February 7, 2010

           Here is a cheery photo I call “National ID Card”. What’s wrong with a national ID card? Lots of countries have used them in the past. Besides, only people with something to hide don’t like the idea. What could be more harmless, all you have to do is carry your card. And if the cards don’t work out, we can always change the law back again. Just remember to bring your ID card so you can vote, but other than that, it is secret ballot.
           I see my lecture on computer ciphers of y’day had plenty of impact. Folks, if you need or want more information, I remind you that I am not an authority on these topics. They merely interest me. But due to demand, I will hand out a little more cautionary advice.
           Yes, we all love free wireless service, whether it is Starbucks or the neighbor’s un-WEP’d router. But goddammit people, you never use money services over a WiFi network. No banking, stocks, paypal, and never over your cell phone either. Don’t be a Panera Pinhead. For all cash transactions, go home and use your wired computer. And don’t retort about https, which is only secure for authentication, not for communication.

           Here’s an item of interest to few. Much of the profiling software of the world is being developed in Canada, a country with few personal privacy safeguards. “When guns are outlawed, only Mounties will have guns.” A new system is available to scan crowds to measure who is not smiling hard enough. The program singles out people who are exhibiting “suboptimal perkiness”, who will then be “questioned further”.
           One can only imagine the distorted uses of such a product. Available from a company called “Omniperception” in the province of British Columbia. Make damn sure you are cheering for the right hockey team, you cheeseheads, or out come the cuffs.

           Remember Wallace and I went to Coral Castle? There is a new theory of how old Ed moved the blocks. We all know he was a Lithuanian stonemason and used a block and tackle. And he worked at night because of the Florida heat. Some dude named Hoagland says old Ed used a willow branch to dowse the land for “energy” to levitate the coral blocks, which probably weigh about half that of stone with the same dimensions. (If you think the theory is valid, you should also know that Hoagland is the same guy who discovered that face on Mars. Know what I’m sayin’?)
           Later, I went to Borders to read, so my perennials Popular Science and Popular Mechanics provide today’s new product information. My favorite is a sensor in cars which uses GPS to report the location of potholes in the road. My least favorite is the military plan to implant electrodes in insect larvae so they are born ready to wire with sensors and weapons energized by the bugs own wingpower. (I won’t mention their use in the upcoming Sino-Russian War of 2014 because nobody is supposed to know about that yet.)
           Both these magazines get a big fat zero for “smiletrain” charity ads. This is the disgusting practice with those pictures of hairlipped babies making the rounds. Good going, editors, you are sensitive beyond the call of duty. We all love to sit down with our donut and coffee and see that. We can hardly wait for “hemorrhoidtrain”. Ad money is great, but you all have rocks in your heads. The only thing that would have made me angrier is if I’d paid for the magazines.

           I also see that Forbes has picked up on my pet prediction about February 2011. They’ve adjusted a few details, such as saying the Baby Boom began in 1947, but we agree closely enough on the numbers. They say 3 to 4 million per year, where I said 10,000 per day. Forbes’ resources swamp my own; I admit using a calculator I got at the dollar store. Forbes says the bust will occur in stages that parallel what’s happening in Japan.
           This means several more mood swings in the stock market before most (96% or 81,600,000) of the old people lose everything. It is a formula, there is not enough money to go around. You lived your lives playing big shot on credit, now you pay it back. And that is that. Same goes for your kids who you raised to think the same way. I don’t have to work at Forbes to tell you the taxi driving jobs are all taken.

           Today’s trivia says that in Peru, it takes 728 steps to obtain a certificate of land title. Hmm, in American, it takes that many dollars, doesn’t it? Goddam, we are efficient in this land.

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February 6, 2010

           More interesting material will creep back into this blog soon, it took a while to get things settled down. There is more privacy than ever around here, as Theresa and I are both working and that means I don’t have to stay around all day to conserve every last dollar because the other guy refuses to tell me when he is leaving. Some people are so totally self-serving that it makes me wonder. Today’s photo is of a dead trailer court, see the utility meters at center right? The purchasers of these lots moved too fast at the height of the bubble.
           Nothing of general importance happened. Today you get a list of events that show I have few projects that can be completed in a day or two, having completed all those before I was 25. So it may seem some things disappear, but they are merely on the symbolic back burner. For instance, my puzzle patent. It turns out what I want is a design patent, as different from a utility or an engineered plant patent. The cost to file it on my own is roughly $680 to $800.
           The process has been needlessly complicated by lawyers and bureaucrats over time. A paper shuffle. Also, I intend to write a letter to the Zoom Corporation in Japan, saying if they will guarantee me some type of regular payments, I will share my ideas of a proper drum box with them. I honestly believe that my concept represents a true giant leap into the future for the manufacturer to commits to it.
           While reading several law books, I noticed it is still illegal to buy radio-shielding materials in the USA without a government license. Not a permit, a license. These materials are used to block “tempest attacks”, which most of us have seen only in the movies. You know, the van parked outside with the g-men listening. These are not wire-taps, they are picking up the very faint electronic signals made by your computer keyboard as you type. Yes, it works and it is very real.
           Nor are the telecommunications companies any protection, since they are bound by a law that states they must “permit the government to obtain plain text contents of [all] communications when authorized by law”. Not when permitted by the Constitution, but when authorized by law, a big major difference. We’re safe though, because everybody knows the phone company would never just give your phone records to the police without a warrant. Ha, ha.
           You know, that is what the big stink was over twenty years ago when some college types came up with ways to scramble digital telecommunications. In fact, why don’t I talk about that subject just for interest’s sake. One of the inventors (Heller? Hellman?) was nearly jailed over the issue. This breaks up the chain of thought here, so let me start over at a more logical point.
           There are two sides to the privacy issue. One is that the police need the ability to catch criminals. The opposite view is that the authorities have a solid history of using the same techniques against innocent people. (I’m on the side of the people, saying the police already have all the power they need to combat crime if they would just use it right.) There is a massive government intrusion into privacy via a program called “Echelon”. This is not conspiracy theory, but a fact of life. It is computer software that picks up certain keywords from private conversations that “merit further investigation”.
           And that is precisely the abuse of authority. An innocent person who says “assassinate” and “president” in the same conversation is automatically a suspect. Some say he has nothing to worry about if he is innocent, others say that civil liberty demands that he should never be subject to warrantless searches. The people who invented freedom knew that you cannot give the police special privileges. Ever.
           The remainder of my curiosity with codes (actually ciphers) is their construction. Ciphers are the technique of rendering a message unreadable by anyone who intercepts it between the intended destinations. Mankind has fought a battle with these objectives for two thousand years. If the authorities are the ones illegally reading the messages, the cornerstone of free expression becomes meaningless.
           Years ago, I described the example of the two-keyed box, which see. That practice is not realistic because it involves sending the message back and forth three times instead of once. For a one-way message, both remote parties must have a key that enables the transmitter to “lock” the message, and the receiver to “unlock” it. Now the problem becomes one of exchanging the “keys”. What is needed is a key that means nothing to an eavesdropper. Enter a thing called “one-way functions”.
           Ah, but you want the easy explanation. Sure. I’ll pick up where most people would set down the book: Clock arithmetic. If it is 9:00 in the morning and we are going to meet in “4” hours, that means 1:00 in the afternoon. There, you just used a “code”. Nine plus four is not one, yet in your head, when you got to twelve, you started counting again at one.
           The strength of this concept is very deep. If you and I were the only ones who knew that 10:00 was the starting point, we would only have to exchange the “4” to understand each other. Anyone else would have to guess the total number of hours in a day and would be no better off by knowing the “4”. These one-way functions are the basis of scrambling digital communications, they are known as modular functions.
If you are still here, let’s examine the importance of prime numbers in ciphers. Anyone can crack any cipher by trying every number, starting at one, then two, then three, and so on to eventually find the key that works. It is only a matter of time. But it should be clear that if a cipher cannot be cracked by a “2”, it cannot be cracked by a “4” or a “6” and so on. Same with 3, 6, 9, see the pattern? One need only test by using prime numbers.
Thus, the trick is to find a number where it takes thousands or millions of years to test every combination. The computer security programs find such a number by taking two huge prime numbers and multiplying them together. The results are numbers so huge that when expressed in binary terms, they become 64 binary digits long, or 128 binary digits. Truly huge numbers, indeed. And that explains things if you’ve ever heard of “64-bit encryption”.
There is more to it, of course, and more powerful computers will eventually become available. These are called “quantum computers”, which are mostly theory at this time. If history repeats itself as it always does, the big criminals will have their own quantum computers and the police will use their computers to collect traffic fines.

February 5, 2010

           Today’s jpeg is the code that operates much of the computer world, a code that, by every definition of code, really sucks. I’ll explain a bit more soon, but for now take a look at the strange punctuation, the stilted variable names and the truly idiotic camelhump typing. This code, supposedly the best product of a generation, instructs a single LED to blink off and on.
           A little trickier to spot are the fundamental errors of the whole system, such as the need to tell the code to “run once”, and the faulty context of “digitalWrite”, as if one can “write” anything to a light. Note the code uses no words normally associated with turning a light on and off.
           Another error is the spastic use of punctuation marks (although by many standards this snippet of code is surprisingly clean). Such code is fraught with logic errors, you have to memorize a new vocabulary just to read it. Least obvious are the “gronk” errors. A gronk error is a term I invented. I won’t go into detail, but a computer language is not an improvement if it requires too many shift-keys, too much punctuation, non-English commands and the most-used commands are not centered on the home row.
           More computer talk, but stick around anyway. Nobody knows who is going to write the next killer app. Programming is really not that hard to do provided one possesses at least some logical ability to understand cause and effect. Crashes and failures are generally not the fault of the computer, rather the programmer. There are certain pitfalls but you learn them all in the first semester.
           An example of a logical snag is the old “or statement” comparison. If a number is greater than ten do something, or if it is less than twenty, do something else. The logic error is in the fact that every number in the world is either more than ten and less than twenty, so the statement always evaluates to true. QED.
           Nearing then end of last century, programming had degenerated into a squabble of script-like nonsense, albeit nonsense that has great appeal to B students or lower. That appeal was well-documented by yours truly back in the 1980s. I was astounded how closely the coding of the weaker students resembled C. The C language is defective, not only in format but also in structure. The creature who “invented” dot notation clearly had no typing skills (a programming fundamental).
           The relevance here is that the C language has spawned countless offshoots, too numerous to mention. But the distinctive C legacy is there, with the programmers more concerned with error codes and button properties instead of generating good logical self-recovering code. I was able to review samples of commercial computer coding as it exists today. Guess what it looks like?
           By commercial, I don’t restrict that to financial. The code that makes robots and GPS devices work, even wristwatches, I mean all of it. Many consumers, without realizing it, have experienced another downside of the C language. When you get a device that is chronically hard to operate because each button has multiple functions, you are likely dealing with C coding. If you have noticed dissimilar devices often quit working in a characteristic fashion, blame it on C. But a certain giveaway is a user manual that does not seem to match the product—as stated, that is because C programmers are not focused on the same goals as the user.
           It was a sad day for mankind when C became a standard. The language itself is full of weaknesses, which explains the need for so many error codes. Features that are difficult to program are lacking on entire families of consumer products. Have you ever wondered why your optical disks have no true “fast forward”, but rather 2x, 4x and so on forward speeds? It works, but barely. Or why you cannot disconnect the passenger seat belt alarm without disabling your headlight warning signal. What? Oh, that’s easy, you want to disconnect it so you can set your groceries on the seat without the buzzer sounding all the way home.
           Remember the Arduino, the programmable breadboard circuit you connect to your PC with a USB cable? Now, even though I will never accomplish much with it, I want one. My training on computers has always been textbook. I can do all the classics like Fortran, BASIC and RPG, but I have no idea how to interface them with gadgets. It just was not on the curriculum back in my day. I’ve written around 16 large (exceeding 1,000 lines of code) in my life, but all were exercises. Still, that is 16 more than most people.
           Did you ever have a craving for clam chowder? If not, are you even American? Find the chowder from a can tastes just as good as the restaurant brand, if not identical. If not more than identical. The brand where you add milk, not water. Now that is happiness.

February 4, 2010

           Just when you've seen it all, there's Make Magazine. This is a real Etch-A-Sketch with a couple of Arduino-controlled motors attached to the turn wheels. Every minute, it redraws the time. Then it dutifully turns itself over to clear the screen and starts over.
           First of all, I have to give the Hippie an apology. Years ago we differed on the presence of a Bb in “Folsom Prison Blues”. While putting some finishing touches on my version, I noted I had lowered the pitch by a familiar (to me) 5.613%. So I questioned, why would Johnny Cash keep playing in F, one of the most difficult chords for a guitarist? So I answered myself, what if, in all those old recordings, JC had his guitar tuned wrongly?
           Suddenly it makes sense. It would be just like Cash to have his guitar tuned to F when he was fretting an E. Of course, that’s it. Johnny Cash never used a tuner and made the band tune to his guitar. The Hippie meant the Bb note in E, while I meant the Bb chord in F. (Before I acquired the technology to change MP3 keys, I originally played Folsom in F.) This revelation suddenly explains other facets of Cash’s music to me.
           Nobody knows more than an author that very few ideas are really new, so allow me a moment to search if I’ve even mentioned the Johnny Cash key thing before. Nope, doesn’t look like it. But I checked anyway, since it is pretty darn hard not to repeat things in a work of any size.
           While I’m handing out compliments, Cowboy Mike called to say he is setting up an eBay booth to sell his pipes. This shows a growing sophistication on his part, as I would never suggest eBay due to their association with the sordid PayPal. (Sordid because they captured the market by falsely claiming their “cash” transactions would be anonymous.) Mike reminded me that there is no gig this Friday but the next. Odd, since I have not yet been asked to perform.
           Which brings the topic back to money. First of all, I have not yet received any insurance money, I have only a settlement. The two firm things I do not have are a date and an amount. However, others whose situation parallels mine have been successful, but not as successful as they hoped. It turns out there are intermediate solutions, something not one person involved over the past six years bothered to mention, and a factor that puts the fear in me.
           Meanwhile, I’ll give you something to work with. When my insurance claim began, I knew that my household budget was going to be $470 per month for several years, during which I would slowly drain my savings. These are hard facts, no getting around. The only “spending” money I’ve had since 2006 is the chancy and unpredictable tip jar, a source it would be insane to hypothecate. When tips are good, I usually mention it, but tips will never be a substitute for income.
           Nonetheless, I was doing fine on my own and did not need to go into partners with anyone. The theory that I needed help is pure nonsense. I was doing a lot better than I am today.
           So with your help, I’d like to do the budget. With $470, I have $200 for rent, $62 for gas, $85 for utilities, $40 for the cell phone. Gee, that leaves just $83 per month for all other eventualities. Like laundry, bus fare, paper towels, and cat food. There can be no doubt why I wanted a place to share the rent. Figure out for yourself what happens when I have to pay the full rent and utilities on my own. I might as well have got my own place and toughed it out. However, if you can do a better budget, we’ll go with your version.
           I have a rental agreement with Wallace. Not with Wallace and his family. I asked him on January 1 about his plans; he would not say if he was staying or leaving, and said nothing about visitors. He put me in a dilemma. This year I cannot possibly pay the rent myself. There are no savings left to dip into. There is no “ensuite”, this is a two-bedroom dwelling and I was forced to rent out my own bedroom because we can’t rent out Wallace’s. I don’t give a damn about anybody’s comfort and privacy issues until I see the rent money.
           Meanwhile I’m living in a Florida room. Some people don’t appreciate anything. Thank goodness I have my adoring public.

February 3, 2010

           To follow up the popular shopping cart camper picture, here is a bicycle camper. A reminder these are non-functional artwork. Today’s entry is mainly trivia and editorial, not much else happened. I see that 27% of adult working Americans now, like myself, do not have credit cards by choice. That’s 24 million people, far too huge a number to be dismissed as the unqualified. (What I’m waiting for is one of them to sue the credit industry for giving them a low FICO score. Right now, it is like Wells Fargo and gang claim a right to force a failing grade on people for a test they’ve never written.)
           Here’s one from my Businesses For The Future department. Remember, in business you do not worry what is right or wrong, only what is legal or illegal. Start a pollen rain distributorship and be an instant billionaire. Ah, the crowd bewails, “What is pollen rain?”
           At every point in the world with plants, a constant invisible dusting of plant pollen is settling on everything around. Each region has a fairly unique mixture of these tiny grains that get into food, oil, cosmetics, even human lungs. While you were napping, the government categorized all these regions and can use the pollen grains to identify any source where things have been manufactured.
           It is only a matter of time until this pollen is used as “evidence against you”. Thus, you open an e-business selling “foreign” pollen grains to sprinkle around places where authorities deny they snoop. You know, motel rooms, grad parties, washroom stalls and the like. Then, by all means, let the feds “confirm” the story that you were in Mexico at the time. I’m sure the most lily-white one of you can think of more creative situations where you might appreciate a little good old-fashioned privacy.
           My lawyer called. Hurry up and wait. But meanwhile, let me reiterate a few points. Number one, the reason I decided to go partners on this place is so that I could halve the rent with somebody. Not to flip it, not to operate a boarding house, but only to share the rent in half with another like-minded person. Anybody who tells you anything different is lying. Furthermore, nobody is disputing the ownership of this building. However, in addition to that ownership there is a rental agreement that remains in force up to at least the end of May this year.
           No need to have anything in writing, since there is undeniably some contract in effect that causes me to pay for everything myself most of the time. But last year was the end of the time I could carry the place myself, having spent $2,200 more in rent alone than I had originally agreed to. When I rent my room, I am not acting arbitrarily; I am reacting to something gone wrong for which I am not responsible. I neither plan nor look forward to adversity or complication.
           You know, one thing I never in my life gave a second thought was that I turn on a lamp to read at night. Everyone who knows me understands I read minimum two hours each day, and that I often read myself to sleep. (I have four ex-girlfriends to prove it.) Yet I have heard some people say a reading light at night is suspicious behavior. They reason a light means I must be paranoid, imbalanced or worse, “afraid of the boogie man”. What’s that expression for people who attach a negative, bitter, malicious motive to everyone except themselves? No, no, not my family, I mean the less-accurate expression.
           Somehow I must be living in a cocoon. To go through life up to this point never suspecting that others could find some fault with a man reading a book. I admit, that one got right past me. [Later] I understand it is not the reading, but the light itself. Let me try an experiment: I shall attempt, for a moment here, to imagine myself passing by a place and troubling myself to fret about a light on at night. Then to speculate hard evil thoughts on the matter. No, can’t do it. Hurts my brain to think like that.

February 2, 2010

           I always wondered what the big deal was behind this bridge design. I saw but never questioned that tiny link at dead center, concluding it was only there to add some length to the structure, as indicated in the drawing above the men. The photo isn’t clear but the center man is suspended off the ground.
           Today is mainly concerned with a review of software, in this instance Norton Anti-Virus. The background of these applications is unknown to many, so allow me. These organizations employ programmers to write “anti-virus definitions” for each new virus that appears. That means before your computer can perform an effective anti-virus scan, you have to go get those new definitions. This is called doing the update and if your definitions are more than a single day old, you are wasting your time doing a scan.
           That scan can be confusing, as you are offered two options: a quick scan and a full scan. The difference is that the quick scan, instead of looking at every last file on your computer, only scans those whose archive bit shows it has changed since the last scan. Thus, a quick scan will suffice for daily use.
           I found it interesting to learn the two options for scanning. One is to look at each file and search it for every virus on the list, then move to the next file. The other is to search every file for the first virus, then go back and search again for the next virus on the list. As you imagine, these processes take up a lot of computer resources and can visibly slow things down. Mechanically, both search methods are identical and take the same time, but for reasons unknown, the second method is preferred by the coders.
           The new “vista-ready” Norton anti-virus is on the market, but as explained often, I don’t hear about it until months later. Norton was bought out by Symantec a couple years ago and its performance remained sluggish at best. But this new version, which I tried out this afternoon, just sizzles along. Among the nicest improvements are the way it now spots cookies as potential threats and the automatic scanning of email attachments and other downloads.
           Things that are not so swell are the consistent lack of a user-friendly interface, although Norton is not any worse than the others. One still has to peer over the commands to find the manual update and scan hotspots. (And manual operations are the only ones you should trust implicitly.) There is a Spybot style readout of the virus being searched for, but no timer to indicate nothing has seized up on you (there is a caterpillar, but those have been known to keep on caterpillaring after a glitch).
           And as usual, nothing in the packaging, instructions or help link gives any clear warning about the proper ways NOT to use the software, which are legion. Rule of thumb: if you have spent less than an hour learning your anti-virus software, you probably are not using it correctly.
           Here is a first-person account, of which I am not, repeat not, a witness. Got that? There are not that many cross-streets on Dixie Highway. So imagine my surprise to see a black late-model car come flying across, and I mean flying, across Dixie where it should not. It must have been a high-speed chase, estimate around 75 mph. The perps tried to cross Dixie, the crown on the road sent all four wheels flying across the swale (shallow drainage ditch). They landed some ten feet short of the railway tracks, bounced, and landed again almost past the rails.
           I said almost. They were high-centered on the tracks, and decided escape on foot. There was a squad car in pursuit (had anyone been crossing the same intersection, they would have been broadsided). The police spurred around Dixie. All this happened in the dark in a few seconds. There you go.

February 1, 2010

           Blazes! Not another tropical downpour. It has been steady since this morning at around 6:46 PM. Not the intense wind and water of the record storm just past, but a heavy rain this town is unaccustomed to. You may know I regard weather as neither good nor bad, but this is not a day to ride your bicycle, or Fred’s fancy Harley (shown here). For any newbies, the typical Florida rain is twenty minutes; this storm has been coming down for six hours so far.
           Par usual, while some people are likely worried and “waiting out”, I’ve found other things to do with the rainy time. This includes seeking a tablature for “Can’t You See” only to discover there is no way to play that bass to sound like the original. It has many Eagles-style lead riffs on a six-string guitar set on full bass (or possibly octaved) that commingle with the bass line. Since I have yet to see a band with two bass players, I conclude it is studio overdubs.
           To play that song recognizably on stage, I’ll need to completely customize a bass line. Fortunately, that is what I do. As a model, I’m looking at another piece of studio engineering from the early days, titled “Loving Her Was Easier Than Anything I’ve Ever Done Before”, or something equally brief. No matter how the Hippie words things, he has voluntarily meshed into country material. In for a penny, in for a pound.
           Another thing I do is make certain pop songs sound country, though it will be a blue moon before he asks my advice in that sector. However, if he ever did, I would suggest “I Believe in Miracles” (Hot Chocolate) and “Have You Ever Seen The Rain” (Creedance Clearwater Revival). And I am no slouch when it comes to matching tunes, talents and timbres. Oh, and throw in “I Saw Her Standing There” (The Beatles).
           It’s a slow news day, so let me recap a few earlier facts from days gone by. First of all, I peaked bass-wise at around 33, that is, I used to play better before than now. Anyone who thinks I’m “improving” is probably just starting to listen for a change. I shouldn’t tell you about this but I had one band that was full of musicians, each one of whom thought they were right. That following Friday (August 24, 1990) when they walked in I had set out separate tip jars. By the end of the first set, they were getting nervous, by the end of the night, they decided I was right after all.
           Now, I have a question for you. Would you pay half of a bill you’ve never seen? I would not. It doesn’t make sense to pay half of something when the amount is unknown. Believe it or not, I’ve got some people thinking I should do just that. People who themselves would do no such thing are actually criticizing me for not paying until I see the bill. Like this is somehow my fault, when in fact I have always paid my share of everything and these people know it. Ah, life among the downtrodden and ill-done-by.
           Which puts me in a mood to elaborate on what I said last Saturday about stupid people being useless pricks. I am told that is “a little harsh”, but I suspect my words have been misconstrued. It is not being uneducated that makes a prick, I shall explain. There is no excuse for not being educated in this day and age, or even since 1950 for that matter. No excuse whatsoever. That means anyone who is uneducated is useless, but they already know that every time they try anything new or apply for a job. I’m not saying “useless” as a metaphor, I mean it in the deepest true sense of the word.
           With equal gravity, allow me to explain the other part, about being a prick. Stay with me here for there is thick fog around this subject. One can realize they will never amount to anything, they can understand that no matter how hard they study, they will never amass more than a tiny clue about the world, they can grasp that they will never be a champion or expert on any matter. That is fine. But it is when they conclude that they therefore have a right to stop studying, that is the moment they become a prick.

January 31, 2010

           Another Blues album cover featured in today’s photo. The sagging economy and the “one way” sign to match. This is along Sheridan Street, looking east toward the Atlantic Ocean somewhat over a mile further away. Consider this a typical Florida winter day, notice the deciduous tree behind the sign. Weather is a perfect 68 degrees with a mild warm breeze.
           Fred lent me a DVD, “Open Water”, which I’m watching in stages. It is not badly done for a low-budget flick. Most of the filming seems to be done in a large fish tank. It could do without the married couple roles, you know, screaming at each other while surrounded by hungry sharks. They’re supposed to do that at the office.

           This morning I had a five-hour callout that didn’t pay that well (but for a steady customer). I dropped into the book store (Borders) and stayed a good three hours. My reading habits have changed to match the new selections they have, but a warning to visitors from out west: Florida bookstores are not a good place to meet intellectual women. Not a recommended singles activity.
           I sprung for coffee and a cookie, set me back $4.00. But I’m again just able to afford little treats like that. No, not brakes on the car or a new bicycle tire, but that will follow in time. Again, business has expanded ever so slightly and I have no idea why that could be. The bustle of motion that was so evident a few years back is gone. Even the traffic on the streets is sparse instead of the usual Sunday madness. Can someone remind me of that economic rule that says people spend more if they anticipate coming into money in the near future.

           Due to a touch of the flu (the mildest flu I’ve ever had) I relaxed and read most of today. Every few years I get away from intensive computer reading, which I like to keep up on. I’m finding a renewed interest in mechanics. That is something I have zero background in, particularly gears and gear ratios. Today I found out what a CNC device is, I think. It is a machining tool that cuts or shapes parts. A while back I mentioned the new Apple 3D printer that built up items designed on screen. Unbeknownst to me, these are computerized versions of CNC apparatus. The articles I read assumed, wrongly, that I knew what the letters stand for.
           But that is okay, how many people know why MP3 was invented. Have you heard of the ISO, International Standards Organization, the people who made the specs for ASCII code? They developed MPEG Audio Layer 3 for sending music over telephone lines and had nothing to do with computer disks. It was not until the Pentium chip came along years later that computers had the power to play MP3s.

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January 30, 2010

           Just what it looks like, it is a camper on a shopping cart. It’s from an article in Make, one of my favorite magazines for new things. No, it is not a functional camper, rather a display novelty only. But that is not to say this photo hasn’t given the Panera crowd a few ideas. Because the Grecian Formula crowd has taken over that coffee shop I don’t dare publish the other picture showing a camper on the bicycle.
           Half a wasted day. The Comcast people were supposed to show up and make our older system compatible. I scheduled myself to be there, how I wanted to see that event. Nope, by closing time they had not even phoned to cancel. That explains the delay to anyone who noticed this blog has not been updated in nearly a week.
           As mentioned y’day, a customer came in at a loss for computer knowledge and was most appreciative that I obviously stopped what I was into and helped him out for a half-hour with knowledge. That’s the customer that turned out to be a lawyer, and it seems I’ve sparked his curiosity about the patent. He drew the identical conclusions as I, and has said now he will pursue it on my behalf. For exactitutude, he’ll get the knowledge, not the patent. At least he listened long enough to let me explain I already have a buyer.

           You’ll find history is full of patents whose time had not arrived. An idea is no good until it can be sold. That fact brings up a point about those persons who take so much consolation in the fact that some of the top inventors of the last century have had less than a college education. “If they’d gone to university they would have learned it could not be done.” We all know Edison and Ford and Gates never finished school.

           [Author’s note: The success formula only applies to those few and singular exceptions who clearly had other rare qualities that compensated for lack of schooling. Their lives have nothing in common with the working masses. The uneducated goofs in this world are nothing but a pack of useless know-it-all pricks that deserve little better than a good swift kick in the head three times a day.]

           Tell you what, though, I’ll hand them another example. Did you know the car radio was patented in 1930 by a man named Lear with only grade eight? He did not really invent it, as Australian cars had radios some 15 years earlier—but with the interesting safety feature that they only worked when the engine was shut off. And yes, that is the same Lear who went on to build private business jets.
           Bingo was again a paying proposition, it is almost an institution albeit one that shows the same “rent week” slowdown as the music. The show is evolving continually and I’m first to admit calling does not require a costly PA system. It is not unthinkable that bingo could, soon enough, help purchase the Fishman. While that PA is also high-priced, it is portable in the extreme. Despite the money tonight, I was tuckered and did not drop by to see the festival downtown.

           Now, the real trivia. Each adult human being has to breathe in around 88 pounds of oxygen every day. Some days I feel like I’m doing my quota first thing in the morning.

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January 29, 2010

           My camera doesn’t show perspective so well. If it did, you’d be able to see that this traffic safety sign is behind a large metal box and street signal, where nobody can see it. Another Florida first inspired by the grade of mental idiot that infests this state. It reminds me of how Pan Am said it was “overly expensive” to hire anything but drop-outs to staff their airport baggage checks. Just before the Lockerbie bombing which bankrupted that airline.
           Some say it is impossible to find intelligent people to do security work. Shows you what they know, if it paid right I’d do it. As far as finding smart people, it is easy. All smart people have a higher than normal concentration of zinc and copper in their hair, something no stupid person has. That well-suppressed fact may have to pass for today’s trivia.
           Because I’ve got some music news. The gig at the beach went amazingly well. The musicianship was roughly the same all around as ever, but for some reason this time the band followed the tried and tested rules most of the four hours. I can’t list those rules in entirety, but the major differences were playing to the audience instead of at them (in fact I was able to again get tips out passers-by), sticking to an agreed-upon song list (some still seem to find that difficult) and the whole band playing most of the time.
           Let me qualify that last phrase. Most of the band did not play the whole time, other than the Hippie, I was the only one, but at least the other members were generally on stage or nearby. Wandering off is still beyond what I would personally allow, but then, I’d group the saxophone solos together a lot more. Due to the pre-determined song list, I was able to innovate a little better to tunes with weak or unknown bass lines. Like most bass players, I find it hard to be expressive with material only played every other six months.
           By far, the greatest change was the presentation of country music. I remind the reader I am not a country music fan, but I am a fan of keeping the crowd happy. The two tunes that got them going were “Can’t You See” and “Folsom Prison” (neither of which are strictly country music, but have a strong country appeal). Next in popularity was “Sweet Home Alabama”. I know that I’ll be accused of favoring country, yet the fact is if things go much further, my fellow musicians are going to find themselves firmly in my camp. I took dead aim on forming a local country band many months ago.
           To wrap up, there has been a surge of call-outs this month and these represent my primary source of income. While total revenues are still half what they were two years ago, I am more than happy these calls are coming in. But don’t jump for joy yet, because I have not yet received money that is expected and that represents a lot of eggs in one basket. Also, even if my income doubles again, it will still require close to a year to set right the logistics and deficiencies created by the previous four years. In the end, it turns out every last paper or document had to be filled out and my lawyer had to do everything the hard way.
           Speaking of lawyer’s, the recommended crowd did nothing for me. As soon as they heard “pro bono”, they scattered. What? A misunderstood term? Allow me. Pro bono is a type of free charity work lawyers are expected to perform in the community each year. I believe it is hours they have to track and report in. So I would have concluded that something nice and easy like a patent would be desirable, if not ideal. Instead, I finally asked a customer whose business card said “attorney” to look into it, he’ll get back to me. I can’t figure those other lawyers, since I told them if the patent succeeded, I would pony up their entire regular fee.
           If I might misquote Cervantes, “It is one thing to praise intelligence, and quite another to submit to it.”

January 28, 2010

           Here’s a reminder photo of the kind of work I put into this place back in time. Sure, the yard is easy to trim and the patio is easy to sweep. I made them that way. It took approximately two months to get this place into shape. The people before consisted of an overweight lady and her disabled husband. The place had been neglected for years. Of course, this and all relevant information is available by simply reading this history.
           I misread a ticket y’day so some guy got himself a new set of leather soles for the price of neoprene. Shucks, you could say I’m just plain generous, except it ain’t my shop. What’s to report today? Well, the lawyers I’ve contacted about my puzzle don’t seem interested. This means I may have to do the patent the hard way, which is kind of what I’ve been doing all along.
           This place is spotless, thanks to Theresa. It is also a lot more quiet and vacant most of the time since her helping out means I’m not constantly here trying to keep ahead of things. So it is ridiculous for anyone to suggest the place is crowded, that is pure bunk. Is there any bad news? Yes, the pump is gone on the washing machine, the clunker that was left behind here. It is nice to have laundry facilities when you need them. Some people can take a half-day off to wash clothes whenever they want, but I can’t. For now.
           I’m getting conflicting input about the upcoming gig, but all I care about is the money. When you have a Friday gig, you don’t call the bass player on Wednesday afternoon unless somebody has royally screwed up. No, I don’t jam-practice, since it is like parachute jumping—it’s the people who rehearse at the last moment that make the mistakes. I’ll be watching to see how closely both the Hippie and the Cowboy follow what was agreed. If not, nothing has really changed.
           Each of them called to do a quick practice. Hello? Guys, I already know all your ancient tape and LP based music. Don’t you both find it revealing when you called I was able to pull up my files from 2004/2005 and read you back your own current song lists? Have you so easily forgotten we originally promised to learn each other’s material and in the end it was only me that kept my end of the bargain? In fact, to hear people talk, the only thing they have not copied is my song list. But I won’t say anything as long as I get paid.
           In related news, it remains to be seen how many musicians have really been invited to this show, whether or not they have rehearsed anything and whether that keyboard player will be present. The chick singer has already disappeared. Sure. The official reason is that her music was too slow. Compared to what? Last Chance with Mary Jane? Simple Man?
           Let’s do the trivia bit. Fast food easily takes first place in the American franchise market. But MacDonald’s is only second place, with some 12,000 outlets. Who has the most? Hint, I’ve only been there twice in my life because they are far too expensive for the quality delivered. It is Subway. The place whose ads give the misleading impression their food is good for dieters (by comparing it to the worst of the hamburgers out there). That chain has something like 23,000 stores.

January 27, 2010

           Look what pulled up in front of the shop today. I never could tell what year these were, but this is a Studebaker. It isn’t restored but it is clearly in running condition. By the style, shall we guess the 1950s? I have no idea whether the paint color is original. I miss my 1955 Buick Roadmaster. It’s a pity they don’t make real cars anymore. From what I hear, they don’t make real houses any more either.
           I got Cowboy Mike underway with his computer. The snag was the most curable computer trouble: pilot error. Like most adults, he’d focus on the email, not the steps involved getting there. The solution is to make him take one full minute to log on and repeat until it for a month. Later Mike called back, the Hippie has a gig at the Walkabout on Friday and I’m offered $50 to play. Count me in, get it, count me in?
           I’m afraid my puzzle patent is still grounded. While I’m informed “anything is patentable”, I have not yet found a lawyer who will tell me what I’m patenting, quote me a price, or take the job on contingency. Or pro bono. Whatever phrase they use for “free” until later. Last time I checked, patents run about $2,000 so I may just wait a short while and pay for it myself.

           Speaking of pay, today I did something that has been out of fashion for two years. I deposited money in the bank. While that tips off the entire world that I’m either broke or have enough salted away to last two years, the point is I have not forgotten how to deposit. Good. I may be getting some extra practice before too long.
           Around mid-afternoon, I developed a fever with flu symptoms. Total sore throat. This is significant because I had to turn down a callout, which I am averse to do. Why so many call-outs all of a sudden? My hypothesis is that my local competition may very well have given up. Things have been super slow and many of these businesses can’t last a week without income. Myself, I headed home and made chicken corn chowder. It is more like home around here than it has ever been.
           Floors swept, sink empty, and items like irons and sewing machines here and there. I don’t understand what is not to like. Since Theresa and I are both working, there is more privacy here than ever and Theresa seems to naturally get to the things I just can’t keep up with anymore by myself. I’m just glad there is somebody honest and reliable here; I was really concerned about having an empty-handed stranger in the place. Now we have somebody whose stuff is worth more than ours, end of worries.

           Pudding-Tat is avoiding me. I had to give her a second dose of ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar). She hates it. The good news is it cleared up her condition almost totally so here is a home remedy that works. A tablespoon is fine and she can go potty within minutes. Also, the lower abdominal swelling abates in a few days. Since it did not disappear, I administered another tablespoon. Last time it took her a week to quit hating me.
           Later, the Hippie called concerning the song list for Friday. I was surprised that he has become the proponent of only playing fast music on stage, “to get the crowd fired up”. Gee, where do you suppose he’s getting original ideas like that from? It was again a last minute invitation, telegraphing that I am still not the bassist of choice. No sweat, I have years of solid experience doing these guys are just beginning to dabble with. He twice mentioned the house doesn’t want backing tracks. Hmm, tell that to Arnel the next time he plays there.

           Let’s use some inductive reasoning. Backing tracks done right require extensive computer knowledge--at least to the level of Arnel and I who have studied the topic. So we know the Hippie is really saying he does not want somebody else using backing tracks. Who does the Hippie know that would do that? Ah, the one person who knows for certain about my dynamite* backing track show (with two-year house gig to prove it). Cowboy Mike told him. Who else would even try to copy my act without ever saying a word all this time.
           If the quality of the CDs Cowboy Mike gave me are any indication, I would not want him using them either. It would sound like somebody trying to play along to an AM radio. People, I will state it one more time: The full-band sound of my act takes hundreds of hours to achieve and I’m not telling anybody how it is done other than that it is an eleven-step process. Furthermore, my act is probably original because I do not use any Karaoke or midi tracks and I figured the entire process out on my own without copying anybody. There was nobody to copy even if I was the sort that did such things.


           *[Author's note 2016-01-27: part of the reason they sounded so exact is because they were. You know how some software will take out the vocals? I had some that I tweaked to take out the bass line. Hence, my backing tracks were almost the original recordings.]

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January 26, 2010

           This truck is not a restoral, but an actual vehicle still in use. I have no details, though you can make out “Georgia Farms” painted on the box. I closely inspected what I could without gawking and everything seems original right down to the hub caps. There is no paint overspray and up close, the finish does seem to be fifty years old at least. There are no dents or touchups.
           Lots of ground to cover today, get it, “lots”? Just kidding, or am I? I believe through a friend of a friend, I’ve located a lawyer in Ft. Lauderdale to handle my puzzle pro bono. This is a real find for such a small project. Stay tuned for a consultation and demonstration. At best, the puzzle (possibly after undergoing a third name change) will produce an income of around $150 per week. I hear some people who scoffed at that are now wishing they had it.
           While at the lawyer, I’ll bring up my drum machine idea. If it is patentable, I should go on “Shark Tank”, since I understand they are clamoring for good material. On my own, I keep meeting idiots who can’t think out of the box. I don’t want a drum beat programming machine. I want a machine that plays drums. As usual, if you can’t spot the difference, you are probably reading the wrong blog as well.

           [Author’s note: I found out about “Shark Tank” digging through the Jimbos garbage can. Hell, how else are people like me supposed to find out about new TV shows? Actually, I had thrown out the (completed) crossword puzzle a moment earlier into a clean garbage bag and the Shark article landed face up. It is a new Friday show where you try to convince investors to back your product. Besides, you never know what you’ll find in a Jimbos garbage can. See you there.]

           Have we stumbled on to something? A lady in the shop today needed some special orthopedic shoes. By half translating the prescription, we determined that instead of adding to one shoe, we could take away from the other. It took me four hours, the lady was absolutely pleased, and it was the easiest money I’ve made there so far. Remind me to peek into the orthopedic shoe racket.
           Tomorrow I will waste some time. It is a musician with a really bad attitude toward computers. He won’t learn the right way and keeps asking for my assistance like it is somehow my fault they don’t build computers just the way he would like. The point is, he never learns and thus disregards the value of my time, like maybe I’m not teaching him right. It is a real effort for me, listening to him cuss.

           I’ll report how it goes, but for the record, no, I do not hang around the computer store waiting to help people. I have to make a special trip over there when I should be doing other things. The reason I’m antsy is because it is Cowboy Mike. He calls up to say he can’t check his own email (despite the fact I’ve shown him several times) and that he’s “helped me for free a lot of times”.
           Ahem. As near as I recall, it was exactly twice, both times a lift in his truck for around nine miles. Remember Alligator Alley (the pub) and the Motor Vehicle Branch? (The blog never forgets.) I think the difficulty is that he over rates the value of the ride and underrates the value of computer training. On the other hand, I know the exact value of both. The computer part is worth four times the car part. When I tally things up, Mike owes me another 78 rides. Still, like Wallace, Mike’s been a good friend so I’ll go help him tomorrow.


two VERSIONS PICK ONE.

           Lots of ground to cover today, get it, “lots”? Just kidding, or am I? I believe through a friend of a friend, I’ve located a lawyer in Ft. Lauderdale to handle my puzzle pro bono. This is a real find for such a small project. Stay tuned for a consultation and demonstration. At best, the puzzle (possibly after undergoing a third name change) will produce an income of around $150 per week. I hear some people who scoffed at that are now wishing they had it.
           While at the lawyer, I’ll bring up my drum machine idea. If it is patentable, I should go on “Shark Tank”, since I understand they are clamoring for good material. On my own, I keep meeting idiots who can’t think out of the box. I don’t want a drum beat programming machine. I want a machine that plays drums. As usual, if you can’t spot the difference, you are probably reading the wrong blog as well.

           [Author’s note: I found out about “Shark Tank” digging through the Jimbos garbage can. Hell, how else are people like me supposed to find out about new TV shows? Actually, I had thrown out the (completed) crossword puzzle a moment earlier into a clean garbage bag and the Shark article landed face up. It is a new Friday show where you try to convince investors to back your product. Besides, you never know what you’ll find in a Jimbos garbage can. See you there.]
           Have we stumbled on to something? A lady in the shop today needed some special orthopedic shoes. By half translating the prescription, we determined that instead of adding to one shoe, we could take away from the other. It took me four hours, the lady was absolutely pleased, and it was the easiest money I’ve made there so far. Remind me to peek into the orthopedic shoe racket.

           Tomorrow I will waste some time. It is a musician with a really bad attitude toward computers. He won’t learn the right way and keeps asking for my assistance like it is somehow my fault they don’t build computers just the way he would like. The point is, he never learns and thus disregards the value of my time, like maybe I’m not teaching him right. It is a real effort for me, listening to him cuss.
           I’ll report how it goes, but for the record, no, I do not hang around the computer store waiting to help people. I have to make a special trip over there when I should be doing other things. The reason I’m antsy is because it is Cowboy Mike. He calls up to say he can’t check his own email (despite the fact I’ve shown him several times) and that he’s “helped me for free a lot of times”.

           Ahem. As near as I recall, it was exactly twice, both times a lift in his truck for around nine miles. Remember Alligator Alley (the pub) and the Motor Vehicle Branch? (The blog never forgets.) I think the difficulty is that he over rates the value of the ride and underrates the value of computer training. On the other hand, I know the exact value of both. The computer part is worth four times the car part. When I tally things up, Mike owes me another 78 rides. Still, like Wallace, Mike’s been a good friend so I’ll go help him tomorrow.

January 25, 2010

           Fishman. That is the unlikely name of the PA system that may have to replace my plans for a Bose. No matter how it adds up, with Bose you are paying for the name. I’ll be exploring the options, so check back. The basic unit is a single tower with no bass box (I’m assured the bass sound is perfect) and the price is $1,000 or half the price of Bose.
           The Fishman SoloAmp Model 8888171 (who the hell comes up with these 1950s style numbers anyway?) is 220 watts, more than I need, and contains six 4” speakers. The inputs, some front and some on the back, are more elaborately designed than Bose and address the fact that more than one musician might occasionally want to join in. Know what I’m saying, Bose? The photo depicts the 42” tall unit on a stand, which I will likely not use if it can be helped.
           My look at medical work is nearing a conclusion; it is not really for me (although let’s not rule anything out). I recognize the skill level involved and know I would be an excellent decision-maker , but there are too many down-sides to the field. One is that the person I talked to initially must have been one of the highest-paid professionals in the field. (Which probably explains why I talked to him.) Others make up to $15 less per hour.
           Mind you, it isn’t like I didn’t learn anything. I learned today’s trivia, which you bio-med students might memorize for the mid-term. A disease like smallpox is not a zoonosis, it is not a disease that spreads from other species to humans. Put another way, smallpox does not exist in the wild. That explains why the disease was essentially eradicated by the 1970s. Most major epidemic diseases (malaria, bubonic plague, influenza) are carried by wild animals and are impossible to wipe out with existing methods.
           Since I understand some unfriendly eyes are peering at this blog, I would like to point out that I have never taken anything away from anybody in my life. That includes taking advantage. It is a good thing some people don’t have to pay me the going rate for my work. However, there is always the situation where some people get to thinking they don’t have to keep their promises.
           Even then, I don’t take anything. I simply tell a judge in court what they did, and the judge takes away, not me. I hope we are infinitely clear on that point: I don’t take anything that does not belong to me. Anyone who keeps their promises has not a thing to worry about and should be enjoying paradise. There are enough crazy people in the world already.



TWO VERSIONS - pick one.


           Fishman. That is the unlikely name of the PA system that may have to replace my plans for a Bose. No matter how it adds up, with Bose you are paying for the name. I’ll be exploring the options, so check back. The basic unit is a single tower with no bass box (I’m assured the bass sound is perfect) and the price is $1,000 or half the price of Bose.
           The Fishman SoloAmp Model 8888171 (who the hell comes up with these 1950s style numbers anyway?) is 220 watts, more than I need, and contains six 4” speakers. The inputs, some front and some on the back, are more elaborately designed than Bose and address the fact that more than one musician might occasionally want to join in. Know what I’m saying, Bose? The photo depicts the 42” tall unit on a stand, which I will likely not use if it can be helped.
           My look at medical work is nearing a conclusion; it is not really for me (although let’s not rule anything out). I recognize the skill level involved and know I would be an excellent decision-maker , but there are too many down-sides to the field. One is that the person I talked to initially must have been one of the highest-paid professionals in the field. (Which probably explains why I talked to him.) Others make up to $15 less per hour.
           Mind you, it isn’t like I didn’t learn anything. I learned today’s trivia, which you bio-med students might memorize for the mid-term. A disease like smallpox is not a zoonosis, it is not a disease that spreads from other species to humans. Put another way, smallpox does not exist in the wild. That explains why the disease was essentially eradicated by the 1970s. Most major epidemic diseases (malaria, bubonic plague, influenza) are carried by wild animals and are impossible to wipe out with existing methods.
           Since I understand some unfriendly eyes are peering at this blog, I would like to point out that I have never taken anything away from anybody in my life. That includes taking advantage. It is a good thing some people don’t have to pay me the going rate for my work. However, there is always the situation where some people get to thinking they don’t have to keep their promises.
           Even then, I don’t take anything. I simply tell a judge in court what they did, and the judge takes away, not me. I hope we are infinitely clear on that point: I don’t take anything that does not belong to me. Anyone who keeps their promises has not a thing to worry about and should be enjoying paradise. There are enough crazy people in the world already.

January 24, 2010

           Oh no, not a brand new beemer. This vehicle belongs to the manager of the Rainbo Café. It was hit twice, once while a hit-and-run lady went forward, and again as she rammed it backing up to swerve around a trailer. It was in showroom condition. Now we solve the mystery of why there is no “w” in Rainbo. It seems back in the early days, many establishments allowed illicit gambling on the premises. To alert potential players, these joints had a purposely misspelled name with a letter missing, hence “Rainbo”.
           Let’s talk about bingo. My show has evolved to the point I have no competition and the place was packed last night. There were only four unoccupied chairs, although if need be, the poker tables can be set up. This kind of crowd is unprecedented (in that club and in that area) and I take full credit for my part in it. Bingo has now moved up the rankings as a significant category of entertainment and a steady money-maker.
           There are ten games per Saturday. The time varies depending on the crowd as more people need more time between numbers. Count on three to four hours of first class bingo, with excellent music and sound effects. Another tactic I use is to call certain numbers certain ways so I never have to do a repeat. Y’day, one lady won four of the games and her boyfriend won another. The waltzed out $300 richer than they came in.
           Now music. Arnel is still in Brazil. Big Jim called. It looks like my advice to standardize and coordinate our shows went further than I thought. Even our song lists are compatible to minimize repeats (if we ever play back-to-back gigs). Big Jim has the Karaoke show at the Riptide. He reports that the management asked him to get a new PA system for the house, that is, go out and buy whatever you need and they will pay for it. This now means between Jim, Arnel and myself, we have four and soon to be five excellent PA systems all less than five years old.
           Jim wants to spell some of his Karaoke shows with other clubs in the area. Whereas my vocal chords are not yet ready for a solo, I can easily do the Karaoke thing. My repertoire is now around ten songs. Stick around for the particulars but I can already tell you the beach clubs are some of the highest paying gigs in these parts. The idea is to set up the PA systems where we can cover a lot more territory without having to hump heavy speakers around. If this flies, I will double my weekly income.
           Normally I would have spent the day in the bookstore, a reward associated with a fruitful Saturday. Instead I found my old copy of “Bridge Over The River Kwai” and am reading it for the fourth time in two years. It is a one-day read. Don’t expect political correctness as the Japanese are referred to as “baboons in uniform” and worse. Although the author didn’t intend it, the book is full of allusions to the superiority of the German-British-American ways of doing things, bearing out in the contemporary world the fact none of the cultures of the world are capable of modernizing without copying Europeans.
           As far as the domestic situation, anybody can go back two or more years in this blog to see that everything going on today has been predicted in writing. I was interested to learn a building attendant who looks after property for an absentee owner in this town earns a free room plus $650 per month. That raises an additional possibility if I ever run into somebody who insists they are an owner.

January 23, 2010

           Today I want to zero in on the on-line auction, but first place goes to a first class Florida criminal, name as yet unknown. Theresa and I stopped for coffee downtown at the Rainbo Café (return tomorrow to learn why there is no “w” in rainbo.) You see, I can stop for coffee now that I have a reliable person around to help with the rent. All of a sudden we hear this “bang, bang, bang”, the sound of a car accident but this one keeps going, “bang, bang, bang”.
           See the blue car? Look close and see the man in the white shirt on the left. Here’s the story. The driver of the car and her friend were caught shoplifting up the boulevard. They ran out the door and started to speed away, but the traffic was stopped for the light. So they gassed it and tried to drive between the line of traffic and the parked cars along the curb. The space was not wide enough.
           They bashed into at least seven parked cars, tearing off the rear bumpers and sideswiped another string of five cars on the driver’s side. My guess is $250,000 damage in 30 seconds. But they could not get past the van pulling that red trailer. So the culprit backed up into a brand new BMW (stage right) and drove up over the median, nearly plowing over the shop-owner, who is the man in the white shirt.
           What will happen to the shoplifting hit and run? Nothing, she was a black woman and need only claim she had to steal to feed her kids. I’m not racist or sexist, I’m merely stating a fact of life around here. Interestingly, nobody paid much attention to the first crash because of police policy (they conduct background investigations on all witnesses so nobody wants to get involved) but this episode was too much.
           By the time I got this picture, dozens of camera phones were ahead of me and the police were on the way. Nobody was injured, but I wouldn’t say that if anybody had gotten their hands on that stupid woman.
           Now, let’s get to the on-line auction material you’ve been waiting for. There will be more later as for today my goal was to get the fundamentals. It is a new and well-done web site but is not helpful at all for those wishing to view real estate. Here are the major discoveries of the day:
           • The entire site is focused on the legal documents of foreclosure. It does not list either the property address or even the type of dwelling. It is not the least helpful to anyone who does not know how to do property searches. The auction is not in any way a real estate sales site.
           • Average number of properties listed for two months into the future is only 57 per sale and there are two sales per week, Monday and Thursday. After March, as the system catches on, the average moves up to around 120 per sale.
           • Each county in Florida uses a different filing system at their land title offices, so there exists no standard criteria for searching out a given property. Instead, the properties must be painstakingly found one by one. Mind you, I did around eight examples and it gets easier to spot which ones are condos and townhouses (those things only stupid people buy) before wasting too much time.
           • Foreign-owned banks and off-shore mortgage companies are clearly much more aggressive in pursuing deadbeat borrowers (via the foreclosure procedure) than those companies with American-sounding business names.

Now let us get into the parts that I picked up on suspicious activity , but do not yet necessarily have any theories as to why it is so. Let’s see if my reputation for spotting unusual patterns pays off any.

           • Of the 58 properties on last week’s sale, only 17 of them actually sold. The others have mysterious labels in place of the listing, such as “this case has been removed”.
           • Most of the properties have fewer than five bids, and the maximum number of bids was a single outrider with ten.
           • There is a systemized team of around six individuals working the system, buying almost every property under one company name or another. The top two bidders are Celeste and Alvin.

           Now I am about to write something that will test your IQ. The minute you think you are smarter than me, raise your right hand. Here goes. In all of the 17 bids, the second highest bid was exactly $100 below the winning bid. Ah, have our Einsteins got it figured already? I mean, well of course that is the case, the highest bid wins over the second highest. How could I be dumb enough to overlook the obvious?
           Notice I did not say the winning bid was $100 more, I said the second highest bid was $100 less. For some reason, Celeste is putting in the winning bid, and at a later point in time (usually within two hours), Alvin is putting in a bid that is $100 lower. The question is why would Alvin do that every time when he must already know it is not going to be the winning bid? Darn, this is going to require thinking. You can take your hand down now.
           Each property has to be painstakingly researched, a trade in itself. So I don’t have to worry about any competition in this town, know what I’m saying? The total number of bidders seems to be around twelve. A place with three bedrooms, three and a half baths, two and a half car garage and pool went for $84,100. What I find more useful is watching these property values plunge since 2005. That same property had been assessed at $664,722.19. Time to hang the appraiser.
           There are also certain licensing and registration matters involved, so it is not a free-for-all. And you must have financing in place, as the cash is due at the court house by noon the day following a winning bid. They take cashier’s checks. I will naturally know much more in a week from now. I have at no point stated I will not honor any existing contracts, but I told everyone who stuck with me two years ago that we might have a luxury house by around this time. Seems they were talking when they should have been listening. I repeat, by February 2011, mansions will be selling around here for peanuts.

January 22, 2010

           I’ll mention the weather more than once, because it is really that perfect this week. Here’s our pet geico in the yard. Yes, I said geico. It hasn’t offered me any insurance discounts but it sure keeps the yard free of insects. This is a high-quality shot taken on Theresa’s fancy camera. Look at that clarity and color.
           I did not make it to the Shakespeare performance. It is now so easy to spend a day at home now that everything is here. Okay, I admit to being the last to see most television shows. Today I watched scrubs. It is a comedy which I can follow because there are no allusions to politics and sports (which bore me past distraction). Mind you, they could knock it off with the constant innuendoes about black people and sex.

           This morning found me over at Best Buy, the Geek Squad people. RAM is still frightfully expensive but it remains the single most important upgrade possible for computers now in the three to five year old range. Two gigabytes is the most popular size, meaning we are seeing a lot of used 512 MBs on the market. The weather is perfect, I went for a two-mile walk, invigorating, but also a reminder that walking is a medium impact activity that my pumper does not like.
           Myself and a small crowd of like-minded individuals have now formalized and coordinated our efforts to hack the cable Internet system, our purpose being solely to understand how it works the way it does. There was even a suggestion if we fail that I should apply there for a job and find out first-hand. My task is to find out if the Internet signal emanates from the cable main office, or from various local terminals (like the phone company with its central offices every 5,500 yards).

           My secondary is to find out how to spoof DSL MAC addresses. It seems to me if you pay for DSL service, you should be able to work it from any location with a telephone jack. Or in the alternative, the phone company should explain why not before they take your money. I’ve been tentatively voted the most popular tech in town, may I add. Several of my clients who know each other have decided I am the only technician or worker they know that they look forward to seeing. Ah, that’s nice. And a most singular compliment. I’m not taking on any new customers since the income has become too random to make a decent living. Callouts have soared this month.
           Who recalls the word puzzle I invented? I may have found a patent attorney who will take the matter pro bono. I have yet to uncover what I’m patenting, the matter just gets curiouser and curiouser. Keep visiting here and maybe I’ll have some facts for you shortly. I predict I’ll make $150 per week at that little adventure.

           Lately I’ve been talking about house auctions in the foreclosure market. I think some people from up north who buy places sight (site?) unseen are in for a nasty surprise. Florida is very third world, where desirable property can be a block from the slums. Anyway, the fact on-line bidding is so new means it will be another year before the general public even figure out how to use the system, so I am joining up. You can find the site at www.mypalmbeachclerk.com and good luck.
           Ever since some New York investor picked up a decent property for $10,000 I am truly serious about looking at this on-line bidding. Mark my words if you did not mark them seven years ago when I predicted I’ll get a three bedroom two bath house in Ft. Lauderdale for $5,000. If my generous offer on this place is not accepted, I’ll be prepared. For example, the roof is leaking and there is no hot water in the dishwasher for nearly two years. Right there tells you I’m not to blame, if it was up to me things would be fixed by noon tomorrow.

           The neglect represents irreparable damage to the property and a potential health threat. (Dishwashers need an initial cycle of 140 degree water spray to be sanitary.) I have repeatedly offered to fix the roof for free and install a water heater, also for free.

January 21, 2010

           Here is one of those “meaningful” pictures, the kind you find on blues album jackets. This is the road past my old place, which is now a ghost town. A-West and B-West, rather unique street names if you ask me. Oh, they were going to build condos everywhere, but now it sits. They could have let things be (the court was 80% occupied) and be further ahead than they are now.
           Y’day I praised “The Derrick”, a small on-line newspaper owned by the Clarion people. That praise does not, however, extend to the staff over there, in particular a Marie Louge (rhymes with “rogue”). Thanks to her two-bit nosiness, they lost a customer. Hopefully, thanks to this blog, they will lose many more. The problem was entirely her own creation because she is an ignoramus. We do not give out private, personal information to strangers on the Internet, it is policy around here since day one.

           The rogue seems to have taken offense that we used the “required” name fields for our own advertising. Although there is no legal justification for it, she was insisting we use a “real name”. Don’t you just love her already? We paid using a valid credit card, but she wanted names—and there is only one reason for that: a hidden agenda. If you think somebody is breaking the law, old lady, you call the police, you don’t play vigilante with us. She is so stupid I don’t think she realized she was trying to pretext telemarketing information out of us. Clarion, fire that women, you don’t need her.
           Have you heard of paid obituaries? It seems due to the recession many smaller newspapers are printing fewer issues per week and the word on deaths isn’t getting out. Don’t jump to conclusions, it was not the public or the deceased’s relatives complaining, but funeral parlors. You can figure out the connection on your own. If you can’t, you’re probably reading the wrong blog as well.

           Anyone who coughs up the $100 can have an obituary played on local television several times per day. Optional are slide shows or videos. In view of my life’s accomplishments and the message I’ve got for the world, I think I’ll opt for the hand puppets. I’d considered stick figures but I want to be more entertaining than the people I grew up with. Subtle, or what?
           Florida has become the first state to aggressively begin auctioning foreclosures on-line. No more unruly crowds at the courthouse. If you squint at the situation it is clear the move is designed to bring more than local buyers into the deal. Face it, well-monied locals had the market cornered and were dominating the sales, the rumor was the mob was in on it. The tactic emerges as a way to get more buyers into the game.

           So you know, there are around 100,000 pending foreclosures, limited only by the inability of the courts to process more. There is a sign-up fee, around $60 beans and the system extends the time limit if the highest bid comes in less than a minute before closing. There’ll be no eBay type sniping here. I’ll attend the free seminar to learn the ropes. My bet of getting a place on Las Olas for $5,000 may be closer than we all thought. Of course, I want to honor my commitment here but that requires that others do the same. To the letter.
           I might add that both Wallace and I agreed we did not buy this place for any other purpose than to share it (there was initially a plan to rent out his room when he was absent, but that never worked out). There was also an agreement that under no circumstances did we purchase this place to flip it for a profit, that during the period until my case was settled, we could only sell to each other for the price paid. After that, we split what profit is made, although I’m not interested in that.
           Not everybody understands that in Florida you can be sued for selling at too high a price, even years later. And this state takes serious pains to protect the dolts who live here from speculators.

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