April 1, 1981

           [Author's note 2024: I was tempted to redact this entire post, but decided it did reflect the issues of the day. In 1981, everyone my age was convinced system collapse was eminent. The government was trying to monitor everything and it was more obvious in the days before electronic surveillance. I wrote in "code" like many people who knew the authorities were not getting the proper warrants. Rather than update this post or make it more readable, I'll explain some things.
           Barbarossa was a very big deal for RofR and myself at the time. Everyone knew unless you were rich, very few people could successfully take a year off from college. It took me ten years to get back. The mention of Tsawwassen is because by coincidence, I got a job around twenty miles from where my last girlfriend's father had a house. The original of this post was full of typos and forgotten references.
           If you want to find Tsawwassen on a map, it is north of Seattle. It is pronounced "Tah-WA-sen", an Indian word.

           It’s been four years since Barbarossa & I spend the day reflecting on things. Isn’t it strange how things have turned around. And it’s been a long 4 yrs. Every day every hour of it, and I am disillusioned with most people because of it. Like my family, the don’t seem to realize you only live once. I can honestly say I know of only two people who have sincerely improved their lot in that time. Namely, my partner & I. We had a choice, we did, it was have nothing now or have nothing later.
           Some choice, but really, most people have both [nothing now and nothing later]. The hardest thing to take is those people, there is no greater evil in my eyes than to sit & do nothing. Even Rob [Moogie] who says he likes to lie around. What fun is lying around compared to say, going for a swim? What element of sheer enjoyment do these sort get out of being idle—I’ve tried it and it is one of the most boring things I can imagine. After 5 minutes I was looking for a book to read.
           What is it these people get out of it [doing nothing] that they [can] go on doing [it] in preference [to] anything for years on end, yet is so elusive I cannot even glimpse it? I expect to get paid extra to do nothing.

           Anyhow, here I am in Tsawwassen, and I’m here to stay. I thought about Gordon, whose impressing on me was much more profound than Eatmore’s [his daughter]. If I meet him, I assume the chances of it happening here are not significantly greater than in . . . any other place we’ve both been. This is especially true because I have no idea where he is, or has been in the past six yrs. For all I know he lives in S. America. When you get to the core of the matter, I’m apprehensive about seeing them anymore. He would draw conclusions over me following her or something, & as far as I’m concerned he is guilty of poor generalship. He forgot to bayonet the corpse. (That was the common term for not finishing a job back then.)

           [Author’s note 2022: wow, this takes some explaining. Barbarossa was my decision not to continue plunging into debt over more university. I spent the first years working in mills and factories to get a nest egg, then moved north of Seattle to seek work. The nearest spot on American soil was quite near to where Eatmore’s father had a house, and I did one time see him coming out of the post office a year later, plus or minus.]