Who told you computer repair was boring? This is what an Academy Award looks like as it comes out of the envelope. So there I am fixing a high-speed Comcast trouble, and in the process, the Missus brings up an email from her daughter. I blurt out, “Gee, she looks like a movie star.” Boy, am I dumb, she is a movie star. For the record, I did ask if she was single and visiting any time soon. No on both counts—but at least I tried, guys.
The card says, “Children of a Lesser God”. I can’t say I’ve seen the movie, so it is probably a chick flick. Let me think if I can salvage anything here. Okay, how about, this one, “Unlike my critics, at least once in a while I actually get within striking distance.” I can’t say I know the actress, named Marlee Matlin, but I know good-looking.I zoomed around putting up dance posters for this Friday and you won’t guess this next scenario. One of my fans followed an hour later and took some of the posters down. This is not to be confused with Runt-style sabotage. The fan thought he was helping me out by taking down last week’s posters. You see, he could not read. [Insert tasteless joke here about my fans.]
Speaking of the Runt, I finished early enough to replicate one of the more characteristic screens from Craigslist. I put a few finishing touches that made it look like the real thing, except with a fake message that the visitor had been “permanently kicked off”. The Runt takes an incredibly long time to figure such things out and the post was an instant hit, a new Craigslist classic! There was an immediate huge leap in my fan mail, all positive congratulations. Among these is some lady who has information she wants to share, saying she knows what the Runt has been posting “elsewhere”. (Remember, the rules changed when he attacked another musician’s gig.)
One of the brats was in today and I let him on-line for free, just to see what teenagers are doing on the Internet. Mostly the same old mindless surfing and jumping on the latest fad. He showed me something called a “cloud”. It is a site that does little except monitor the Internet to see what other people are clicking on, and displaying those links by the hundreds. The idea is that all natural-born followers move in herds. The way the links display is actually reminiscent of a cloud, always changing, always moving, like a swarm of bees. It is too aimless for me, but check out www.mininova.com.
I also made up the tapes and lyric-chord charts for Will. There is maybe one chance in thirty he will learn my material, but that compares well with trying to find a greal guitarist around here. He still drops into “lead player” mode but I keep reminding him I already know dozens of guitarists who can riff-off for five minutes but can’t play a song all the way through.
Hmmm, a cat that watches TV. It’s meaning lost in antiquity, some prowling instinct from the east African savannahs. The TV has been on for so long this week it is beginning to annoy me, as I have to leave the sound on. Most grating to the non-television trained crowd are:
cooking gear infomercials
diet and weight loss scams
medicine side-effects (puke ads)
The cook declares, there you have it, a chicken salad sandwich in six seconds. Yeah, does the servant who does all the peeling, cooking and dicing come with it? The weight loss is a scam because it only works on people who, for the first time in their wasted lives, are experiencing self-control, and of course it seems miraculous to them. But those pill commercials that list the side effects are nothing less than disgusting. Besides, if a woman who is “pregnant or may become pregnant” can’t use it, then who is it for? Hermaphrodytes? Runts? But I repeat myself. He already has every known side-effect.
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