This is a pair of shoelaces. Not ordinary ones, of course. These are by Mr. Kennedy and they’ll run you $19,000 a pair. So make sure you get the right length for your gym sneakers, since I doubt if you get ‘em too long again you’ll just buck off the extra and make a new aglet out of heat shrink. This Mr. Kennedy is a mystery entity, in that I have no idea whether it is a person or the name of a store. Where do I find this merchandise? You can too, by visiting The Most Expensive Journal. I mean, Valentine’s coming at you fast.
Egad, it was not a guitar player. It was a keyboard player. Yes, he knows many songs—all with the same drum beat and same tempo. And mostly in the same key as well. He played gems such as “Lucille”, “Delilia”, and “New York State of Mind” without ever changing his drum or speed settings. He did occasionally pick up a trumpet and play along, which basically says his keyboard work was one-handed at best. And his left hand at that. I left too, right?
Not planning a quiet evening just quite yet, I motored over to Jimbo’s. I prefer the side roads, but I have a word to say to you heroes who try to take shortcuts along the same paths. Do you morons actually think somebody on a motorcycle [ahead of you] is going to speed because you have bright headlights? Do you think you are superior because I have no lady on my scooter? You have no lady in your $91,000 BMW, jerk. That situation contributes to my aversion to going out on Fridays.
But some thank that I did. Once again, the Karaoke people had an equipment problem. I was there so I took a look. Electronic problems require deductive reasoning, that is, you have to solve by elimination and intuition. I had it down to a cable problem or at least I thought. She kept referring to her MP3 player as her “backup music’. Watch for customers that do that, meaning use a wrong term that is actually misleading. It was, in fact, the main source of her entire show and after tracing every cable as she watched, she finally said it was not an MP3 player, but an external hard drive. This led to the old “A-ha” moment and shortly thereafter, I drove home
I would not have stuck around but to help on that repair alone. Hell no, I get paid for that. I’m glad I did for another and different reason. One of the Karaoke numbers totally messed up while the repair search went on. The singer got thrown, but I didn’t laugh. He made a very standard mistake that got me thinking. Remind me to again consider that tune by Cheap Trick, “I Want You To Want Me”. I believe I may have just invented the country music version. It’s a strategy that worked for Dwight.
Cloudy or yellow headlight covers, don’t we hate ‘em? I gave up trying to find or invent a cleaner, and anybody who’s wasted money in those cleaning kits knows those damn things don’t work either. Like all other products, they produce a temporary clean which lasts a little less each round. But, as Secretary-Treasurer of the club, I was duty bound to ponder the failure. You know, the lens is clear when wet, it only clouds over when dry. So, why not keep it wet? Easier said, methinks. Then it hit me. The wet look! I’ll cut to the chase. I drove to Target and picked up a vial of fingernail polish “top coat”.
It’s not all easy street. I reviewed the progress with the guitar players and the results are discouraging. Why is it so difficult to find a guitar player in a nation awash with them? Collin says it is because they are obsessed with themselves. I tend to agree because things go fine whenever you play what they want. It is only when the situation is reversed that they go cranky on you. I doubt there is a guitarist out there that doesn’t secretly think he’s the best. At the risk of bragging (you decide) there is an added obstacle on my stage—the guitarist is NEVER the star of the show.
I make it clear during each audition that I am seeking a backup rhythm player, not a lead guitarist to front my show. You know what happens next, don’t you? They agree, they say yes and okay, because they think once you’ve invested time in the band, they can take over and everybody will be happy. This is so ingrained into the guitar player psyche that they sometimes do it without realizing. Now I see that is what was happening with Billie-Bill. After a month, he has not learned even one of my songs and can’t play even on of the patterns I’ve shown him.
Oh yes, I know the patterns. The rub is that I can’t play them well, that is, they just plain sound better when an accomplished guitarist does them. That’s what I wanted, and I want them on an acoustic guitar. When somebody shows up with an electric, he has no intention of accompanying anyone. I am highly disappointed and I’ll stick with Jag, who is learning the material infinitely faster than the expert with forty years experience.
So, California is now requiring electronic communications devices, like iPads and cell phones, to incorporate a kill switch. If it is lost or stolen, it can be permanently incapacitated, or that is the theory. Such measures are futile in the long run, a better idea is some way of triangulating the location of a stolen phone and nabbing the perp. But initially, these tactics do work on the typical low-grade thief you get these days. Why, back in my day we had real villains, like Lex Luthor, and the Catwoman. What you got today? Another zombie craze, how original.
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