January 31, 2010

           Another Blues album cover featured in today’s photo. The sagging economy and the “one way” sign to match. This is along Sheridan Street, looking east toward the Atlantic Ocean somewhat over a mile further away. Consider this a typical Florida winter day, notice the deciduous tree behind the sign. Weather is a perfect 68 degrees with a mild warm breeze.
           Fred lent me a DVD, “Open Water”, which I’m watching in stages. It is not badly done for a low-budget flick. Most of the filming seems to be done in a large fish tank. It could do without the married couple roles, you know, screaming at each other while surrounded by hungry sharks. They’re supposed to do that at the office.
           This morning I had a five-hour callout that didn’t pay that well (but for a steady customer). I dropped into the book store (Borders) and stayed a good three hours. My reading habits have changed to match the new selections they have, but a warning to visitors from out west: Florida bookstores are not a good place to meet intellectual women. Not a recommended singles activity.
           I sprung for coffee and a cookie, set me back $4.00. But I’m again just able to afford little treats like that. No, not brakes on the car or a new bicycle tire, but that will follow in time. Again, business has expanded ever so slightly and I have no idea why that could be. The bustle of motion that was so evident a few years back is gone. Even the traffic on the streets is sparse instead of the usual Sunday madness. Can someone remind me of that economic rule that says people spend more if they anticipate coming into money in the near future.
           Due to a touch of the flu (the mildest flu I’ve ever had) I relaxed and read most of today. Every few years I get away from intensive computer reading, which I like to keep up on. I’m finding a renewed interest in mechanics. That is something I have zero background in, particularly gears and gear ratios. Today I found out what a CNC device is, I think. It is a machining tool that cuts or shapes parts. A while back I mentioned the new Apple 3D printer that built up items designed on screen. Unbeknownst to me, these are computerized versions of CNC apparatus. The articles I read assumed, wrongly, that I knew what the letters stand for.
           But that is okay, how many people know why MP3 was invented. Have you heard of the ISO, International Standards Organization, the people who made the specs for ASCII code? They developed MPEG Audio Layer 3 for sending music over telephone lines and had nothing to do with computer disks. It was not until the Pentium chip came along years later that computers had the power to play MP3s.

January 30, 2010

           Just what it looks like, it is a camper on a shopping cart. It’s from an article in Make, one of my favorite magazines for new things. No, it is not a functional camper, rather a display novelty only. But that is not to say this photo hasn’t given the Panera crowd a few ideas. Because the Grecian Formula crowd has taken over that coffee shop I don’t dare publish the other picture showing a camper on the bicycle.
           Half a wasted day. The Comcast people were supposed to show up and make our older system compatible. I scheduled myself to be there, how I wanted to see that event. Nope, by closing time they had not even phoned to cancel. That explains the delay to anyone who noticed this blog has not been updated in nearly a week.
           As mentioned y’day, a customer came in at a loss for computer knowledge and was most appreciative that I obviously stopped what I was into and helped him out for a half-hour with knowledge. That’s the customer that turned out to be a lawyer, and it seems I’ve sparked his curiosity about the patent. He drew the identical conclusions as I, and has said now he will pursue it on my behalf. For exactitutude, he’ll get the knowledge, not the patent. At least he listened long enough to let me explain I already have a buyer.
           You’ll find history is full of patents whose time had not arrived. An idea is no good until it can be sold. That fact brings up a point about those persons who take so much consolation in the fact that some of the top inventors of the last century have had less than a college education. “If they’d gone to university they would have learned it could not be done.” We all know Edison and Ford and Gates never finished school.
           [Author’s note: The success formula only applies to those few and singular exceptions who clearly had other rare qualities that compensated for lack of schooling. Their lives have nothing in common with the working masses. The uneducated goofs in this world are nothing but a pack of useless know-it-all pricks that deserve little better than a good swift kick in the head three times a day.]
           Tell you what, though, I’ll hand them another example. Did you know the car radio was patented in 1930 by a man named Lear with only grade eight? He did not really invent it, as Australian cars had radios some 15 years earlier—but with the interesting safety feature that they only worked when the engine was shut off. And yes, that is the same Lear who went on to build private business jets.
           Bingo was again a paying proposition, it is almost an institution albeit one that shows the same “rent week” slowdown as the music. The show is evolving continually and I’m first to admit calling does not require a costly PA system. It is not unthinkable that bingo could, soon enough, help purchase the Fishman. While that PA is also high-priced, it is portable in the extreme. Despite the money tonight, I was tuckered and did not drop by to see the festival downtown.
           Now, the real trivia. Each adult human being has to breathe in around 88 pounds of oxygen every day. Some days I feel like I’m doing my quota first thing in the morning.

January 29, 2010

           My camera doesn’t show perspective so well. If it did, you’d be able to see that this traffic safety sign is behind a large metal box and street signal, where nobody can see it. Another Florida first inspired by the grade of mental idiot that infests this state. It reminds me of how Pan Am said it was “overly expensive” to hire anything but drop-outs to staff their airport baggage checks. Just before the Lockerbie bombing which bankrupted that airline.
           Some say it is impossible to find intelligent people to do security work. Shows you what they know, if it paid right I’d do it. As far as finding smart people, it is easy. All smart people have a higher than normal concentration of zinc and copper in their hair, something no stupid person has. That well-suppressed fact may have to pass for today’s trivia.
           Because I’ve got some music news. The gig at the beach went amazingly well. The musicianship was roughly the same all around as ever, but for some reason this time the band followed the tried and tested rules most of the four hours. I can’t list those rules in entirety, but the major differences were playing to the audience instead of at them (in fact I was able to again get tips out passers-by), sticking to an agreed-upon song list (some still seem to find that difficult) and the whole band playing most of the time.
           Let me qualify that last phrase. Most of the band did not play the whole time, other than the Hippie, I was the only one, but at least the other members were generally on stage or nearby. Wandering off is still beyond what I would personally allow, but then, I’d group the saxophone solos together a lot more. Due to the pre-determined song list, I was able to innovate a little better to tunes with weak or unknown bass lines. Like most bass players, I find it hard to be expressive with material only played every other six months.
           By far, the greatest change was the presentation of country music. I remind the reader I am not a country music fan, but I am a fan of keeping the crowd happy. The two tunes that got them going were “Can’t You See” and “Folsom Prison” (neither of which are strictly country music, but have a strong country appeal). Next in popularity was “Sweet Home Alabama”. I know that I’ll be accused of favoring country, yet the fact is if things go much further, my fellow musicians are going to find themselves firmly in my camp. I took dead aim on forming a local country band many months ago.
           To wrap up, there has been a surge of call-outs this month and these represent my primary source of income. While total revenues are still half what they were two years ago, I am more than happy these calls are coming in. But don’t jump for joy yet, because I have not yet received money that is expected and that represents a lot of eggs in one basket. Also, even if my income doubles again, it will still require close to a year to set right the logistics and deficiencies created by the previous four years. In the end, it turns out every last paper or document had to be filled out and my lawyer had to do everything the hard way.
           Speaking of lawyer’s, the recommended crowd did nothing for me. As soon as they heard “pro bono”, they scattered. What? A misunderstood term? Allow me. Pro bono is a type of free charity work lawyers are expected to perform in the community each year. I believe it is hours they have to track and report in. So I would have concluded that something nice and easy like a patent would be desirable, if not ideal. Instead, I finally asked a customer whose business card said “attorney” to look into it, he’ll get back to me. I can’t figure those other lawyers, since I told them if the patent succeeded, I would pony up their entire regular fee.
           If I might misquote Cervantes, “It is one thing to praise intelligence, and quite another to submit to it.”

January 28, 2010

           Here’s a reminder photo of the kind of work I put into this place back in time. Sure, the yard is easy to trim and the patio is easy to sweep. I made them that way. It took approximately two months to get this place into shape. The people before consisted of an overweight lady and her disabled husband. The place had been neglected for years. Of course, this and all relevant information is available by simply reading this history.
           I misread a ticket y’day so some guy got himself a new set of leather soles for the price of neoprene. Shucks, you could say I’m just plain generous, except it ain’t my shop. What’s to report today? Well, the lawyers I’ve contacted about my puzzle don’t seem interested. This means I may have to do the patent the hard way, which is kind of what I’ve been doing all along.
           This place is spotless, thanks to Theresa. It is also a lot more quiet and vacant most of the time since her helping out means I’m not constantly here trying to keep ahead of things. So it is ridiculous for anyone to suggest the place is crowded, that is pure bunk. Is there any bad news? Yes, the pump is gone on the washing machine, the clunker that was left behind here. It is nice to have laundry facilities when you need them. Some people can take a half-day off to wash clothes whenever they want, but I can’t. For now.
           I’m getting conflicting input about the upcoming gig, but all I care about is the money. When you have a Friday gig, you don’t call the bass player on Wednesday afternoon unless somebody has royally screwed up. No, I don’t jam-practice, since it is like parachute jumping—it’s the people who rehearse at the last moment that make the mistakes. I’ll be watching to see how closely both the Hippie and the Cowboy follow what was agreed. If not, nothing has really changed.
           Each of them called to do a quick practice. Hello? Guys, I already know all your ancient tape and LP based music. Don’t you both find it revealing when you called I was able to pull up my files from 2004/2005 and read you back your own current song lists? Have you so easily forgotten we originally promised to learn each other’s material and in the end it was only me that kept my end of the bargain? In fact, to hear people talk, the only thing they have not copied is my song list. But I won’t say anything as long as I get paid.
           In related news, it remains to be seen how many musicians have really been invited to this show, whether or not they have rehearsed anything and whether that keyboard player will be present. The chick singer has already disappeared. Sure. The official reason is that her music was too slow. Compared to what? Last Chance with Mary Jane? Simple Man?
           Let’s do the trivia bit. Fast food easily takes first place in the American franchise market. But MacDonald’s is only second place, with some 12,000 outlets. Who has the most? Hint, I’ve only been there twice in my life because they are far too expensive for the quality delivered. It is Subway. The place whose ads give the misleading impression their food is good for dieters (by comparing it to the worst of the hamburgers out there). That chain has something like 23,000 stores.

January 27, 2010

           Look what pulled up in front of the shop today. I never could tell what year these were, but this is a Studebaker. It isn’t restored but it is clearly in running condition. By the style, shall we guess the 1950s? I have not idea whether the paint color is original. I miss my 1955 Buick Roadmaster. It’s a pity they don’t make real cars anymore. From what I hear, they don’t make real houses any more either.
           I got Cowboy Mike underway with his computer. The snag was the most curable computer trouble: pilot error. Like most adults, he’d focus on the email, not the steps involved getting there. The solution is to make him take one full minute to log on and repeat until it for a month. Later Mike called back, the Hippie has a gig at the Walkabout on Friday and I’m offered $50 to play. Count me in, get it, count me in?
           I’m afraid my puzzle patent is still grounded. While I’m informed “anything is patentable”, I have not yet found a lawyer who will tell me what I’m patenting, quote me a price, or take the job on contingency. Or pro bono. Whatever phrase they use for “free” until later. Last time I checked, patents run about $2,000 so I may just wait a short while and pay for it myself.
           Speaking of pay, today I did something that has been out of fashion for two years. I deposited money in the bank. While that tips off the entire world that I’m either broke or have enough salted away to last two years, the point is I have not forgotten how to deposit. Good. I may be getting some extra practice before too long.
           Around mid-afternoon, I developed a fever with flu symptoms. Total sore throat. This is significant because I had to turn down a callout, which I am averse to do. Why so many callouts all of a sudden? My hypothesis is that my local competition may very well have given up. Things have been super slow and many of these businesses can’t last a week without income. Myself, I headed home and made chicken corn chowder. It is more like home around here than it has ever been.
           Floors swept, sink empty, and items like irons and sewing machines here and there. I don’t understand what is not to like. Since Theresa and I are both working, there is more privacy here than ever and Theresa seems to naturally get to the things I just can’t keep up with anymore by myself. I’m just glad there is somebody honest and reliable here; I was really concerned about having an empty-handed stranger in the place. Now we have somebody whose stuff is worth more than ours, end of worries.
           Pudding-Tat is avoiding me. I had to give her a second dose of ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar). She hates it. The good news is it cleared up her condition almost totally so here is a home remedy that works. A tablespoon is fine and she can go potty within minutes. Also, the lower abdominal swelling abates in a few days. Since it did not disappear, I administered another tablespoon. Last time it took her a week to quit hating me.
           Later, the Hippie called concerning the song list for Friday. I was surprised that he has become the proponent of only playing fast music on stage, “to get the crowd fired up”. Gee, where do you suppose he’s getting original ideas like that? It was again a last minute invitation, telegraphing that I am still not the bassist of choice. No sweat, I have years of solid experience doing these guys are just beginning to dabble with. He twice mentioned the house doesn’t want backing tracks. Hmm, tell that to Arnel the next time he plays there.
           Let’s use some inductive reasoning. Backing tracks done right require extensive computer knowledge at least to the level of Arnel and I. So we know the Hippie is really saying he does not want somebody else using backing tracks. Who does the Hippie know that would do that? Ah, the one person who knows for certain about my dynamite backing track show (with two-year house gig to prove it). Cowboy Mike. Who else would even try to copy my act without ever saying a word all this time.
           If the quality of the CDs Cowboy Mike gave me are any indication, I would not want him using them either. It would sound like somebody trying to play along to an AM radio. People, I will state it one more time: The full-band sound of my act takes hundreds of hours to achieve and I’m not telling anybody how it is done other than that it is an eleven-step process. Furthermore, my act is probably original because I do not use any Karaoke or midi tracks and I figured the entire process out on my own without copying anybody. There was nobody to copy even if I was the sort that did such things.

January 26, 2010

           This truck is not a restoral, but an actual vehicle still in use. I have no details, though you can make out “Georgia Farms” painted on the box. I closely inspected what I could without gawking and everything seems original right down to the hub caps. There is no paint overspray and up close, the finish does seem to be fifty years old at least. There are no dents or touchups.
           Lots of ground to cover today, get it, “lots”? Just kidding, or am I? I believe through a friend of a friend, I’ve located a lawyer in Ft. Lauderdale to handle my puzzle pro bono. This is a real find for such a small project. Stay tuned for a consultation and demonstration. At best, the puzzle (possibly after undergoing a third name change) will produce an income of around $150 per week. I hear some people who scoffed at that are now wishing they had it.
           While at the lawyer, I’ll bring up my drum machine idea. If it is patentable, I should go on “Shark Tank”, since I understand they are clamoring for good material. On my own, I keep meeting idiots who can’t think out of the box. I don’t want a drum beat programming machine. I want a machine that plays drums. As usual, if you can’t spot the difference, you are probably reading the wrong blog as well.
           [Author’s note: I found out about “Shark Tank” digging through the Jimbos garbage can. Hell, how else are people like me supposed to find out about new TV shows? Actually, I had thrown out the (completed) crossword puzzle a moment earlier into a clean garbage bag and the Shark article landed face up. It is a new Friday show where you try to convince investors to back your product. Besides, you never know what you’ll find in a Jimbos garbage can. See you there.]
           Have we stumbled on to something? A lady in the shop today needed some special orthopedic shoes. By half translating the prescription, we determined that instead of adding to one shoe, we could take away from the other. It took me four hours, the lady was absolutely pleased, and it was the easiest money I’ve made there so far. Remind me to peek into the orthopedic shoe racket.
           Tomorrow I will waste some time. It is a musician with a really bad attitude toward computers. He won’t learn the right way and keeps asking for my assistance like it is somehow my fault they don’t build computers just the way he would like. The point is, he never learns and thus disregards the value of my time, like maybe I’m not teaching him right. It is a real effort for me, listening to him cuss.
           I’ll report how it goes, but for the record, no, I do not hang around the computer store waiting to help people. I have to make a special trip over there when I should be doing other things. The reason I’m antsy is because it is Cowboy Mike. He calls up to say he can’t check his own email (despite the fact I’ve shown him several times) and that he’s “helped me for free a lot of times”.
           Ahem. As near as I recall, it was exactly twice, both times a lift in his truck for around nine miles. Remember Alligator Alley (the pub) and the Motor Vehicle Branch? (The blog never forgets.) I think the difficulty is that he over rates the value of the ride and underrates the value of computer training. On the other hand, I know the exact value of both. The computer part is worth four times the car part. When I tally things up, Mike owes me another 78 rides. Still, like Wallace, Mike’s been a good friend so I’ll go help him tomorrow.

January 25, 2010

           Fishman. That is the unlikely name of the PA system that may have to replace my plans for a Bose. No matter how it adds up, with Bose you are paying for the name. I’ll be exploring the options, so check back. The basic unit is a single tower with no bass box (I’m assured the bass sound is perfect) and the price is $1,000 or half the price of Bose.
           The Fishman SoloAmp Model 8888171 (who the hell comes up with these 1950s style numbers anyway?) is 220 watts, more than I need, and contains six 4” speakers. The inputs, some front and some on the back, are more elaborately designed than Bose and address the fact that more than one musician might occasionally want to join in. Know what I’m saying, Bose? The photo depicts the 42” tall unit on a stand, which I will likely not use if it can be helped.
           My look at medical work is nearing a conclusion; it is not really for me (although let’s not rule anything out). I recognize the skill level involved and know I would be an excellent decision-maker , but there are too many down-sides to the field. One is that the person I talked to initially must have been one of the highest-paid professionals in the field. (Which probably explains why I talked to him.) Others make up to $15 less per hour.
           Mind you, it isn’t like I didn’t learn anything. I learned today’s trivia, which you bio-med students might memorize for the mid-term. A disease like smallpox is not a zoonosis, it is not a disease that spreads from other species to humans. Put another way, smallpox does not exist in the wild. That explains why the disease was essentially eradicated by the 1970s. Most major epidemic diseases (malaria, bubonic plague, influenza) are carried by wild animals and are impossible to wipe out with existing methods.
           Since I understand some unfriendly eyes are peering at this blog, I would like to point out that I have never taken anything away from anybody in my life. That includes taking advantage. It is a good thing some people don’t have to pay me the going rate for my work. However, there is always the situation where some people get to thinking they don’t have to keep their promises.
           Even then, I don’t take anything. I simply tell a judge in court what they did, and the judge takes away, not me. I hope we are infinitely clear on that point: I don’t take anything that does not belong to me. Anyone who keeps their promises has not a thing to worry about and should be enjoying paradise. There are enough crazy people in the world already.

January 26, 2010

           Lots of ground to cover today, get it, “lots”? Just kidding, or am I? I believe through a friend of a friend, I’ve located a lawyer in Ft. Lauderdale to handle my puzzle pro bono. This is a real find for such a small project. Stay tuned for a consultation and demonstration. At best, the puzzle (possibly after undergoing a third name change) will produce an income of around $150 per week. I hear some people who scoffed at that are now wishing they had it.
           While at the lawyer, I’ll bring up my drum machine idea. If it is patentable, I should go on “Shark Tank”, since I understand they are clamoring for good material. On my own, I keep meeting idiots who can’t think out of the box. I don’t want a drum beat programming machine. I want a machine that plays drums. As usual, if you can’t spot the difference, you are probably reading the wrong blog as well.
           [Author’s note: I found out about “Shark Tank” digging through the Jimbos garbage can. Hell, how else are people like me supposed to find out about new TV shows? Actually, I had thrown out the (completed) crossword puzzle a moment earlier into a clean garbage bag and the Shark article landed face up. It is a new Friday show where you try to convince investors to back your product. Besides, you never know what you’ll find in a Jimbos garbage can. See you there.]
           Have we stumbled on to something? A lady in the shop today needed some special orthopedic shoes. By half translating the prescription, we determined that instead of adding to one shoe, we could take away from the other. It took me four hours, the lady was absolutely pleased, and it was the easiest money I’ve made there so far. Remind me to peek into the orthopedic shoe racket.
           Tomorrow I will waste some time. It is a musician with a really bad attitude toward computers. He won’t learn the right way and keeps asking for my assistance like it is somehow my fault they don’t build computers just the way he would like. The point is, he never learns and thus disregards the value of my time, like maybe I’m not teaching him right. It is a real effort for me, listening to him cuss.
           I’ll report how it goes, but for the record, no, I do not hang around the computer store waiting to help people. I have to make a special trip over there when I should be doing other things. The reason I’m antsy is because it is Cowboy Mike. He calls up to say he can’t check his own email (despite the fact I’ve shown him several times) and that he’s “helped me for free a lot of times”.
           Ahem. As near as I recall, it was exactly twice, both times a lift in his truck for around nine miles. Remember Alligator Alley (the pub) and the Motor Vehicle Branch? (The blog never forgets.) I think the difficulty is that he over rates the value of the ride and underrates the value of computer training. On the other hand, I know the exact value of both. The computer part is worth four times the car part. When I tally things up, Mike owes me another 78 rides. Still, like Wallace, Mike’s been a good friend so I’ll go help him tomorrow.

January 24, 2010

           Oh no, not a brand new beemer. This vehicle belongs to the manager of the Rainbo Café. It was hit twice, once while a hit-and-run lady went forward, and again as she rammed it backing up to swerve around a trailer. It was in showroom condition. Now we solve the mystery of why there is no “w” in Rainbo. It seems back in the early days, many establishments allowed illicit gambling on the premises. To alert potential players, these joints had a purposely misspelled name with a letter missing, hence “Rainbo”.
           Let’s talk about bingo. My show has evolved to the point I have no competition and the place was packed last night. There were only four unoccupied chairs, although if need be, the poker tables can be set up. This kind of crowd is unprecedented (in that club and in that area) and I take full credit for my part in it. Bingo has now moved up the rankings as a significant category of entertainment and a steady money-maker.
           There are ten games per Saturday. The time varies depending on the crowd as more people need more time between numbers. Count on three to four hours of first class bingo, with excellent music and sound effects. Another tactic I use is to call certain numbers certain ways so I never have to do a repeat. Y’day, one lady won four of the games and her boyfriend won another. The waltzed out $300 richer than they came in.
           Now music. Arnel is still in Brazil. Big Jim called. It looks like my advice to standardize and coordinate our shows went further than I thought. Even our song lists are compatible to minimize repeats (if we ever play back-to-back gigs). Big Jim has the Karaoke show at the Riptide. He reports that the management asked him to get a new PA system for the house, that is, go out and buy whatever you need and they will pay for it. This now means between Jim, Arnel and myself, we have four and soon to be five excellent PA systems all less than five years old.
           Jim wants to spell some of his Karaoke shows with other clubs in the area. Whereas my vocal chords are not yet ready for a solo, I can easily do the Karaoke thing. My repertoire is now around ten songs. Stick around for the particulars but I can already tell you the beach clubs are some of the highest paying gigs in these parts. The idea is to set up the PA systems where we can cover a lot more territory without having to hump heavy speakers around. If this flies, I will double my weekly income.
           Normally I would have spent the day in the bookstore, a reward associated with a fruitful Saturday. Instead I found my old copy of “Bridge Over The River Kwai” and am reading it for the fourth time in two years. It is a one-day read. Don’t expect political correctness as the Japanese are referred to as “baboons in uniform” and worse. Although the author didn’t intend it, the book is full of allusions to the superiority of the German-British-American ways of doing things, bearing out in the contemporary world the fact none of the cultures of the world are capable of modernizing without copying Europeans.
           As far as the domestic situation, anybody can go back two or more years in this blog to see that everything going on today has been predicted in writing. I was interested to learn a building attendant who looks after property for an absentee owner in this town earns a free room plus $650 per month. That raises an additional possibility if I ever run into somebody who insists they are an owner.

January 23, 2010

           Today I want to zero in on the on-line auction, but first place goes to a first class Florida criminal, name as yet unknown. Theresa and I stopped for coffee downtown at the Rainbo Café (return tomorrow to learn why there is no “w” in rainbo.) You see, I can stop for coffee now that I have a reliable person around to help with the rent. All of a sudden we hear this “bang, bang, bang”, the sound of a car accident but this one keeps going, “bang, bang, bang”.
           See the blue car? Look close and see the man in the white shirt on the left. Here’s the story. The driver of the car and her friend were caught shoplifting up the boulevard. They ran out the door and started to speed away, but the traffic was stopped for the light. So they gassed it and tried to drive between the line of traffic and the parked cars along the curb. The space was not wide enough.
           They bashed into at least seven parked cars, tearing off the rear bumpers and sideswiped another string of five cars on the driver’s side. My guess is $250,000 damage in 30 seconds. But they could not get past the van pulling that red trailer. So the culprit backed up into a brand new BMW (stage right) and drove up over the median, nearly plowing over the shop-owner, who is the man in the white shirt.
           What will happen to the shoplifting hit and run? Nothing, she was a black woman and need only claim she had to steal to feed her kids. I’m not racist or sexist, I’m merely stating a fact of life around here. Interestingly, nobody paid much attention to the first crash because of police policy (they conduct background investigations on all witnesses so nobody wants to get involved) but this episode was too much.
           By the time I got this picture, dozens of camera phones were ahead of me and the police were on the way. Nobody was injured, but I wouldn’t say that if anybody had gotten their hands on that stupid woman.
           Now, let’s get to the on-line auction material you’ve been waiting for. There will be more later as for today my goal was to get the fundamentals. It is a new and well-done web site but is not helpful at all for those wishing to view real estate. Here are the major discoveries of the day:
           • The entire site is focused on the legal documents of foreclosure. It does not list either the property address or even the type of dwelling. It is not the least helpful to anyone who does not know how to do property searches. The auction is not in any way a real estate sales site.
           • Average number of properties listed for two months into the future is only 57 per sale and there are two sales per week, Monday and Thursday. After March, as the system catches on, the average moves up to around 120 per sale.
           • Each county in Florida uses a different filing system at their land title offices, so there exists no standard criteria for searching out a given property. Instead, the properties must be painstakingly found one by one. Mind you, I did around eight examples and it gets easier to spot which ones are condos and townhouses (those things only stupid people buy) before wasting too much time.
           • Foreign-owned banks and off-shore mortgage companies are clearly much more aggressive in pursuing deadbeat borrowers (via the foreclosure procedure) than those companies with American-sounding business names.

Now let us get into the parts that I picked up on suspicious activity , but do not yet necessarily have any theories as to why it is so. Let’s see if my reputation for spotting unusual patterns pays off any.

           • Of the 58 properties on last week’s sale, only 17 of them actually sold. The others have mysterious labels in place of the listing, such as “this case has been removed”.
           • Most of the properties have fewer than five bids, and the maximum number of bids was a single outrider with ten.
           • There is a systemized team of around six individuals working the system, buying almost every property under one company name or another. The top two bidders are Celeste and Alvin.

           Now I am about to write something that will test your IQ. The minute you think you are smarter than me, raise your right hand. Here goes. In all of the 17 bids, the second highest bid was exactly $100 below the winning bid. Ah, have our Einsteins got it figured already? I mean, well of course that is the case, the highest bid wins over the second highest. How could I be dumb enough to overlook the obvious?
           Notice I did not say the winning bid was $100 more, I said the second highest bid was $100 less. For some reason, Celeste is putting in the winning bid, and at a later point in time (usually within two hours), Alvin is putting in a bid that is $100 lower. The question is why would Alvin do that every time when he must already know it is not going to be the winning bid? Darn, this is going to require thinking. You can take your hand down now.
           Each property has to be painstakingly researched, a trade in itself. So I don’t have to worry about any competition in this town, know what I’m saying? The total number of bidders seems to be around twelve. A place with three bedrooms, three and a half baths, two and a half car garage and pool went for $84,100. What I find more useful is watching these property values plunge since 2005. That same property had been assessed at $664,722.19. Time to hang the appraiser.
           There are also certain licensing and registration matters involved, so it is not a free-for-all. And you must have financing in place, as the cash is due at the court house by noon the day following a winning bid. They take cashier’s checks. I will naturally know much more in a week from now. I have at no point stated I will not honor any existing contracts, but I told everyone who stuck with me two years ago that we might have a luxury house by around this time. Seems they were talking when they should have been listening. I repeat, by February 2011, mansions will be selling around here for peanuts.

January 22, 2010

           I’ll mention the weather more than once, because it is really that perfect this week. Here’s our pet geico in the yard. Yes, I said geico. It hasn’t offered me any insurance discounts but it sure keeps the yard free of insects. This is a high-quality shot taken on Theresa’s fancy camera. Look at that clarity and color.
           I did not make it to the Shakespeare performance. It is now so easy to spend a day at home now that everything is here. Okay, I admit to being the last to see most television shows. Today I watched scrubs. It is a comedy which I can follow because there are no allusions to politics and sports (which bore me past distraction). Mind you, they could knock it off with the constant innuendoes about black people and sex.
           This morning found me over at Best Buy, the Geek Squad people. RAM is still frightfully expensive but it remains the single most important upgrade possible for computers now in the three to five year old range. Two gigabytes is the most popular size, meaning we are seeing a lot of used 512 MBs on the market. The weather is perfect, I went for a two-mile walk, invigorating, but also a reminder that walking is a medium impact activity that my pumper does not like.
           Myself and a small crowd of like-minded individuals have now formalized and coordinated our efforts to hack the cable Internet system, our purpose being solely to understand how it works the way it does. There was even a suggestion if we fail that I should apply there for a job and find out first-hand. My task is to find out if the Internet signal emanates from the cable main office, or from various local terminals (like the phone company with its central offices every 5,500 yards).
           My secondary is to find out how to spoof DSL MAC addresses. It seems to me if you pay for DSL service, you should be able to work it from any location with a telephone jack. Or in the alternative, the phone company should explain why not before they take your money.
I’ve been tentatively voted the most popular tech in town, may I add. Several of my clients who know each other have decided I am the only technician or worker they know that they look forward to seeing. Ah, that’s nice. And a most singular compliment. I’m not taking on any new customers since the income has become too random to make a decent living. Callouts have soared this month.
           Who recalls the word puzzle I invented? I may have found a patent attorney who will take the matter pro bono. I have yet to uncover what I’m patenting, the matter just gets curiouser and curiouser. Keep visiting here and maybe I’ll have some facts for you shortly. I predict I’ll make $150 per week at that little adventure.
           Lately I’ve been talking about house auctions in the foreclosure market. I think some people from up north who buy places sight (site?) unseen are in for a nasty surprise. Florida is very third world, where desirable property can be a block from the slums. Anyway, the fact on-line bidding is so new means it will be another year before the general public even figure out how to use the system, so I am joining up. You can find the site at www.mypalmbeachclerk.com and good luck.
           Ever since some New York investor picked up a decent property for $10,000 I am truly serious about looking at this on-line bidding. Mark my words if you did not mark them seven years ago when I predicted I’ll get a three bedroom two bath house in Ft. Lauderdale for $5,000. If my generous offer on this place is not accepted, I’ll be prepared. For example, the roof is leaking and there is no hot water in the dishwasher for nearly two years. Right there tells you I’m not to blame, if it was up to me things would be fixed by noon tomorrow.
           The neglect represents irreparable damage to the property and a potential health threat. (Dishwashers need an initial cycle of 140 degree water spray to be sanitary.) I have repeatedly offered to fix the roof for free and install a water heater, also for free.

January 21, 2010

           Here is one of those “meaningful” pictures, the kind you find on blues album jackets. This is the road past my old place, which is now a ghost town. A-West and B-West, rather unique street names if you ask me. Oh, they were going to build condos everywhere, but now it sits. They could have let things be (the court was 80% occupied) and be further ahead than they are now.
           Y’day I praised “The Derrick”, a small on-line newspaper owned by the Clarion people. That praise does not, however, extend to the staff over there, in particular a Marie Louge (rhymes with “rogue”). Thanks to her two-bit nosiness, they lost a customer. Hopefully, thanks to this blog, they will lose many more. The problem was entirely her own creation because she is an ignoramus. We do not give out private, personal information to strangers on the Internet, it is policy around here since day one.
           The rogue seems to have taken offense that we used the “required” name fields for our own advertising. Although there is no legal justification for it, she was insisting we use a “real name”. Don’t you just love her already? We paid using a valid credit card, but she wanted names—and there is only one reason for that: a hidden agenda. If you think somebody is breaking the law, old lady, you call the police, you don’t play vigilante with us. She is so stupid I don’t think she realized she was trying to pretext telemarketing information out of us. Clarion, fire that women, you don’t need her.
           Have you heard of paid obituaries? It seems due to the recession many smaller newspapers are printing fewer issues per week and the word on deaths isn’t getting out. Don’t jump to conclusions, it was not the public or the deceased’s relatives complaining, but funeral parlors. You can figure out the connection on your own. If you can’t, you’re probably reading the wrong blog as well.
           Anyone who coughs up the $100 can have an obituary played on local television several times per day. Optional are slide shows or videos. In view of my life’s accomplishments and the message I’ve got for the world, I think I’ll opt for the hand puppets. I’d considered stick figures but I want to be more entertaining than the people I grew up with. Subtle, or what?
           Florida has become the first state to aggressively begin auctioning foreclosures on-line. No more unruly crowds at the courthouse. If you squint at the situation it is clear the move is designed to bring more than local buyers into the deal. Face it, well-monied locals had the market cornered and were dominating the sales, the rumor was the mob was in on it. The tactic emerges as a way to get more buyers into the game.
           So you know, there are around 100,000 pending foreclosures, limited only by the inability of the courts to process more. There is a sign-up fee, around $60 beans and the system extends the time limit if the highest bid comes in less than a minute before closing. There’ll be no eBay type sniping here. I’ll attend the free seminar to learn the ropes. My bet of getting a place on Las Olas for $5,000 may be closer than we all thought. Of course, I want to honor my commitment here but that requires that others do the same. To the letter.
           I might add that both Wallace and I agreed we did not buy this place for any other purpose than to share it (there was initially a plan to rent out his room when he was absent, but that never worked out). There was also an agreement that under no circumstances did we purchase this place to flip it for a profit, that during the period until my case was settled, we could only sell to each other for the price paid. After that, we split what profit is made, although I’m not interested in that.
           Not everybody understands that in Florida you can be sued for selling at too high a price, even years later. And this state takes serious pains to protect the dolts who live here from speculators.

January 20, 2010

           Colin, my inventor buddy from the west coast, I wonder how things worked out for him. I haven’t talked to him in over ten years. He’s the guy that invented the “Speedi-Bleed” brake system that tapped air off the front tire, allowing one man to bleed the brakes. I helped him a few times with assembly and his product was a tangle of tubes, fittings and plates. Take a look at the product in today’s photo.
           Whereas Colin’s product tapped air off the front tire, this one seems to have a bottle with a hand pump. If so, it is certainly a simpler and more portable system. Colin was famous for items like, “I said I’d pay you $50 to help me unload the truck. I didn’t say I’d pay you right now today.” I hope he is doing well.
           Skip this stretch if you are having breakfast. News about the cat. No way was I paying $185 for a vet to tell me Pudding has a urinary tract infection. Many sites advised feeding her ACV, which is “Apple Cider Vinegar”. This homespun remedy, if you diagnose correctly, has an almost instant good effect. Within twenty minutes, the cat is able to perform elimination. Just stand back. Good luck making the cat take it, I suggest you use a syringe, a half-tablespoon at a time. Um, maybe stand back even a little more. Wheeeeee-yew!
           My least favorite condo makes the headlines again. The true name of the building is “Hollywood Station”, and it was not that long ago the units were selling for $690,000. Not no more. The upholstery shop next door reports an acquaintance just picked one of the units up for $70,000. The talk that this recession is over is bogus. What do you mean, prices are falling slower than before? They are still falling.
           Here is something from the lab. During the continual search for a way to activate cable modems (you know how I love Comcast since they stole my bicycle) we may have stumbled onto a peculiarity. While I would never do anything illegal, it seems that deactivated modems from other parts of the state sometimes, and I stress sometimes, seem to work fine here. I suspect that when an account in, say Tampa, is closed, the cable company deactivates the MAC address for that modem in Tampa, but not necessarily throughout the entire company.
           Next, is this good news or bad news? The official results of my November operation are in, and I do not have five stents. Bad communication at the hospital level, I suppose. I received two new stents. But they were to replace two of my earlier stents which had collapsed. I doubly apologize to anyone who just arrived, but a large premise of this blog is to alert others of things that I experienced.
           I will be scheduled next month to get the remaining stent replaced. Thus tipping me off that these stents are not, as I hoped, a cure and in fact are not even a practical control if they must be replaced so often. Meanwhile, my blood pressure readings are as low as an athlete’s. Same thing happened when Robyn and I were together, but that is nothing but pure fluke and happenstance.
           The shoe place was furious that I was absent y’day. That means I will now mark on the wall my days at the clinic or hospital. Can’t have people forgetting the days I’ll be gone. Actually, I over-worded the matter, everything was fine most of today. I learned how to replace a shoe part that normally would throw me. It’s a type of sandal with a round sole, as in old hippy style but with expensive and special manufacture. So I learned something new today. And you?

January 19, 2010

           Shakespeare in the Park, that’s what I’d like to do this Friday. I’ve never heard of “Shakespeare Miami” and note the misuse of the word “free” where it should say “no admission charge”. I wonder who I’ll meet there if I make it? The Shrew play is one I’ve never read and I don’t know what it is about. Yet the prevailing theory is that one should get exposed to English culture even if it hurts.
           Are we in for a long war? Dumb question, since we were only in WWII for 41 months. [Some who actually believe Japan ever had a hope in hell may say 45 months.] Y’day, I took part in a forum about fighter aircraft being used in the Middle East. I may have been the only participant to realize the chances of armed forces winning a war is no greater than the intelligence of the population behind those forces. After a brief video, the questions started pouring in.
           I was the single voice asking how much the airplane cost. How many and how fast can they be produced? What is the kill ratio? Was it designed to fight in the desert? How many ground crew are needed to keep it operational? My plaintive voice was drowned out by people wanting to know such really important things like what religion is the pilot. Where was he born and how tall is he? Why is there a naked girl painted on the nose? Is the pilot married?
           Yep, folks, I’d say we are definitely in for a long one.
           Business is bad when people focus on problems instead of progress. I printed up an 8.5”x11” sample sheet because we do not yet have an 11”x17” printer. It should be obvious that these sheets are not congruent, that the smaller sheet cannot accurately portray the same scale as the larger sheet. Apparently this hard fact of life is escaping the customers and sales staff.
           No, one cannot “just print up” a smaller copy. That amounts to more than doubling the amount of typesetting within a system never set up to instantly double the production labor. That’s like saying just go sell twice as hard, not only easier said than done, but conspicuously unappreciative of what is involved. Possibly the answer is to print up a generic page where there is no content, just more sales literature. Remind me to set up a flyer-specific email address, as some people are also having a tizzy over the existing ones.
           This kind of trouble shows a misleading frailty on the surface. Please understand the flyer is a retrograde step, that is, to an earlier time. It is a concept that has to be nurtured back into favor. (Not everyone wants to lug a laptop to coffee break; that is why they still sell newspapers at Starbucks.) Beneath these surface limitations is an underlying strength in the first-rate designs of the pages, scanning systems, bizcard database and record-keeping that limit the in-house staff to just two persons. It will be nice when sales becomes as efficient as production.

January 18, 2010

           Yuck, that looks like road kill. Because it is. Today’s photo parallels the idea that not everything in Florida goes as planned. But it is still a good idea to keep your promises, especially if you made them to me. I’ve got two lawyers and two real estate agents telling me to dump this place and get my own, but I won’t because I promised I would not do that.
           Business has soared. I don’t know why and I’m not asking questions since I seem to be the only one moving up. That’s good news, and there may be some revenue from the flyer to record yet, as our sales staff has been out on the pavements all day long. The wide-carriage printer has moved well within range just since last Friday, expect to have it here any day now.
           There is some sad news, the Cadillac is no more. It would not start after just four years in storage and the new muffler was rusted out. After pouring enough money into trying to boost it this morning, we gave up and I sold it for $75 scrap. Owned it twenty-two years this May. Nicest car I ever owned, but I’ll never buy another. Let me look up the actual cost of that car to me, hang on a second. Okay, I’m back. That car only cost a net $6,570 and even that was written off to the tax department.
           The guy who owns the storage garage used to check on the Cadillac for me, he even washed it a couple times when I was convalescing. (Some people assume I parked the car and didn’t pay the bill, which shows you how much they know.) My point is, he just made a killing buying up foreclosed properties and he needs somebody to do the financials. He was stunned when I figured off the top of my head how much money he had made almost to the dollar. I assured him I am the one who can tell him if his windfall was pure luck or a workable formula, I may be the only one left who can. Partner, ha-ha, just kidding.
           During a callout later, I stumbled over an on-line newspaper that meets my standards of professionalism. Check it out for yourself if you want to see what excellent HTML programming looks like. Visit www.thederrick.com and be amazed. No, not at the content, I did not read the articles. I’m talking about the layout, the format, the color co-ordination and the artistic qualities that set it apart from ultra-crappy spaghetti home pages like Bing, Craigslist and AOL.
           That coding must be a thing of beauty. That programmer got lucky, I think, because I would have had to charge around $60,000 to create such quality. And I didn’t even click on more than a few random links, but they were flawless. Congratulations to two people: the programmer and the person at “The Derrick” who made the right decision. I know the agony and the ecstasy of such an undertaking. Listen you guys (it was guys), if anybody says they don’t know what I’m praising, they are so clueless you should not pay them no never-mind.
           Now watch, next week I’ll find out it was all from some template marketed by Amazon. I was dealing with programmers by late afternoon, I had a few go over the specifications of what I’m looking to create in a drum box. They like the concept, but not one of them had any clue how to think about a drum box except as something you have to program instead of just take out of the box to plug and play. I can already sense none of them will work out. Too much intellectual ground to cover before they could get started.
           Due to changes in my situation, I’ll be running financials and what-ifs for a few weeks, so do forgive if they thwart my blogging. Pudding-Tat is, unfortunately, not included in my plans. I don’t have any extra money yet and I’m way to smart to spend all my day-to-day cash on vet bills and then start scheming how to screw my friends. I like the cat, but if she dies, so be it.

January 17, 2010

           This is my hotel room when I’m in Caracas. The rent was $1,200 per year. Private bathroom, maid service. Real maid service. The twin bed never gets used, but is there because the single rooms can be claustrophobic. I’m reprinted the photo here to point out that I lived in relative luxury in Venezuela. The story that the Florida room I fixed up here is “the same” is nonsense, invented to justify other things.
           A quiet day at home, spent as it should be. Coffee, a good book and comfortable, and no matter what anyone says, this place is the most comfortable it has ever been. It wasn’t all play, as Theresa and I delved deeper into scanning and planning. I see that a month ago I printed a copy of the flyer in letter size, now I cannot remember how I did it. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
           I see my little “factinos” are popular. These are morsels of information on just about any subject, including one I want to repeat here. According to Simon & Shuster, the most common punctuation mark is the lowly comma. Not only that, it is used twice as often as all other punctuation marks added together (I did not confirm). What merits this repeat is I busted my sides laughing at the editorial.
           Simon & Shuster, obviously addressing a serious problem, commented that commas are not to be used “just because you happen to pause to think before moving on” and “pausing is not a reliable guide because people’s breathing rhythms, accents, and thinking spans vary greatly”. I can certainly think of less polite ways to put it. Guys, anybody that stupid doesn’t read, much less write. Thanks for the hilarious example of restraint. I like that, “vary greatly”. Can I safely say my brother’s intelligence did vary greatly?
           I watched TV, a nice way to put me to sleep. There was a Discovery issue on the Pacific, rather informative, but pointlessly spread out by interspersing the footage with animal scenes. History and nature don’t mix that well. For example, they started a clip about the Essex, a whaling ship that had been sunk by an angry whale. The crew drifted in lifeboats into the zone of desolation, an area of the ocean devoid of living matter.
           That in itself would have made a great program, but then switched to twenty minutes of how seals feed in the Galapagos. Or facts like DNA proof that the Melanesians came from Taiwan. Or that the highest point in the Solomons is merely 15 feet above sea level. About twice that of Key West. Good data, but as soon as I put down the book to watch, suddenly they are talking about the sex life of Hawaiian fruit flies. Get it together, Discovery, dammit.
           Yes, I’ll mention the earthquake in Haiti. I won’t mention how they were so fast to complain the USA didn’t move fast enough to help them, but not a word about Cuba or, say, Mexico not rushing to their aid. I had been recently looking at seismometers since my homebuilt units have no way of recording the data while I’m absent. If you must know, a good computerized used seismometer is around $3,000 and should be mounted on a solid concrete pad. Technically, you need two seismometers to get a directional reading. The alternative is to join a group of other seismologists who agree to triangulate.
           I am used to seeing seismometers based on gravity and inertia. The ground moves, the mass stays put. However, I was intrigued by several clever new methods, including one that dangles a wand inside an electromagnetic field. To any budding types out there, don’t be fooled by used seismometers sold by oil exploration companies. They don’t work for detecting earthquakes.
           Potential bad news for Pudding-Tat. She seems to be suffering a type of urinary tract problem, and I have no cash for the vet until my check arrives. Yes, I’m waiting on a check; I’ll tell all about it later, when the cash is in the bank. The Tat now drinks twice as much water and has an aversion to “going” outside, constantly making dry runs to the new litter box. Hang in there girl, unbelievable things are about to happen. I just can’t say for sure exactly when but it will not be long.

January 16, 2010

           This is a picture of the living room with the new sofa. Note, the area was custom designed for a sectional. And this is a nice one, in brand new condition. If anyone else wanted anything else in that spot, they repeated failed to breathe a word about it in years. You don't wait until heavy furniture is already moved to voice an objection, that is just plain being a crank.
           It is a beautiful piece of furniture that we could not afford on our own, and also something we've talked about since day one.
           Return tomorrow for blog posting, this one is interim. Note the walls are still pink. Although it is now clear that I have far more general construction experience than needed for the job, I will not paint it because somehow I just know it would never be good enough. What a pity.
           By general experience, I mean actually doing the work, not watching others and then "inspecting" things afterward. Anybody can find fault doing that. I turned down a $200,000 site supervisor job with my last employer although they practically begged. The problem was my health, not my intelligence, know what I'm saying? The only three damn doors in this place that work right 100% all the time are the ones I installed.

January 15, 2010

           Today’s photo of a typical Florida artificial bay shows my Jazz camera is pretty useless for panorama shots, too. The scenery does show the nice warm water and palm trees, not bad for a January bike ride along the shore. And the bike has passed the 5,300 mile mark, for anyone still keeping track.
           Business has shown an upturn since the library started closing three days a week. The point is the budget cuts mean they don’t open on Fridays and Saturdays. They have around sixteen computers in a side room. The computers are free but they have restricted access and a one hour time limit. I had six times as much income today as normal for a Friday. Their bad luck is already my good luck. It never was that great a library anyway.
           Nobody start dancing, though, because only my share of the income went up. Everybody else is in the hole. The security camera guys never came back. Their gear is still mounted on the wall minus the computers and monitors to make the thing work. Nor do they appear to have done any advertising or we’d have customers.
           Cowboy Mike called about a web site, this time he’s making customer tobacco pipes. During my morning research, I located Site Builder, (something like that) as a clear winner in the canned web page business. The clear loser is Intuit, who have lately been doing a lot of TV spots. It seems they are tarnishing their reputation by the way they are trying to nickel and dime customers with what amounts to a shoddy product.
           However, Site Builders is a rare bird, an Internet company with a good reputation. Their pages and videos are still full of intimidating lingo. It is difficult to find out how much of the process is really theirs, something you have to know these days. For example, is it them or you that own any domains you set up on their host? There’s that lingo again. I’ll attempt to dontbugme them on Monday since they won’t let me past the trial versions of anything on their site. For example, they make it super easy to set up a pretty web page, but I can’t view the meta-info or get a list of working success stories to check out for myself.
           [Author’s note: dontbugme is a web service that allows you to log on to sites that demand demographic or personal information before usage. Worst offender is reputedly The New York Times. My beef with such sites is not the info they demand, since most people fake it to the point the information is useless. What I don’t like is how such sites claim they are free.]
           Theresa is settled in, but skittish. Everything is getting put away and the kitchen is full of extra gear. We have more progress on the flyer, including our first customer, a locksmith up near Hallandale. The HP printer should be here before end of the month, making the photocopier the last remaining hurdle. And it is a toughie.
           The copier will be the weak link in the business cycle. It has to be near commercial quality and not jam on flimsy stock. I’ve located many sales offices, but no service. We will need the service contract. And I’m insisting on the right to use their demo copiers if ours is down for more than a day. You would not believe how hard it is to find anyone to meet that requirement. In fact, this is Florida, so most of them never heard of such a thing.
           Finally. That’s about it. I believe I’ve found a place exactly like this one just a mile further away on the good side of Federal. It is newer, with a beautiful yard and all new appliances. Huge bedrooms, and it is $2,800 cheaper. Of course, I will honor my promise to buy back from Wallace at his cost, but if he hesitates, I’m buying on my own. I predict he will lose this property through mismanagement within three months when I'm not here, maximum. If the Panera is full of winners, how come they don't have their own places? Or am I not supposed to ask such questions?
           He vastly overestimates his ability to meet and find good tenants in Florida. It does not matter that is more Florida's fault than his. Nobody is going to move in with an old man who drinks, smokes and tells the same stories all year long. Everybody who has visited has complimented how wonderful the place now looks.
           The rumor is this court has been sold so it is wishful thinking that he’ll find another buyer, or if he does, he will still lose most of his money. What a pity he makes it so hard to live in paradise, he should be jumping for joy on his new hip that the rent is now secure when he is gone.

January 14, 2010

           This is a pretty picture of our potential new printer. (Wow, great alliteration!) But first the important stuff. I won tonight’s Karaoke contest for best singer. (From the Canada viewpoint, everyone else must have been really lousy, eh?) I was called back for two encores, a situation that was inconceivable six months ago. Wait until I tell Pudding-Tat, the only one who loves me.
           Today was a total cakewalk at the shoe shop, nothing but easy high-paying work. I even got to rag on a doctor. Being top of the pack doesn’t make me your servant. It all came okay, as he was a nutritionist and that dovetails with why Alfredo was not in all last week. My, my, he has developed the identical symptoms to me: normal blood pressure at night, high pressure in the morning. Should not the pressure drop after a relaxing night of deep sleep?
           The doctor, later in the day, called me out front to translate some advice. Count me supportive of all natural, non-chemical approaches to heart troubles. The doctor recommends beet juice. I had a nasty experience with that in Venezuela back in ’94. It plain tastes bad. The doc made sense about the chemistry, so I’ll give beets a second chance even though I think it will be like drinking cold borscht.
           It turns out Eddie has an 11”x 17” printer. But he will not share or donate. So I pedaled over to Office Bunker and found a Hewlett-Packard model for $129, or $70 less than before Xmas. The salesman by coincidence has a teenage daughter doing a flyer and was extraordinarily knowledgeable about printer foibles. He is certain the HP will continue printing until all cartridges are empty, or as certain as can be.
           So it may be another HP despite their hellacious reputation for spyware, malware, and screwing with your computer registry. Last count, when you install an HP driver, it places 747 files on your computer without an explanation of what the other 746 are for. By now, we know there is something wrong with the printer, as HP will always sell you their junk. Whatever, we’ll work around it. Everything is still a go-ahead, I guarantee we have a far better chance of selling a $40 bizcard ad than anybody at the Panera has of selling an $8 pizza.
           Who likes statistics? It seems that over 100,000 houses in Broward (69,691) and Palm Beach (47,221) counties have gone into foreclosure last year and so far this one. That’s around one in twenty. It does not reflect the total problem. Thousands more are clinging on to their mortgages hoping the market will come back. It won’t. My guess is 250,000 houses by mid-summer, and 1,000,000 by year’s end. Then we’ll experience some real “price adjustments”.
           Approximately two years later, Canada will follow. Half of all the smart-asses who think they have equity in their homes will find they have nothing. Destitute, as it were. I’m biding my time, I commuted to work in Canada and not much would make me happier than to see that entire population get their “pensions” wiped out. What kind of idiot brags about borrowing $350,000 to buy a house in the middle of nowhere? It was amazing to hear them rationalize, “people gotta live somewhere”, “prices will never go down in Canada”, and “our banking system is different”.
           My favorite excuse for buying too much house on credit, “It’s for the kids”. You bought a monster house for some delinquents and single mothers? Very nice of you.

January 13, 2010

           See the truck. See the stuff. Guess who unloaded that into storage this morning? All of it is in the cubicle except the sofa and the washer-dryer which goes in the utility room. I don’t really feel like hooking the appliances up, but the community dryer has been out of commission for several months. That single inconvenience makes laundry a major operation.
           The unloading took seven hours uninterrupted hard labor. I bonked my forehead and gained several bruises but the work is done. The blog makes it sound like we did this over a few days, but that isn’t the case. A few things came out earlier and we made more than one trip to the unit. The bruises caused me to limp around the now right-sized living room, constantly repeating “Ve who vass voonded in da vawr. . . .”
No progress on the flyer, as Theresa doesn’t like to do more than one thing at once, whereas I get most of my planning done while working at something else. Thus the seven hours was dead time for me. The storage facility has an optional “protection plan” where you insure your things against rain and weather damage. Pardon me, isn’t that why you rent a storage space?
           We parked just past the storage unit, hauled out the big aluminum ramp and began unloading. Sure enough, just moments later, along comes this half-gimp in a rental van. Of that huge lot, with hundreds of storage units, guess which one he wanted. Right next to ours, the unit blocked by our truck. How do these Florida turd-heads know? I would just like somebody to explain to me how they know. We could have made him wait, but I moved the truck and we had to work around them for nearly two hours.
           I didn’t get home until 4:30, but at least there is a perfectly comfortable sofa to sit on. Naturally, I was wondering what Wallace would find wrong with it. My guess was the color, but he chose the size. The living room is designed for a sectional sofa, that is what goes there, Wallace. What is the problem already? He tends to forget little things like this property has a restriction on pets weighing more than five pounds.
           But I got to watch TV, in this instance, a documentary on COG, or “continuance of government”. It is a dodo plan to evacuate the government during a nuclear war. We can’t have the terrorists cutting off the head of our government, much as most of us would like to see that. No, they only do that to reporters who think they have a right to do as they please. The Ruskies are another matter. Apparently our best minds seem to think the enemy is not going to notice a long line of armored black limousines streaming out of the White House. Maybe if all those cops turned off their motorcycle sirens, do you think?
           And what’s with that Air Force One? Can anyone out there imagine a more vulnerable target? What a massive waste of resources. As far as I’m concerned, the president should not run like a chicken, he should lead the troops into battle. I suggested they put him on a big white horse, but Theresa says make it a cow because, “The Pakistanis won’t shoot that.”
           Theresa also says things like, “People like what they like”. I’m in complete agreement.

January 12, 2010

           Of course, Wallace and I are amazed at the amount of gear women can accumulate. But then, we are bachelors. Today’s jpeg is an empty 26 foot truck. I know, because I unloaded every foot of it myself since early this morning. Boxes of stuff like I suppose families must necessarily have, but why so much of it? No wait. I did get help at the end. When we got back here some locals were nice enough to help pull the washer-dryer combo into the utility room. That was heavy.
           The living room seems stuffed with that sectional sofa. It is the wrong angle for the room but I’m just glad to have one in there after all this time. Wallace thinks it is too large, but they don’t come much smaller. Probably over time we got used to that room seeming empty. He also thinks it doesn’t give the dog room to move around (I’m not making this up).
           Theresa’s friend picked up the tab and gave us a lift back here afterward. It would have been nicer if he’d helped with the unloading but he seems to have an aversion to brute labor. We got no encouragement from Wallace, either, who for some reason is saying he didn’t know Theresa was going to move in here.
           That’s odd, since I’d been keeping him informed about it for the last nine months; that I had to rent out my room to meet the rent payments when he was gone. Yes, it is my room, not an “ensuite”. I have until the end of this May to, not meet, but to make arrangements to meet my contractual obligations to Wallace. The clause states (and yes, I do have it in writing) that “it could be as soon as one year, but it could be as long as two years”. That equals at the latest May 31, 2010, at midnight.
           I’ll run over that agreement to refresh a few memories. Nobody bailed me out of anything nor have I ever been “destitute”. I had just sold my other property and was looking to buy. However, I wanted a bigger place, because when Wallace visited here the year before (see this blog, April 2007), I had to crash on the floor. I wasn’t even thinking about Wallace when I wanted a two-bedroom.
           I had cash in the bank, and I was going to borrow a little extra buy a larger home. I could have asked a dozen different people, but around this time, Wallace was complaining about having to pay exorbitant rent for a basement suite in Canada. (Funny, I never called him destitute.) I emailed Wallace saying I would keep an eye out for a suitable place but nothing came of that for the next two months.
           Then, I had a third heart attack. I filed a legal claim and soon had just enough cash to live until it was settled, my lawyer stating “it could be as soon as soon as one year, but it could be as long as two years”. I know people who should find that very interesting information. Furthermore, any troublemakers out there should be aware that these facts can be firmly established without even referencing the agreement with Wallace. Churchill quipped that facts are such stubborn things.
           That heart attack changed everything and I decided not to borrow anything. But then Wallace emailed to say he had come into some money. If I would pay him back half, he stated he would buy the place outright and we would share ownership and occupation as joint tenants (my words to which he agreed). I have until May 31, 2010 to make arrangements to pay what amounts to a trivial two or three months wages for me. It should be obvious I did not and realistically could not have agreed to anything else. I certainly never agreed to become anybody’s tenant or caretaker. And it shouldn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out the reason I’m not working a full-time job right now. Hello?
           And by the way, I never agreed to use our living room as a dog kennel.

January 11, 2009

           Here is the rental truck across the street from the forest. It is snug up against the chain link fence of the casino, to the immediate right. See the car racing past with lots of room to spare. Yet, one of the Frenchies up the lane does not agree. He says he cannot drive his truck through the space you see here. Mind you, he is a known jerk, especially since the situation is blatantly temporary and he should keep his mouth shut. Such poop-heads always get themselves in a jam, so I’ll leave him be.
           Let’s talk real estate. The other Frenchie to the south has lowered his price again, this time to $33,000 (from $55,000). He will never get half that. One cannot help but conclude these Canadians thrive on a certain quota of quarrelsome, confrontational fat-headedness. I witnessed one guy drive past his porch, stop and ask the price, flip him the finger and keep on going. Comparable property around here is going for maybe $12,000 if you can get it.
           It turns out that not everything was as prearranged as Theresa thought. I advised her to take matters into her own hands and get the truck unloaded. Better to worry about a $150 a month storage bay than a $75 a day truck. I suspect it will be just me unloading as her friend who has been around shows no inclination toward lifting heavy objects. Plus I pick up that he just assumes things are now somehow my responsibility. He’s a real estate agent.
           The media is tooting that the real estate bust is over. What they mean is prices are falling at a slower rate. Only fools are not waiting this one out. The majority of today’s unemployed are not a skilled labor force in the sense that the jobs and factories they worked at are gone forever. They cannot be re-hired. Wait another year until the lack of any $18/hr jobs really starts to bite. People temping at MacD’s aren’t buying houses no matter how cheap they are compared to a year ago.
           The placemat flyer is again in the forefront. I have finalized a design that should have broad appeal to the slightly more literate around here. In other words, the trivia is of a current nature which necessitates a decent grasp on innovation. There will be some historical based articles that draw on forgotten links to the past. Get this, I’ve tried mentioning the flyer to people I know in hopes of a few easy sales, with little headway. Why? Because the type of people I know immediately want to work for me, not be customers.
           I should ponder that situation even though anything Theresa and I are planning will be what the two of us can accomplish. Taking a hint from the corporations who are eliminating formal job descriptions, any salesman we hire would also have to be responsible for distributing the flyers he sold. Then we could give Eddie some place like Deerfield Beach. That will keep him out of Broward County.
           A quick survey of downtown shows an increase in coffee and donut shops over two years back. There are also empanada and bakery outlets, although I can’t see the downtown workforce that can afford to patronize these places. People earning $7 per hour can’t spend that much on lunch.
           Florida businesses are strung out along the main roadways exactly like an old Texas cow town. I estimate there are around 35 non-franchised coffee shops or similar near the city core. I’ve read of two methods of distributing the flyer. One is to tell the restaurant to use ours for fee, thus eliminating an expense. The other is to charge them a fee that is temptingly less than their present cost of placemats.
           I have no idea which way it will go.

January 10, 2009

           No getting the impression this is a sunny Florida day. In true Canadian fashion, the sun is brightly shining, but notice the sweaters and jackets. This is a record cold spell and may be the first time in decades Florida has plunged below zero. Expensive as it is, 40% of the world’s orange juice still comes from this area. I’m not an orchardist, but I hear the fruit can only survive down to 28 F, and even then not for long.
           Did I say orange juice was expensive in Florida? Dern tootin’ it is. That’s like asking if computers are cheap in California or salmon is cheap in British Columbia.
           This cold spell is timed exactly right to make the unloading of a large truck that much more difficult. Nobody has any winter gear, I don’t even have gloves any longer. Plus, it is well known as soon as you buy a jacket or a space heater, it will warm up for the next ten years and you’ve wasted your cash.
           Theresa and I have gone over some details about the flyer. Basically it is a go provided we can get a wide-carriage printer. Wow, there is an out-dated term! What I meant was a printer that can produce 11”x17” printouts. Wide-carriage, that is really dating myself.            Those were printers that used the wide fan-fold paper, and they had their purpose in the 1980s and I owned one of the first models. The width was calculated by the number of “pica” sized characters, 80 for standard paper, 120 for wide paper. If you looked closely, the wide paper was just the narrow paper turned sideways.
           Now want to know what pica means. It was a font used on typewriters that output ten letters per inch. The only other common font was “elite”, with twelve letters per inch. Early printers emulated these two fonts, but my beautiful printer could also print them in bold, italics and, if you wanted to wait long enough, NLQ (Near Letter Quality). That is you printer history lesson. Let’s talk about the cold.
           It is the record cold spell of the century. Many people, like the ones around here too cheap or dumb to buy space heaters, are holed up in expensive motels. You can see the empty streets all around here. The houses around here are not that well insulted (oops, Freudian slip, my proofreader says I meant "insulated"), being that one does not need as much stuffing in the walls to cool a house as to heat it. This also means the buildings here suffer the deep-freeze effect. My Canadian readers know exactly what I’m talking about.
           Myself, I’ve totally forgotten cold weather, not really having seen it in decades. We’ve got a truck to unload in the worst conditions in memory, and all the metal parts are too cold to touch. Generally, Theresa is taking just the live-a-day things out of the truck and the rest goes into storage. The problem is, those things are not at the rear of the vehicle and it is freaking Wallace out that we have to unload so much to get at things.