July 31, 2006

           Another great day although the cash flow wasn’t so hot. My top adult student just bought a thousand dollars worth of new computer office equipment. My newest student is seven years old, and about as restless and fed up with old people as I was at the same age. I will never forgive this North American custom of lumping people together by age groups. It does not work and it was never more than an easy way out for people who lack the skills to make value judgments.

           To relax, I took the Madwagon downtown and bought a basket carrier. A tad of rust here and there, but I took care of that with a coat of black paint. That’s me touching things up on my outdoor patio workbench. Well, it ain’t worth much else except for sitting around drinking beer which I don’t do, so why not paint on it? Cowboy Mike was in the shop today to see Mike about a laptop.
Daniel responds very well to instruction, but he’s had enough time on a computer to get spoiled into doing things his own way. That is accounted for by parents leaving long unsupervised hours on the computer. Kids quickly figure out the adults don’t know a lot about the thing. He picks up well enough and I had him creating his own games and pictures within an hour.

           This is not to be confused with opening or loading a picture, which is a real no-brainer. He designed a houseboat of his own using the new skills. Again, this is different than teaching him how to draw a houseboat. He had to design the boat in his head before starting. He particularly liked the method of drawing base lines to line things up, then erasing them afterward. Further, he instantly recognized the technique as a trick to keep to himself. Like most kids, I had to break his habit of just going crazy with the spray can, which MS optimistically calls an “airbrush”.
           For the record, this is also the first time Fred and Mike at the shop have seen me teach a youngster. They must wonder how I manage such an age spread, fifty in the morning and seven in the afternoon. To you, I tell the secret. Both methods are identical, including the patience involved. I have nine more days to turn Daniel into a real genius, not the fake kind produced by the public school system to fool parents. My ulterior motive is simple. I likely mentioned that Daniel is just a couple of grade points [or some points] shy of being placed in an advanced class.

           I know from personal experience this can happen when a kid over-thinks a geared test. Daniel’s performance strongly indicates that is the case here. He often grapples with more advanced concepts and apparently falls behind others who follow the drill. Once the project rather than the computer becomes the challenge, he will do advanced work with ease. That will close the gap in marks and I have a true whiz kid who has just aced the Montessori system in two weeks. Again, I cannot stress the importance that everything the he does is not rote, he can explain to you why each component is there. Ha, try that with some adults.

           The bike drastically increases my local mobility. I often did not do things because it would involve using the car, by that I mean I cannot lug home two bags of groceries, but I can sure bike them in a hurry. As obvious as that seems, I’ve not heard other bike riders mention it, and it is an unplanned plus for me. I didn’t know how many shortcuts there were in this neighborhood. I went over to Winn/Dixie for chicken things and made up a big batch of vegetable chicken stew for a late supper.

           Back at my desk, I have a couple extra ideas for Daniel's lessons after reviewing some of my own performance at the same age. Yes, I was a straight A student (except for classes where I did not get along with the teacher). September is on the northern horizon and I want Daniel marching back into a classroom full of wealthy kids with higher measured IQs who won’t be able to keep up with him. I think that is worth $50 an hour any time. This is all speculation as I do not know if the kid can keep up the pace. That three hour stretch is a lot for him.
           Another thing he’s got going for him is a good vocabulary. He instantly adopts the proper terms when I mention them, often from context. For instance, he now refers to the “chimney” on the ship by the correct term. No, it is not called a smokestack. Why? Did you call it a smokestack? Wrong. It is called an “uptake”. I can kind of imagine him at home tonight correcting his parents on the finer details. He is probably rewarded for such behavior, something I would not know anything about.

           [Author's note 2021: this post was updated with photos, you can see the benefits of a decade and a half of blog experience. I doubt there is enough time remaining to go through all these posts for an update. The significance of this post is it shows the red bicycle that I rode for 7,000 miles until I could walk again. Many who knew me during that difficult time remind me how I could barely manage walking a block, I myself tend to forget that recovery took many years, not many months. Seven miles a day for 1,000 days.]

July 30, 2006

           The day did not turn out as planned, JZ and I did not get out on a boat for a little fishing. That is only the fiftieth time or so we never made it. I drove over an hour before noon and we pretty much decided we didn’t have the energy on such a day. A hot day, although not unusual for summertime in these parts.

           We drove over to his dad’s place to drop of some flashlights visit a little bit. Those palm trees he took out of the north hedge have come back again. Anyone who tells you that palms need to grow in sunlight from a coconut should try to explain how these ones come back after the roots have been dug to a depth of over a foot. Plus that black olive tree we trimmed in the spring is back with a vengeance. JZ does not like the tree, his dad does.

           I’m uncommitted but I think it is too close to the house for a tree that can grow that fast. JPZ is walking toward the tree across the front lawn. We cut nearly half those branches off not four months ago. The folks informed me JZ did have a bicycle but they are unaware it got confiscated by the city because he chained his security lock to a handicapped parking signpost. Nobody knew that was illegal. I had thrown my bike in the car in case he was not home. The backup plan was to cruise the neighborhood.

           Instead we rented some videos, I chose “The Cave” and he got some obscure but new work about British, American, German and renegade soldiers trying to heist some stolen Dutch paintings due to be shipped to Berlin. It hopped all over the place with around thirty characters in undefined roles and a corresponding number of sub-plots. “The Cave”, however, was an adventure classic with all the ingredients. Such as the twenty-five year old brunette doctor who is a world famous expert and the tough cool black guy typecast for the part.

           The premise is an encounter with a parasitic life form that evolved in a cave in Carpathia. It evolves by adapting the host to survive in the cave. I warned people twenty years ago that "Alien" was going to be a hard act to follow. There was a clever implied connection to old legends of dragons. I liked it.
           That is it. We sat around watching movies, our usual Sunday pastime when there is nothing to do. He made chicken breasts with barbeque sauce and I kept the coffee on and made popcorn. John is the only American I know who does not drink coffee. Good, more for me. He said he tried some of that dollar store coffee. That stuff is bad enough to make anybody quit. I rank it way down there with Folger’s and dishwater. So really, I got nothing done today. If the objective was to slow down, then it was a success.

July 29, 2006

Thirteen miles. That is how far I rode the Madwagon today. Roughly twelve miles more than I’ve ridden a bike in 39 years, the day I got a motorcycle. Early this morning I started off very cautiously since I did not want to overexert after such an interval. Y’day I noticed that I naturally took off at a good clip and was zipping past other people on their bicycles. I couldn’t be sure they knew something I didn’t.
No, they are just taking it easy or lazy, indistinguishable in Florida. That is not a joke, far too many people confuse relaxation with doing nothing. I went down 20th Street and found myself all the way at the office. Using the web, I determined I have a Utah Madwagon, a “traditionally built” steel bicycle. As opposed to Italian “unobtainium”. It is true retro, not a modern tin retro-look. It retails for $179, so I got a real bargain.


Anna O’Toole called and I biked over there to install some anti-virus programs. She plays everything by the book and bought a site license for her home business. This gave me some extra cash so I embarked on a search for the dorkiest bike bell in existence. I found cheaper ones, including one that you slipped your thumb off the clapper and it sprang back against the bell. Talk about cheap. No, I was after dorky and the winner (hands down already) was a classic chrome bell with an American flag on the cap.
Something new? Yes, I did not open the package but I think I saw a bike air horn. You know those liter size soda bottles? Apparently they hold 80 psi and the horn had a valve so you could charge one up with an ordinary bicycle pump. Then you strapped it into the water bottle harness and it supplied power for 50 loud blasts. I should have bought a basket while I was there but those suckers cost more than the bike.


Back home I got most of the yellow paint off the car and then pedaled over to Hallandale Beach. As usual, there was a single sailboat causing the drawbridge to rise and block traffic for a half mile in every direction. I truly do not know why they allow that, but then, I just discovered the city sidewalks around here haven’t been fixed in decades. My theory is that the major problem with town taxes is that they go into a common pool rather than segregated accounts where cause and effect is easy to see. As soon as public money goes into a pool, you see the rise of especially corrupt politicians.
The bike also gets me another half foot higher off the ground so the views are somewhat better. Thus I got a ton of new pictures today in areas that I had formerly gone over and missed. Bear in mind what you see here are not all the pictures or even the best pictures, but rather the few pictures that match the theme of what I normally blog about. The others exist, but are not always blog material. Let me go through the batch for today for something classic along the beach, a Florida afternoon seaside shot. One good thing about Florida, you never have to wait for a good day to ride.
The state has [finally] forbidden the removal or trampling of any beach plants. Thus the ocean is behind a large set of sand dunes that run parallel to 9/10ths of the beachfront. Oceanfront, beachfront and waterfront can be used loosely in Florida so buyer beware. There is an inland waterway that goes all the way to up past New York City that is salt water, gaining the strange name of “seafront”. The Trump Hotels are Oceanfront. You know, like Hawaii where you pay a premium to walk in the room, say “Wow, look at the view!” and never notice it again.


I stood atop one of the walkways built over the dunes and got some great scenery. I should point out to the guys who like bikinis that there was not one, not even one, single babe on the entire two miles of public beach I passed today. If you are looking for women, Florida is not a good bet. Unless you are not too fussy, but then anyplace will do so why pay Florida prices?


Ah, here is a nice one, framed by myself through the viewfinder of the famous $18 digital camera. This is not cropped, please notice the careful use of the rule of thirds and triangles (there are actually four major triangles, can you see the fourth?). The palms anchor the eye slightly to the right of center where you can actually see a huge white cruise boat on the horizon off Ft. Lauderdale. This view is to the north east from Hollywood Beach over the Atlantic Ocean. I can hear the crowd clamoring for more. Okay, already, here is another picture, since I’ve let a few days slip by with only one and my standard is two per blog.
The inland waterway is just a few hundred yards or so from the main beach. It is sheltered from the worst waves and surges and here is a shot of the walkway. It appears almost abandoned because you cannot see it from the main road, Ocean Drive. You kind of have to know it is there. It runs for around a half mile between Sheridan and Dania Beach Blvd along the east side of the waterway. Lots of expensive boats berth here at private docks. The triangle points straight at two of them in the distance.
One thing that would strike most people at first is how new the very oldest houses are along this beach. You can see the really nice ones were at some time a summer cottage on a little acreage between the dunes. All that has been changed by condo development and private homes can afford the taxes any more, but the “old” houses are rarely more than 40 years old. Also, rumor is that Hollywood does not adequately police the properties that are not occupied year round, forcing the long-term residents to sell out.
The bike ride also means exercise and that is not totally good for me. If I have time later, I’ll provide details of why moderate exercise is the only thing that works for me. Heavy exercise makes me famished and I wind up with a net gain of weight, which at my age is counterproductive no matter how you slice it. Before any lectures on dieting, let me point out that I eat around one egg and maybe three slices of bread per month, not per week, per month. I forgot what sugar tastes like over fifteen years ago. I drink one bottle of beer every three years. Anyone who seeks to explain my weight had better try some new theories because it is not my lifestyle.

July 28, 2006

First thing in the morning I put a ding into the rear quarter panel of my car. As I backed into my parking space I felt a nudge but thought nothing of it. Until I got out and walked behind out of curiosity. You know that new yellow paint they put on the garage? It is the exact same color as cast by the sun in the morning. Watch for that. You can see the nice yellow color on my bumper, as well. How could I do that much damage and not even make a sound?
Actually, it is not as bad as it looks. The bumper has only paint on it and the crunched quarter panel will pop out with a dent puller. Don’t you hate it when there is nobody to blame but yourself?
Martha, the lady who works at the real estate office, came by this morning. She wants her son enrolled for ten days of lessons. I made a deal with her. $35 for three hours per day for ten days. However, if he proves to be too young or distracted from the lessons, the deal is off. Daniel is two years younger than my normal student minimum. Although I do not remember him, I do recall meeting him a few months back and deciding he was an exception. He attends a special school for gifted children (but who doesn’t these days) so I have ten days to turn him into the top of the class. He is just around the age to be ready for basic spreadsheets.
That young guy who has cancer came by again. People give him things to sell. When I way young I mean early thirties and he apparently has been given six months maximum. He is active and energetic but sadly just a bit thinner every month. Today he had an old “one-speed” bicycle in nearly perfect condition. I gave him his asking price on the spot. It has a retro look, with fat white sidewall tires. Original paint and you’d have to squint to see the tiny bits of rust.


I test drove the thing and it is smooth and silent. Oddly, I like silent as in I don’t care for that clicking noise that ten-speeds make when they are coasting. This bike has been stored indoors so the rust is minimal. The seat is comfortable and I road it around for a an hour this evening. They say bikes average six times faster than walking, but in my case it is easily ten times. I’d forgotten how much ground I could cover on wheels. The other good news is that I carried on at a good clip all around the race track parking log and did not even get winded. I need a big allen wrench to lower the handlebars but I do believe I’ll ride it into work tomorrow.
Over at the donut shop I showed Lise the laptop. I told her to take her time and think it over. I’m in no rush to sell it. I worked on Thom’s old computer tonight to find the memory slots are bad. Or at least do not work as needed so they may as well be bad. Al was in today for nearly two hours. This is yet another student of mine who less than two weeks ago said they were untrainable. I got my start many moons ago teaching adults how to dance and I have some truly successful methods. Al knows very well his progress has been astounding because he is already at the problem solving state. With computers that often manifests itself when they start asking the right questions.
It is no big deal, teaching adults, because they actually have a lifetime of learning experience. My technique is a combination of “channelizing” that knowledge and what I call the “Show Me How” method. Everyone agrees it takes patience but they rarely realize it is a different brand of patience with a huge gap between supply and demand. This will be the more interesting because Al often surprises himself when he draws the right conclusion about a computer task, so not only is he a top student, he is actually a successful experiment and I predict he will be most successful at computer operations.


However, Al is not my top student of all time. That award remains with Howard, the man who programmed his own web page after five lessons from me. This was the more surprising because I had just learned to do it myself a month earlier. Hey, I’m an instructor, not a teacher. I get to do things like that. Let’s take a close-up at that new bicycle with the sparkling red paint and shiny spokes. While ogling, swoon at the deliciously 1960s whitewall tires. Look at that sturdy construction and weep. I’m not telling you the price, but it was less than $50. It is called “Madwagon”. I need to get a carrier installed but I was not too happy to hear that Jerry, the Irishman, had to pay $80 for his.
Of course, everyone is dying to hear how my CSS studies are coming along. Great. I’m past all the beginners material and moving into design, which is the purpose of CSS. It removes the presentation from the content. Animation is tied to the art of web pages and it may not be long before I’m compelled to get into that – but not to worry, I do have two unused degrees in computer programming.
In fact, I noticed that some of the CSS arrangements are similar to the C family (C, C+, C++), so I’ve begun to read a text on that already. I see that CSS borrowed heavily from the ways that C++ notates arrays, which somehow does not surprise me. Allow me to state that C++ is the most complicated and retarded computer language ever invented. It was plainly a committee effort and they did not get anything right. Nor does the claim that it is a new language does not let them off the hook –it is not a new language at all, just a complicated one. (It has no entirely new constructs, it amounts to a contorted offshoot of BASIC, which has been around since 1960 or so.) To their shame, most of that complication is taken up by patching up errors that they should have addressed in the first place, often resulting in having to do things the opposite of what is logical. C++ is a bad programming language.
I’d have to dig into my archives on that topic, but I once listed a dozen rules to be satisfied before any new computer language was adopted. These were such practical things as only using symbols found on an ordinary 101 keyboard (you’d be surprised how often they get that wrong) and inventing new standard symbols for multiplication and division. The less obvious rules are standard punctuation (so that things like color=”red” is not allowed) and that the most commonly used commands are all typed on keys near the home row. Thus anyone who writes “file_name” would be executed at dawn.

July 27, 2006

It was busy enough that I keep thinking this morning was y’day. I rearranged all of the computer equipment and am going to take a close look at a different flatbed scanner. I’m not tempted to get a sheet feeder since I scan many different sizes of originals. This means long hours standing at the ready.


I finally took the HP R40 back to the shop and hooked it to one of the new video computers. Sure enough, the scanner did not work. I tracked down the documentation on line and HP did it to me again. Their site specifically says this scanner will not work with Win XP and it cannot be made to work. This, after they sell it to you as a scanner. I’ll have to get rid of it as it is too large to use as a printer. What dismal assholes, pardon my French. You think they’d put a warning sticker on the unit.
From there I went to pick up parts for Fred, my only break of the day. Nearby you can find a photo of the ChipTech warehouse. Mrs. O’Toole called for some directions on purchasing the new AVG7.1. It is $59 and says this is two “licenses” but I could not find out what they meant by that. Each “license” is “up to five computers”. So why not call that a half-license and sell her the whole thing instead of two things? Computer geeks are called that for a reason. I believe they price these things funny so that the average consumer can’t understand what is going on.
I got home early so I also lowered the curtain rods. Now anyone sitting inside the house can see the yard trees and open sky, but anyone outside would have to be around six foot eight to look back in. It brightens the place up and I can lean back in my chair to get a view of the entire street and anyone going past while they would have to purposely look up to see me. Then I hung my beautiful Mexican blanket, the one I bought in the Yucatan 23 years ago, in the kitchen to make a divider beside the fridge.


Then the new guy, Dan, knocked at the door. I’m going to try to upgrade that old Win 98 computer for him. He uses dial-up and like older computer games so I’m going to try to bring that into his budget. Around $175 including a printer and installation. This is that weird motherboard that has both SIMM and DIMM slots, but you only get to use one. I’m tossing the SIMMs, if the DIMM will take a 128 I’ll try 256.
Anyway, he says that the newest rumor is everyone will be offered $2,000 to move when the condo arrives. With the current market, that day may be a long time away. That is the fourth price I’ve heard and it keeps going down. Either way, I break even on this joint. The bigger problem is that I like it here. Where else can I live in Florida with no neighbors for two blocks in every direction?
My investment on the new video Internet computers at the shop is showing a 14% return per month [but that is only $94, folks]. The flat screens may not be too far away. Also, I contacted National Telecom and so far they seem legit. They want somebody to go to the sites and rig up networking. They supply tech support but you are the tech. You bill the customer directly for $50 per hour. My contact is Ahmer and apparently there is a lot of work out there. Too bad I don’t know how to do it yet. I called Don, my old school buddy, and left him a message with all these details. Man, I drank a lot of coffee today. Uh, decaf, folks.

July 26, 2006

           Al was in for his extra lesson and there can be no doubt about the supreme effectiveness of private coaching. He booted up all three computers and set the programs to ready state and was able to begin a calculated list of the equipment needed for his home business. That was his fourth lesson and he was already searching the Internet with a good deal of confidence. Remember, he was a veteran of group classes who said six or eight [of my teaching] hours earlier that he was impossible to teach.

           Another customer was in with his six year old son. The kid reminded me so much of myself that I stopped my advertising programming and spent an hour with him on the computer. Typically, he had the same exposure to computers as all other kids the same age, and now he has a decided advantage of knowing what he can do with it. He particularly liked the game I invented using MS Paint.
           I brought in four of the monitors and cleaned them up a bit. I sold one at cost to Adam, the next door neighbor. The first electric bill arrived in JZ’s name and it confirms my prediction – AC is not that expensive and is certainly cheaper than heating a house in a cold climate. Besides, you can do without AC if you have a good fan. The average is just 15 cents per KWH and the average cost is $1.67 a day. Even double that is not a problem and I doubt I could double it in this place if I tried.

           Marion called from Washington, she has endured the record hot spell out there and just hasn’t contacted anyone. We have news. Her husband works indirectly but nonetheless for the Seattle Sonics. They just got sold, she reports it is a good thing she hesitated buying a house. They have only been in their current rental unit a year. This means another move, possibly to eastern Canada. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

           We reminisced about such pleasant times as our winter trip to Lincoln City, Oregon, and the house plant I gave them when they got their first apartment back in the early 90s. I regret this journal was incomplete for those days because I have forgotten many of these occasions. I was having a hell of a time with my own relationship back then. She is definitely not enjoying the 36 degree weather (Centigrade), which is far hotter than any time I lived in that area. I must be careful because I expect everyone who knows me to take me for granted and that feeling is rarely reciprocal. I don’t mind, really. Once you pass the test you could dump on me forever.

           I’m running an ad for anyone who wants the 17” monitors, especially now that I’ve measured them to discover they are mostly 16”, an oddball size. The offer is that I’ll drive out and hook the thing up and give you a free sample lesson. My reasoning is that anyone who is still using a smaller monitor is really in need of upgrading. I connected the UPS devices and found all the batteries are dead. Still, they are cheaply replaceable and more needed than flat screen monitors. For some reason, the power supplies keep beeping that there is an electrical fault in our commercial power.
           I also got a walk-in this afternoon. The same old story, somebody sold him an expensive computer by convincing him he needed a new and fancy unit to keep up with the times. We are starting some basic lessons tomorrow, as in word processing to familiarize him with what he’s got. He found himself in that unenviable position of sitting in front of a computer and not having a clue what to do. Happens all the time.

           Lise, I think that is the name of the Columbian babe. She was not in today so I still have the laptop and the rest of the staff got a good look at it. All the mothers at Dunkin Donuts have that compulsion to state [to me] that their kids are all computer geniuses. Let me say again, anyone who thinks a kid is smarter than an adult is indeed overdue for some serious lessons. That’s coming from a guy who knows all about smart kids and stupid adults.
           Marion and I also had our usual conversation about women and men. We often agree on things for different reasons. For instance, we agree it is difficult to find the right partner. However, I disagree that it is the same difficulty for both sexes. Men generally have to metaphorically go shopping when they are hungry. Marion reminds me that women don’t have it all their own way, but, I think, at least they never go without. You know, women should not blame men who conclude women’s problems are largely contrived. As in, ladies, what if you had all the same problems but on top of that could not get laid any time you wanted without paying for it? I say, go through twenty years of that when you are young before whining that somebody forgot your stupid anniversary or something. Still, I do not doubt the perceived intensity is probably the same.
           Ha, she also reports that the man she married has slowly turned into a husband.

Last Laugh

Uma, 2006

July 25, 2006

           Business just doubled for the week. My single remaining student called for an extra lesson tomorrow. Keep it going, he has to pay my rent next month single-handedly. I was able to get four hours in the shop into advertising for a variety of different themes, all of which pointed the user back to our main site.
           How does this explain how I wound up in Coral Springs picking up a carload of used 17” monitors? Throw in a couple of UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply) units to really fill the car to the ceiling. I found them under free in the computer listings. I had plenty of time to look because I grabbed the wrong newspaper article heading out the door. I had wanted to check out that container job from Bakersfield but I grabbed a hurricane safety checklist instead. (Hey, I’d rather grab that than a blizzard checklist any day.)

           The first utility bill came for JZ, it is $110.58. That means without any serious air conditioning, the power for this place is around $33 per month in the summertime. Down from $100 at the last place. I called him for a couple of reasons, the main one being that there was a beautiful $1,000 fridge for free around two miles from his condo. With the in-door ice maker and the freezer underneath. French doors, I think they call them.

           [Author's note 2021: here's an excellent view of the original trailer in tales from the trailer court. Note the snappy paint job and the concrete skirt. I did all that. This picture will correspond with near the era when this blog began to get published. Today's presentation is upgraded to the standards learned over the years. If I live long enough, may the whole publication get the same treatment.]

           The photo [of the fridge] has gone missing, but it looked great, it stood a good 6 feet high, perfect for this joint. I needed JZ as there was no way of getting that in the station wagon. He was not at home issed him by a half-hour. He was over there hanging more pictures. Pretty soon it will be an art gallery. His horrid ex-girlfriend, the anorexic, anemic freak of a Carla is back in the picture. I do not like her and never will.
           It’s the old story. She was never that good-looking, but she was a blonde. Exactly the kind of blonde that men who can’t get blondes go after. She became a total user by 18 years old. The problem is that she is still trying to pull that off at 40 and it is not working. I can’t blame JZ, everybody’s got a vice. I mean, I’d like to have one, or two, of those, but on demand, I mean.

           Possibly another sale. That spunky gal at the donut shop needs a laptop. She is heading back to Columbia to go to college in September. Sigh, compare that to my options at that age. Maybe there are a few word processing lessons in there for her as well, and now that I know it is daddy’s money, the price goes up. People who have money to fly their teenage daughters to Florida rarely get a price break from me.

           That was JZ on the phone. We are planning a weekend day cruise. I want to head on a charter boat, he would likely want to put the $75 gas in his dad’s boat and head out, but I disagree. We would not meet any women that way. I still have visions of my first job at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. I was standing on the platform handing out the paychecks one Friday when a yacht went past less than three hundred feet away.
           The two guys steering were not yet 30, and they had these two model trophy babes on the deck. Of course, the whoop went up from 90 full-blooded Latino construction laborers. The two babes looked over, saw the water was too wide and deep for any trouble, and off came the bikini tops. Must be nice. That was in March, 2001, if I recall.

           Mike and Fred are okay with the new ad campaign. This is a larger targeted audience than ever possible before. Now that I see that CL is really a standard HTML header that adds in the body entered via an e-mail like text box, I can probably keep ahead of any efforts they make to stop inter-site advertising. By that, I mean that they have a robot that tries to cut down on people posting the same ad in more than one of their jurisdictions. The problem is that we are exactly between two big sites and need to cover both for business.
           I’m also scouting for a new database idea, something that makes it more convenient to visit my web page than to carry reference material around. Or a game, something that gives people a reason to keep returning to my site. I would go broke in a month trying to advertise for the same effect. I’m thinking of a small database with all 75 of the CSS commands sorted by the effect they produce. Remember, it took the very biggest corporations in the country to narrowly beat out my last idea. This one would be considerably shorter range, since the last one took so long it gave them the edge. My goal is to get something that works, then sell out to one of those corporations. Like AVG sold out for $740,000,000 a short while ago. That’s right, seven hundred and forty million dollars.

Last Laugh

July 24, 2006

           [Author's note 2016: This is a Dragon Naturally Speaking transcript. The picture is added later for effect. In 2006, I was still considering returning to work, including moving to California. Instead, I used the money to stay in Florida. Hmmm.]

           Another minor breakthrough with Internet styling. I’ve discovered that certain CSS stylesheets can be defeated by in-line rules. So I spent the afternoon setting up free ads with embedded graphics. Chances are this is not supposed to happen but to late now. When you leave a hole in the fence you can’t blame the boys for sneaking through.

           My newest student, Al, was in for his usual two hour stay. This means a tank of gas at a time, so I don’t mind. He has signed up to be a distributor for some kind of patent registration outfit on the Internet. I’m leery of anything that is remotely like a pyramid, but this one is significantly different in that the money (if any) comes from patent applications, not from recruiting new members.
           Thus, he needs a business plan and a full set of computer equipment both purchased and set up. I can see a few dollars for myself in this. Other than that, another quiet day. Afterward I went shopping at Wal-Mart for basics. Like business card blanks and office envelopes. That reminds me, I have $78 in receivables that should be showing this week. It has indeed been a slow month. I’m covered but barely.

           I’ve confirmed that Howard’s Internet problem is an IP address conflict, a topic which still baffles me. That should be an easy repair. Jack, the taxi driver, called back. They have finally decided to do something about sharing the DSL connection and I see they tried all of the shortcuts before deciding that maybe my services are needed afterall. They even got some extra supplies from BellSouth, none of which they really needed. It is revealing that BellSouth, who no doubt knew exactly what they wanted to do, still sent them the wrong thing (a filter splitter, a disk and a twelve foot phone cord).
           There is an ad in the paper for somebody to drive around and place a lock on marine cargo containers. They are out of Bakersfield (CA) and the deal is that they give you the last known location of a container that is overdue on the rent. You drive out there, post a past due notice and padlock the container. The pay is $10 per hour plus $10 per container plus 31 cents per mile. If they do not require a Florida license, I may just consider this. Figure it out, if I travel 50 miles round trip in three hours, that is, $55.00. Anyway, it is an interesting way to get around and if it is not dangerous, I may seriously consider it. That ad clearly states it is part time and you work your own hours. I would be available for very long weekend trips.

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July 23, 2006

           [Author's note 2016: this is a Dragon transcript. The picture is added later. I eventually dropped learning CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) as more trouble than it was worth. Picture added later. It's the border near Douglas, Arizona.]

           I was about to laze around for the day when Howard called. It was a perfect day but the forecast was for rain so I ruled against driving over to JZ’s for something to do. (Sure enough, the downpour began in late afternoon.) We usually go out hunting for women but never find any. Well, we do, but they are either hanging on the arm of a man or pushing a baby carriage. You know how I love the instant family concept.

           For instance, permit me my views on the new Superman Returns. It is a chick flick, people. The special effects are too obvious, he is hanging from a crane with the cable airbrushed out, no attempt at subtlety here. This round is, I think, the last time Superman gets away with being a white male with a steady job. The whole plot is a little too fictional, starting with him returning five years later and getting his old job back. It hasn’t been exported to Kryptonistan, yes and golly.
           Then the whole movie deteriorates into an unrequited love story, all from Lois’ point of view. Or, more accurately, from a weepy 16 year old girl’s point of view. For instance, “moving on” with her life is synonymous with getting shacked up, pregnant and having a totally clinging little wimp bastard of a son who dutifully takes his medication. Are you getting my point?
           He confronts Superman, not about his adventures across the cosmos for five years, but that he “left without saying goodbye”. Gag. Only that he left, never that she could have waited. The only realism is the extreme shallowness of women as portrayed because she is in love with Superman but not the exact same person in real day-to-day life Kent is not good enough for her. She spurns Kent regularly.

           Now Superman himself has turned into a wimp. He uses his X-ray vision to stalk her home and watch her ride up the elevator alone, where she is never caught scratching her ass. Get ready for this. Lois’ kid is Superman’s. So she slept with an alien, making that two things about women accurately portrayed. Of course, once she becomes “married”, she is a pillar of the community out to ban the same kind of immorality in other women. Where have we seen this before.
           Gene Hackman was the better Lex Luthor, this new guy doesn’t rock. The sub-plot that human emotion always wins over treachery is getting watered down. Then, so is the way that the entire Daily Planet does not notice that two six-foot-four men both left and returned on the same day a half-decade apart. There was an interesting dig at the American legal system when Luthor is released from prison because of a missed court appearance.
           Who is Howard? This is the retired professor who took some basic lessons from me last summer and programmed his own web page. From there, he went on to have Nigeria Jo, the coffeehouse guy, jazz up a fancy page. I specifically warned him about a site that he could not maintain himself and if you have been following, Jo lost his business and had to close up. That leaves Howard with a site he can’t update and my rates are super high for those who did not take my advice.

           I went over and showed him two hours worth of non-web items that were lacking. A common error is a DVD in the CD burner. The resulting computer error messages are about as useful as, well, a computer error message. He also has the dreaded AOL9.0 which has taken over his system so badly I had to spend thirty minutes deleting the more useless features, like seven icons in his system tray. His book, “In Search of the Perfect Whore” has been published (Amazon, I think). Promotion is more work that the writing but he’s on the trail.
           His question was how to put a shortcut on the desktop that he could click to send anyone a copy of the flyer that describes the book. I don’t know, never been asked that question before. The closest I could get was to place it on a word document which is easy to cut and paste when needed. Creating groups was not an option since he does not know in advance who he will be emailing.

           I finally rigged up a curtain across the back of my car, just behind the front seats. This is because the air conditioning is for a Taurus sedan and it can’t quite keep up with the station wagon. Even full blast, the Florida sun doesn’t let the car get comfortable, so I’ve placed a tiny barrier. Wow, what a superb difference! Instead of having a full blast toward your head, it is now a nice quiet flow that keeps the compartment climatized. Should I patent? It is just a wispy thin layer of see-through material that breaks up the front to back air flow.
           Two more updates. One, I spent a few hours more on CSS and am beginning to get a handle on the system. Yes, it is needlessly complicated and the text books are full of contradictions. Two, the fern garden is blooming like springtime. These are secretly carrots with the new leaves regularly pinched back to cause a bushy plant. I should have got you some photos but I trimmed them back to nothing before I thought of it. People walking by notice the ferns but not that they are carrots. Just don’t get right up close or the aroma gives them away. Very delicate fern-like growth. I’ve got an apricot and a peach not doing so well.

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July 22, 2006

Off-season can be a real drag in this town. The local landlords are lucky that business has to pay the rent year-round. All that saved me today was this black dude came in that needed thirty CDs copied in a hurry. Which led me to the further conclusion that some of my network computers are not set up right to make these copies.


Then Fred walks out of the back with a great little ftp program. It is a little complicated at first and the directions suck, but it seems to have all the required features. As usual, I will not be able to find anyone around who can give me a hand with this stuff. It appears to work by logging on to two remote computers as if they were connections to just another hard drive. The software displays two panels, one the source and the other the destination. The connections I will have to figure out, the examples given are useless.
I spent the early day getting routine maintenance done on the network. This included help from Fred getting the sound (audio devices) up and running. For some reason, on-board sound cards give me trouble, mainly because I don’t know how to go about getting enough information about them to go looking for a driver.
While all this was going on, I managed to burn a DVD of a movie not released yet and that will be my entertainment this evening. It massively clouded over near quitting time. Florida must hold the record for places that rain a lot but don’t install adequate drainage. It rains intensely here, there is rarely a day-long drizzle. Do the city planners build for this condition? Of course not. Every rainstorm thus creates a mini-flash flood. Take a look at this little river running down Hollywood Boulevard.
No excuse exists for this kind of poor planning. That stream is eight feet wide and ankle-deep at the curb. See it flowing down the street? Well, you cannot walk around it at the intersections and if you pull your car up to park, you can’t get out without getting a boot-full. You cannot ford the water anywhere, the storm sewers don’t appear to work at all. This water is headed straight for the Atlantic Ocean. The City will ticket you instantly if you try to park parallel so you passenger can get out or if you try to pull into one of the driveways to do the same.
Note that this attitude on the part of the City has another side-effect. This is mid-afternoon on a Saturday. See the dozens of shoppers and cars in the busy prime-time shopping street? You think Florida would learn that you cannot tax your way to general prosperity. I believe that was tried Canada but all the truly talented people kept leaving the country. The bastards.
Speaking of dead-ends, a person now requires a minimum annual income of $109,000 to afford a house in Miami. Nobody who works for a living makes that kind of money around here. The system has spent more money on welfare and subsidized housing than would be needed to outright buy the houses and give them away. Home ownership is highly over-rated anyway, it’s not like your house is your castle anymore. Every flunky cop, city inspector and telemarketer has a key to invade your privacy any time for any reason.
I went over to see Dickens at the shop. He’s admitted he wants out but that he’ll hold for his price. He also has that house in the Keys that is on the market for $800,000. I won’t break your heart and tell you what he paid for it in 1989, but I confirm that it would make a grown man cry. Really cry.

July 21, 2006

I’m not adjusting well to not playing on Fridays. The Hippie and I are still not getting along over his tendency to book our act as a single and refuse to commit to playing any gigs except the ones he lines up. You see, that would tip the local club owner’s off that he is not a single and his ego could not stand up to such a punch. He could be famous if he’d get off his high horse and start playing people music.
So, what is a Friday like when I don’t get out to some kind of club? Kind of slow, I report. Yulii, the Armenian guy was in for another letter to the editor. He is okay but he does not bring money and that is the third time he expects two hours of my work for $20. I basically told him no more, he owes me another $20 and don’t come back until he’s paid up. He’s cheaped out on us before, once trying to get a computer fixed for ten dollars.


Speaking of which, Mike owes me one. He finally came out of the back after six hours of failing to find an Intel 82801DBM audio driver. Take note and heart you non-computer types, for I confirm to you that a laptop without sound is practically un-sellable. That means most people use them to watch movies, folks. They could get the same functionality on DVD player for a fraction the price. I found the correct driver in a roundabout way, but in less than ten minutes. It is simple – you are supposed to know that it is called an AC’97 (yes, that is an apostrophe).
Of all the odd things, this lady came in and began chatting me up. She knew my name and most of what I did. I just could not place her. Hitting on me, telling me how good I look and dress. Pardon me, I am about as average looking as they get. She was not that bad looking so I knew something made me overlook her. Alas, I could see she was not expecting that I would not recall her, since I was just a dumb computer teacher and must not meet many people. At least I think that was the reaction.
I got the story afterward from the gang. Now it makes sense, Occam’s Razor sense. She just went through an ugly divorce. This is the scowling lady that used to come in and log on to the HP without speaking to anyone. I may be wrong and I hope I am wrong but where have I seen this before? The recently divorced or dumped broad that would have nothing to do with me finds out what else is on the market and suddenly I am like totally okay.


At mid-evening I attended a turtle conservation lecture at the Kolb Nature Center. Some dumpy marine biologists from Nova were giving a slide show on nesting habits. True, this does not compare to jamming on stage even at the sorry places the G booked us, but what else can you do for $3 in this town? They gave some lowdown on turtle problems, most of them man-made.
After the show, we all met at the beach where they had an area roped off for the hatchlings. This was informative. As soon as they break the sand surface, they head for the brightest lights. In nature, that would be the crests of the breaking waves in the moonlight or even starlight. They do not seem to notice lights over 500 feet away, the darker the beach the better. All hundred or so turtles per nest emerge within a few minutes as they collectively dig out of the sand.
This is amazing because you are looking at 150 million years of evolution. The turtles make for the water but already you can see stronger and weaker members. How could anyone doubt Darwin? The hatchlings scrape along slowly until a wave just touches them. This taste of salt water kicks them into high gear. They explode with energy and the guide says they swim non-stop for 36 hours out to the Sargasso Sea, only stopping to rest on the seaweed. Then some go on to Africa.

July 20, 2006

           Another late start, both with CSS and with Florida. You see, there is a railroad here like no other. They time the trains to run at rush hour. Sometimes they run them other times, but the one you can count on is rush hour. Them, and the drawbridges. Blocking traffic exactly where they will cause the most damage.
           Oddly, one would think that a newer area like Florida would learn and benefit by the mistakes of others. By new, I mean the majority of the built up area is roughly fifty years old at most. You think they might take a look at the problems of other cities to both find solutions and to avoid the problems in the first place. Not Florida. It is as though they purposely go out and do the worst they possibly can.
Miami is third world, but even a supposedly American town like Hollywood is corrupt to a degree very few taxpayers could ever agree with. It does not take rocket science to conclude why the lady Mayor spent over a million dollars to get elected to a position that only pays $40,000 per year.
           The railroads run a mile in from the coast, where they should run a good twenty miles further inshore. This means the desirable residential coastal areas are cut off on one side of the tracks and the factories and employment are on the other. I do no believe in the hundred miles of South Florida I have traveled that I have ever seen a municipal road with a railway underpass or overpass, that is, all are level crossings.
           The State heavily pushes the “TriRail” commuter train. However, they carefully priced it to be at least equal to travel by car. The only people that use it are those who can’t afford a car because, like the bus system, it doesn’t go where you want to go when you want to go there. It does, however, block traffic. At least the wait is short. The TriRail has three or four cars maximum.
           It is the heavy duty freight trains that cause the problems. Yes, I know it take two to tango but between the opponents, it would be easier to control the trains. They are nearly a mile long and barrel through town at around forty miles per hour. I wonder if anyone has ever calculated to cost of the disruption and lost lives? Trains regularly plow into commuters who try to run the barricades.
           Actually, there are two railroads. The really bad one is the Florida East Coast. They love to rattle through blasting the horn. It is equally the fault of local developers who build condos and subdivisions right alongside.
           The town councils should have insisted they pay for overpasses right from the start. Instead, a ramp to the nearest roadway is all that is required, so that condo development pushes already inadequate services past the limit. An example is Hallandale Beach, where 3,600 condos have taken the place of 230 houses without any increase in roadway, libraries or parking facilities in an area that was already congested. It takes as long to get from here to the beach on Hallandale Boulevard as it does to take I-95 to Ft. Lauderdale.
           Part of the reason for that is more corruption. The traffic lights were synchronized at some point in the past century. Since then, every subdivision that comes along gets a light installed depending on how much the town gets bribed. A classic case is Carriage Hills along Stirling Street, I believe it is the equivalent of 64th Avenue. The light stops the otherwise constant flow of traffic for an incredibly long time although there is rarely anyone ever crossing the road. It would be a simple matter to time the light but then nobody would know where Carriage Hills sits, if you know what I mean.

July 19, 2006

           The clouds are keeping the temperatures perfect around here while the rest of the country swelters. It was so nice, I took a day off work and got some things done around the place. Summer is usually too hot for that so I dared not miss the chance.

           It is still too warm at noon, don’t get me wrong. I went over to the bookstore and read up on more CSS programming. Nobody is outright saying it, but HTML was one of the most terrible designs to start with and things like CSS are really nothing more than patch-ups. The word terrible is not an exaggeration, this famous CERN lab always mentioned as the beginning of the Internet should have stuck to material they knew about, they certainly were not English majors or programmers.
           Do you see the brownish-orange box in the picture? Can anyone tell me what it is? I bought it at a swap meet two years ago and had to take it apart to find out what it did. Turns out it was broken and I was able to figure out things by repairing it. Answer at end of today’s entry.
Dickens has mentioned already that there is a possibility he wants me to work at the store a couple of days a week. This will be a difficult decision. It would have to pay the rent and pay more than I could make doing occasional computer work. That means at least $100 a day or it is just not worth my while. Even that is nothing but the way things are I doubt that is possible.

           You can always tell a slow day. I talk about computers. It was a marathon study session, all on CSS. I still don’t get these chapters about inheritance. Most of the other things I can get to work, including how to position without using tables. The inheritance features are another example of how they shot themselves in the foot. As in so many computer-related fields, failure with the feature that makes things easy to use eclipses all other good they may have accomplished.
           I’ll give it a chance but really, 99% of people would have given up by now and just used Dreamweaver. There are no obvious advantages to learning the “code” over just taking shortcuts from the design point. However, it is totally necessary for doing anything truly original. One thing I do not like about html is that anyone can view the source code. I would like a stab at preventing that even though I am 100% certain others have tackled it already. The way it stands, this dumb command ensures no web page can remain totally original for very long.

           Most of the process is also misleading. I look at the authors of these books and most of them seem to be in their mid-thirties, with only two women represented. This could cause an observer to conclude web programming is a skill only acquired by a generation who grew up with the Internet. False, in fact, most programmers have done a poor job of it. I come from an era 5 to 15 years earlier, when anyone who even touched a computer was and necessarily had to be an expert.
           That explains why I rejected html in 1997. I read one of the first books on the topic, programmed a couple of pages and concluded that the language (I use the term loosely) was too primitive to amount to anything. The fact is, the Internet is youth-oriented and youth-dominated, which many wrongly think makes a youthful science. If the original users had known a thing or two, they may not have latched on to html.

           Last, my purpose of this study is to create my own blog template. I want it to read like a standard text, with full paragraphs and indents. Pictures with borders, and if I can figure out how, with captions. Using a garden-variety template is just too dippy.
           Ah, the mystery box. The seller didn’t know either, so I bought it for $8.00. Here are a couple of last moment hints. The black circle on the end is a sponge material cover and that is where the music comes out. It contains no mechanisms, no batteries and operates on steel ball bearings. Give up? It is a wind chime without the wind.

           Inside are several ordinary wind chime tubes, but hung horizontally on nylon strings. There are several hundred tiny ball bearings inside the case. On the inside “roof” is a patch of semi-permanent glue. When you turn the box upside down, the bearings stick to the glue. When placed back normally, gravity very slowly lets a few of the bearings drop at a time over the next hour or more. They strike the chimes with a very high quality ring, a very pure note that can easily put you to sleep. Trust me.
           It is not an antique. During the repair I noticed several tell-tale signs of modern manufacture, such as air gun staples. There are no identifying marks though it is definitely mass-produced. It is in the office because of air conditioning. Sadly, when the temperature rises above 80 as it regularly does in my place, the glue becomes less tacky and the bearings drop all at once. Some people who don’t know their physics suggest the top plate is magnetic (but that would not let the bearings drop). Sadly ,I cannot get you any better pictures without dismantling it again and that is out of the question until I find another example. Right now it is unique.

July 17, 2006

No word from Dickens but it is good to be back at the computer store. The money is better and the hours are shorter. Say, does National Telecom ring a bell? It seems to me that was one of those splinter long distance providers that started up in anticipation of deregulation. I believe I once considered joining them. Then, I had also considered Sprint.
They needed somebody to service their customers, so Fred and I went over the contract quite closely. I think it is the same company. They thoroughly understand that I do not do network cable installations. It is more likely that they have limited repair resources and need somebody to go out and make faces at the customers, only referring major troubles to the National crew.
According to the contract we are not under obligation for much. The consensus is that if they send us work, great. If not, nothing much lost. Should the work arrive I don’t think we’ll have any trouble meeting their standards. The first referral is this Friday. They kept bugging us to send in the contract as they have the work and we were taking our time, that is, they had work but nobody to send out on it.


The unusual thing for the day was that “whiz kid” came in, but this time with his father. Seems the kid locked up their computer with yet another virus. There was enough time to go over what had happened and during this discussion it became pretty obvious the son had some severe limitations and gaps in his computer knowledge. Didn’t know what a kilobyte was.
I plowed through some CSS code, including the in-line rules for Blogger and Craigslist. Both are actually quite advanced users of style sheets (although I have only found Craigslist but cannot yet open it) and are definitely leading edge as far as what is actually out there. Oh, and I found out why AVG, which was free for so long, is not giving the pop-up warnings. They sold out for $780 million and the new owner wants a return on his investment.


It was a perfect Caribbean evening, drawn out and with a slight breeze to make it fancy. A night for painting the trailer. I walked over from Dunkin’ Donuts after work and hauled out the paint cans. Several of the neighbors are taking note of the improvements, although one of them does not like the Colonial Green. Of course, I get far more help with advice than I do with labor. He left, inexplicably, when I pointed out green represented the forest and blue was the sky.
Again, I am impressed by how well-constructed that trailer is. Plainly it was empirically built back in the 1950s or it would not be so rock-solid today. It has out-lasted all the appliances and original fixtures, sometimes twice over.

July 16, 2006

           I drove to Coral Springs to finish up that network. It was an oddball problem, I can’t say for sure but I think there were two different configurations for the wireless card and they were conflicting. That is the highlight of the day, so I hope you enjoyed it.
           Afterward I went over to Sawgrass Mills Mall, that mouthful of a place. I get a kick out of Wannado City. It is an amusement park with a twist. Suppose your kid wants to be a fireman. They let him play fireman for the day, or however long your ticket says. Now why didn’t I think of that.

           The best bookstore in the area, Books-A-Million is in the far corner of the mall, a good half-mile walk inside the building. The gorgeous women who hang in that place can represent a serious distraction but I managed to read a couple of books and kill the afternoon.

           [Author's note 2017: this photo is from the Monsters of Rock festival in Spain. I missed it.]

           JZ decided to visit his dad, so cancel anything else. Anything new? In a sense, yes, because I didn’t think it would work as well as it did. Sharper Image has this collar device. You add water and it has a tiny fan that creates a mist that evaporates around your neck. I don’t know how it would work in the real world but it felt definitely cool in the store. The claim is 20 degrees cooler, which it probably does. The point is, since it is around your neck, it really feels like it is doing a great job.
           This was not one of my more exiting Sundays. I did need the day off. The last two weeks at the Thrift have reminded me of what it is like to have to work for a living. Sometimes it isn’t even the work as much as the feeling that you know you have to be there. I looked over my quarterly statements, some of these investments go back years beyond memory and yet not one of them has paid off. I see my mutual funds are chugging along at the going rate.

           It was that particular string of investments that made me finally realize the amount of truth that you cannot get rich by trying. At least not the average person. I knew that it was true, I qualified it by saying the amount of truth. So I did what I thought was best. I made up some pots for my carrot ferns, avocado and peach plants. Good call!
           Then, I drank orange soda and read up on CSS. None of it is difficult but I can see it involves working very closely with your HTML programmer. In fact, if that programmer is not totally on your side, it might be a better idea to do it yourself. All these books give lip service to the planning stages but in real life I have yet to see it. I still have not made any bucks at the web, except for tiny projects here and there. My cash reserves are getting seriously low, so a job is definitely not out of the question.

           There seems to be an unnatural demand for CMAs, indicating that that degree is now the equivalent of a high school diploma. The people are not smarter, but the standards have fallen. Time to time, I hear the amusing quip that making $10,000 is twice as much as $5,000. This is ridiculous in reality. That is like saying 10 degrees is twice as hot a 5 degrees, when in fact they are both below freezing.

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July 15, 2006

           It was a dead day for business. A lot of new people came through today, it was enough to keep the day interesting. For example, this tiny lady came in with a carload of fashion clothes with the price tags attached. How you interpret that will determine your kindness to humankind. She was a kleptomaniac. Wrong, she had lost 62 pounds and held on to the clothes for long enough to make sure she kept the weight off.
           I asked her the secret. She said hypnosis. It worked for her, she was smaller than Robyn in her prime. Classic hourglass waist. Jerry was in with his new girlfriend, we piled a queen size mattress and box-spring on top of his jeep. He had never seen an MP3 player in action, so I downloaded every Marty Robins hit in existence. Attempted to download, that is. Around twenty didn’t make it by closing time.

           [Author's note 2017: today was a big soccer day, with England vs. Trinidad-Tobago in Nuremberg, Germany. I think.]

           Maybe I’ll run another ad for this material. I tend to forget that most people my age do not even know what an MP3 is. Jerry is still not 100% convinced he was listening to my player, an old 256K model by RCA. He had to believe because he chose which tunes I would download. You’d still have to see the look on his face.
           A man brought in six boxes of ancient but brand new in the wrapper LPs. He reminded me of Mike from LA, who often ordered things he never remembered and sometime never opened. He had a living room full of boxes and UPS trucks pulling up every other day. I lost track of Mike when Shirley [his mother] passed away in around 1992. Most of them are unplayed. I went through and sadly have to report the guys taste in 1960s music did not cover the Beatles. That would have been a find.

           Sales were so light I burned a copy of The Full Monty off a VHS. I like the dance moves when ordinary looking people do them, plus my opinion is that it was an original idea for a movie in an age starved for novelty. This is all going on while this lady is buying a bible for a dollar and inviting me to call her for spiritual discussion. Jerry and I had been talking about Ian Paisley, who apparently he knows and used to visit in Northern Ireland.
           Last, a lady came at closing time and we got to talking. Be damned if she does not work at a certain private department and has access to, shall we say, files like you would not believe. She is not keen on the way she has been treated there. We’ve made an arrangement, I teach her how to do SQL searches, and she practices on the list of words that I supply her. This could be a major break, for I am the master pattern-matcher of all time, such a handy talent around computers. If it is what I think it is, I will have better information than the police or the tax man because people themselves will have supplied it, yet to anyone else, the results look like random dates and times.

           She had just dumped her last boyfriend for sheer stupidity. Get this. The guy was 48 years old and responded to some Nigerian scheme for easy money. They send you an official-looking check. The deal is you get the cash from a check store, that is, you don’t deposit it into your account. The check is apparently for $5,000. You send them $2,000 and keep the other $3,000. Great deal until the check bounces. She tried to save him by successfully tracing the cell number of the contact and turning them in to the FBI. However, the boyfriend was so dumb he cashed a second check. Anyway, her ability to trace that cell number was what got us to talking.
           I’ve decided what type of ferns to plant in front of my picture window. Carrots. That is correct, ordinary carrots. The pineapple is growing but it has not yet put down any roots. Wallace reports seeing giant pineapple in Hawaii that were four feet tall and four feet around, being used as ornamental yard plants. For the record, the electric company wants $110 deposit for this joint. The bill is not in my name, screw them on that one, like I would be dumb enough to give that information to a public utility! I also notice the other people here do not specify their unit number on the mail. Good plan these days.
           One of the customers found a drum machine in the back. The batteries had corroded on the inside, but the power transformer was intact. I’m checking it out later tonight.

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July 14, 2006

Dickens called from Massachusetts, he’s starting back home a day early. That means tomorrow is my last day. Good. Some of the customers are getting used to seeing me at the shop. The great looking Polish lady was in again first thing this morning. I’ve always maintained there are two Federal laws nobody knows about. They are
All construction sites with more than 75 men must have one and only one total babe working in the office and who already has a boyfriend.
All married women must, no matter what the circumstances, mention that fact within the first three sentences of any conversation.
Am I wrong? You are supposed to guess which rule applies here. You should see the behind on that woman, they didn’t make them like that back on the collective farm. The first woman I’ve seen in five years with eyes bluer than mine.
We got a ton of donations in, mainly clothes. Some of it is pretty slick. That biker that came in last day, the one who was 5X large who donated around 40 brand new Harley Davidson t-shirts, worth something like $30 apiece. I’ve been selling them as night shirts to teenage women for $3 each. They are brand new, never worn. The shirts I mean, not the women. Anyway, this biker must have had some fancy job because everything was top of the line. Silk shirts and suede suits.
Roberto called from the office. He has this plan that I should be on the Internet answering questions. Sort of like a Dear Abby for computers. It says something that people who’ve known me a year still think I am a genius, you’d think they’d get over that after a week, but no.
Another man came in looking for Dickens. He reports that a fellow pawnshop owner got ripped off for a million dollars. It was in his vault in a shop with a big commercial alarm company supposedly keeping tabs. The bad guys got inside with an acetylene torch and leisurely cut the door off, uninterrupted for a full 8 hours. Some alarm company! The owner can’t report it because he apparently was not supposed to (ahem) have that much money.
Yuli called. This is the guy who I helped translate a letter to the President a few months back. He speaks some weird language and knows how to guide boats into all the harbors in the Black Sea area. This is the guy that swan across Puget sound in the winter when he was 70 years old. He wants to volunteer. That was one touch job, since I don’t speak any Armenian. Now he wants to do it again. I kind of told him that is not something you call up for at 9:00 Friday night. I can’t get to it for another week. By the way, if he gets funding for it, I have volunteered to be part of his crew to sail around the world against terrorism.
I’ve been listening to a “new” Chet Atkins tune, “Mule Skinner Blues”. The usual fine job he does but it is truly obscure music. I’m going to take some time off and learn that bass riff. It is on my MP3 list but I do not recall downloading it.
Can anyone confirm the following? I heard that the way they determine how many calories are in a food is to “burn” the food in a special pressurized oxygen container and measure the heat. I was trying to find out why all these health books say that an avocado has so many more calories than other fruits, which I don’t believe.

July 13, 2006

You don’t suppose some of the customers are getting used to seeing me at the store, do you? I had one man explain to me in Spanish that I was happier and less “military” than the other guy, but then, I’m not stuck there for a long time, either. I sold everything, including the set of matching chairs out front. Even so, sales are too slow to justify keeping the doors open. I’ve seen this before, I’ll bet you Dickens has a large money event looming somewhere.
It is not my business, I am just noting that there is something familiar about the arrangement. Don’t be surprised if in a few months I report that he is selling and clearing out of Florida. The local economy is so over-heated and under-fueled right now that anybody with money is heading back north. The bumper sticker says, “The further you go north, the closer you get to America.”
They have created a system where everybody tries to get rich selling each other hamburgers. There are no real factories or corporate headquarters here, just farms and real estate speculators. Where all this fabled Florida money comes from is not likely anywhere nearby. How it ever got a reputation for being a great retirement area or place to visit is a mystery of the first magnitude. JP called and we may consider going on a boat ride on the weekend, although rain is predicted.
That will be the first time in six years I’ve been on the water. That is another very Hawaii-like strangeness about this place – how come everything that comes from the water is so damn much more expensive than places that are miles inland? Why is the tuna that comes from half way around the world cheaper than the local “fresh” tuna?
I’ve been talking to customers about computers almost daily. I may have a few bites of private computer lessons. I am still finding out that most people want something not offered elsewhere – somebody to show them how to do things without the customary sales pitch. To paraphrase an old saying, ask somebody in Florida what time it is and they try to sell you a watch.
Later I was back over at the Italian lady’s place on Madison. I had intended to just be there an hour, which became nearly two hours. Since they have fancier computer equipment than I do, I thought they might at least know a few of the basics. Wrong. I showed them how to run the anti-virus programs and how to surf a little. The rest is going to cost them the going rate. Wow, like they really know nothing.
That, however, should not surprise me. For example, I’ve seen people with incredibly expensive things in their houses that nobody could operate. A good example is a piano. Around the house I grew up in, pianos were strictly decoration. Maybe an expensive computer fills the same role for others, except that pianos tend to hold their value to a certain extent.
I watched a Harry Potter movie. “The Sorcerer’s Stone” I think, it is a movie for younger kids played by older kids. This is not to imply I am years behind the rest of the world, but that Harry Potter was not any kind of priority for me. Sure enough, the movie bored me except for the excellent special effects. The clichés are appalling, especially what I’ve dubbed “Wizard U”, which is based on an English public school. How original can you get? The plot is sterile and written down to the audience.
One curious aspect is the way the girl is portrayed when in company with two eleven year old boys. I’m not saying nothing, you can draw your own conclusions. But when I was eleven no such things were permitted to happen, and in fact, anyone who did not pretend they never happened could be severely punished. So there.
Last, Fred and I talked about web programming. This has no basis in fact, but it seems that others don’t seem to have a fraction of the difficulties we do learning this material. The only alternative explanation we can see is that they only know the one thing they are doing, that is, a very confined area of knowledge and nothing much else. Do you suppose that could be true? My conclusion is that the next step in web page programming is variables. Fred says I should be the one that writes the code, but although I can program, I haven’t the slightest notion how to go about such a task. (Variables are placeholders in the HTML code, where instead of say a price, I put a variable that displayed data from a remote and easy to update table.)

July 12, 2006

           I did an early morning supply run for computer parts and settled in for a rainy day of typical summer weather. It is probably not worth Dicken’s while to keep the shop open in the early mornings during the summer. I also met the landlord who came by for the rent. Typical nosey jerk (who thinks Dicken’s is not open long enough hours).
[Photo missing]
           It is still a guess, but I may have found out what those little chrome cats are for. These are the matching set of six stylized cats I at first though were daschunds. Apparently they are table settings, a prop for guests to rest their silverware between courses. I’m not convinced but it is the most plausible theory so far. Here is a picture of one of the cats, around two inches long. Beside it is what I called the “coke duck”. It is a little duck whose feathers are hinged and the tail is the handle of a tiny little spoon. Everyone unnecessarily assures me that it is something else.

           [Author's note 2016: photo is missing. This is a photo from the year 2006 to give this page some color.]

           Please forgive the lousy photo. It is not the fault of the camera or the photographer, it is just too close for the lens. This, and most of the pictures you see here are taken by the famous $18.88 camera from BrandstupidUSA, the name changed in honor of the kind of people who work there. The camera has no LCD or flash and has taken almost 6,000 photos, most of which are still on CDs around here somewhere. Famous because it has taken almost 50 times as many pictures as more expensive cameras that sit on a shelf for fear of getting them dirty. You’ll undoubtedly hear more about this camera as each passing week distances it from the runners-up.
           A lot of young marrieds came through today. These are the 35 to 35 year-old couples with flagging relationships that are going through the motions of spending quality time together. Their marriage ceremonies were, in most cases, a formality. They had already been living together.I can stomach them in limited doses as long as it is not at a resort or on a boat. Such relationships are proof of my contention that the person who wants a commitment is planning on something they couldn’t get away with otherwise. I’m reminded of Keynes [John Maynard, the economist] who was surprised how common adultery was considering housewives look so much alike.

           No word from my contacts on the left coast. That is unusual, though I may just be impatient for news. I studied more CSS and made a few good discoveries which, since the material was from different authors, I will have to try out for myself. (CSS, or Cascading Style Sheets) are a method of separating style from content on web pages, CSS being the style portion.)

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July 11, 2006

Newcomers beware, when I have a slow day I tend to talk about computers. So stick around, sometimes you learn something. A new event today for me. Remember that for all the years I have taught computers, I have not repaired them very long at all. A customer came in with a computer I worked on and sold him six months ago, and sold it back to me. No room for it in his new apartment. Yet I’ll bet you there is a TV.


I’m not grossing any more than Dickens at the Thrift, but I am moving a lot of the higher priced items. Some of the customers are getting used to me being there already and know I don’t sell anything for less than $2.00 so don’t ask. One new guy, Mike came in and he is an air conditioning mechanic. We have a working arrangement already. He knows his stuff.
For example, all the trouble I have with that AC unit in the Florida room may be over in an instant. Several people have pronounced it dead because a pipe is bent and it is missing the remote control. Mike said, “Let me look at it once. If it is the remote, give me five minutes to rip out the receiver and install a mechanical switch.”
You can tell a man who knows what he is doing. Then, I downloaded a ton of CSS material and have discovered a variation. It is called CSS-P for “positioning” and refers to the coding that replaces tables. It makes sense, as tables were beginning to make the code appallingly cumbersome. Even reading my earlier work was slow and I am a heavy documenter, often commenting 30% of everything.


Then I went over to a new client on A1A, the major coast road in S. Florida. Two ladies who called to say their computer had “quit talking Italian”. I got it going. Avanti means Next and Salvo means Save. These two ladies have an incredible computer from Europe but they don’t know how to use it. First of all, it was suffocating on 427 ad-ware and spy viruses. (Don’t quibble with me, anything on a computer installed without your knowledge is a virus in my book, and it is my book.)
It was fun over there for two hours, since they had no idea the thing could play movies and burn CDs. They are intensely interested in how to surf anonymously. Both are single and one just got out of the hospital with a wrist operation. She is pretty but zonked out today so the picture does not do her justice. The other lady wants to take some lessons, she is they type I can really make progress with because she knows this is a rare opportunity.
By the way, yes, the operating system was entirely in Italian, which amazed them because although I could not read the words, I was able to correctly guess everything from the position of the screen messages. Somehow, the new printer driver had installed itself twice and was confusing the hell out of everyone. Another Epson C92. I decided to take it in to the shop, for although it works fine, unless somebody learns to speak Italian around here, leaving it that way is asking for trouble.