 20%. Some people complain about working two jobs. Hey, anyone who can find two jobs in this town should be bragging.
           In a sour end to this, the most interesting month of the year to date, I got stood up. Not in the dating sense, but still. The lady in Theresa’s condo who said she was interested in the room changed her mind at the last moment without even looking. She’s convinced she’ll find a room with private shower for $300 in the next three weeks. Where? In the obituaries? My gripe is she wasted half my day before canceling.
           I’ll lighten up. I go to delete some files to find the recorder must have turned itself on inside my pocket. It appears to be Theresa and I stopping for a while at Jimbos, the total length being over 4 hours. But for Jackie’s distinctive voice at places, I’d have thought we were in North Carolina, at the Barbary. Wish I had time to listen to it because it proves that there is a real difference in what educated people talk about, even in a night club. And that with 50 years experience, Sony cannot build a recorder with foolproof buttons. I just heard myself taking a pee. At least, I hope that was me.
           How would you like to learn about a trick photo technique that drives people bananas? I can’t show you the trick, but I’ll tell you. Pay attention because this is a riot. First of all, move your computer monitor somewhere else. Now you can see what is normally behind your monitor. This trick works best if it a window and some outdoor scenery. Then carefully place your digital camera and snap a picture of that scenery. Stay with me here. Now you put your monitor back in place and change the desktop background to the picture you just took. If you match it up right, it appears your monitor is transparent and people can see right through it.
           See what happens when I have entirely too much time on my hands? The hardest part is getting the right picture. I had to take over 60 before I got one that works. The trick is to get the picture from the perspective of somebody standing behind you. If you really want to get sneaky, rig up a webcam looking out the other direction, but I think the still picture works the best.
           There is not much to do in the middle of a Florida heat wave. The house A/C can’t keep up. Wallace left just in time. I can barely stay in the room and even then, I need all four high speed fans are turned on. You have to move them around the room to always be blasting on you. Sleep is nearly impossible. It feels like 116 degrees and that folks is hot.
           Alfredo called from the shoe shop, he is back open again but I am out the week’s income. This is going to be one tight month, and of course, the Taurus isn’t running right again. Welcome to the recession, I posted a $34 loss last month, my first loss in over five years. It is well past time to get out of the computer business and I said that two years back. There is still a little money to be made but unless you are selling computers, you’d better be looking for work. The disposable computer is only a few months away. Although I know many self-employed people, I am the only one who actually started making changes in the way I do business. I hope I’m not too late.
           Come back later when I'm in a better mood. Walgreen's has this new policy where you have to wait just as long to find out the price of your new prescription as to have it filled. Up yours, Mr. Walgreen. I finally just walked out after 45 minutes.

July 30, 2009

           A review of my cell phone usage means time for change. I was prompted to take action by that [television] commercial for the iPhone, where the fat kid says, “I don’t use any of that”. He may not have a large enough contact base to justify the leap. Example, my phone sends ring tones, but other than Arnel, nobody I know has any use for the feature.
           Like texting, most people I know don’t have the time to fumble with it. (Did you see the news about the driver who crashed his bus while thumb-typing?) In my crowd, I was on email up to seven years before my contemporaries (and they all promptly became computer experts the very next day). I want the cheapest cell service available, which brings me to Jitterbug.
           An outfit called firststreetonline is plugging the Jitterbug phone for $14.95 per month. No doubt, there are extra fees but still that is $25 less than the same claim at MetroPCS. The downside is Jitterbug’s ridiculous minutes allocation. The basic service starts at 50 minutes, then up to 100 minutes for $19.99. It is American group-think that comes up with these moronic plans, the same generation that thinks valet parking is a swell idea. I’ll watch for Jitterbug to offer an unlimited local plan and get back to you.
           The property owner across the way is doing a major repair/upgrade to the place he rented to Carlos. He said there was extensive damage but generally, the property needed some attention or he would not have so much work to do. He’s been sawing and moving in sheets of plywood for a few days now. Oddly, he drives a van the same brand as Carlos and almost the same color. No sign of Carlos for nearly a week.
           Biodiesel Leo called. He has been a victim of ripoffreport.com. This Internet scam works by placing bad “consumer” reports about your business at the top of almost every search. The perp, one Ed Magdeson, is on the run for his life after extorting fees of up to $50,000 to remove the fake reports. At least part of the problem is the reports are very slick and realistic, padded with facts lifted from public records, especially business licenses. (People probably think at this point I’m going brag about my warnings of 1996 about business licenses going on-line, but I won’t.)
           After seeing the outfits offering to fix the bad reports are just as bad as the reports, I advised Leo to just ignore the situation. Anybody dumb enough to believe the reports is probably a bad prospect to begin with. I posted a couple of contradictory passages to see how long before they are discovered and removed. Oh, and our rental scam babe, Lecticia, must have smelled a rat. She bailed before I could get anything on her.
           Then it was free movie time. I caught a ride over with Fred to Oakwood to see “The Collector”. Other than a horror flick, it is nothing like the original where the guy who collects butterflies tries to kidnap a girlfriend. This movie has few memorable qualities and is designed to scare children. All the scenes are dark, a technique last truly effective in the 1930s. Too many clichés break up the already directionless plot, such as the bad guy having superhuman strength and the women always in a panic of some sort. Wait for the video, wait a long time. Bring back Borat.
           I may pick up my Friday gig at Jimbos again. I need the money, and besides, nothing else happens in this town where the average age is something like 43.6 years. I’ve got an entire new set including the just impossible bass line to “Cover of the Rolling Stone”. It is deceptively simple especially to guitarists and others who don’t understand bass as a separate musical instrument. I finally managed to capture the spirit if not the notes and you should hear the result, it is somewhere between hilarious and quite astonishing in that nobody expects the bass to play a harmony part. I picked it out on the piano first, so it does the chunky boogie. And I don’t use the word “astonishing” out of context.
           Famous Family Quote #5: “You are all equally my children. Your brother has just as much right to run chain saws inside the house while you study for your math exam as you have the right to study for your math exam while your brother runs chain saws inside the house. I don’t play favorites.”
           A lengthy quote, yes, but also the last thing I ever listened to my mother say in person. The family quote that broke the camel’s back. Actually, it was an accounting exam and I’d been studying six solid months for it. I got up ragged the next morning, wrote the exam in a daze, loaded up my truck and left, never to return. That was November 16, 1979. Years overdue.

July 29, 2009

           I was around in the car near Cleveland Street and drove past Theresa’s condo. Here’s the Taurus over there. The premises looked deserted so I knocked on the door. I knocked a second time, still nothing. I have permission to check on the place. Dammit lady, answer the door when you are at home. Now I have to make a special trip up there for that china cabinet. Jeff called later to say the lady was home. It is good to learn how she reacts to surprise situations, which is not very well. But she can have the room since Theresa's place still looks in one piece.
           It takes an iron foundry to make a liar out of me. Welcome to America and there is a steel fabrication shop a quarter mile from here, long the railway tracks. Most of the time, you don’t know they are there. The number of cars parked in front is a good economic indicator and they must build diesel train axles. After six months of silence this morning , it was thirty-ton “ka-toong”. They drop one, and this one they dropped three times. How did they know at that moment I was showing the room?
           Ronnie, who works at a health food chain, came by for a look at the rental. She lives over near Wilson, and confirms the place has gone downhill in the past couple of years. The cops did chase all the druggies away from Young Circle, so what were they expecting? That area is 90% rentals. Ronnie took an immediate shine to Pudding-Tat. She mentioned the doggie-odor, no offense Millie. I dragged out the carpet and hosed it shortly thereafter and open all the windows. Her contact phone number traced back to a “bachelorette party” service but at this point I’m not ruling out anything.
           Ronnie has a pet cockatiel (she is aware Pudding-Tat has never seen one) and wants Wally’s room instead because of the “patio view”, which there isn’t really. To enjoy the patio, it is best to go out there. She reminds me of Liz Fletcher who reminds me of a librarian. She is hesitant but knows she will never find a better deal. She seems a little too pretty and too young to be on her own, but who knows for she is right in that shell-shock age bracket when it comes to men. Very poorly chosen men.
           It is rare for me to associate with the irrational, but after work today I met a guy who had strong opinions about the $10 fee you pay to enter a National Park. It took me a minute to comprehend his position. He felt the fee meant the park was responsible for absolutely anything he did, no matter how negligent. If he got lost, illegally fed wild animals or went swimming without a life jacket, it was the park’s responsibility to rescue him. He was around 45 years old. Chronologically.
           What is age anyway? On a list of people with birthdays today, I recognize one name, Martina McBride (43). Um, maybe if I heard her sing. But who the hell is Tim Gunn, style guru? Or Ken Burns, documentarian? For that matter, what is a documentarian? And how do you get famous doing something 99% of people think is probably useless? Cancel that question, I just remembered Madonna.
           I was also nearby during a show of Jeopardy, teen version. I played along and aced every answer except politics, which I am most proud to say of which I know nothing. Aren’t teens supposed to be progressively smarter as our education system evolves? It was the teen version of the show which made the questions tougher than adult trivia. To those who belittle the game, I point out that the teens didn’t get most of their own questions, and neither did many of the adults around me, most of whom had teen children. What’s it like to be “stupider” than your own kids? That reminds me, it is time for:
           Famous Family Quotes #4: “Did you know you were asleep?”
           This one requires no elaboration.

July 28, 2009

           Meet Lecticia Vargas, con artist. Or at least someone who claims this to be her picture. Lecticia emailed said she wanted the room so certainly that she wanted me to cancel the ad. Oops, Ms. Vargas, I don’t have an ad. I played along to discover she claims to be a nurse from Idaho. She has offered to send a check for the rent and deposit, and to cover the shipping costs of her furniture and car.
           What are the bets the check is “accidentally” for too much and she wants me to send her back the “overpayment” after I cash it. This is so lame, I’ll play along to see if she is dumb enough to send the check (for evidence) and her real address. Like any babe who looks like this has to advance money for a room. I reported her to ScamVictims and posted this picture. What I don’t understand is how these people avoid being arrested, I mean, are not bad checks illegal?
           Theresa called from Camp Wilmie to say her tenant here may need a place. The old condo is being taken over by the bank for sale, although I personally think Theresa should have applied for a bailout. The tenant is apparently from Texas and behaves okay, but you know what they say about the other man’s okay. However, renting repossessed condos and vacant bedrooms is a very risky lifestyle in Florida, so I’ll accept a tenant wise enough to obey all the rules in order to get a nice place like this.
           Alfredo called, and he is ill. I biked over and put a “closed” sign in the window for him. It also means I had no work today. I’m still not ready to mind the shop, since most of the repairs are custom work. I told you, I can only do heels and soles. This gave me time to heavily advertise the room for rent, which resulted in the scam attempt just mentioned.
           Speaking of scams, I’ve brought up before the ease with which anyone can purchase a used ATM and hook up to the system. It is a thriving business for ex-cons and there is nothing to prevent them from doing so. The days of the phony cover plate are gone. This is where they placed a replica of the ATM over the front which recorded your pin number and gobbled your card. Now, the cons buy the whole machine and set it up legitimately somewhere, silently gathering all your information. They wait months to strike, so as to lose the trail. It is best to use ATMs inside banks and lobbies.
           Wallace sprang for the Grand Slam (breakfast) at Denny’s and was headed back north by 9:45 AM, with Millie riding shotgun. The progressively better situation here means he’ll be back as soon as possible. Trust me, Florida is great in the winter, millions of people think so. I believe in a short few months from now, this place will be the envy of many. Wallace has been reading Ellery Queen, maybe we have another convert.
           I see the government is now arresting teens for “sexting”, sending nude pictures between cell phones. Americans have to be the only place in the world where teenagers thinking about sex have become outlaws. Such statutes are obviously created by frustrated lawyers and supported by the most wishful of bad parents. All prohibition creates a new brand of criminal who view flaunting such useless law as a duty and a lark.
           In true bureaucratic fashion, both the transmitter and receiver of the pictures are automatically guilty. So if you find a cell phone, send everybody you hate the wrong photo before you toss it. Oh, and don’t worry about fingerprints, because you already know about getting your toeprints grafted, and anybody can buy a set of self-adhesive silicon “Elvis” tips on eBay.
           Today’s trivia. I run a calculation to find the best [non-stock] investment in bad times. These are conventional investments where your money is reasonably secure and you can get at the principle with a few days notice. For the first time in my life, I could not find a single candidate. Rates of return are so low that nothing out there seems worth any risk at all. For the record, I have developed a formula that tells me how much I would have to invest to get a return of $500 per month, an entirely reasonable goal which, say, pays the rent in Costa Rica. But right now, the best available investment that meets my criteria would require $116,000. People that have that kind of cash seem to already be in Costa Rica.
           Famous Family Quote #3. “We took the money you had hidden in your room because you weren’t using it.”
           Yeah, what right do I have to that money just because I worked for it? Of course, at such a young age, I hadn’t yet heard about the tax department. Isn’t that fine, I wasn’t “using it”. But what I never figured out was how my parents found the cash taped up underneath my sock drawer within five minutes after I left the house.

July 27, 2009

           Here’s a sample of the quality workmanship you should expect when buying a half-million dollar property in the Florida Keys. Wallace is checking out the sturdiness of the front porch construction for compliance with local building codes. Rating: Hurricane Protection Factor 0. We encountered properties with a ROGO number, a new one on me. It stands for “rate of growth ordinance”, yet another of those mindless government statutes that restricts development to the chosen few.
           Today’s trivia has relevance, which always perks things up. Everyone knows that carbon dioxide causes climate change. Does it now? Consider some facts. How are the gas levels measured? They take ice core samples in Antarctica. The Earth’s average temperature varies in long cycles, caused by various “wobbles” in revolution, tilt and orbital shape. Here’s the trivia. Every increase in carbon dioxide levels in the past was preceded by global warming. Have you spotted the discrepancy?
           That is correct, the warming came first, then the dioxide increase. Not the other way around. Statistics 101 teaches that correlation is not cause and effect. So at a very strident interpretation, all we really know for sure is that both readings are rising. But to say greenhouse gas will cause warming is placing historical factors in exactly the wrong order. Don’t misunderstand, the problem is serious, but the fundamental premise is as backwards as you can get. And for the truly skeptical, nobody knows for sure if gas levels in ice stay constant for 11,000 years.
           Popular misconceptions include that the Israelis stole land from the Arabs and forced them into refugee camps. Again, I would appreciate if anyone who thinks that can show me one shred of evidence. I will accept articles by the New York Times. The fact is that the Israelis bought the land from the Arab landowners, the records are on public file in London and even the Arabs admit they are not fakes. The camps were created by the Arabs who threatened to kill all Arabs who did not leave Israel. These Palestinians fled across the borders into neighboring Arab states. Thus the camps were created by the Arabs, not the Israelis. (The camps are now inside Israel only because the Arabs lost the land in various wars.) It is amazing how many people have the facts exactly wrong.
           There is a peculiar twist to those land purchases. The money was mostly borrowed from the international banking system who, during that time period, would not lend money to Arabs and the middle-east oil companies had not yet been nationalized. So, if you can say your neighbor stole his house because he borrowed the money from a banker who wouldn’t talk to you, then you could say that the Israelis stole the land. If you wanted to sound like an idiot, you could.
           Nitroglycerine. I used to think it quaint in the old movies how it came to be used as medicine. It works by thinning the blood, but it has the side effect of causing migraine-like headaches, the bright side being that one is alive to experience them. I laugh no more; I have been ordered to carry a small supply. Will the airport sniffer dogs get me now? Sadly, I had to miss a chance to go for a drink and say adios to Wallace, who is packed and leaving soon. August is the hottest month so he’s lucky that way.
           Pipe Dream, the original computer game, is still an interesting diversion and still gets a good review today.. There are plenty of offshoots, like the train track game. The original was by an English company, LucasArts, way back in 1988. You need passwords available on-line to get start at a higher level. The only design fault is the “clear scores” button is right where it should not be. I like the game because it is how I would have programmed if I’d gone into that field. Not those karate games with unresponsive controls that grunt at you.
           Famous Family Quote #2: “What do you mean you don’t have time to talk to me right now!” With its near cousin, “What do you mean it’s none of my business!”
           Now this quotation is likely a repeat in this blog, because this was the type of statement repeated probably twenty times each day while I was growing up. Two things about these sentences that may not be obvious enough; I’ll point them out. The emphasis on the word “mean” is hard to portray correctly in writing, and how the sentences, though grammatically questions, do not end with a question mark.

July 26, 2009

           Here’s a photo that makes no sense without an explanation. It is all over the place without any obvious subject. Check your photographer’s eye and see if you can determine the correct things that make this an ideal photo for demonstrating technique. I’ll help out. First of all, notice the exact positioning of the horizon and the vanishing point. All the lines of perspective, from the banding on the pylon (where the lady is resting her hand), to the focus of where the man on the right is looking resolve to a very distinct point. Even the crook in her elbow.
           The geometry of the concrete zig-zags to draw the eye to Wallace, whose face is just below the horizon, itself the correct 2/3 of the picture height. The people, and even the distant clouds, form a secondary frame that emphasizes how Wallace is looking over the sea wall. Millie had instantly dived into the water a few seconds earlier. (Do I dare say it? Aw, why not. For a brief moment, Millie was the southernmost dog in the continental United States.) By chance, a fourth person in the picture, a child, is standing completely behind the lady, you can just see his sneakers.
           Normally such a picture would get deleted but I could not help noticing the interplay of lines and colors. Most prominent are the grill just under Wallace’s heels and the circular grate on the far right, a no-trespassing device. A second picture moments earlier shows most of the balances are absent.
           My quest for Etsy is over. This is the website that helps artists sell their wares. I’d had the impression from their advertising that they were a grass roots start up who helped struggling entrepreneurs. Wrong, and wrong. Etsy raised millions by ordinary means, only to have the founder removed to a position as “board member” once the venture capitalists took over. I will say this again, when your idea succeeds using other people’s money, their obsession becomes to get rid of you.
           Even curiouser were the sites that exist to trash Etsy. No website is perfect, although this blog does come mighty close, but why such organized criticism? The cynics complain that Etsy gives false hope to creative people. Fortune magazine says the sellers are almost exclusively young girls who “are headed for a shock when they get older and don’t have anything.” Really? And what were their chances before Etsy came along? Show me a gal into arts and crafts and I’ll show you a gal who’s been shacked up since she was sixteen. Etsy is off the hook on that one.
           Eddie called but no rehearsal. I’m beginning to suspect the outcome of this arrangement. As normal, every effort I expended was with the full realization of the odds, and I will still come out ahead because of the new material. My song list now stands at 136 all-time greats. If this duo survives, it is just an added bonus. Eddie suffers a little from “guitar-think”, asking if he could get his drums out of storage to set up here so we could “jam”. Very funny, there, Eddie.
           I seem to have hit both a funny bone and a sore spot with my family quotation about the motorcycle last Wednesday. Yes, my own mother said those very words when I insisted she punish my brother for stealing. Since living good is the best revenge, I will for this week end each blog with a “famous” quotation by my family, followed by a brief explanation to show how such people think. Abandon hope that they might someday find this blog and learn a lesson. First, this blog is light-years ahead of their ability to comprehend its lessons, skip another five million in between reasons, and last, they would never recognize themselves as the subjects since they are all-perfect.
           Famous Family Quote #1: “We opened your letter and read it by accident.”
All six pages, even after the second word was not your name? “Of course, you idiot. Don’t you know it is hard to stop once you get going?” All of you read it? “Of course, you idiot. Don’t you know it was already open by then? (Now make the victim the target.) How can you be so stupid?” (Now change the subject.) “Is this the way we raised you?”
           Hope you liked that. Sorry if I rekindle memories. Return for more tomorrow.

July 25, 2009

           Yielding to my public, I will publish a picture of myself. That’s Millie and I on some typical beach on the way to Key West. All are reminded once again that this is a blog about you, not about me. It was a windy stretch, as you can see by the Atlantic waves and telltale other indications. It was a hot, moist wind, not supplying much improvement. The Overseas Highway is to the right, along those electricity poles marching southwest. Toward Havana.
           Although the situation was anticipatable, I must report that there has been zero business at the shop for almost two weeks now. The situation is possibly past the point where I have to shut down the operation. I would try raising prices first. Generally speaking, that is a dumb move. However, check back because if I take a loss this month, it will be the first time according to blog rules that I have to tell you about something that I’d rather not. But don’t get the idea I’ll be showing you the books. Interesting, how these things happen, though.
           Another quiet day and the same has just been reported from North Carolina. I vaguely remember what there is to do over there although I am sure Theresa is doing them all. Hey, kid, glad to hear you are getting out of the house thingee. I would like to revisit the area as soon as finances permit and Theresa reports she now knows where things are at. She has taking a liking to the “Barbary Coast”, the pub we visited last April 2. With the loud juke box and surly waiters.
           Carlos was back to pick up a few odds and ends we kept for him. The point is, the guy may have hit the bonanza by meeting Wallace and I. He was across the way for a year but in my normal mode I don’t much mingle with neighbors. Between him being a musician and Wallace, he has won us over to his side enough to consider helping him out a bit. I said a bit.
           As per prediction by moi (and this blog makes it very easy to go back and check my exact words and dates), Wallace and I now have by comparison a very stable and functional premises. Plus, those premises are in Florida, eat your heart out. Most other properties, no matter how fancy, are not as enduring as this location and all who see it today state that we did a fantastic job of planning ahead (in this economy). Thank you, yes we did. We may give Carlos a break, if he tries to rent elsewhere under his circumstances, he’ll get shafted. We understand nobody wants to share rent with a landlord who is desperate or in a condo on the foreclosure list. On the other hand, unless there is outside interference, this place will still be here in 2039.
           Except for talking with Eddie a bit about the dismal state of our rehearsal scheduling, I called it an early day. At least there seems to be one thing we won’t argue over, and that is playing Blues. You know, that asinine argument you go through with every guitar player who wants to play some useless Blues because he spent so long learning it. They grow an attitude that you have no taste. To paraphrase General Grant, I know two Blues musicians. One is BB King and the other one isn’t.
           I’ve been meaning to look at Etsy, the website for entrepreneurs that bills itself as an alternative to eBay. Like many, I see eBay as either selling castoffs or retailing the mass-produced, hardly the correct venue for somebody making designer paperweights. Influenced by an article I read twenty years ago that the future of arts and crafts was in things hand-made “by computer”, I was drawn by Etsy’s claims of “quit your day job”. Wouldn’t all of us like to have a place to sell things we make ourselves, but something about Etsy isn’t adding up. Maybe I’ll look into it further. I’m not so sure that making things out of dry macaroni is the same thing as trying to sell them for a living.

July 24, 2009

           More pics of Key West. Here is a lady setting out a second bowl of water for Millie. Running a little tourist stand she gave us a handful of two-for-one coupons. It is now the hottest part of summer and that can mean blistering hot if you are not used to it. I have never quite adjusted but I still say anything beats below zero. Not that many four star hotels on Ellesmere Island and north.
           Wallace and I finally made it over to the Pro Bass Shop for a few hours. My score on the indoor range was 85% hits, not bad without my glasses. I like browsing in that store just to see what is there and keep up on hurricane supplies if we ever need them. We looked at 300 HP outboard motors half the size of the car. The smallest motor is rated 2.5 HP and that is more my speed. The four-person inflatables were light enough for me to pick up, at around 32 pounds. However, to really go fishing, all we have to do is put up gas money for JP’s cabin cruiser.
           We also had coffee at the sports shop and viewed the fish tanks. Most of the species were from the south Pacific. For some reason the Atlantic just does not have exotic fish. Have you ever flown over it? Past the continental shelf, it is a greyish-black and lifeless stretch. But Pacific fish are tasty. I admit, I don’t know how to cook fish. It always breaks up and is overcooked by the time I sort things out. For that reason, we stopped at El Presidente and bought two fish steaks, labeled “King Fish”. As far as we know, this could be like Canadian “White Fish”. No such thing, so what are you eating?
           What is an otolarynologist and what kook makes up such words? It is an ear and throat specialist, and that is where I am headed. My ears, I’ll have you know, are quite clean, but it takes an expert to fix what I’ve got. Called an impacted cerumen, it is only around the third such problem I’ve ever had in life, so I won’t panic about it. Wallace drove me the 16 mile round trip to pick up the necessary papers. These are the most sudsy events I hope to ever report here. [Author’s note: sudsy refers to the story lines in soap operas, not beer. I thought everybody knew that. Soap operas dwell on medical problems, but not petty ones like mine.]
           Back home, I am finally watching “Rio Bravo”. I did not spend my youth glued to a television and thus I have not seen many of these movies. (In fact, I get a laugh out of most males who look back on their early teens as wasted years.) “Rio Bravo” is an early low budget made-for-movie script, filmed on the studio grounds. The golden days of westerns, when the cowboys had names like “Colorado”. Which makes sense, since “Hawaii” and “New Hampshire” don’t have quite the same ring. I noticed.
           Pudding-Tat convinced me to take the afternoon off, so I read up on the newer developments with GPS. I see it has dropped enough in price to be included in monthly cell phone packages. While I never saw much use for the technology five and ten years ago, I’m impressed by some of the ideas now that it is affordable. Some farmer uses it to have his tractor plow his fields perfectly straight (I was unaware that crooked furrows cost up to 5% of crop yields). Another use is remote time-clock log in. This is a boon for remote job sites where it is hard to tell if your workers show up when they say.
           Trust me, the phone company employees will hate such a system. We used to stop for breakfast in Tukwila until 10:30 AM every morning. It says GPS systems will quadruple in sales in four years, but not why. Can you think of how to make money with it? Unless you are tracking people or packages that agree to be tracked, I’m stumped.
           The situation at the computer shop is tenuous. I am within a few days of taking a loss, which I cannot sustain more than a few days. Here’s the situation. There are so many vacancies from bankruptcies and closures in the area that we can rent a similar premise for as little as $500 per month. That is almost $2,000 less than we are paying. I have no loyalty to the landlady who doubled our rent three years ago and started speculating on beachfront property. Since that day, she’s been continually around reminding us not to be late. I vote we bail.
           The final say is not mine, as my 10% of the operation means nothing. But I speak Spanish and Theresa has contacts at the car wash. We could be moved in a single day. If the landlady who used the CAM clause to double our rent looses both properties, I’ll be the first to laugh out loud. You know how I love real estate speculators. Have I ever explained why that crowd gets my goat? No?
           I grew up during a time of continually rising real estate prices. Everyone I knew who bragged about the rising value of their property had one thing in common—an original down payment from their parents. They rode the crest of the wave but it was not hard to figure out they were further in debt each time they “made money”. Their continual uptrading caused house prices to spiral beyond affordability to those without a head start. Such as myself. Is it any wonder I don’t mind when they crash and burn?

July 23, 2009

           Is that Wallace under the “No Trespassing” sign? Is this another classic photo or what? Yes, but it is also trick photography. The sign is actually several yards behind where he sits. This is Key West, during our jaunt down there last weekend. These cabins are commanding top dollar making it clear some people never learn not to spend a half million borrowed dollars on un-insulated shacks. The big price drop, which I say has not yet occurred, will begin in places like Key West.
           By chance, a very informed real estate appraiser was in the computer shop today. The conversation lasted an hour and I accepted the nods from the gang that confirmed I had predicted most of her “revelations”. My goal is still to get a three bedroom three bath place on Las Olas Blvd. in Ft. Lauderdale for ten percent of the price of late 2006. She picked up small mansions similar to what I described for $71,000.
           But I feel she vastly overpaid. That is still a lot of money for something worth a third of it. How much mercy was shown to cash customers for the past 40 years by the middle-class borrowers who bid up prices out of sight with cheap money? Exactly the same mercy they will get when they all lose their life “savings”. They got no nest eggs? Poor babies, let them borrow [and brag about] that, too.
           I’ve heard of several schemes to prevent foreclosures, all of which will cause more money problems down the line. However, one of them makes more sense than the others. This is where the homeowner continues to pay the mortgage based on the appraised value of the house, not the amount borrowed. I like it as it causes the bank that over-lent the money to take part of the loss. The reason this will also fail is because it is dependent on people continuing to get paid three times what they are worth. Those days are numbered.
           We have a contact in the Keys, known here as “JG”. He’s the server who kept us happy at a joint called “Rick’s”. This is the man who writes about extraterrestrial contact and the related coverup. Although I doubtful about full-fledged communications with aliens, I know that something somewhere has been discovered. JG’s hypothesis is the government is about to release information on the matter, but are undecided how to go about it. They have repeatedly denied concealment to the point of dictatorship.
           Myself, I think spacemen would provide the ultimate ace to distract people from the war and the economy. It may be the only card left. Consider just these two arguments: If there is any extraterrestrial technology either good or bad, it would have made some kind of difference by now. The military mind-set can rarely retain any advantage beyond one generation, so even that is no longer a valid cause for the blackout. When summed up, there are good reasons the government may choose now to reveal the long-suspected facts any time now. Life beyond Earth would instantly nullify Christianity as we know it, and to an extent, all life is intelligent. My detractors aside.
           Seriously, I accept the self-replicating DNA model as the definition of life. And I also believe that the conditions and time for it to “arise spontaneously” are very common throughout the Universe. Let me see, do I have time to elaborate? A little, if you want to read it. First, planets have already been detected in stars near the Earth, proving planets must be common. These planets will be constantly bombarded by comets, meteors and space dust that contain all the compounds needed to form DNA (amino acids and nucleotides). Huge numbers of these planets must orbit their respective suns in the belt where water is liquid. There are other dynamics but these are the important ones.
           I say every chemical which can bond will do so. Stir up a soup of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, and nitrogen and you are certain to find things you didn’t start out with, and not only that, the outcome is somewhat predictable. It does not stretch my imagination to see how this bonding will eventually tend to create duplicates of themselves. DNA. Life.
           We have not forgotten about the shoe database. It is now up and running though as yet has not proven of much use. Sci-fi television gives unrealistic expectations to what is involved with database utility. The terrible design of the applications (like MS Access and FileMaker Pro) does not help. For example, once you have finished entering data in a new record using FileMaker, there is no clear way to ensure that information has been committed before creating another blank for the next record. Forget to commit and your just-entered data will disappear without a trace.
           Sure, it is possible to program a script to ensure the Filemaker data is committed, but at that point you are far exceeding their “ease of use” claims. I have tried to put a special field on-screen that changes color once the record is committed, and tried making the same thing to happen by detecting if the last most recent record number is a maximum. Neither works satisfactorily if the record has to be subsequently updated. The very fact that one is reduced to such levels shows my proof that idiots can program computers—but their apparent brainpower ends sharply at the walls of their cubicles.
           Yes, it is entirely possible for retarded people to program computers, you don’t think it takes any brains, do you? On the contrary, instead it takes real brains to figure out what these retards were thinking in the first place. Take for instance that Mr. Brainiac who “invented” HTML at the Swiss Particle Laboratory. Sure, he created the scripting language, but that does not make him smart. Consider the following.
           Yet he did not know how to type and did not even have the brains to consult someone who did, even though the entire original Internet output was entirely typewritten. Even today, it is still quite hard to typeset a document on the web. Type a string of spaces in HTML and see what happens. Nothing, for HTML allows only one space and deletes the rest. You have to key-enter a string of characters that I cannot type here because they would be interpreted instead of displayed, so here is the sequence (to display five spaces) with an extra character to “fool” the Internet: &-nbsp; &-nbsp; &-nbsp; &-nbsp; &-nbsp;. It is hard to offer more proof of how magnificent those idiots really are. For those of you who wondered why this is the ONLY blog on the entire Internet that has properly indented paragraphs, now you know.
           And you wonder why I think some programmers are retarded.

July 22, 2009

           This is the shop window next door. Sorry for the lack of a polarizing lens, but you can see the smashed window where the lettering is missing. No motive other than vandalism is suspected since there is a pub thirty-five meters away. The nearly round hole, two feet in diameter, is just above dead center, where you see the reflection of trees where there should not be, caused by a sheet of plastic over the damage.
           I placed a jumbo ad for the room to rent, saying all I legally could about who we will accept. I got email from Theresa up in Stalag Wilmie, saying she should have left her sofa here (can’t use it in the asylum, unquote). She knows she’s welcome here as long as we have the room. However, I remind her that all decisions made were based on the best information available at the time; nobody is to blame if subsequent events alter things.
           Talk about your recession, I’ve tentatively decided to pay the shop rent out of my own pocket until September, as things do historically pick up that month. This drains my meager reserves. I’ve also made up my mind to preserve this dwelling at all costs. There is no place like this place and it cannot be duplicated at five times the expense. No doubt exists this was a good move. Very few people will have what we have here by this time next year. Wallace simply must change his schedule to be here in the winter. He is leaving next week.
           After another slow day at both offices, I went to the pub to play Cash Cab. One of our sharper-eyed patrons spotted the disclaimer that many of the players are “pre-screened”. That is a disappointment, though they can’t possibly be as brazenly invented as “Wheel of Fortune”. The ultimate bad examples still have to be those “Judge Judy” productions. Who’s the fat judge who still looks fat in his robes? Anyway, a recent case had us rolling in the aisles.
           Some doofus claimed he shouldn’t have to pay his girlfriend back his bail money because if she had not left a baseball bat in the trunk of her car, he would not have been arrested. Such a defense would have brought a collective tear to my entire family’s eyes. (“It’s your fault your brother got hurt because you didn’t tell him the speedometer cable on your motorcycle was broken before he stole it so he didn’t know how fast he was going.” – my own mother to me when I was 16.)
           Anyway, the judge proceeded to lecture the doof that a baseball bat is not, in isolation, a weapon, and that other things were at play. Upon questioning, it turns out the guy was on probation, had a suspended license and could not explain his presence in a drug neighborhood at two in the morning in a borrowed car with no money on him. Oh, and of course, the baseball bat in the trunk. Explain that one, mom, we just know you can do it.
           Wallace and I arrived home roughly the same time to find the area (not just our neighborhood) cordoned off by 13 police cars. As there were no sirens or helicopters, there were no hostages, so my guess is somebody tried to knock over the casino. Who said nothing exciting ever happens around here. The only place bounding the casino with an escape route is to the south, and we are to the southeast. After a short delay, the police moved on. We are completely secure here, even without Millie, as nobody can break in here without waking up half the county. It is still wise to be vigilant, so we stayed up an extra half-hour, spent eating pea soup with floaty sausages and speculating. Conclusion: they are not after the vandal that busted the shop window.
           No sign of Eddie, my new guitarist. It’s no big deal, you get used to it in this business, and I do have another artist (John Prine) added to my musical vocabulary. Non-starter guitarists are becoming my primary method of song list evolution. The youTube generation just can’t seem to come out with a distinctive sound each, you know, the ones where you can instantly tell who is playing or singing. Not that this is always desirable. Witness Bob Dylan or the Village People.
           Here’s a photo that needs explaining. See the exact center of the fan on the left? Notice the spray of water jetting out in a mist. There are a series of fans and also some spray nozzles under the balcony you see here. The idea is to keep the outdoor seating area cool without too much expense. This is the system I reported from Arnel’s gig on Dania Beach Blvd, except his area was enclosed where this was open.
           That made us pause under the spray to check it out. The apparent temperature drops some 10 to 15 degrees, enough to be comfortable if you were sitting. What surprised me was how well it worked despite being out on the street. There was no feeling of dampness or excess humidity, just the sensation of cooling evaporation. We were quick to notice the floor area was around the size and shape of the patio at Forest Wally.

July 21, 2009

           There is nothing like getting away with having a good time for no money. I prefer it to all other modes. The sad news for some is that doing so requires imagination, curiosity, inventiveness, bravery, generally things unknown to the middle class. Ha! Take a gander at this jpeg of Wallace on a promenade down Duval Street. Ever seen a guy having so much fun walking his dog (see Millie lower left corner) on a Sunday afternoon? Why, just look at the smile on his face.
           Today was slow at the shoe store. I started around 10 projects but completed only a few. Take that as a sure sign of sub-optimal business conditions. Things are so slow they may decide against purchasing my computer. All that does not detract from the fact I am learning a trade and I’m about to learn how to remove the odor of gasoline from leather, a far more common task than imagined. Yes, there is a trick to it.
           I’ve got another edition of Ellery Queen mysteries to keep me out of the hot weather. This is also today’s trivia. Queen is really two authors who ran a television mystery show in the 1950s. Their strong point is collecting the short stories of others because like their pseudonym, what they write seems a little too contrived (my opinion). Their work is full of “Englishman” clues. I will refer to Queen in the singular, as they intended. I believe he is the only non-Asian ever to win the Japanese top award.
           I have become somewhat unnerved by the situation at the shoe shop last week. It turns out not to be as secure in bad times as meets the eye. My conclusion is to keep looking for alternative work just in case. One opportunity that has come up is an offer to work from Friday night to Sunday night (two days) on call, with the pay being “up to $350”. I was immediately curious, because that is obviously the dog shift for beginners (sorry Millie). Here are the details, and it is only a matter of time until I figure out where the customers are coming from.
           It is a boosting service that also changes tires and unlocks cars. The guy has a number that people call when they don’t want or can’t afford a tow truck. Then he cell phones a driver (like me), who arrives with a shim, one of those portable battery boosters, and a lug wrench, preferably pneumatic. For the job, a car in good running order is required, something I don’t have at the moment but only because I’m terrible at auto mechanics. You get paid for the callout and apparently the tips are decent. Get back to me on this one.
           More about Key West and the trip. First look at the professional perspectives on this expertly framed photo that transforms an ordinary brick wall into a timeless event. On the way down, we pulled in at a couple of state parks. Although you need a car to get to these things, the price seems to have been raised to $4.50 per passenger. The highway is being widened but only the northernmost stretch is four-lane. As already said, the lack of American tourists is ominous. We left and returned at high tides, so the only mudflats seen were from the car window. Our conclusion was that to be a tourist, you’ll need a week and a thousand dollars.
           As far as actual events or attractions, Key West is a non-starter. There are no theme parks or things to see other than the town itself. It is quaint. The lowest price shack, and some of them are real shacks, weighs in at $139,000. An old settlement, it has good tree cover. Otherwise it is mostly Navy barracks, pubs and clothing stores. I for one never go on vacation to shop for clothes, but that could just be me. There is a trolley tour that “covers everything” for $29.95 per person. Being that the place is so small, for that price they should cover it twice. There were some scooter and bicycle rentals but I didn’t dare ask those prices either. If there is a next time, I’ll have my own bicycle. The furthest south I’ve ridden is Upper Matecumbe, leaving plenty to explore.
           Here’s a telling comment. On Saturday afternoon, I thought to call up a couple of gals to come along for the day trip. I was unsuccessful. As I got to each name and reached for the phone, I stopped for one reason or the other. Usually that reason was expense; although this was not a date (in which case I’d pay), I realized I don’t know any women who would go Dutch. Each time I thought of someone, another thought flashed of why I’d better not call. And that, folks, is why I sneer at all these local women who complain about the lack of men. There’s that irony again, how at eighteen they all got the greatest guy in the world and at twenty-four there is no longer such a thing.
           I have to point this out, because the women would never say anything themselves, nosirree.

July 20, 2009

           Here’s another marketing ploy, the “southernmost” hotel on the north side of the street across from another hotel. We’ve got scads of pictures, but I think I’ll feed them to the blog piecemeal since, as you can read below, adventure and travel may soon become rare entities. There were tourists everywhere in the Keys, but they were definitely not American tourists by and large. Note Millie gets off the concrete at every opportunity. And folks, turn off that date thing on your camera, it serves no purpose and can be added later anyway, so it isn’t even OJ-grade evidence.
           While walking up Duval Street, we came up to a Latino couple sitting on a stoop. For no reason, the guy panics when he sees Millie; he jumped right off the ground up onto the stairs with a look of terror. He was around 18. Yep, sounds like he could be a champion if some real danger happened along.
           On Key West, I met the first freelance writer since I arrived in Florida (I’ve met other writers). His work appears in the Key West Citizen, or the newspaper that absorbed it. He writes articles on UFOs and we both agreed that they exist, and that the government is covering up some details, at least to a degree. That makes sense, for the first people with new technology, no matter what its origin, have a dominating advantage in military affairs. I have an email address and I’m interested to read his articles. His name is Mark and he picked up that I talked like a publisher, not a writer. I rapidly adopted a different vocabulary.
           It is the 40th anniversary of the first lunar landing and I again lament the sheer waste of resources on that lame Space Shuttle. We should have gone directly on to Mars. That chance is now lost both financially and intellectually unless politics is taken out of the loop. NASA needs to be deregulated. I view their management as the current version of the Y2K crowd. I say the Y2K problem existed by 1970, it just took those slug-heads thirty more years to figure it out: Years dates are four digits long, like your grade one teacher taught you, and most of you are not smarter than your grade one teachers. Know what I’m saying?
           Carlos’ driver’s license arrived today, he asked us to open the envelope for him, which we did. It says on the license that he is a “safe driver”, I have no idea why but I’m glad I have nothing to do with it. (It turns out when you have no tickets or accidents for 5 years, you get that designation for lower insurance, but the potential for abuse far outweighs any good.) What’s next, “driver is related to governor”?
           I just read something I like, that most big-name hotels chains and airlines in North America may go under shortly when their debt “matures”. Good. I, for one, would like to see their rotten structures take the big tumble. They’ve been manipulating travelers for decades, dictating what we have to put up with, quashing startups that don’t do likewise. Their loyalty is to the banks, not the public. The dirty little secret is that hotels don’t run on rooms and airlines don’t run on fuel: the both run on massive credit margins and that supply has dried up, making them vulnerable to real competition, although I’m certain their corrupt mind-sets will now be with us forever in some form.
           Outrageous lineups, confusing tiers of service, random expiry of air miles or room discounts or self-serving policies packaged as “safety rules”. Witness Greyhound using their “zero tolerance” policy to threaten customers who dare complain while inside the terminals.
And the first thing new companies need to do is eliminate business class, at least in the same buildings and airplanes. (If the business class got so damn much money, they can afford their own facilities.) I don’t mind getting stuck behind the fat lady but I draw the line at some egomaniac Grecian Formula “executive” taking his sweet time unloading golf bags from the overhead blocking the only exit while 350 people are waiting for him to get his finger out. Bring back WardAir, the best airline that ever existed. Everybody was first class.
           To get back at high prices, Wallace and I report we went to Key West and back on a total budget of less than $40, including gasoline. We contributed not a cent to either hotel or carrier. Here is a picture of Millie with a datestamp on her fur and just 90 miles from Cuba. We are the worst tourists ever. We brought our own lunch and even parked for free in the Navy lot. I suspect if all could be totaled, it cost Key West for us to be there. And with their $1,000 per day hotels, that is only right.

July 19, 2009

           Picnic time, only Wallace and I decided it should be at a table in Key West. Since you are about to hear of the perfect day, you get extra photos. This first one is of a beautiful chick. Look closely and admire the innocence and sanctity of youth. Then look to see how it kept pecking at the cell phone screen of the lady in the blue bikini on the left. It was not its own reflection, as my cell phone did not produce the same result.
           Heading out before sunrise, we were just passing Card Sound (the shortcut to Ocean Reef) to the scenery of an Atlantic dawn, something everybody should see. Last evening, I packed a huge lunch of sandwiches, cucumbers and potato salad, as we were determined to keep the trip on a budget. This was off-season, and the Overseas Highway the quietest I have ever seen. We made the 185 miles in 4.5 hours flat, stopping several times for photos and to let Millie out.
           We stopped for coffee on some Key, it is hard to tell them apart and there are something like 42 bridges along the route. We arrived in Key West before noon and took the scenic route along the northern edge of the island, the part that is covered by Navy houses. Hey, I’ve seen “True Lies” and you never know what them middle-easterners are going to do next. Therefore we need those perfectly restored barracks in paradise as just the thing to keep them terrorists in line. Maybe throw the flower pots at them, too.
           Patriotically, we parked at the Navy museum lot (for free) and walked all around downtown, stopping on Whitehead street for a juice and the picnic. This is the most completely restored area of Key West, although plenty more restoral is required. The biggest attraction is the Hemmingway House, a hotel where Hemmingway stayed a bit. The marketing gets tourists to think they are touring his ancestral fief, suckers. We continued on to the concrete pylon representing the “southernmost” point, which it isn’t but is always good for the views scantily-clad women and other indigenous wildlife.
           At this point, Millie was over the sea wall and into the Gulf of Mexico. We had not factored in that the entire area was paved over and it was hot on her paws. This drew the attention of the every kid in the vicinity. We should have started charging a dollar each to let them take pictures. Millie was in the water at least twenty minutes.
           That’s good because just moments later, the little chick in the first above photo, not much bigger than a softball, walked up to Millie and pecked her three times on the nose, showing who is boss. Wallace points out that Millie had never seen a chicken before. Yeah, but she must have seen birds, right? Ha-ha, Millie, tock-tock-tock right on the shnoz!
           The other neat street in Key West is called Duval, and although the walk was a bit much for everyone, we got all the way to the north end, billed as “8 venues with 13 bars”. That’s an adequate portrayal of what’s there, with the usual 3-for-$10 t-shirt outfits enticing passersby with frozen A/C pouring out onto the sidewalks. A friendly lady on the way up gave Millie a welcome bowl of cold water and presented us with coupons of a place called “Rick’s”. We had little choice but to duck in there, get it Millie, “duck”.
                      We headed back by mid-afternoon. It was too hot to stay outdoors and we had made up our minds not to shop. Well, except for women that is. I’d say we talked to a dozen women in three hours, that’s incalculably more than back in Broward County. Blonde women, from Denmark, and of course, the babe in the blue bikini who, alas, was with her boyfriend. Alas, because she was totally my type, she’ll never know how close she came.
           Last photo for today. We took a stroll along a nothing beach, only to find signs of pollution every few feet. It is sad. Lots of broken fishing paraphernalia, strings, chunks of manmade material. Wallace found a container of shrimp bait, but moments later we found some shoes on the shore, so it was somebody out snorkeling in that water. Still, it was along the Caribbean Sea and the shore breeze was invigorating. And salty. You know how some beachcombers find only driftwood? Well, take a look here, this lucky fellow has found some driftplastic.

July 18, 2009

           This afternoon a customer picks up his computer and walks out the door. Moments later he is back inside gasping that his car is gone. He’d left it running. We all dashed into the street as he spots a guy getting out of his car. The customer flags down a police car. You see the result in this photo. It was not a broad-daylight repo. See if you can decipher the incident.
           Notice how the car is backwards. It seems that while it was parked here, it slipped into reverse gear and made it across all four busy lanes of traffic to flatten a stop sign and crash into the parked car alongside the building. The other driver hopped in and was taking it out of gear. I say the customer was lucky it was only a fender-bender.
           Today was too hot, a Florida broiler. I bought a half-gallon of butter pecan ice cream and it is home in front of the fans for me. Wallace has suggested a trip to Key West. At least there might be some ocean breezes but I don’t know about the eleven hours return trip. But who knows when we’ll get another chance?
           After the recent top rating of Costa Rica, I spent an hour on-line to sound out the prices. These countries have two tiers, one for the Yankees trying to sell to each other, and one for the perfectly good local places that you can’t find unless you live there. As usual, nobody is going to show you the ropes. They had to pay, so you have to pay, you know, the middle-class mentality. You cannot trust the classifieds. I see the prices are virtually identical to similar size houses and yards in Colorado. No bargains available from afar. Also, some of the properties are pretty remote from either cities or beaches, the two things you need for food and enjoyment in a tropical setting.
           A complete check of the listings shows nobody is in the market for renting a room around here. Or they want a studio for the same price as a room. I lived in a studio first year in town and my biggest dislike is the landlord/lady can and does watch everybody who comes and goes. Or that weird Coba who wanted me to pay half the electric when my space was only 1/6th of the total. She maintained my computer was chewing up the kilowatts. Last I heard, she lost everything on buying the $430K place next door and holding on to it a month too long. It doesn’t surprise me, I mean look how little she know about computers.
           To be more clear, nobody decent wants to rent a room. There are ads for two “party girls” who want to “share” a two bedroom penthouse for $400 rent, you know, a place that usually goes for twice that. They include pictures to indicate how they intend to make up the rest. Sorry, gals, for this place we want cash money.
           Theresa from the boonies says she may be selling the condo on Cleveland. Isn’t there some government program that helps out in this situation, so you don’t get a bad credit rating? I mean, they are paying single mothers to go back to school, aren’t they? I’m afraid to tell her how rarely I go past the place any more. So I sent her an email of things I never heard in North Carolina, like, “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.”
Some medical style trivia. Several new bandaids on the market will contain silver, which inhibits bacterial growth. No, you can’t just tape a dime over the cut. It is long known that cuts covered by bandages leave less of a scar. I suspect it may be the longer healing time than any property of the covering.
           There is a documentary on America’s marijuana industry as focused on Mendocino County in California. The drug was decriminalized, causing entire grow operations that rival British Columbia. Complete subdivisions of houses with “mom and pop” exteriors processing millions of dollars in finished product. The laws have been stiffened but the police chief estimates 60% of the population is involved. This is what happens when you design an economy that does not let the average person get ahead. Just what were they expecting to happen?
           Over 20% of the states have loosened possession to the point where a readily available doctor’s certificate allows pot-heads to carry 160 joints. I guess we know what happened to you-know-who. Like the position I took when I was 17, prohibition is the minding of other people’s business, it creates “criminals” of ordinary folk, and it can never be made to work. I’m not for the dope or underage sex or booze, but I am against the use of state tax money to cast the first stone. Most people I know who try to impose their morality upon their neighbors are the ones who I can personally testify never “got any”. You know who you are.
           The other truism is that the police catch only the small fry. Particularly well-funded individuals get away for years, and when caught do very small jail terms without having to reveal where they hid the money. Hell, most people I know would do the nine years for $50 million. Interestingly, there is a university in California that teaches students to grow marijuana. All I can tell you is most anyone under 60 from the west coast already knows how. From my time at the phone company, where some co-workers owned four houses, I can tell you it must be incredibly easy to harvest.
           And remember how I told you it was impossible to do a decent intro to J.J. Cale’s “The Breeze” using just a bass guitar? I lied. Then I gave another listen to Pancho and Lefty. If it has a message or a catchy tune, I can’t find them. It’s like listening to old Hendrix. The song was so boring I re-read two chapters on ASP programming to liven things up.
           Later. And the police wonder why nobody respects them. The car incident was clearly an accident. They gave the guy a ticket for "leaving his car unattended" (did you even know that was a crime?) and a $500 fine for property damage for knocking down the stop sign. There was no bad intention, but he still gets the screws from the cops.

July 17, 2009

           Another blurry picture of Arnel at the beach, this time at the Walkabout Tiki Bar. it’s across from the Marriott. I went down to stand in for a few tunes, and Big Jim was there. He’s certainly making good progress with his stage experience. We gave the locals a demo of what happens when three people who can read the audience work together, as opposed to one guitar player who only thinks he can. It was an impressive presentation.
           Then we got rained out. But wait, somebody got the luminous idea of playing Jim’s acoustic inside the Tiki bar during the rainstorm. That made room for 17 customers and three musicians who have jammed a lot. It was country music, but what a truly incredible show. Mind you, it demands an amenable bartender who will agree to let somebody swing around a guitar in his work area. Again, another first class presentation, the more because most others would have packed up. It was a downpour, sometimes you think it is raining from the bottom up.
           Back home, I made a huge pot roast and a large batch of mashed potatoes, the kind with horseradish. We had to make something of the day for even the shoemaker reported that this was his first day in twenty some years not even one customer came in. Now we know he has his slow days too.
           Another mystery solved. Why is it so many of my good shirts have a small tear behind the left shoulder? I had earlier attributed this to everything from the washer to snagged branches while bicycling. After tonight’s gig, I went to unsling my bass and sure enough, the strap caught under the seam. It took me two minutes of getting soaked by the rain to unsnag the beast. I level my standard disappointment at the manufacturer for even building an instrument case that could do this just to save a few cents on the clasp.
           During a four hour afternoon wait for some lab results, I began the process of repairing my Internet computers. I now have proof that no matter how great your anti-virus, over a period of time the XP system slowly clogs up with junk files and altered settings. Spyware gradually gets better at penetrating into your registry and the overall performance is significantly degraded. It is obvious that reinstalling the entire operating system is more cost effective than trying to repair the damages. Thanks, MicroSoft. True, we could all buy Vista, but it seems we’ve heard that boondoggle from them before.
           Eddie has to work this weekend, or more clearly, has a weekend job offer that he cannot afford to pass up. I jokingly reminded him of the need to keep up the momentum. He’s gotten me to listen to John Prine music, such as “Dear Abby”. I can see why I never got much into single performers before. These soloists don’t have a distinctive sound to my ears. Now I would know the Beatles even if they tried to play country or rap, but when Prine plays Blues or Rock, it could be anybody.
           Oh, and the lab tests were just the overall physical I promised but had to wait since February until now. I’m in good general health, except for the old ticker. My arteries need help, a very common circumstance in this country as I suspect the problem begins at age 30 and progresses. I was never a fast food addict or careless about exercise. Wallace knows a lady that was a vegetarian all her life and suddenly got leukemia. What can you do?

July 16, 2009

           What’s this, a postal notice for a certified letter? Yep, and that was the highlight of the day, again proving that American jobs make you brain dead. And the better you are at the job, the more brain dead you become. Ask any civil servant. This card met the criteria for a superlative event, so it gets top billing here. Kind of makes one wish the plumbing had backed up again or something. Carlos phone number has changed, for the third time this past month. There you go.
           Bite my tongue, it was slow at the shoe shop today. Some lady brought in 36 pairs for new heels but that only kept us busy a few hours. Where is Imelda Marcos when you need her? Some of the shoe equipment is showing its age and often cannot keep up with two of us using them. Closer inspection shows that they are all sewing or nailing machines of some type. And Fred knows a sewing machine mechanic. We closed an hour early today for lack of business.
           There is one machine bolted to the floor that does nothing but shoot small wires into the heel to secure it to the sole. It is a real contraption with a bale of wire on a six-inch bobbin. There is a dial to regulate the size of the wire to ensure it does not poke through, but only one or two settings ever get used. I told Alfredo about those battery powered brad guns that carpet layers now use. It took all my Spanish to ensure him it was a small nail, not a staple. I mean, if it does the same job, donate the big machine to the shoemaking museum.
           The lady who looked at the room called to say she did not want it. Oddly, she was more concerned today about the musical equipment all over the place. She said she liked to “live alone where it was quiet” so I hope she knows that can cost all your money. When others are at home, I practice only in the evenings. And I think we are all in agreement that I am not going to start hiding pianos and guitars, that would be plain misleading.
           I went over to the computer shop before quitting time. Business has finally dried up completely, as in not enough to pretend things may turn around. My sales are only 16% of the same time last year, less than half the rent. These may very well be the end times, or at least the situation that forces us into far smaller premises with a streamlined operation.
           So all will know, this is not a heat wave. We are not in the middle of anything unusual just because it is over 90 degrees outside. This is a normal Florida fry-an-egg-in-the-shade” summer. Get inside and let the grass grow, learn to make iced tea, and learn where the air conditioning is free. Casinos, bookstores, malls, libraries, there are lots of places to, as it were, chill out. I’d suggest under this building but Pudding-Tat beat you to it.

July 15, 2009

           Here's a substitute for today's picture, which seems to have headed to the Keys or some other place I wouldn't look for it. This is guitar tab, short for tablature. It is a shorthand method which I find just as difficult as written notes. But it less intimidating and does spell things out in plain English.
           It was a full day at the shoe shop despite the lack of customers. An acquaintance of Alfredo showed up saying she was mostly fed up living with old people. Yeah, well you night not have much choice around this town. We drove over here to let her look at the room and walked in just in time to catch Wallace peeling an egg. (He concocted a brilliant recovery, but it was actually fine that she saw right off we are real people.) She is apprehensive about living with “two single men”, however that is an emotional objection so she’s not going to take the room.
           I got less than a quarter of my expected cash on the callout tonight. It turns out AOL will not forward jpegs unless you are in RTF, rich text format. It has always been nice of AOL to make this so clear that I don’t have to spend more than an hour going through their FAQ. I solved the problem quickly enough that I got no tip. AOL has a toggle setting for plain text right where you would not look for it.
           It says here that this recession would “probably” have had a different outcome if there had been a “greater” gender balance in decision-making. Or so says a professor of psychology at Northwestern University. Give you one guess what gender she is, oops. In the last 18 months, almost 6 million American jobs have disappeared. What was the gender balance on that one?
           Eggplant. We all know what it is, but have we cooked one. Not me, not Wallace, not Millie. I found a recipe for casserole and tomorrow I shall go out and hunt down an eggplant. It seems to me Judy (Minty) fed me one once but I don’t recall being all that impressed. There were quite a few recipes for eggplant, which I had to read and notice most of them call for added cheese. Can anyone tell me why a purple vegetable got a name like that?
           Meanwhile, we stick with known ingredients, like my horseradish mashed potatoes that will also clear your sinuses and forget your socks. Now Carlos asked us to keep checking his mailbox after he left, which we did. He was waiting for an important letter. It arrived and I called. The cell number he left is disconnected. Folks, nobody is saying you have to bust your chops and become a millionaire, but there are certain things you cannot fall behind on or you never catch up.
           A quick conference with Eddie Monroe to modify songs on our list shows we have similar tastes in music. The best gigs I have are the times I get the dance floor packed, even if it just all the women, and yes I do often get that to happen. Eddie doesn’t know any Eric Clapton except for that monotonous “Wonderful Tonight”. Both of us like “The Breeze” but neither of us can play the lead break. My policy is to horse trade, when somebody wants to learn one of their songs, they have to learn one of mine. This method won’t work when your guitarist is an egotistical pimple who considers everyone else his underlings. But it bears fruit when you are dealing with reasonable people. That’s fruit, not eggplant.
           Really, all we have to do is memorize the stops and starts but I’m becoming concerned that our work schedules don’t mesh during the week. He has to work late on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, prime practice time. Thursdays never work for me, as I’m either already tuckered out from the week (I’ve played music around an hour day ever since I was ten years old), or going to play the following day. I’m afraid I might stop if it ever became work.
           Now for a unique subject. Bicycle underwear. I have a matching set of boxers that did not last. They develop rips and holes, not my favorite underwear event. Sure enough, when several pair were destroyed in the same fashion, I was able to sleuth together that the material was not bicycle-proof. If you think about it, but not too deeply nor often, modern underwear is just not up to the mild constant abrasion between cheek and seat. I seem to get about 800 miles on a pair of boxers. It is surely a sign of our crumbling national infrastructure.

July 14, 2009

           This photo shows a piece of shoemaking equipment. Considerable repairs can be done with this massive 400 lb. object, all of it working to drive one tiny needle so tiny you can’t see it from here. This beast has to be strongarmed to get it to work, it stands just under six feet tall. It is a special stitching device that can sew a shoe from inside out. I hope to see this monster in action. Note the rheostat just below right center, the lower portion below the dial is some type of oil reservoir.
           It was quiet in the shop, so we went about organizing this type of machinery. For some unknown but typical reason, none of these shops have enough electrical outlets. It was my understanding there is supposed to be one every twelve feet. This shop has exactly three, all near the back wall.
           Potato salad. I made a batch for the first time in my life. Wish I’d known it was so easy. When Heather was here last Saturday, one of the first things she did was poke into our fridge and remark there was “nothing to drink”. We checked it afterward and noted there was milk, iced tea, orange juice, lemonade, apple juice, ice water and chocolate milk We are still trying to figure out what she was talking about at eight in the morning. If she meant booze, there is never any around here, certainly not in the fridge.
           I’m finally going to see an ear specialist. Years ago, I had the same condition in the same ear, that is, a mild noise similar to a plugged channel from swimming. I’ve read stories about people who are practically deaf from this, but for me it is inconvenient at worst. The last time, it was caused by ordinary impacted ear wax, for I had been wearing those insertable ear plugs. This time, I have no idea what caused it, or for that matter, what causes ear wax.
           It turns out a mystery for me is solved, the Creedence Clearwater tunes I could never remember. “Who’ll Stop The Rain” and “Have You Ever Seen The Rain”. Just great you guys, two rain songs at the same time. At some point in my career I’ve played them but I could not tell them apart. Now I can. Same thing happened at rehearsal, neither Eddie or I could recall the oner tune once we played the other. This time, I grabbed a guitar and forced myself to pick out the intros and now I got them separated. Yep, recording a hit song seems to have been considerably less complicated in the 1960s. That’s Am, F, C, G and I don’t even play guitar.
           Another mystery is the coconuts that fall on the roof. It certainly wakes me up at night. Ker-thump! We still do not have a ladder that allows us to get up there for inspection. You can tell from the sound it is coconuts, but that is my point. We don’t have any coconut trees around here. Just date palms. Very small dates. All other trees are at the other end of the property. And speaking of that, the jungle has grown back, like I said it would. There are tree branches hanging right over the entranceway and we already have to duck them to use the gate.
           The database is in operation. I know the preferred operation would spit out a printed ticket automatically, but I’m the first person to advise all to make sure you completely understand a “manual” database long before you invest in anything more complicated. It was curious to see Alfredo use the computer, as he has never touched on before and I was amused to be reminded of how intimidating it can be. By comparison, I must seem like I was born with a keyboard and mouse at the ends of my hands. It is a fact that I first programmed a computer ten years before most people had ever seen one, and Rusty sent me an Apple IIe from Hong Kong early in the 1980s.
           Let me calculate for a moment. If a typewriter “word” is five letters long plus the space, how many keystrokes have I executed in my life? This should include the years when I used a typewriter. My guess is around 60 million. And my unpublished handwritten journals are at least four times that volume.