For reasons unknown, maybe a recruiting drive, this month’s new members are an interesting crop. I’ve stripped away any identifying data and shown the basics. The average age is 50, I presume any woman who lists her age as “late 30s” is 39 years 11 months old. As a social experiment, I’m going to read the profiles of these women and tell you which ones get the automatic reject. (That situation usually requires that they have some totally repulsive quirk or something seriously wrong with them.) So let’s get started.
1. 30 y. o. and single. I am a registered nurse, oncologist. Brooklyn, NY
2. late 30s,S,5'3''. Engineer, a technical person; San Jose, CA
3. late 30s, medical and special education fields I went U. C. Berkeley. Baltimore, MD
4. 40,5'5", psychologist with broad interests San Francisco, CA
5. 42,S,5'8",155lbs, Clinical Psychologist,. San Francisco,California
6. 42,D,5'4",120lbs. Engineering/Intellectual Property, Houston, TX
7. 45,5'4", secondary science teacher. I have a great kid. Western NC
8. 45,D,5'2",110lbs. Bil Sp Ed teacher. SW Chicago suburbs, IL
9. 45,W,5'7",145lbs, Speech Language Pathologist. New York City, N
10. 47,D,5'11,180lbs. Occupational Therapist; outside Vancouver, BC, Canada.
11. 47, funny, active grey matter. Atypical school librarian Email me. Kanata, ON
12. 47,D,5'4",190lbs, physician , Austin, TX
13. 52,D,5'9",170lbs. College professor (non-science field), Three kids Philadelphia, PA
14. 54,S,5'5", medical school. Avid reader. Philadelphia, PA
15. 54, JD, MBA, MA, never married,interest in computer science. Washington, DC
16. 50s,D,5'2",117lbs. Professor of Psychology. Erie area, PA
17. 58,D,5'5",135, M. D. radiologist. Saint Paul, MN
18. 60 years old and single. I am 5'8" atheist. Provo, Utah
19. 60,5'3",118lbs., retired,. Sarasota, FL
20. 60-year-old psychotherapist. Toronto, ON
21. 62,D,5'6",135lbs. Biologist and Adj. Prof;. Arcata, CA
22. 71,D,5'1",130lbs. Semi-ret. floodproofing UW equip . Largo, FL
Then, I stayed put and went over the songs that we messed up last Friday. When I say that, it is not that we didn’t keep the crowd, but that did not go as we rehearsed. The worst case was that Shangri-La “Walking In The Sand”, which for the love of me I cannot figure out what is so great about that song or about Jeff Beck. Billie-Bill says I would have to develop an understanding of what guitar playing is all about, but that comes across like your parents trying to explain why you should like broccoli.
The others in the band are also more self-critical than me. Don’t repeat me, but it makes me suspect they actually have far less stage time than I do. As long as the band plays the same chords and keeps the tempo, the audience doesn’t much care. We did a fine job of that, other than playing everything 15% too fast. And somebody putting that extra C into the “Secret Agent Man” chorus. We just weren’t as tight on the stops as expected.
Generally, the problem is the other musicians playing 16th note chops that are really 8th notes. That’s where that “Walking” song went wrong. Everybody is, I suspect, playing a slightly different version. This can be a problem when bands have several live versions floating around. Even for the Blues, it is a draggy tune that everybody thinks they can improve on. I played my part right according to our rule of learning the cover. (A cover is playing the song like the original artist, I have no idea why it is called that.)
ADDENDUM (RESULTS)
Am I all talk and not action? I sent emails to 16 and 19, introducing myself and hinting that they if they are getting weary of all the perfect men on dating sites, they might want to write back. They did. Nothing yet, just contact. And the lady who only wants tall men, I sent her an e-mail telling her I honestly hope she gets one. We’ll see how she handles that, remember I used to date Carlene Meade, six-four. As my profile says, I am not intimidated by a woman’s good looks or success.
I already got a reply. Sorry, no details. This isn’t that kind of column. But I will say one reply stands out from the rest. It’s true, I cannot say no to a woman who knows how to use the Oxford comma. This one really is educated and can type. While it is far too early to make any decisions, she doesn’t know she is already on third base. What? You guys say what? Well phooey on you. Mine is a doctor.
A once-over of the list produced these conclusions:
Number 1: Not an oncologist, wants to be one. Big difference, big lie. Mildly insane.
Number 2. Vague about age, blank profile, dark-skinned Jewish. Bad first impression.
Number 3. Not bad at all.
Number 4. A divorced psychologist with no mug shot on her profile? Nix.
Number 5. Buddhist, overweight, profile is clearly embellished, too slick.
Number 6. Wrong race. Sorry.
Number 7. Not bad at all.
Number 8. Wrong race. Sorry.
Number 9. Not if I had the plague and she was the only cure.
Number 10. Canadian. I don’t trust Canadian women.
Number 11. Canadian. I don’t trust Canadian women.
Number 12. Five-foot-two, weighs more than I do. No pic, member # out of sequence.
Number 13. Has no degrees, but “likes men who do”. Nuff said.
Number 14. Interesting but talk about harsh-looking. Kind of like me these days.
Number 15. Weird. Just plain weird. Being a “government official” is not a degree, lady.
Number 16. Wow, my woman! But way out of my league. Harvard PhD.
Number 17. Her big lunky sons say she doesn’t like men of ordinary stature.
Number 18. My babe, but specifically states very tall men only. I hope she gets one.
Number 19. Not bad at all.
Number 20. Canadian. I don’t trust Canadian women.
Number 21. Seems nice, but sets off my alarms.
Number 22. Quite the little tootsie, but the dress says "1990".
